How would they deal with the fact that they become adults and find out they have a half brother/sister out there that their parents abandoned and his from them…happens all the time and 9 out 10, the relationship between parent and child is permanently fractured.But the OP has children that are already born (and not products of an affair) that need to be thought of as well. Would they react well to a half-sibling just appearing and be told, “your dad couldn’t keep it in his pants and slept with another woman, so here you go!”.
It’s not like they’re setting the helpless infant out in the woods to be devoured by wolves. Adoption is a loving choice.How would they deal with the fact that they become adults and find out they have a half brother/sister out there that their parents abandoned and his from them…happens all the time and 9 out 10, the relationship between parent and child is permanently fractured.
There are many stories of adopted children being reunited with biological families in adulthood completely understanding why the adoption was necessary. Adoption is also a wonderful gift to a childless couple whose love for a child in such circumstances has it’s own supernatural quality.How would they deal with the fact that they become adults and find out they have a half brother/sister out there that their parents abandoned and his from them…happens all the time and 9 out 10, the relationship between parent and child is permanently fractured.
I would have to agree.Frankly
The husbands affair will always be part of their life. They can live their life wondering about the son or they can invest in the child. If the parents cannot care for the child financially or emotionally than adoption should be considered. Otherwise the husband must raise this child. It is imperative he is part of the child’s life.
Sarah sent away Ismael, look what became of that.
There is an easy broad road, and a narrow gate in this situation. I would challenge folks to do what is hard for the sake of Christ.
No I am not being rude either. I am challenging people to stop thinking of themselves at the expense of another.
Choosing to force the husband to have no contact with the child for sake of the wife’s feelings is selfish.
The wife needs comfort and care and love and support but not at the expense of the child.
A solution needs to be found in which all parties , the husband and wife who are one flesh, and the child are able to benefit as much as possible.
No I never said it was.There are many stories of adopted children being reunited with biological families in adulthood completely understanding why the adoption was necessary. Adoption is also a wonderful gift to a childless couple whose love for a child in such circumstances has it’s own supernatural quality.
So it’s not necessarily the selfish option to put a child up for adoption. More often than not it is the selfless and superior option.
My own father had an affair and fathered a child. My mom left him and took the kids. The baby was adopted. I met the him as an adult, and I understand why my mom left. He doesn’t look like my father, so I couldn’t help but think of the affair whenever I see him (and if it hurts for me, imagine mom saw him). If the birth family can’t support the child, adoption is a much better option.How would they deal with the fact that they become adults and find out they have a half brother/sister out there that their parents abandoned and his from them…happens all the time and 9 out 10, the relationship between parent and child is permanently fractured.
Do you see though, that your feelings were most likely placed on you by how it was handled. The separation of your family, the abandonment of the child, the fact that someone told you the baby looked like the mom not your dad and is a constant reminder.My own father had an affair and fathered a child. My mom left him and took the kids. The baby was adopted. I met the him as an adult, and I understand why my mom left. He doesn’t look like my father, so I couldn’t help but think of the affair whenever I see him (and if it hurts for me, imagine mom saw him). If the birth family can’t support the child, adoption is a much better option.
Do I have a relationship with my half-brother? Not really, the rare email. I live 5000 miles away, and I can’t help but kind of not liking him very much.
A friend of mine told me once that her brother got a girl pregnant when he was a teenager. Her devout, responsible, pro-life Catholic parents lawyered up and put up more of a fight than the girl’s family could afford so they finally abandoned the paternity case. Her brother got off scot-free and her family, for all intents and purposes, abandoned the baby to a life far less privileged than they could have offered it. Years later, my friend felt so much guilt over her lost niece or nephew that she spent a year or in therapy. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be on a child to find out his or her parents had similarly abandoned a half-sibling. I’m not trying to defend the OP’s husband in any way, but I pray she examines all possibilities.How would they deal with the fact that they become adults and find out they have a half brother/sister out there that their parents abandoned and his from them…happens all the time and 9 out 10, the relationship between parent and child is permanently fractured.
Yes, they have to look at all possibilities. But the main points are that (a) the OP shouldn’t let her husband guilt her into this; and (b) whatever is done has to be the best solution for the innocent child.A friend of mine told me once that her brother got a girl pregnant when he was a teenager. Her devout, responsible, pro-life Catholic parents lawyered up and put up more of a fight than the girl’s family could afford so they finally abandoned the paternity case. Her brother got off scot-free and her family, for all intents and purposes, abandoned the baby to a life far less privileged than they could have offered it. Years later, my friend felt so much guilt over her lost niece or nephew that she spent a year or in therapy. I can’t imagine how much harder it would be on a child to find out his or her parents had similarly abandoned a half-sibling. I’m not trying to defend the OP’s husband in any way, but I pray she examines all possibilities.
It the OP refuses to take the baby, and the mistress aborts the baby, it is certainly not the OP’s fault that the baby dies! And it is outrageous to suggest that it is.You guys are probably right.
Probably best to abandon the child to save the emotions of others.
Send this thread to the pro abortion folks. Perhaps they are right…no concern for the children after they are born.
:smh:
I know raising my half-brother would have destroyed my mother. The affair caused her pain that she carried till she died. It was for the better for him to be adopted. The three kids would have made his life miserable as well.Yes, they have to look at all possibilities. But the main points are that (a) the OP shouldn’t let her husband guilt her into this; and (b) whatever is done has to be the best solution for the innocent child.
Let’s say she let’s her husband bully her into taking the child in, and she finds she simply can’t treat him/her the same as the other children. Do you have any idea what it’s like being raised by a mother you know doesn’t want you?
I agree with MJJean. Both spouses in this marriage need to get tested for STDs. Once the baby is born, a paternity test is necessary. They need to be sure that the baby is biologically his before they make any plans. If the baby is indeed his, then the baby obviously deserves to have his father in his life. Child support and visitation arrangements will be a fact of life, but that does not mean that the couple necessarily have to raise this baby. Right now, the pregnant mistress needs to be encouraged to keep the baby. If she makes the tragic decision to abort the baby, the OP is not at fault in any way. I saw there were some mentions of emotional manipulation of the OP to take in the baby or the baby will be aborted. These are lies and they are unfair. The only people who have responsibility in this situation are the pregnant mistress, and the straying husband. If the baby is her husband’s, and she and her husband, on their own free will and joint decision, decide to raise the baby, because the mother does not want to raise the baby, then that is one possible solution to this challenge. But the husband or anyone else manipulating her into it is cruel and irresponsible.Slow down and take a few deep breaths, everyone!
First, are you sure the woman is pregnant? It’s a common thing to lie about. Before you both get upset about the impending baby you might want to see some proof one even exists.
Second, if the woman is pregnant how do you know the baby is your husbands child? If she’s willing to have an affair with a married man I think it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she might also have had sex with another man or men around the time she conceived. Shouldn’t you wait for a DNA test before deciding what to do about raising a baby that might not be his? The wise course seems to be keep in touch with the woman and when the baby is born immediately file a petition with the court for a DNA test to establish paternity and to begin a child support and visitation case if the child is his.
Third, your husband had sex at least once with a woman who was willing to sleep with him either without a condom or the condom malfunctioned. Otherwise, this whole situation wouldn’t exist. Have you considered the possibility of an STD? You should get tested.
Yes to all these points.Slow down and take a few deep breaths, everyone!
First, are you sure the woman is pregnant? It’s a common thing to lie about. Before you both get upset about the impending baby you might want to see some proof one even exists.
Second, if the woman is pregnant how do you know the baby is your husbands child? If she’s willing to have an affair with a married man I think it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she might also have had sex with another man or men around the time she conceived. Shouldn’t you wait for a DNA test before deciding what to do about raising a baby that might not be his? The wise course seems to be keep in touch with the woman and when the baby is born immediately file a petition with the court for a DNA test to establish paternity and to begin a child support and visitation case if the child is his.
Third, your husband had sex at least once with a woman who was willing to sleep with him either without a condom or the condom malfunctioned. Otherwise, this whole situation wouldn’t exist. Have you considered the possibility of an STD? You should get tested.
You are a strong and loving and grace filled person.Thank you all for your replies! Allow me to clarify a few points I saw raised.
- My husband is remorseful although I didn’t do a good job explaining that in my anger. The woman is/was a mutual friend although he had a closer friendship with her than I did obviously. He confided a lot in her and usually sought advice from her on how to respond to me. I think she manipulated him emotionally but he shouldn’t have shared the details of our marriage with her. He wants to take responsibility for his actions and do the right thing by all. That includes going to counseling with me. I think I left him in a vulnerable state by being so “me centered” that I pushed him away.
- Yes, the woman is pregnant. We saw the doctors analysis. The mother is willing to give up the child which is why my husband wants to take him/her in. She very much does not like children or want anything to do with raising them.
- He’s not forcing me to raise the child, but he can’t do it alone (I don’t think). I think the same would be true if the situation was reversed. Right now, I just don’t know one way to the other. I know the child is innocent, but is a reminder of the sad circumstances. He said he would like to raise the child as our own and asked me if I would be willing. I told him I didn’t know. If the mother aborts I know I may not be responsible but I certainly didn’t do anything to prevent it when I could.
I don’t know if this is a real post or trolling but it is funny to see how people react so very differently when it is a man at fault when everyone is suggesting in the other topic that the man see past it, raise the child, and forgive his wife. LOL.Guys, this is a fairly obvious trolling attempt.
I think it’s supposed to be a parallel to the also fairly trollish “my wife got pregnant because of a bar fling with a black guy” thread running right now. It’s probably supposed to demonstrate that people have a double standard for men and women and are much easier on straying women. As you may have noticed, there’s a big Men’s Rights push going on right now on CA.
That said, in my husband’s family back in Europe, there was a case where an out-of-wedlock child of the husband was raised alongside their biological kids (early 20th century?). I don’t know what the marital repercussions of that were, but nobody in the younger two generations knew about it, which suggests the wife did a pretty good job of sucking it up and treating the kids equitably. It only came to light when going through a deceased grandma’s effects.
Oh how interesting!I don’t know if this is a real post or trolling but it is funny to see how people react so very differently when it is a man at fault when everyone is suggesting in the other topic that the man see past it, raise the child, and forgive his wife. LOL.
It is really case and point of a misandrist feminist culture here.
Men should really beware of the advice they receive here.