Husband's Affair and Offspring Thereof

[holy_face]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=870532

 

[Prodigal_Son]

I recommend keeping closer tabs on him, install some type of monitoring software on your computer, GPS tracking device on his car, possibly a voice activator recorder occasionally in his car as well. You have every right , he has already broken trust.

Well, that really sounds like it would build trust and love in the relationship.

 

[Jon_S_1]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=870532

Wow…

What a different tone and not one person recommending he dump the lousy woman who can’t keep it in her pants.

Not one post saying " don’t let that woman guilt you into raising a child that’s not yours"

Truly eye opening. I hope everyone looks at the other thread and switches their perspective.

Maybe men are just naturally saints. (joking don’t shotgun blast me )

 

[holy_face]

Well, that really sounds like it would build trust and love in the relationship.

the trust is already broken by the cheating, trust has to be earned back not given away freely. I personally would just leave and not bother but if you are going to stay it s better to be informed than blindsided again later.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I agree with some of the other concerns about raising the child, a constant reminder of what your husband did. I will also point out that cheating is generally a type of behavior that is repetitive, not something that usually just goes away.

I recommend keeping closer tabs on him, install some type of monitoring software on your computer, GPS tracking device on his car, possibly a voice activator recorder occasionally in his car as well. You have every right , he has already broken trust.

The fault lies with your husband, definitely don’t try to share in the blame.

Maybe she should put him prison and chain him to the desk in the house so he can’t sleep around.

I’m all for accountability, but this is tyranny!

 

[holy_face]

If someone has already established that they will have an affair i don’t consider this tyranny at all. -

 

[Jon_S_1]

the trust is already broken by the cheating, trust has to be earned back not given away freely. I personally would just leave and not bother but if you are going to stay it s better to be informed than blindsided again later.

As a divorced person, I think you should not treat your marriage so flippantly. Your posts make it seem like the exit door is always open. Even in the face of an affair, that door needs to be closed. It needs to be closed and locked, the only time you should go through the divorce door is if you are pushed through it by your spouse.

Sincerely,

From experience

 

[Mandychu22]

I don’t know if this is a real post or trolling but it is funny to see how people react so very differently when it is a man at fault when everyone is suggesting in the other topic that the man see past it, raise the child, and forgive his wife. LOL.

It is really case and point of a misandrist feminist culture here.

Men should really beware of the advice they receive here.

Really? I would think the opposite. Which advice is actually better and leading towards the more Christ-like action? Certainly it’s the advice to raise the child with love, rather than avoid him and ignore his existence. Yes, in both cases the poster is not at fault for the situation, but that doesn’t change what the truly loving and selfless act would be… or the difficulty of performing it. Yet it’s assumed that the man should be able to overcome the difficulty while the woman is assumed to be incapable.

I don’t see the difference in advice to be hating on the men, I see it as assuming women are weaker and less in control of their actions and emotions. Sure sounds like out of control feminism to me.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Maybe she should put him prison and chain him to the desk in the house so he can’t sleep around.

I’m all for accountability, but this is tyranny!

I actually wouldn’t have a problem with it, if he asked for these things. But for a wife to go demanding these things – or doing them sneakily, God forbid – involves treating her husband as a naughty boy.

When we treat people like naughty boys, though, they act like naughty boys.

 

[holy_face]

An affair is a deal breaker for me, maybe not for everyone but for me it is. even if it wasn’t I would still want to know if the behavior was continuing on from one incident.

 

[Jon_S_1]

An affair is a deal breaker for me, maybe not for everyone but for me it is. even if it wasn’t I would still want to know if the behavior was continuing on from one incident.

I am not saying you accept an affair.

I am saying

You are forever bound to this person. In good times and bad. In sickness and health until death do us part.

 

[holy_face]

Really? I would think the opposite. Which advice is actually better and leading towards the more Christ-like action? Certainly it’s the advice to raise the child with love, rather than avoid him and ignore his existence. Yes, in both cases the poster is not at fault for the situation, but that doesn’t change what the truly loving and selfless act would be… or the difficulty of performing it. Yet it’s assumed that the man should be able to overcome the difficulty while the woman is assumed to be incapable.

I don’t see the difference in advice to be hating on the men, I see it as assuming women are weaker and less in control of their actions and emotions. Sure sounds like out of control feminism to me.

That is quite the spin but I don’t think it reflects truly what we are seeing.

 

[holy_face]

I am not saying you accept an affair.

I am saying

You are forever bound to this person. In good times and bad. In sickness and health until death do us part.

Except there is Matthew 19 that says, “except for sexual immorality.”

the question only remains whether or not you can remarry but you are most certainly permitted to leave the marriage in such a situation, and I would.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

Guys, this is a fairly obvious trolling attempt.

I think it’s supposed to be a parallel to the also fairly trollish “my wife got pregnant because of a bar fling with a black guy” thread running right now. It’s probably supposed to demonstrate that people have a double standard for men and women and are much easier on straying women. As you may have noticed, there’s a big Men’s Rights push going on right now on CA.

That said, in my husband’s family back in Europe, there was a case where an out-of-wedlock child of the husband was raised alongside their biological kids (early 20th century?). I don’t know what the marital repercussions of that were, but nobody in the younger two generations knew about it, which suggests the wife did a pretty good job of sucking it up and treating the kids equitably. It only came to light when going through a deceased grandma’s effects.

I agree. I thought somebody would try and see if the advice changes for a woman, but I had figured they would have waited longer than a week. The opinion of this ex-FBI guy is that the posts are too similar to be not be related.

 

[CountrySinger]

I don’t know if this is a real post or trolling but it is funny to see how people react so very differently when it is a man at fault when everyone is suggesting in the other topic that the man see past it, raise the child, and forgive his wife. LOL.

It is really case and point of a misandrist feminist culture here.

Men should really beware of the advice they receive here.

I didn’t post in the other thread, but I think that both hurt spouses shouldn’t have to deal with the sins of the other. I’m all for nailing the cheating scumbags for everything they got, man or woman. Do I think the innocent spouse should be forced to raise a child that isn’t theirs? Heck no. If they want to, fine, but they shouldn’t be guilt tripped into it.

I’m married, and if my husband or I cheated, divorce would follow quickly. And the sinful party would pay. If the trust is gone, then the marriage is gone. Same with abuse.

 

[The_Bucket]

Except there is Matthew 19 that says, “except for sexual immorality.”

the question only remains whether or not you can remarry but you are most certainly permitted to leave the marriage in such a situation, and I would.

So… you’re saying that you started a troll thread? I’ll give you points for being subtle, but you still shouldn’t do it. Especially on a Catholic forum and in a situation where all you’re going to do is feel more at ease with a poisonous attitude that everyone in the world is a “misandrist” when that’s ludicrous.

 

[Mandychu22]

That is quite the spin but I don’t think it reflects truly what we are seeing.

I really think it does.

Once the objectively good and Christ-like action has been decided, the kind thing to do is to encourage a person towards that action. The man is being encouraged towards that action, however uncharitably (I haven’t read that entire thread, so can’t comment on all of the replies). The woman in the same situation is not. We need to ask ourselves why not.

It COULD be because we hate men and love women; however if that were true surely we would behave kindly towards women by telling them the truth…

It COULD also be because we hate women and love men… but I don’t believe that either.

The third option is most likely: we believe we are behaving kindly towards BOTH, only the kindness takes a different form. Men receive the blunt truth because we know that this is the best advice, and we believe they can handle it. Women are given advice based on their feelings instead of the objective truth because it is assumed that these feelings are more important to women.

Instead of men complaining that the advice they are being given isn’t based mainly on sympathy and/or empathy, women should be complaining that theirs IS. Even if the advice being given to women on this board is much easier to hear. I can understand the reluctance though; sometimes hearing the truth bluntly is much harder.

I, personally, would rather be told the truth than given sympathy. Particularly from a board of strangers…

 

[UnCatholicBride]

Your husband’s child deserves the right to be raised by a biological parent if at all possible. You need to put aside your feelings and consider what is best for the child- a child who is part of the man that you love. You don’t just give a child away if you have the resources to care for it, regardless of the circumstance.

If you’re a pro-life Catholic, your husband has an OBLIGATION to care for the child that he helped to create, barring extreme financial burden.

 

[holy_face]

I agree. I thought somebody would try and see if the advice changes for a woman, but I had figured they would have waited longer than a week. The opinion of this ex-FBI guy is that the posts are too similar to be not be related.

The moderator can trace posts by IP Addresses, I am web developer so I am familiar with forum software such as this. They can look for duplicate IP addresses by different usernanes to try and discover if this is happening.

As the person who has been the chief men’s rights advocate lately, I did not do this. I will have 2 different IP addresses recorded, one from work and one from home.

 

[holy_face]

So… you’re saying that you started a troll thread? I’ll give you points for being subtle, but you still shouldn’t do it. Especially on a Catholic forum and in a situation where all you’re going to do is feel more at ease with a poisonous attitude that everyone in the world is a “misandrist” when that’s ludicrous.

No I didn’t start any thread, I only responded to it. But the responses certainly do point to my conclusions about how men and women are treated differently here