Husband won't sleep with wife

  • Thread starter Thread starter DreadVandal
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Black Jaque:
Have you ever paid a debt? It’s one of the most liberating and joyful feelings you’ll get. Far, far from being a problem.
Click to expand...
Oh boy…
I think we have a problem here on the thread…angst…:rotfl:

There are posters who are hungry and wantin’
There are posters who are satisfied to the gills and are not lookin’
There maybe some posters who can’t tell which way…wantin’ or satisified?

Either way…no amount of talkin’ here is gonna’ help unless of course it is your spouse you are communicatin’ with…find your lovin’ wife or husband and get talkin’ to find out how these discrepancies can be worked out…you just maybe surprised!..very pleasantly surprised by the results.😉
 
Has anyone considered that men and women regard marital relations differently?

That for men, the marital embrace is equivalent to communication…

That for women, talking about intimacy may provide some degree of satisfaction…

But that men tend to need the actual touch…

…not merely the “virtual” touch from talking…
 
From the CCC:

**
**2361 **
Click to expand...
"Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death."142

Tobias got out of bed and said to Sarah, “Sister, get up, and let us pray and implore our Lord that he grant us mercy and safety.” So she got up, and they began to pray and implore that they might be kept safe. Tobias began by saying, “Blessed are you, O God of our fathers. . . . You made Adam, and for him you made his wife Eve as a helper and support. From the two of them the race of mankind has sprung. You said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; let us make a helper for him like himself.’ I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together.” And they both said, “Amen, Amen.” Then they went to sleep for the night.143

**2362 **"The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude."144 Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure:

The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.145

**When a husband says “no” THIS is what he is saying no to.
 
i yi yi yi…the priest has spoken
Further, your wife needs to get some professional help. She might start with her physician. Being half –hearted about this won’t cut it. We’re talking eternal life here!
Click to expand...
and the priest only knows 1/2 of the story…the husband’s 1/2…😉
 
40.png
contemplative:
Oh boy…
I think we have a problem here on the thread…angst…:rotfl:

There are posters who are hungry and wantin’
There are posters who are satisfied to the gills and are not lookin’
There maybe some posters who can’t tell which way…wantin’ or satisified?

Either way…no amount of talkin’ here is gonna’ help unless of course it is your spouse you are communicatin’ with…find your lovin’ wife or husband and get talkin’ to find out how these discrepancies can be worked out…you just maybe surprised!..very pleasantly surprised by the results.😉
Click to expand...
Finally got what I was looking for.

If there is one thing generally true with Catholism is that you cannot take one facet and over emphasize it to the point you cut out the other points. There is the marital debt & there is the idea that one should not be forced against one’s will to do something. When you have one person taking one position and another, the other position, you need to work it out (espcially spouses.) You should try to live by the spirit of the law not the letter of the law, which partly means not hitting one over the head with it.
 
40.png
Katie1723:
I really don’t like hearing lovemaking between a husband and wife referred to as a “duty” or a “debt”…sounds kinda like a bill needing to be paid. And in my opinion, therein lies the problem…

Kathy
Click to expand...
If there is one thing you should remember is that its not always pretty when the Church says stuff like this. The Church ends up awefully dry when saying this, but it has to be something clear, because it has to give clear advise. It must battle against the spirit of the age. The views on sex through out the ages has been anywhere from an act of sex is evil to sex is so good one should do it with almost anyone and everyone. The point is that sex is very good, but must be saved for a marriage. It is both good for a unitive act and procreative act. Just cause its a duty doesn’t mean its like a bill that should be paid, any more than the duty to go to Mass means you should feel forced to feel like you should go to Mass. You actually should feel good to go to Mass. But the Church must give some guidence so people don’t feel they don’t need to go to Mass at all or that they should go everyday. People have a way of taking something and hyperemphasizing it.
 
Heard someone refer to all too many marriages as “sibling rivalries” rather than as husband and wife relationships.
 
Al Masetti:
Some seem to regard marital intimacy as rape, or close to it…

Somehow prejorative words or words calculated to create negative connotations don’t seem quite reasonable…or accurate …

Wonder where these folks are “coming from”…
Click to expand...
How about coming from actually having been raped?
 
Please avail yourself of all the techniques available to get healing after a terrible event.

Anyone affected by violence or by a violent crime may be experienceing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

[Resiliance is highly variable from person to person. Some folks return to “normal” more quickly than others.]

There are a number of ways of dealing with the after effects of violence.

Traditional psychotherapy may drag out for years.

However, a substantial reduction in PTSD can be achieved by use of eye movement techniques such as EMI and/or EMDR.

Visit www.natboard.com for Ron Klein’s work. Klein invented EMI.

For additional writing on this subject:
home.earthlink.net/~pathways/EyeMovement.html

72.14.203.104/search?q=cache:PWORoR6f3kAJ:www.deninger.com/emi.htm+eye+movement+integration&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=2

Visit www.emdr.com for Francine Shapiro’s work with EMDR.

Referrals are also available by visiting those Web sites.

Also see Robert Dilts’ work with a variety of techniques including the eye movement work. Visit www.nlpu.com and especially: nlpu.com/Articles/artic14.htm

A few years ago, Vietnam Magazine published a sidebar that I wrote on the use of Eye Movement Integration and also included a lot of other information on PTSD:

click on:

albertmasetti.com/ptsd.html
 
and the priest only knows 1/2 of the story…the husband’s 1/2…😉
Click to expand...
The priest is aware of that fact which is why he advised councelling, so that the wife’s 1/2 of the story can be taken into account. Suggesting councelling is code for “I can’t help your marriage because your wife needs to get involved to share her side of the story”.
 
Well I did something I swore I never would do…I talked to a priest about the marital bed.

This type of thread really got me going because I never considered it a sin to decline from marital relations if I did not feel like it…for whatever reason. I do not consider it a sin if my DH declines.

The priest’s reply and response to women who give it up even if they don’t feel like it??? this situation is like allowing their husbands to masturbate into them…I agree 100% with the priest…masturbating is all wrong…sexual intercourse should be mutual giving and taking.

The priest and I agreed that if a couple is having trouble ever agreeing to have sex then they certainly need to seek help. The question is how long a period should go by before help is sought…that I suppose depends on the individual couple.
 
40.png
contemplative:
Well I did something I swore I never would do…I talked to a priest about the marital bed.

This type of thread really got me going because I never considered it a sin to decline from marital relations if I did not feel like it…for whatever reason. I do not consider it a sin if my DH declines.

The priest’s reply and response to women who give it up even if they don’t feel like it??? this situation is like allowing their husbands to masturbate into them…I agree 100% with the priest…masturbating is all wrong…sexual intercourse should be mutual giving and taking.

The priest and I agreed that if a couple is having trouble ever agreeing to have sex then they certainly need to seek help. The question is how long a period should go by before help is sought…that I suppose depends on the individual couple.
Click to expand...
Here is the problem with this: if the husband is rightly wanting to be intimate with his wife, as in for all the right reasons, but the wife is denying him b/c she just isn’t in the mood. Why punish the husband for his pure intentions b/c the wife is feeling moody?
 
40.png
migurl:
Here is the problem with this: if the husband is rightly wanting to be intimate with his wife, as in for all the right reasons, but the wife is denying him b/c she just isn’t in the mood. Why punish the husband for his pure intentions b/c the wife is feeling moody?
Click to expand...
First of all you are using the word punish…assume the wife or husband is not punishing but rather simply not wanting to have sex at that time. Don’t use the word punish unless you are certain someone is trying to punish! If either wife or husband is punishing then they need to talk out the problem. Marital sex is not about punishment and reward but rather mutual self-giving…and remember…NOT masturbating into someone.
 
Is it possible that one could feel punished even if the other doesn’t have any intention of that? Is it possible for another feel used even if the other doesn’t have any intention of that?
 
yes it is. Why do people always assume that the person who doesn’t desire sex is the victim? Try sympathyzing with the husband once in a while, I am so tired of men being villanized for wanting to be intimate with their wives. Not all men are hormonal pigs you know. Some women are selfish and don’t love thier husbands truly enough to get over their “bad mood” and give their love to their husband in the way mandated by God.
 
Contemplative,

I’m a little perplexed. I visited your webpage, which speaks so much about the value of self sacrifice, suffering things without complaint, doing charitable acts, giving alms, etc. … yet you keep on justifying a wife’s unwillingness to fulfill what is not simply a vague elective nicety, but a duty of charity and justice that is part and parcel of her marriage vows. Isn’t it rather misguided to encourage people to do elective penance on one hand, while in effect making excuses for them not to fulfill the basic duties of their state in life on the other?
 
40.png
Palamite:
Contemplative,

I’m a little perplexed. I visited your webpage, which speaks so much about the value of self sacrifice, suffering things without complaint, doing charitable acts, giving alms, etc. … yet you keep on justifying a wife’s unwillingness to fulfill what is not simply a vague elective nicety, but a duty of charity and justice that is part and parcel of her marriage vows. Isn’t it rather misguided to encourage people to do elective penance on one hand, while in effect making excuses for them not to fulfill the basic duties of their state in life on the other?
Click to expand...
40.png
migurl:
yes it is. Why do people always assume that the person who doesn’t desire sex is the victim? Try sympathyzing with the husband once in a while, I am so tired of men being villanized for wanting to be intimate with their wives. Not all men are hormonal pigs you know. Some women are selfish and don’t love thier husbands truly enough to get over their “bad mood” and give their love to their husband in the way mandated by God.
Click to expand...
40.png
jman507:
Is it possible that one could feel punished even if the other doesn’t have any intention of that? Is it possible for another feel used even if the other doesn’t have any intention of that?
Click to expand...
Well jman, migurl and palamite …the only response I’d expect from a woman for these words of yours is a flatline response…I guess there is nothing more to say after flatline.
 
40.png
Palamite:
Contemplative,

I’m a little perplexed. I visited your webpage, which speaks so much about the value of self sacrifice, suffering things without complaint, doing charitable acts, giving alms, etc. … yet you keep on justifying a wife’s unwillingness to fulfill what is not simply a vague elective nicety, but a duty of charity and justice that is part and parcel of her marriage vows. Isn’t it rather misguided to encourage people to do elective penance on one hand, while in effect making excuses for them not to fulfill the basic duties of their state in life on the other?
Click to expand...
Marital sex is not a duty of charity equivalant to almsgiving!

The marital act is mutual self-giving of a husband and wife. If either he or she is not in the mood then the other should either simmer down or do their very best to push some hot spots to get juices flowing. What is so hard about that? Either you grumbling, hot and bothered folks get it or you don’t…
 
Read Christopher West’s book, I just started it and it explains the meaning and purpose of sex so well that I don’t think that I could ever think of purposely denying my husband the marital embrace. Obviuosly if I am puking my guts out or are in labor I won’t make love, but I don’t think I could say “i am not in the mood so tough luck for you.”
 
40.png
contemplative:
Marital sex is not a duty of charity equivalant to almsgiving!

The marital act is mutual self-giving of a husband and wife. If either he or she is not in the mood then the other should either simmer down or do their very best to push some hot spots to get juices flowing. What is so hard about that? Either you grumbling, hot and bothered folks get it or you don’t…
Click to expand...
Lets just change that to another form of intimacy, for example lets take spending a bit of time talking to each other. Would you say if one person doesn’t feel in the mood to talk, either simmer down or find something intresting to talk about. Either you talky talky people get it or you don’t?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top