I’m 20 she’s 42

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I’m counting two, but OK. I have no problem with some self-disclosure so long as it’s relevant; the OP can take it or leave it. (Shrug).
 
thome600 said:
As I said before, I’ve had several conversations with her and we enjoy each others company. She’s very impressed with my knowledge of the Faith and we do have similar interests( theology, the Saints, the situation in the Church, etc )
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Please be wary of interpreting this as more than companionship and friendship. As Catholics we should also not be looking to others for approval. There is one person to live for, and that is God. We should not be living to impress others.

Congratulations on your conversion. Are you involved in the youth ministry in your Parish?
 
I am reminded of a comedy skit in which two newborn babies have a conversation and get to know each other. Eventually the boy, 4 hours old, asks the girl, 2 hours old, to go on a date, to which she replies “Are you kidding? You’re twice my age!”
 
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I would presume they did accept it over time as it was not a case of the family refusing to speak to these people ever again, and eventually as I noted, a grandchild was involved whom the grandparents naturally wished to see.
 
I will ask you in 22 years, and I had better not hear

“I’m 42 and she’s 20”
 
That verse refers specifically to being married. As they are not married as of yet, God has defacto not “joined (them) together”
 
LilyM said:
if the two of you want to give birth or adopt, then her age means there is a short window of opportunity.
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From what I’ve seen of adoption, the process is so long, complicated and expensive, and the results so uncertain (and sometimes heartbreaking), that it’s only something you should take on if you discovered you were infertile after marriage, and also still young.

If you were thinking of a high probability of adoption before marriage you would be bringing on yourself a mountain of troubles.

Not saying that you were suggesting otherwise, btw.
 
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Years ago I was told of a formula that worked for deciding acceptable age differences. I think it was an old wives tale type of thing. Of course it was considered that the older person would be the male, but it seems like it should work both ways. At any rate, it may seem weird to boil this down to a mathematical formula, but in this case, I happen to think it works quite well. IIRC you take the older person’s age, divide by 2, then add 8. So for instances, an 18 year old can date a 17 year old. A 20 year old can see a 18 year old. A 30 year old can see a 23 year old. A 40 year old can see a 28 year old. A 50 year old can see a 33 year old. All of those numbers actually seem to work for me, and actually seem to provide a lower boundary on the how young one’s spouse can be.
I think I have mentioned this once before on this forum and it was universally rejected, but I still think it works quite well.
 
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thome600 said:
I’m a 20 y/o guy and I just asked a 42 y/o year old woman out. She said yes. We’re both devout Catholics and looking for a long term relationship/marriage. @ few questions.
  1. What will the difference be between dating a young girl and dating a 42 y/o woman?
  2. Would a priest refuse to marry a couple with a large age gap?
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If it hasn’t already been brought up you might want to consider this aspect.

In about 10-15-20 years your potential wife’s age will bring a decrease in libido and/or ability to engage in relations with you. This is no one’s fault and not reflecting poorly on anyone, it is simply a fact of human life. Many women, more so than men, may be unable to engage in relations due to the physical limitations that aging brings about.

You might be ok with that, you might not. But you would be foolish not to consider it when thinking about marriage.
 
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But what about, y’know… non-theological matters?

Your hobbies, for instance.

Music? Sports? How about books?

Stuff like that.

What others have said earlier in this thread about there being a time gap and that making things more difficult is a completely valid point. That wouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaking thing in and of itself, but if all that you share are feelings about the Church… that would make a difficult situation even more difficult.

It’s still not impossible, but…

Care to share your interests in those areas that I mentioned, so that we could have an idea?
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Yes.
Having a vigorous discussion about what type of coffee you are going to enjoy can be just as unifying as theology.
Or where you are going for ice cream.

Hiking
remodeling a kitchen
Where to put those new plants in the yard

Marriage is lived in the flesh not the abstract.
 
Edmundus1581 said:
From what I’ve seen of adoption, the process is so long, complicated and expensive, and the results so uncertain (and sometimes heartbreaking), that it’s only something you should take on if you discovered you were infertile after marriage, and also still young.
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Not to go down a rabbit hole, but there are some big urban myths floating around our society that are working to scare people away from the pro-life act of adoption.

Some stories get in the news, these outliers are then considered the norm. We do not hear the success stories because they just go on about life being a family.

I would advise you to google “Christian Foster Parenting” and your state. Find a group and go to a meeting. See all of the loving families that come through the foster - - to - - adopt programs.
 
That’s not what I said or implied. Looks like you’re being unnecessarily argumentative in this post, so I won’t bother.
 
If the two of you are free to be married then while the priest may have some doubts at the end of the day you would be married.
 
I am guessing we have the case of a 42 year old woman who, at most, was flattered that a 20 year old asked her out and said yes. Most likely, she sees it as simply a way of being kind to him and is willing to let him figure it out for himself that its a non-starter.
 
At some point in the game, one spouse is going to be the other’s caretaker (unless they die together in some accident). I have serious disabilities that get worse with age. My husband knew that going in, is slightly younger than me and knew he would end up as my caretaker when I was completely crippled.

Lo and behold, as soon as I began my serious physical decline he got an infection that went to his heart and almost died. He is now living on borrowed time and an electric pump for a heart, I am his caretaker.
 
Love is love. Why should age having anything to do with it. As long as both partners are 18-plus.
 
Well, if we have a proper understanding of what love is, than it is very possible age has something to do with it. If love is nothing more than an emotion that we feel at a given time, then one has much more problems coming in one’s marriage than an age difference. On the other hand, if we see love as a choice and within the context of marriage we see it as a choice we have to be willing to make for the rest of our lives, then age could make a very big difference. If we see love as acts, not of feelings, do we want to commit to these acts of love for the rest of our lives, despite our age differences. Will I still choice to love my spouse when she is 76 and I am 54? When she is 82 and I am 56 and she demands constant care? Is that a choice I will want to make? Will I be willing to charitably forego having children due to my spouses age? Do I want to do so? Will my spouse be able to love me despite my immaturity? Will my spouse be able to be kind and loving to me despite the embarrassment it may cause her?

Age differences of this magnitude could have a lot to do with love itself.
 
Well you can say that with lots of inappropriate relationships couldn’t you. There is lots more to marriage than love.

OP I’m generally less conservative than many of my CFA peers, but honestly a long term relationship with that age gap is in my opinion not going to end well.

You are basically ruling out the possibility of a large family (or any) and very real realitiy of being a care taker much earlier in your life than is ‘normal’. Those that throw outlier situations at you as examples are being disingenuous or at the very least avoiding the very real statistical reality of ageing.
 
Then that’s just your projection. Don’t be quick to assume the worst.
 
TheLittleLady said:
At some point in the game, one spouse is going to be the other’s caretaker (unless they die together in some accident). I have serious disabilities that get worse with age. My husband knew that going in, is slightly younger than me and knew he would end up as my caretaker when I was completely crippled.

Lo and behold, as soon as I began my serious physical decline he got an infection that went to his heart and almost died. He is now living on borrowed time and an electric pump for a heart, I am his caretaker.
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These days it is just as likely for various reasons to be adult children caretaking for parents. In which case a husband who is 20-some years younger than his wife may be ideal. Being that much younger he may have more energy and be able to work for the financial support of both of.them long after she is unable

Men have been taking much younger wivees for these easons for ever. Prime example is Henry VIII’s last.wife. She was much younger but independently wealthy, mature and experienced in nursing sickly husbands having been twice married to older men and twice widowed.
 
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