I’m 20 she’s 42

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A person born in 1950 (currently age 69), is expected to live to ~80

Actuarial expectation for a person born in 1980 will likely be 85-90 when they are 69

Our kids/grandkids born in 2030 may well live to 110 or longer.

Advancements in health are staggering and the notion of 22 years difference may similarly shift as people live longer.
 
Sarcelle said:
Notice that I did not mention anything about the rightness or wrongness about a substantial age gap.

I just mentioned something about my own personal preference.

I prefer to grow old with someone who is from my generation. Nothing wrong with that either.
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Affectivity is an ability to react to a good of a certain quality, an
ability to be moved in an encounter with it (in the psychological analysis
we will assume more detailed meanings of affectivity when contrasting
it with sensuality). This quality of a good that a concrete man or a concrete
woman is particularly capable of reacting to depends in a certain
measure on various innate and inherited factors, as well as on various
factors acquired both as a result of various influences and also by the
conscious effort of a given person, by his work on himself. And this is
precisely whence the tint of the content of affective life originates,
the life that comes to light in individual emotional-affective reactions and
possesses a great significance for fondness. To a large extent this life
conditions the direction that fondness will follow, which person it will
turn to, and what in this person it will focus on above all.

in “Love and Responsability”, by Karol Wojtyla. Chapter 2, "Fondness
and the lived-experience of value."
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God bless.

@Lea101 @Sarcelle
 
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This post went over my head.

What exactly are you trying to say here, in your own words?
 
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In my own words:

Not long ago, I would have said the exact same you did in regard to “age-gap personal preferences”.

My personal studies on marriage -coupled with life and the persons I met- prompted&led me to rethink, living and reliving, my preferences. Some of the older CAF’ers, all woman, saying what they again repeat in this very thread, through their testimony, lending a broader view point, based on experience of couples they met, helped me put away some preconceptions I had held, and felt, for the better part of my life, regarding the age-gap.

This, allowed me to find a sense, thus freeing me, from setting aside, from the outset, woman who I met having everything to make happy, apart only the age-gap, apparently withstanding…

In other words, the “Ewww” -that for a man is never “Ewww”, rather an embarrassment expressed in needless self-imposed barriers based on confusion- was lifted. And allowed me to look at a person, as a person, with her value, her will and choice, maturity and wisdom, now mostly apart from the age-gap.

Bottom-line: I was no longer embarrassed by ladies, markedly younger or older, who expressed their attraction for me. Thus lifting a constraint, within me, that previously hindered discovering friendships starting with, a factor of attraction to affection. And so charity, was freed.

-I’ll hide behind Wojtyla -“The Great”- as far as need for authority, on the validity of what I wrote, goes.
 
Still the initiative to be more accepting when it comes to looking at much older and much younger partners would have to come from you.

I come from the view of being pressured by others to accept advances from much older men. I’m talking about men as old as or even older than my father.

I don’t like being pressured into dating and marriage just because others around me are uncomfortable with me being single.

The last time I checked, being single isn’t sin.
 
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adgloriam said:
Bottom-line: I was no longer embarrassed by ladies, markedly younger or older, who expressed their attraction for me. Thus lifting a constraint, within me, that previously hindered discovering friendships starting with, a factor of attraction to affection. And so charity, was freed.
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How much older or younger? You have no limits (besides adulthood of course)?
 
Cirdan_XII said:
This is so true. I sometimes wish i had known this when I was younger. I payed far too little attention. I grew up in a sheltered and also poor environment and grew up thinking that I had this cheapish suit that I wore at job interviews, funerals and important social functions, and then I had casual stuff that I wore the rest of the time. When I went to Church, I checked my shirt didn’t have any stains or holes and that my shoes were sufficiently shiny. I must have looked a complete nerd on my first date as I wore a checkered shirt and a stripey tie. I never saw that girl again. That’s where my degree of dressing up or down stopped in those days. Many men function like that but many women don’t. I think especially young men don’t see the full scale of the subtelties in the way women present themselves.
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I have my doubts that the girl rejected you because you wore a checkered shirt and a stripey tie. I wasn’t there, I didn’t see it, but it may actually have looked very nice. I know this is going to sound terribly cynical, but if you had been wealthy, it might not have mattered what you were wearing. Some women seek a hyper-macho man who will protect them, others seek a weak, ineffectual man they can dominate, and still others, pure of heart and intention, seek a man for his higher internal qualities and decency, regardless of his perceived “manliness”, wealth, or what have you. Sadly there are too few of the latter. I can also tell you that many women (and men) do not want to be associated with someone who stands up for traditional faith and morality, because they themselves can’t/won’t/don’t live up to it, and they do not want a partner who will hold them to account for their lifestyle, or sets a standard higher than they are willing to adhere to.

In all fairness, there are many, many men who, when meeting a woman who strikes their fancy, are mentally sizing up just how and when they will be able to have sex with the woman. Generally speaking, men are not terribly concerned about what kind of job or money a woman has (unless they are looking to be supported, some men are). Some men, as with women, do not want to change their ways to conform to a partner’s wishes. And likewise, there are many men who are seeking virtuous women, pure of heart, who will make good wives and mothers. I can’t imagine a man who wants a woman he can’t trust out of his sight. Without getting too specific, I know what I’m talking about in that regard. I had to learn the hard way.
 
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Long before my conversion, I once had a date 11 years ago with a woman who opted to wear tight jeans, a fair amount of makeup, a low cut tank top, and a shawl. Once we sat down for dinner the shawl came off. It wasn’t hard for me to pick up on what her intentions were.

In my opinion being a devout Catholic doesn’t matter. One is still susceptible to lustful desires. I’d argue this is perhaps the most numerous sin we are all guilty of, simply because our fallen human nature is so inclined towards these kinds of sins.

That this is how many women are, especially when seeking out a mate. If a woman is looking to be pursued, she will adorn herself in a way that gets attention. Women have studied us men for centuries, they know what catches our eye. Interestingly, have we men studied women to see what catches their eye? Yes, men are more visual, but women are visual too, just in a different way. Women pay much more attention to the little subtleties to how you dress. She may take notice of what kind of knot your necktie is in for example, or that single strand of loose hair over your face. And she just might love it.
 
I said “might”. I didn’t say everyone. There are some women who can be very, very forgiving of temporal shortcomings — looks, dress, manners, and so on — as long as there is a lot of money involved. For instance, look at men who have “trophy wives”. Many of these men are nothing to look at. And to be fair, there are some men who will overlook a lot in women, as long as sex is freely available.

Without a doubt. It can happen that a woman (or a man for that matter) can be so desirable, compared to their partner, and they know it, that they can perceive themselves as having better and more enticing alternatives, either for a secret “fling” or to ditch their partner altogether and “trade up”, if you will.

This is clearly contrary to the Gospel and to the marriage vows, but it is not unknown for people not to let this stop them.
 
No. I thought about this. I have a 20 year old son. I considered the best 40-some women I know. Doesn’t matter, it’s a bad idea.

Actually, I have moved in the last 24 hours. I have become more opposed to the idea as I considered it. As I said, if it happened to my kid, I would advice him/her to end the relationship right up to the day of the wedding.
 
There have been plenty of reasons on this thread already listed. It just doesn’t work very well. The odds are the 20 year old is giving up the prospect of having kids, at the minimum he should assume this is the case. When he retired at 65 she will be 87, just the type of retirement people look forward to. The difference in age implies a large difference in life experiences. Things a 25 year old typically wants to do in life, a 47 year old is tired of doing (eg, buying a first home and spending years fixing it up). Friends are going to be so different. He has a bunch of 20-something friends, she has a bunch of 40-something friends. Not that they can’t enjoy mixing, but it will never seem quite natural. I could go on and on. I thing there are plenty of grounds to say its a bad idea.

Again, this is where you and I have different outlook on how vocations work. I might be called to marry, but I think that God very rarely calls us to marry a specific person. That would be having a soulmate, which is not a particular Catholic concept of marriage IMO.

I never said I would prevent the marriage, I said I would advise against it up until the day of the wedding.

This is really a weird way of looking at things in my mind. First of all, based on this logic, no one can ever give any relationship advice to anyone, because someday you might be close to any potential offspring. Second of all, as pointed out, the odds of children in this situation are low.
Third, and most important: All of us can identify historical events, both good and bad, which if they had changed, we would not be here. How many utterly failed marriages are out there, ending in bitter and sad divorces, both parties, along with everyone around them, admit the marriage was a bad idea, Yet there are kids who everyone involved loves. Happens all the time. Bad things happen, often those bad things indisputably lead, directly or indirectly, to children being born. Saying one wishes those bad things had not happened is not the same as saying one wishes the children were not here. On this point, your way of thinking is both strange and sad.
 
Perhaps this older lady should just adopt the 20 year old rather than marry him…
 
tafan2 said:
Yes, I would meet any person my kid brought home to meet. Having said that, it would make very little difference to me. I would strongly caution any 20 year old from dating/marrying a 42 year old up until the time they walked up the isle.
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Ya…I’m 100% with you on this one. I’m 40 and would have no idea why I would date an 18 (20) year old woman. Same thing with my wife…I have no idea why she’d have any interest in a guy 1/2 her age.

My oldest son isn’t 20 yet, but if he were to bring home a woman that could have gone to high school with my wife…I’d advise against it too. It wouldn’t matter.
 
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I liked Harold and Maude too … but the idea was presented as funny.

20 to 42 is a pretty big gap … but could work I guess. Just unlikely that there wouldn’t be problems. Harold and Maude was more like 20 and 70.

Sunset Boulevard was more like 40 and 75 and THAT didn’t work out too well either.

Are there any famous instances of a woman older than the man by 22 years examples that have been successful that anyone know of?

Can’t think of any … but there probably ARE some.

I’ll say this though … in a time where "same sex “marriages” are accepted and approved with Supreme Court approval and lighting the White House up in rainbow colors … getting too excited about a mere age difference (when things like morality, ability, and all the PLUS factors of such a relationship are not recounted) isn’t hitting me.

Take it slow. Have a nice date and invite God into the mix. Maybe it will just be an affirming friendship that helps you both grow or heal.

:pray:t5:😇
 
No, I’m sure there are tons of guys in their 40s that would love an 18-20 year old “girlfriend”

If it we an age gap of over 20 years, absolutely.

No, but I’ve been 20 before, 22 before, etc… There is still a lot of growing to do, learning, discovering and maturing…no matter who you are. We’re talking 2 years reved from high school here…

Sorry you feel that way, but I’d call that being a parent.
 
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You can choose whether or not you want to display your religion or not in your profile. You have one, but TC3033 doesn’t.
 
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