Husband won't shake hands in church

[seabird3579]

Lapsed:

There are probably more people who go through their work day without being required to shake hands.

What a pity…

It’s a sad day in Christian history when christians start trying to defend the reasons that they don’t intend to reach out to others.

Yes, shaking the hand of someone who has outstretched his to you is reaching back and “touching” another human being, so what?

If you’re not prepared to come that far out of your comfort zone, do you really think you have any business professing to be a “follower” of Christ.

He “touched” and healed people all the time. He also said His followers would do “greater” things.

He also said, “…whatever you do to the least of these, you do it to Me.” That probably means rejection, too.

You (the collective you who don’t shake hands with others) do have one thing in your defense. Christ said in the last days mens’ hearts would grow cold. Guess we’re really there now, huh?

 

[aimee]

seabird3579:

What a pity…

It’s a sad day in Christian history when christians start trying to defend the reasons that they don’t intend to reach out to others.

Yes, shaking the hand of someone who has outstretched his to you is reaching back and “touching” another human being, so what?

If you’re not prepared to come that far out of your comfort zone, do you really think you have any business professing to be a “follower” of Christ.

He “touched” and healed people all the time. He also said His followers would do “greater” things.

He also said, “…whatever you do to the least of these, you do it to Me.” That probably means rejection, too.

You (the collective you who don’t shake hands with others) do have one thing in your defense. Christ said in the last days mens’ hearts would grow cold. Guess we’re really there now, huh?

You know I worked to teach my handicapped son to shake hands during the ‘Peace’…some turn away but I’ll admit it hurts and makes me angry,too.
But there are many who do and they are very kind…it kind of makes up for the others.

 

[fix]

InnocentIII:

As another poster said, how Unchristian is it to get offended over a missed handshake.

I agree. Often I read here about the charge of legalism. IMO, it is mostly misused, but perhaps it may apply right here?

Is a handshake the only way to exchange the sign of peace? Are there documents that say how many people we must exchange it with?

Is the liturgy to be regulated so rigorously that we now look to how many hands we shake, or if we shake, as the idea of active and conscious participation? Is this what we have come to?

I would think, just my IMO, there may be many of us who shake hands, yet drift through the mass without focusing on Christ very much.

 

[seabird3579]

aimee:

You know I worked to teach my handicapped son to shake hands during the ‘Peace’…some turn away but I’ll admit it hurts and makes me angry,too.
But there are many who do and they are very kind…it kind of makes up for the others.

aimee, you’re a wonderful mother, many of us would like apologize on behalf of all the other broken, germ-obsessed, self-centered people that just can’t bring themselves to shake the hand of another christian, let alone a handicapped child.

Please forgive them, “they know not what they do.”

 

[Lucania]

seabird3579:

many of us would like apologize on behalf of all the other broken, germ-obsessed, self-centered people that just can’t bring themselves to shake the hand of another christian, let alone a handicapped child.

Please forgive them, “they know not what they do.”

I find your posts to be very self-righteous, un-Christian, and un-charitable. Whether you or anyone else shake hands during the Peace does not matter to me. At my Parish, our Priest says this: “Let us offer one another A sign of peace” He does not say "Let us offer one another a handshake of Peace. Many people at my Parish smile & nod to one another, saying “May The Peace of Jesus Be With You,” and I see nothing wrong with that.The fact that I don’t do as you do does not give you good reason to call me or anyone else, broken(? ), self-centered, etc. Get over yourself.

 

[Lapsed]

You (the collective you who don’t shake hands with others) do have one thing in your defense. Christ said in the last days mens’ hearts would grow cold. Guess we’re really there now, huh?

Wow, that has got to be the most judgemental post I’ve read here. What garbage.

Who are you to judge what is in someone’s heart?

As has been clearly illustrated in this thread, there are many ways of extending the peace of Christ that don’t require shaking someone’s hands.

It would have been decidedly un-Christian of me to force a handshake on the lady next to me who wished me peace every bit as warm heartedly as those whose hands I shook.

The physical act of shaking hands is merely a cultural tradition, not an indication of what is in one’s heart.

I can assure you that as a first-aid attendant in an industrial setting, I have literally reached out my hands in a great many ways well outside of my comfort zone to help others. I have been literally touched by the blood of the injured and helpless. I have stopped at car accidents to help the injured who I do not know.

And you dare to accuse me of being un-Christian if I don’t shake someone’s hand?

 

[seabird3579]

Jesus was crucified between two thieves. One repented and joined Him in paradise that day, the Other didn’t think he deserved to be punished. You can call me self-righteous, and the Truth can make you angry or get make you humble and repentant, but it will rarely do both.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

My goodness, everyone… this kind of interaction, over the Sign of Peace? Please, this topic is important, but we’re losing our heads. “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” As the Steven Covery saying goes, remember that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

We must welcome Christ in all His distressing forms… because each of us is one of them.
If we forget that, there is no point to the Sign of Peace, or any of the rest of it.

 

[seabird3579]

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.”

There is no apology needed from anyone suggesting that we should “leave our personal comfort zones” to reach out in love to other Christian brothers and sisters. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. The only ones disturbed are those that don’t want to love to that degree.

Jesus dealt with this type of person on a daily basis. But He always left them with the impression that they were choosing between good and evil. He did not allow them to remain in their sin. That is what **real Love ** consists of.

With Real Love, comes Real Peace.

 

[fix]

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.”

There is no apology needed from anyone suggesting that we should “leave our personal comfort zones” to reach out in love to other Christian brothers and sisters. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. The only ones disturbed are those that don’t want to love to that degree.

Jesus dealt with this type of person on a daily basis. But He always left them with the impression that they were choosing between good and evil. He did not allow them to remain in their sin. That is what **real Love ** consists of.

With Real Love, comes Real Peace.

I find the entire line of argument perplexing and a bit silly. The husband in the OP did not want to shake hands. I did not read any definitive reason for this. Are you claiming that a failure to shake hands constitutes an unloving act? We do not know why some folks refuse to shake hands, so to conclude it is some how less than Christian seems unreasonable.

 

[seabird3579]

fix:

I find the entire line of argument perplexing and a bit silly. The husband in the OP did not want to shake hands. I did not read any definitive reason for this. Are you claiming that a failure to shake hands constitutes an unloving act? We do not know why some folks refuse to shake hands, so to conclude it is some how less than Christian seems unreasonable.

The wife also said that she was embarassed that she had to make excuses for him and he would not even voice his own relunctance to respond towards others. She must know him better than anyone else. Apparently, he doesn’t even care enough to say why he would reject those who reach out to him. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that he just stands there and doesn’t spit on anyone.

I’m going to leave this thread now. It is obvious to me that there are those who are willing to reach out and want to be better Christians and there are those who are smuggly comfortable in there personal comfort zones. We all know what the Lord commanded us to do. Therefore, we all know what happens when we choose ourselves over His commandments.

Good Day.

 

[fix]

seabird3579:

The wife also said that she was embarassed that she had to make excuses for him and he would not even voice his own relunctance to respond towards others. She must know him better than anyone else. Apparently, he doesn’t even care enough to say why he would reject those who reach out to him. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that he just stands there and doesn’t spit on anyone.

I’m going to leave this thread now. It is obvious to me that there are those who are willing to reach out and want to be better Christians and there are those who are smuggly comfortable in there personal comfort zones. We all know what the Lord commanded us to do. Therefore, we all know what happens when we choose ourselves over His commandments.

Good Day.

I do not know what a personal comfort zone is to be honest. I do know folks act, or not, based on many variables. I try not to conclude the worst when someone does not live up to my expectations.

 

[jrabs]

seabird3579:

aimee, you’re a wonderful mother, many of us would like apologize on behalf of all the other broken, germ-obsessed, self-centered people that just can’t bring themselves to shake the hand of another christian, let alone a handicapped child.

Please forgive them, “they know not what they do.”

:tsktsk: Seabird. I prefer to do my own apologizing when I see I have offended. I do not see this as an offense. The mass is too important to take offense during its celebration.

I will also not judge others harshly as you have done. That is very unchristian of you.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

seabird3579:

The wife also said that she was embarassed that she had to make excuses for him and he would not even voice his own relunctance to respond towards others. She must know him better than anyone else. Apparently, he doesn’t even care enough to say why he would reject those who reach out to him. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that he just stands there and doesn’t spit on anyone.

I’m going to leave this thread now. It is obvious to me that there are those who are willing to reach out and want to be better Christians and there are those who are smuggly comfortable in there personal comfort zones. We all know what the Lord commanded us to do. Therefore, we all know what happens when we choose ourselves over His commandments.

**You know Seabird I must say for someone spouting leaving their “comfort zone”, you sure are an insecure person yourself. If someone doesn’t shake my hand (which we are in agreement is NOT a requirement for the Sign of Peace anyhow) I do not freak out and feel “rejected”. Nor do I think they are refusing to be better christians or even are less christian than me. **The Lord commanded us to love our neighbor as ourselves and shaking hands doesn’t have anything to do with it. Given the very unlovingness of your own comments, I would question whether there is any true christian reaching out to your neighbor in your handshake.
I’d rather have an honest friendly smile than a dutifull self-righteous handshake any day.

---

**As for the handicapped child. Some people just don’t know how to react to them and sometimes the signals are mixed up. **

---

I bet it does hurt. Though I hope you can give the benefit of the doubt that they are avoiding thinking it will prevent unintended harm to the child, rather than repulsion of the child. Just come sit behind our pew and you can happily spend the entire Mass fending off my children. I have no idea why, but they are all fascinated by handicapped children and really lose all sense of boundaries around them for some reason.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

You know Seabird I must say for someone spouting leaving their “comfort zone”, you sure are an insecure person yourself. If someone doesn’t shake my hand (which we are in agreement is NOT a requirement for the Sign of Peace anyhow) I do not freak out and feel “rejected”. Nor do I think they are refusing to be better christians or even are less christian than me**…**

I don’t know if Seabird is insecure, but the point is surely being lost in the tone being used. It’s almost like espousing “Peace through War”… you can’t get there that way.

 

[InnocentIII]

seabird3579:

The wife also said that she was embarassed that she had to make excuses for him and he would not even voice his own relunctance to respond towards others. She must know him better than anyone else. Apparently, he doesn’t even care enough to say why he would reject those who reach out to him. I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that he just stands there and doesn’t spit on anyone.

I’m going to leave this thread now. It is obvious to me that there are those who are willing to reach out and want to be better Christians and there are those who are smuggly comfortable in there personal comfort zones. We all know what the Lord commanded us to do. Therefore, we all know what happens when we choose ourselves over His commandments.

Good Day.

If I ever needed a reason for disliking the Sign of Peace you have provided it. Clearly you see this as a self-esteem issue in which a refusal to shake hands (a strictly cultural phenomenon) is taken as a rejection of you as an individual. We come to church to worship as one and take part in the great mystery of the Eucharist. We can socialise after mass outside. If someone turned away from me there I might consider it rude, but inside I am focused on Our Lord. I share the Peace with those immediately around me not as a personal reaching out but as a union with Christ. I am not even aware of the person I am sharing the Peace with - they are simply a part of the Body of Christ. It is irrelavent how I share this. That the Sign of Peace has become a social issue and a touchstone of how Christian or Unchristian we are is a sad commentary on man’s capacity to turn the beautiful into the ugly. It is time to get rid of it.

 

[Chris_Jacobsen]

We are under no obligation to shake hands.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

I wonder if seabird ever got to my posts (and others) which explained that there are good and sufficient reasons that some people may need or CHOOSE to use other gestures of a sign of peace than a handshake–including the fact, pointed out by many, that a handshake is NOT MANDATED. While seabird appears to be focused on getting out of his–or her–comfort zone, does he or she even realize that the “loving” handshake might cause physical or emotional pain to another person? What about THEIR comfort zone? Doesn’t it matter?

These threads remind me of how difficult it seems in these times to be able to express a difference of opinion without being scolded for being “insensitive to others”. Since when is holding a different opinion on one’s personal choice of a sign of peace insensitive to others? Heaven help us, but pretty soon we aren’t going to be able to express even a choice of a favorite COLOR without being bombarded with scolding (How can you like pink–the only color a Catholic should like is white–or blue–etc., you must be a cafeteria Catholic, a Protestant, because since you don’t like what I like God sure can’t like you). :crying:

 

[BLB_Oregon]

InnocentIII:

If I ever needed a reason for disliking the Sign of Peace you have provided it. Clearly you see this as a self-esteem issue in which a refusal to shake hands (a strictly cultural phenomenon) is taken as a rejection of you as an individual. We come to church to worship as one and take part in the great mystery of the Eucharist. We can socialise after mass outside. If someone turned away from me there I might consider it rude, but inside I am focused on Our Lord. I share the Peace with those immediately around me not as a personal reaching out but as a union with Christ. I am not even aware of the person I am sharing the Peace with - they are simply a part of the Body of Christ. It is irrelavent how I share this. That the Sign of Peace has become a social issue and a touchstone of how Christian or Unchristian we are is a sad commentary on man’s capacity to turn the beautiful into the ugly. It is time to get rid of it.

If anyone needs evidence that Catholics are sometimes a little out of their trees, we have all provided it.

Of course you don’t mean you’d delete the sign of peace from the Order of the Mass because someone, somewhere on an internet forum of all places, was a step from inviting you outside for a duel over it. We could do a cursory check of this forum’s archives and reject Catholicism, Americans who think we should be in Iraq, Americans who think we ought to get out of Iraq, low taxes, high taxes, stay at home moms, working moms, home schooling, parochial schools, public schools, college diplomas, unleaded gasoline… ok, so I’m overreaching. Nobody gets all hot and bothered about gasoline anymore.

People sometimes forget themselves when discussing something they believe to be very important. That doesn’t diminish the importance of the thing… any more than mere zeal makes a molehill into a mountain.

Shall we all agree that non-Catholics at Mass can freely refrain from the sign of peace, and call this thread a wrap?

 

[fix]

BLB_Oregon:

Shall we all agree that non-Catholics at Mass can freely refrain from the sign of peace, and call this thread a wrap?

Not to be picky, but in the OP it was not clear the person was refraining from the sign of peace. He was refraining from hand shaking.