Hypothetical: Let's say your adult daughter invites over her boyfriend. What are you looking for as a parent?

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I’d prefer my children to date/marry Catholic’s but as long as they were prepared to marry in a way deemed valid by the Church and raise any children as Catholics I wouldn’t make a big deal about it.
 
TC3033 said:
And if he wasn’t interested in converting?

These opinions are quite interesting (and in some cases confusing/troubling) to me as someone who is the non-Catholic spouse in a “mixed” marriage
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These opinions are troubling to me, and I’m Catholic. I only hope that anyone who thinks they get to control who an adult child chooses to marry is either joking or just really uninformed.
 
My husband asked my parents for my hand. He also proposed to me.
 
It’s one thing to propose, and then tell your parents you’re getting married and ask them for a blessing – with the full understanding that withholding their blessing has no effect on your marriage plans.

But the practice of asking for a daughter’s hand is a little bizarre – what would happen if the parents said no? Also, it implies that the parents have any say in it at all— which is contrary to Church teaching.

I know it would have been a point of very serious discussion (possibly a deal breaker) for me, and in subsequent years for my daughter, if our husbands had asked anyone but us for our hands in marriage.
 
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There was an episode of everybody loves Raymond where Robert did that and amy’s parents said no. They got married anyway
 
Yeah, that’s the thing. People do that – and really don’t mean it. Because they are sure the parents will say yes. But it’s an odd gesture that implies the father (or parents) have authority over their adult daughter. I’ve also noticed that the woman never seems to be asking her future in-laws for their permission to marry their son.
 
I feel that way of watching a father walk his daughter down the aisle.
It’s not romantic, it’s a leftover from a girl being handed over from one authority to another.

Only adults marry. And adults walk down the aisle together.
 
TC3033 said:
And if he wasn’t interested in converting?

These opinions are quite interesting (and in some cases confusing/troubling) to me as someone who is the non-Catholic spouse in a “mixed” marriage.
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I feel the same.

I guess what I’d look for is if my daughter was happy and secure in their relationship. If he respected her and listened to her opinion. I’d also hope that any strong opinions she held were also shared by him. If they weren’t though, I’d maybe ask her if she was okay with that. I wouldn’t lay down my own conditions that he had to feel a certain way about an issue.

I don’t think parents should be pushing their children’s partners into religion. I feel like by the time your daughter is an adult, it’s up to her to discern who she wants to date and of what importance she considers religion to be within that.
 
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It is a time honored tradition. I certainly asked my father-in-law. The one son-in-law I have asked me two years ago. My son asked his father-in-law. A show of respect for one’s future bride’s family if nothing else. And I believe now-a-days it is normally done after the proposal.
 
Again, let me be clear, I would not make converting a stipulation for my blessing, just that he be open to the idea to the extent that he would seriously learn and understand the Catholic faith.

If he said no, I would not give him and my daughter my blessing. Mixed marriages often work, but they come with many problems. If they went ahead with the wedding, I would always be there for them.
 
He was responding to my post, so it is clear that you mean that my opinions are troubling. So you owe me an apology, no where did I say anything about controlling who my adult child would marry.
 
JulianN said:
Also, it implies that the parents have any say in it at all— which is contrary to Church teaching.
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Please document this. What the Church teaches is that a person has to freely choose to marry someone. A person can make a free choice even if a parent gives their permission or blessing first. That does not add any coercion towards the marriage.
 
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tafan2 said:
He was responding to my post, so it is clear that you mean that my opinions are troubling. So you owe me an apology, no where did I say anything about controlling who my adult child would marry.
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Telling a grown man that “he must agree to openly study the Catholic faith” is controlling, of both the daughter and fiance. There are other comments on this thread, by others, that are also troubling. I have no need to apologize for an opinion.
 
You said I was controlling who my daughter’s married. I want. And placing a condition on an favorable answer to a question is not controlling. I am asked for permission, and I say “yes, if…”, is not controlling. If, without being asked, I was to say that, then you might have a point. But I was asked.

Oh, and there was no “must”. So again, you misrepresent what I say. Many people would apologize for that.
 
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Well, to non-catholics, not being able to practice artificial birth control is (understandably) difficult to understand. This can be a big problem.

When a Catholic mother goes to mass every Sunday, but the Father does not, sons can often get the idea that religion practises are just something women do.

Those are a couple of examples, I can think of more possibilities. They all can be overcome, but pretending problems won’t occur is naive.
 
Call me naive, but not one of those has been a problem for us (keep in mind you’re talking to the non-Catholic spouse in a “mixed”-marriage), so I wouldn’t talk in absolutes.

The only times I haven’t gone to Mass with my wife is I’m usually the one to stay home with our youngest when he doesn’t go.

I’m even usually the parent to represent our family at parent catechism night 😉
 
“Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse.”

Refusing a blessing if you disagree with a choice of spouse feels a bit like exerting pressure.
That’s why adults who are planning to marry should inform their parents, not ask.

And why is only the bride’s father (or parents) asked? Is the groom’s family not deserving of the same respect you believe this signifies?
 
That’s not exerting pressure. Parents are not obliged to give their blessing
 
What absolutes? I referred to these as examples and possibilities. You guys are way to overly sensitive.
 
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