Husband's Affair and Offspring Thereof

[The_Bucket]

Instead of men complaining that the advice they are being given isn’t based mainly on sympathy and/or empathy, women should be complaining that theirs IS. Even if the advice being given to women on this board is much easier to hear. I can understand the reluctance though; sometimes hearing the truth bluntly is much harder.

I, personally, would rather be told the truth than given sympathy. Particularly from a board of strangers…

That is an excellent, excellent point.

 

[maryjk]

Except there is Matthew 19 that says, “except for sexual immorality.”

the question only remains whether or not you can remarry but you are most certainly permitted to leave the marriage in such a situation, and I would.

Considering you don’t believe that marriage is forever, it would seem that you would have grounds to file for an annulment. If you believed this when you took your vows.

In thinking back, trying to remember my vows, I don’t remember saying, until death do us part, well, unless you cheat, then all bets are off.

 

[Jon_S_1]

I didn’t post in the other thread, but I think that both hurt spouses shouldn’t have to deal with the sins of the other. I’m all for nailing the cheating scumbags for everything they got, man or woman. Do I think the innocent spouse should be forced to raise a child that isn’t theirs? Heck no. If they want to, fine, but they shouldn’t be guilt tripped into it.

I’m married, and if my husband or I cheated, divorce would follow quickly. And the sinful party would pay. If the trust is gone, then the marriage is gone. Same with abuse.

How Christlike.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Considering you don’t believe that marriage is forever, it would seem that you would have grounds to file for an annulment. If you believed this when you took your vows.

In thinking back, trying to remember my vows, I don’t remember saying, until death do us part, well, unless you cheat, then all bets are off.

Thank you!

 

[CountrySinger]

How Christlike.

I know it isn’t Christlike and not nice, but I’ve been cheated on before (ex-boyfriend) and I’m not willing to go through it again. I gave him multiple chances, and it didn’t turn out. I used to be understanding and nice about cheating. Not now. It’s one thing my mom and I have in common, both cheated on by scumbags.

 

[holy_face]

Considering you don’t believe that marriage is forever, it would seem that you would have grounds to file for an annulment. If you believed this when you took your vows.

In thinking back, trying to remember my vows, I don’t remember saying, until death do us part, well, unless you cheat, then all bets are off.

Except that Christ specifically said I am not obliged in this particular circumstance.

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery

 

[Jon_S_1]

I know it isn’t Christlike and not nice, but I’ve been cheated on before (ex-boyfriend) and I’m not willing to go through it again. It’s a pain that never goes away. It’s one thing my mom and I have in common, both cheated on by scumbags.

Have you considered that the possible reason it does not go away is because of how you choose to respond?

There is a reason we should not harbor such things in our heart. Give the pain to Christ, he wants it, he wants to carry it for you. Work on forgiveness as he forgave you. Then you can have true freedom from such situations.

Not saying how it turns out. Who knows, but from my personal experience I know there is only bondage in a hardened heart.

 

[The_Bucket]

Have you considered that the possible reason it does not go away is because of how you choose to respond?

There is a reason we should not harbor such things in our heart. Give the pain to Christ, he wants it, he wants to carry it for you. Work on forgiveness as he forgave you. Then you can have true freedom from such situations.

Not saying how it turns out. Who knows, but from my personal experience I know there is only bondage in a hardened heart.

Forgiveness is certainly a commandment from Christ. But that doesn’t mean you have to stick around and open yourself up to additional wounding. Turn the cheek for sure. Forgive those who spit on you. But you don’t have to just stand there and take repeated slaps. You are allowed to walk away.

 

[holy_face]

Forgiveness is certainly a commandment from Christ. But that doesn’t mean you have to stick around and open yourself up to additional wounding. Turn the cheek for sure. Forgive those who spit on you. But you don’t have to just stand there and take repeated slaps. You are allowed to walk away.

Yes, I have forgiven many people in my life, some of which I want nothing to with for the rest of my life. If they come to me in grave need of help, I will help them but I am not obliged to be their best friends or their spouse or whatever.

I have removed the hardness of my heart towards them and have no resentment, I release them from what they have done to me.

 

[CountrySinger]

Have you considered that the possible reason it does not go away is because of how you choose to respond?

There is a reason we should not harbor such things in our heart. Give the pain to Christ, he wants it, he wants to carry it for you. Work on forgiveness as he forgave you. Then you can have true freedom from such situations.

Not saying how it turns out. Who knows, but from my personal experience I know there is only bondage in a hardened heart.

The hurt kept me safe from jerks (I’m happily married to a man who I can trust). I’m not exactly into the whole fluffy religious things like giving pain to Christ. Sorry. I don’t roll that way. I’ve forgiven the scumbag, but I don’t forget. It’s funny, it made me stronger, that I can stand on my own, without a man. And also made some excellent country songs.

DH and I are both the same way. Abuse or adultery, it’s over. I don’t think people should take bad treatment over and over again.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Except that Christ specifically said I am not obliged in this particular circumstance.

That is not the church’s teaching.

The word commonly translated in Protestant bibles for adultery is in fact not the word for adultery but the word for unlawful sexual acts.

The church teaches that this means an unlawful marriage (a marriage that was not a sacramental marriage).

I would urge you to read the Catechism regarding the indissolvibility of marriage

1639 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.143 From their covenant arises "an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society."144 The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love."145

1640 Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God’s fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.146

 

[Jon_S_1]

Forgiveness is certainly a commandment from Christ. But that doesn’t mean you have to stick around and open yourself up to additional wounding. Turn the cheek for sure. Forgive those who spit on you. But you don’t have to just stand there and take repeated slaps. You are allowed to walk away.

I agree, which is why I said it should be the other party “throwing you threw the divorce door”. This comment was for someone who said. “They cheat im gone and they will pay for it”

 

[Gordon_Sims]

Guys, this is a fairly obvious trolling attempt.

I suspected the same after reading through the other thread then seeing this one. However, my advice in both cases would be the same: work on the marriage and try to give the child the best home you can.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

The moderator can trace posts by IP Addresses, I am web developer so I am familiar with forum software such as this. They can look for duplicate IP addresses by different usernanes to try and discover if this is happening.

As the person who has been the chief men’s rights advocate lately, I did not do this. I will have 2 different IP addresses recorded, one from work and one from home.

That’s funny, holy face. I don’t remember accusing you of anything. It’s odd that you felt the need to defend yourself.

Listen, holy face, if that is your real name, I’m sure a web developer like you would have no trouble spoofing IP addresses. Why don’t you just cut the act and tell us what is really going on here?

 

[holy_face]

That is not the church’s teaching.

The word commonly translated in Protestant bibles for adultery is in fact not the word for adultery but the word for unlawful sexual acts.

The church teaches that this means an unlawful marriage (a marriage that was not a sacramental marriage).

The word used was porniea, which is defined in the Greek dictionary as a whole list of immoral acts including fornication, adultery, prostitution, etc.

The church has given annulments based on an adulterous marriage, they may have had to do a little legal maneuvering to do so but it happens.

I would urge you to read the Catechism regarding the indissolvibility of marriage

1639 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.143 From their covenant arises "an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society."144 The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: "Authentic married love is caught up into divine love."145

1640 Thus the marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God’s fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene this disposition of divine wisdom.146

yet they offer annulments and suggest that people in abusive relationships separate from their marriage.

You are allowed to separate from your spouse and even divorce them without being in a state of sin, it is only when you attempt to remarry when it becomes difficult.

 

[Corki]

No I never said it was.

It is however a selfish option to leave the child with the mother, play no part in the child’s life and hide it from your children.

Again with the false dichotomies.

There are many, many possible approaches.

It is not selfish to consider the feelings of the wife and the other children. You seem only concerned with the husband and his mistress. The first concern should be for the innocents and they are not the innocents.

No one said he should play no part nor to hide if from the other children. But, depending on the age of the other children, it could be very harmful to force this child upon them. It’s one thing to let them know they have a half-brother/sister. It’s another things to insinuate this other woman and her child into their lives. They did nothing wrong and should not be punished for their father’s sins. Not only that, they may come to hate their father for hurting their mother and hold it against their half sibling.

If it was me, I would tell my husband to encourage his mistress to place the child for adoption. Placing a chid for adoption is not abandoning the child If the mother didn’t want to do that, I would tell my husband to get a second job and to use the money from the second job to provide for his ‘love child’. (there is a more accurate word to use but CAF probably would x it out). He needs to take responsibility but not at the expense of his family. The only way I would even* consider* bringing this child into my home would be as an adoption provided the birth mother relinquished all claims and agreed not to have any contact with the child or my husband until the child was 18. And then I would probably move my family far, far away.

 

[maryjk]

Except that Christ specifically said I am not obliged in this particular circumstance.

You might want to take a look at this thread, which explains why marriage vows don’t include, “unless one of us cheats.”

 

[maryjk]

The word used was porniea, which is defined in the Greek dictionary as a whole list of immoral acts including fornication, adultery, prostitution, etc.

The church has given annulments based on an adulterous marriage, they may have had to do a little legal maneuvering to do so but it happens.

yet they offer annulments and suggest that people in abusive relationships separate from their marriage.

You are allowed to separate from your spouse and even divorce them without being in a state of sin, it is only when you attempt to remarry when it becomes difficult.

Because the Church sees you as already married.

This thread might be an interesting read.

 

[holy_face]

That’s funny, holy face. I don’t remember accusing you of anything. It’s odd that you felt the need to defend yourself.

Listen, holy face, if that is your real name, I’m sure a web developer like you would have no trouble spoofing IP addresses. Why don’t you just cut the act and tell us what is really going on here?

No you didn’t accuse me, never claimed you did. But since I have been the resident “men’s rights” advocate that has been active lately I wanted to clarify that I was not responsible for starting the thread.

I didn’t spoof any IP addresses, I work for the DoD, I am not allowed to any of that kind of stuff here and i would never do in anyway. I am confident in my own abilities to argue and not fake accounts and troll with artificial topics.

 

[Corki]

That is not the church’s teaching.

The word commonly translated in Protestant bibles for adultery is in fact not the word for adultery but the word for unlawful sexual acts.

The church teaches that this means an unlawful marriage (a marriage that was not a sacramental marriage).

I would urge you to read the Catechism regarding the indissolvibility of marriage

I would urge you to read canon law on when it is acceptable to sever conjugal living. Whether or not a marriage was valid is secondary. The Church says an innocent spouse does not have to stay with a cheating one.