Husbands/wives sleeping apart?

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didymus said:
I just saw this story in The NY Times:

Separate bedrooms for married couples always struck me as rather weird, if not bad for the marriage. I mean, if you have a fight, where’s the incentive to make up? Where’s that, uh, spontaneity? Let me guess, this current generation text massages each other :rolleyes:
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The only good reason I would see would be for NFP to avoid temptation.
 
Wow! There are many more couples that sleep apart than I ever thought. This is a new idea to me, but apparently not new in general. I used to babysit for a lady who had a separate bedroom, and I thought it was strange, but now I see the logic! 🙂

My DH and I sleep in the same room/same bed, but we haven’t run into too many problems (ie. loud snoring, insomnia, etc.). In fact, before we got married, I warned him of my incredibly loud teeth-grinding. I’ve kept roommates, friends, and family awake at night with it. One of my roommates recorded me one night while she was pulling an all-nighter to write a paper and I can see why people find it loud and it wakes them up :o . However, as it turns out, and I found out the first week of marriage, my DH grinds his teeth as well! 😃 So, it all worked out in the end :)!
 
In Roman times, everyone had a separate little cubby for sleeping. It is common in more affluent times and places to see separate sleeping quarters as well, adjoining sometimes, but separate. The peasants slept piled up like puppies, the whole family. Husband and wife are not mandated by the Bible to sleep together, far as I know.
 
When I co-sleep with a new born, hubby is kicked out, as there is just no room for the three of us. This way we both get the maximum amount of sleep possible-he gets up for work at 5:30am, and I have other children to take care of. He also finds a newborn’s snufflings annoying, while I find it comforting.
 
didymus said:
I just saw this story in The NY Times:

Separate bedrooms for married couples always struck me as rather weird, if not bad for the marriage. I mean, if you have a fight, where’s the incentive to make up? Where’s that, uh, spontaneity? Let me guess, this current generation text massages each other :rolleyes:
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“Text massages” is hilarious.
 
My hubby and I sleep in the same room but not in the same bed. I freeze at night and even use my electric blanket in the summer and he gets really hot so he can’t stand it. Body heat even bothers him. He has a mattress in the floor right next to mine and sometimes we hold hands while we’re sleeping. He doesn’t do this everynight but there are some nights that our temperatures are to the two extremes so we almost have to. Of course I would rather him sleep with me but it doesn’t bother me that much because he’s still in the same room and still kind of right there next to me. 🙂
 
If anyone were to hear my hubby snore, you would understand. No human being can sleep in the same room with him - it is beyond sound, this snoring is like an earthquake!
 
Lol, after reading these responses, I think I now WANT a room of my own!! 😃
 
If anyone were to hear my hubby snore, you would understand. No human being can sleep in the same room with him - it is beyond sound, this snoring is like an earthquake!
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LOL! I actually crept down the hall a few nights ago… not making this up or exaggerating in the least… because I could have sworn that in addition to my DH’s loud snoring which had awakened me, there were giant rats in our dining room/office POUNDING on our computer keyboards. This was the most plausible explanation my feeble mind could come up with to explain the sound. I ended up crouching down next to DH and making sure that the “rat”-a-tat-tat was coming from his nose along with the one-man snoring symphony.
 
My Wife and I share a bed. Now when we first got married she was very sad because I SNORE VERY LOUD, and she needs her 8 hours of uninterrupted slumber. What we did to drown out the noise is to run a fan in the bedroom all night 365 days a year. This seems to have done the trick. Now I always have gone to sleep later than she does but now She Snores as well and I have trouble falling asleep at night because of this. We believe we should share the same room and try to work through the snoring dilema the best we can. It isnt always easy though!
 
My husband is a pretty bad snorer too… not all the time, but when it occassionally happens, it’s bad! LOL!

White noise has seemed to help… we’ll turn on the fan in the bathroom and that’ll drown out the noise.

For a while he would go sleep in the other room… but then I was wide awake missing him 😦 , so that didn’t work out so well…

I’d prefer to have a noisy husband in bed with me than none at all! 😃
 
AirForceMama said:
Lol, after reading these responses, I think I now WANT a room of my own!! 😃
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It does make one dream a little…actually–I’d be lonely without hubby in my room, but I’d give up a limb if I could have my own bathroom/dressing room that NO ONE else but me was even allowed to set foot in…:whistle:
 
Island_Oak said:
It does make one dream a little…actually–I’d be lonely without hubby in my room, but I’d give up a limb if I could have my own bathroom/dressing room that NO ONE else but me was even allowed to set foot in…:whistle:
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I agree one zillion percent!! Ohhhhhh - how I would so love my own bathroom/dressing room!!! 😃

But yeah, I would miss my hubby too.

~Liza
 
Gracious me, it is not like my hubby sleeps in another house, he is just a few steps away if I “miss” him in the night… he stays with me til I fall asleep every single night, and comes in to wake me up in the morning.

As for a fan, please, only minor league snoring is covered by a fan. One year at Christmas, we ended up staying at my grand-mother-in-law’s house and I had no earplugs. DH slept on the couch in the living room and gave me the bedroom (off the living room, with a very thin divider instead of a door). We turned on 3 fans. 30 minutes after we all bedded down, DH was snoring so loud that I had to shout to wake him up - no fans can drown him out.

I have slept in earplugs - they will cover most of the sound, but, the vibration of the bed keeps me awake and many times the earplugs don’t even work :eek: We have used spray, strips, every thing you can imagine. Surgery appears to be the only option and that is something he is just not ready for.
 
kage_ar said:
Gracious me, it is not like my hubby sleeps in another house, he is just a few steps away if I “miss” him in the night… he stays with me til I fall asleep every single night, and comes in to wake me up in the morning.

As for a fan, please, only minor league snoring is covered by a fan. One year at Christmas, we ended up staying at my grand-mother-in-law’s house and I had no earplugs. DH slept on the couch in the living room and gave me the bedroom (off the living room, with a very thin divider instead of a door). We turned on 3 fans. 30 minutes after we all bedded down, DH was snoring so loud that I had to shout to wake him up - no fans can drown him out.

I have slept in earplugs - they will cover most of the sound, but, the vibration of the bed keeps me awake and many times the earplugs don’t even work :eek: We have used spray, strips, every thing you can imagine. Surgery appears to be the only option and that is something he is just not ready for.
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:eek: I never knew such snoring existed! Your husband would probably win awards :), if there were snoring contests!
 
Many many years ago I went on a hunting trip with my ex and a bunch of guys, I was the first woman to venture into the group, others followed later. Anyway - we had the sofabed in the living room, and others were in sleeping bags on the floor all around us. It was a big hunting cabin. This one guy was snoring SOOO LOUD I had to take my sleeping bag and pillow and sleep on the bathroom floor!!! (AFTER I put a bed sheet under me - EW!!! - I wasn’t THAT desperate for sleep!!)

So yeah, I totally believe that earthquaking snoring does exist. No wonder this guy’s wife never joined us, I’m sure she enjoyed the quiet nights at home alone!! 😃

~Liza
 
My husband and I discussed sleeping apart early in our marriage. At the time I didn’t want to do it, but now I think I would like it.

Our sleep patterns are so different. I go to bed around 10pm and he goes to bed anywhere from 11pm to 5am. Invariably when he comes to bed he wakes me up. It’s worse when he tries to come to bed with me at the same time. When I lie down I’m ready to go to sleep. He needs time to unwind by watching TV or reading.

I snore very loud and he is constantly waking me up to get me to stop snoring.

We are both active sleepers and tend to hog the bed and fight over the covers. He rolls himself in the covers like a mummy and leaves me with no covers at all. He is very cold natured and I am hot natured. He likes noise and I like silence.

We have made compromises in an attempt to be compatible sleepers. We bought a king size bed, which is great. I bought him a dual control electric blanket so he can heat his side of the bed. I did a sleep study to determine the nature of my snoring and now use a machine with forced air when I sleep, which helps some. He will turn off the TV when I ask him, and he uses a very small light to read by in bed.

However, we both sleep much better by ourselves and are better rested and don’t argue as much as when we sleep together.
 
We don’t do it by design, but by necessity occasionally…

I’m up, dressed, and on the job @6:00am…
She’s a 9 - 5’r

I’m wiped out and ready for bed @ 8:45pm
She’s still winding down at 8:30…

(No lie) I’ve been kicked out of a campsite of 100’ diameter with separate tents and banished to my truck due to my snoring… I can put any Jonserud, Husqvarna or McCulloch to shame!

She’s a “heat leach”. I’m sound asleep and she’ll put those blocks of ice called hands & feet on me and jolt me awake.

As said, I like it cool in the room, with the ceiling fan moving air around… She’s not happy unless it’s 85 ambient, with 3 comforters…

I’d guess 15 out of 30/31 days we’re together, but on the others one of us is in the guest room. Out of the 15 not-together days 3 - 5 of them she’s out of town on business, 3 - 4 of them I’m off Scouting/camping/hunting/fishing… So we’re only “apart” about 5 days a month.

None of our particular quirks or shortcomings have driven us to separate beds or rooms on a permanent basis though - they’ve caused some strife, but not enough to remodel the house to accomodate them!
 
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