I am a woman and would rather confess my sins to another woman? Yes or No

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I clicked yes, but maybe I should have clicked “other”…?

With certain topics in mind, I would RATHER, as in, PREFERENCE-wise… confess to another woman.

However, what good would a confession be without the true sacrament of reconciliation? Sure, you might “get it off your chest” by talking about it with another woman, but the sacrament can only be recieved if you are confessing to a priest… right?

(I am converting so I still have lots of questions but I think the above is true.)
 
I would rather confess my sins to Jesus Christ, who became man (not woman) and receive his assurance of absolution, which I can only do in the Catholic sacrament of penance, which is administered by guess who, the male priest standing in persona Christi.
 
I’m guessing that you would rather confess to a woman because you would feel more comfortable. I just don’t think that the point of confession is to be comfortable. We shouldn’t feel comfortable with our sins. The time in line is always the uncomfortable part for me, and by the time I get into the confessional, it is such a relief to finally be able to get rid of those sins, just get them out there.

And Puzzleannie is right, we are confessing our sins to Jesus when we go to reconciliation. God chose to become one of us as in the person of Jesus Christ, a man. I think we need to trust that that is what is best, and be just thankful for his mercy, for dying for our sins. Really, if that is where you are putting your focus, I don’t think you will be wishing that you were able to confess to a woman.

If you need someone to talk to though…maybe consider seeing a counselor who is a woman?
 
Beautiful said:
I’ve found myself envying men as they trot in to confess to a ‘buddy’
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I am not a woman so I didn’t vote but I would like to say that when I confess to a priest I don’t feel I am confessing to a “buddy.”

This last semester I became good friends with the priest at my university’s Newman Center. I had a sin that was bothering my conscience so I asked him to hear my confession. At that moment he wasn’t a friend who I could discuss the New England Patriots with, he was my father.
 
dulcissima said:
I’m guessing that you would rather confess to a woman because you would feel more comfortable. I just don’t think that the point of confession is to be comfortable. We shouldn’t feel comfortable with our sins. The time in line is always the uncomfortable part for me, and by the time I get into the confessional, it is such a relief to finally be able to get rid of those sins, just get them out there.
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VERY well put! 👍
 
I voted “yes” putting aside the fact that women can’t receive holy orders. The reason I answed yes is simply because I was raised by my protestant church to never, ever, ever, EVER (under threat of hellfire for being a seductress) discuss sexuality with ANY man, be it asking him to pray for you, asking for advice on how to be a modest godly woman, or whatever. This, combined witht he fact that I was sexually assulted at 17 makes confession (whether I am confessing sexual sins or not) a very very worrisome and stressful situation for me. I know it’s the right thing to do, but…it’s still really hard to get all the stuff I was raised with our of my head enough to trust a guy. Even a priest.

I just hope this changes with times, because all too often I find myself avoiding the confessional. It’s not that i’m that ashamed of my sins, but I feel like I have sinned by being alone in a room with a guy discussing the intimate details of my life. The thing I was raised to never, ever, ever, EVER do.

Secondly, I just graduated from a protestant school where “Inquistion” is a good way to describe it. If you messed up in any way, and talked to anyone about it, the word spread, got added to (in a bad way) and you got in a lot of trouble, combined with gossips in my old church. In my old church we had things called “accountability partners” who is basically a confessor. You tell them everything. They are usually a trustowrthy friend. I did this, and this friend leaked to a mutual friend, and this mutual “friend” told the whole church everything, and even added some things that weren’t true and I was under heavy fire for this. So this makes confession hard in the first place.

Again, I hope this passes with time, as I know the importance and freedom in confession.
 
dulcissima said:
I’m guessing that you would rather confess to a woman because you would feel more comfortable. I just don’t think that the point of confession is to be comfortable. We shouldn’t feel comfortable with our sins.
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Excellent point!
 
I confess my sins to Jesus through a priest. If I am not comfortable with the priest, I use a confessional, which not only has a screen, but a whole little closet-like room around me, complete with a door just for me. Usually, thought, I go face-to-face.

If you live in the Chicago area, PM me, and I will send you a very long list of parishes with gen-u-ine confessionals.
 
NoPlaceLikeRome said:
1ke’s post is my thought in a nutshell. Find a screen. And a kind confessor, that also helps a great deal, and then stick with him.
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I have no problem confessing to a priest. I have a problem confessing to my priest, who also happens to be my boss. To confess to someone else is a 12 hour round trip.
 
Phemie said:
I have no problem confessing to a priest. I have a problem confessing to my priest, who also happens to be my boss. To confess to someone else is a 12 hour round trip.
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Ow!!! I can understand that. My boss used to be my pastor. Fortunately, I live in an area where there are more priests and Catholic parishes.
 
OutinChgoburbs said:
Ow!!! I can understand that. My boss used to be my pastor. Fortunately, I live in an area where there are more priests and Catholic parishes.
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Yes, you are fortunate. That 12 hour round trip for confession is not really an option since the conditions are such that I want confession before I undertake the trip, not halfway through it.
 
Tim_c said:
I am not a woman so I didn’t vote but I would like to say that when I confess to a priest I don’t feel I am confessing to a “buddy.”

This last semester I became good friends with the priest at my university’s Newman Center. I had a sin that was bothering my conscience so I asked him to hear my confession. At that moment he wasn’t a friend who I could discuss the New England Patriots with, he was my father.
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I know my confessor and he knows me very well but when I go behind that screen he becomes my father and Jesus. It is very beautiful!
 
I am a woman and in my many years of going to confession I have never thought of being a “woman” going to confess to a “man.” I think of a priest as kind of sexually neutral ( maybe not a good term) especially when administrating the sacrements. But more importantly as other posters have said- the priest is in the person of Christ- a conduit to Jesus. And I am a penitant, one of His flock whom He loves and wants to bring back to the fold.
I also belong to a very liberal parish and we have a Reconcilliation room that has either a chair to go face to face or a kneeler with a screen. I always pick the screen.

A little off topic…I and friends of mine have experienced upsetting confession experience with priests who were cold, hurried, misunderstood us or even ranted. However, as long as I get absolution, I don’t care what the priest’s attitude is. Because remember…absolution comes from Christ- not the man sitting there. I don’t care if I feel warm & fuzzy during or after confession-just as long as I feel clean! And I always do!

I agree that the OP probably has something deeper going on inside her…maybe problems relating to men, being intimidated by men, a history of being put down by men or accused of being too sexual ???
OP - did you have a harsh, critical,dictatorial father and a warm loving mother? I didn’t- almost the opposite. If I had to choose- I would rather go to confession to my father than my mother. Maybe you had the opposite experience growing up?
I do choose women as my best friends, confidants and doctors.
God Bless!
 
Phemie said:
Yes, you are fortunate. That 12 hour round trip for confession is not really an option since the conditions are such that I want confession before I undertake the trip, not halfway through it.
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That is certainly a hardship! In your situation, I would consider making a regular (quarterly?) appointment with the other priest. That would give me the peace to know that I always have the ability to see the other priest. Of course, many in religious orders, always have had to confess to their ‘boss’. I will be praying for your peace of mind.
 
I have absolutely no problem confessing to a priest. I have often gone to face to face confession, but always with a priest I knew and trusted. My parish now has the reconciliation booths and I always take advantage of them.

When we attended a Lutheran church, we had a female pastor, but it never occurred to me to go to her to spiritual conselling. This was partly because of her age (young). But I always went to our Senior Pastor for spiritual assistance.
 
Delphinus, I will be praying for you.
Delphinus85 said:
I voted “yes” putting aside the fact that women can’t receive holy orders. The reason I answed yes is simply because I was raised by my protestant church to never, ever, ever, EVER (under threat of hellfire for being a seductress) discuss sexuality with ANY man, be it asking him to pray for you, asking for advice on how to be a modest godly woman, or whatever. This, combined witht he fact that I was sexually assulted at 17 makes confession (whether I am confessing sexual sins or not) a very very worrisome and stressful situation for me. I know it’s the right thing to do, but…it’s still really hard to get all the stuff I was raised with our of my head enough to trust a guy. Even a priest.

I just hope this changes with times, because all too often I find myself avoiding the confessional. It’s not that i’m that ashamed of my sins, but I feel like I have sinned by being alone in a room with a guy discussing the intimate details of my life. The thing I was raised to never, ever, ever, EVER do.

Secondly, I just graduated from a protestant school where “Inquistion” is a good way to describe it. If you messed up in any way, and talked to anyone about it, the word spread, got added to (in a bad way) and you got in a lot of trouble, combined with gossips in my old church. In my old church we had things called “accountability partners” who is basically a confessor. You tell them everything. They are usually a trustowrthy friend. I did this, and this friend leaked to a mutual friend, and this mutual “friend” told the whole church everything, and even added some things that weren’t true and I was under heavy fire for this. So this makes confession hard in the first place.

Again, I hope this passes with time, as I know the importance and freedom in confession.
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Beautiful said:
There is nothing deeper going on. I’m quite willing to remain in communion with the Church.

It is morning and time for me to face the beat of the drum.

It seems that consensus would have me search high and low for a confessional with a screen. I will do this. Please note that screens seem to be from a by-gone-era in my neck of the woods. I had no idea that Cannon Law requires that screens be readily available.

It is amusing to see the interest peaked by the possibility that designated women in the early Church heard confessions of other women and then had sins absolved by the priest.
Good wishful, hopeful thinking? – Indeed

And to the posters here that ‘put down’ women as gossipers beyond compare and negative sympathizers – 😦

And thanks to the poster who said “I would rather confess my sins to God.” This is more likely to happen with a screen. Period
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Have your heart -to-heart talks with a woman friend first sort out what are your really sins and not false guilt trips, and examine your conscience and then go to your priest make it simple and short, if you want counseling the confessional is not where to get it.
I tried a screen and face to face, the screen doesn’t work for me because I have a bad knee bone, so I am glad the face to face works I can get wordy so I bring a list and usually about 3 sins, not much more, and if we don’t discuss it then I do next time or
when it is really bothering me, sometimes I ask the priest after Mass is this a bad(mortal) sin or a sin at all, his yes or no usually suffices.
For example I asked him if it is a sin to bribe people, you know with money or gifts or such, and he said it depends on what i am asking them to do. We can discuss all of it later but I have to rethink not why but what I am leading them into. Trying to do this in the confession room is just too difficult. Hope this helps!
Blessings!
 
I did not vote, because I am a man. I can tell you that it is not easy for a man to confess to another man. Especially when the priest is well known to me. It is difficult to expose your faults to someone who you hold in high respect. I think pride has an influence here. I would actually find it easier to confess to my mother than my father. I think many people both men and women would find it easier to confess to thier mother.(I am thinking back to childhood here.) I am glad for confession being difficult for me, because before I do something I can ask “Do I really want to confess that … again?” And I am thankful that God’s healing forgiveness is so great that I dare not humble myself before God and his priest.
 
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