I am a woman and would rather confess my sins to another woman? Yes or No

[dessert]

I did not vote, because I am a man. I can tell you that it is not easy for a man to confess to another man. Especially when the priest is well known to me. It is difficult to expose your faults to someone who you hold in high respect. I think pride has an influence here. I would actually find it easier to confess to my mother than my father. I think many people both men and women would find it easier to confess to thier mother.(I am thinking back to childhood here.) I am glad for confession being difficult for me, because before I do something I can ask “Do I really want to confess that … again?” And I am thankful that God’s healing forgiveness is so great that I dare not humble myself before God and his priest.

But my mother and father, bless their hearts and intentions give me bad advice, and say oh it is not a sin or my fault, they are coddling and don’t have the power of absolution. Same with my dh. I’m totally spoiled so sure I used to take the easy road
Bad for me and not maturing enough IMHO I did not vote ither.
We don’t realy have this choice anyway so it is a fantasy ?

 

[SEBASTIANMARTIN]

Yes the wide and easy path does not lead where I want to go.

 

[THutch04]

Well, it doesn’t really matter because I can’t confess and receive absolution from a woman, but if that were an option I’d probably go to the woman. But since that’s not an option, I do appreciate having a female spiritual director. Maybe you could try to find one! Good luck!

 

[brigid12]

If I were to confess my sins to another woman, it wouldn’t be a sacrament, it couldn’t be! I want the Grace, please. Besides, if you don’t go face-to-face (and you don’t need to) just using the kneeler with the screen, then you could, if you wanted, even be wearing a bikini - the priest would never know.

 

[Holly3278]

No, I would rather confess my sins to a valid priest which is a man, not a woman.

 

[turtle18]

Being a woman, I have to say women can be very non-forgiving and hold grudges for years. My mom & my sister are both that way. They bring up stuff I have long forgotten and seem very bitter about it years later.
That being said, I don’t think priests get some of the “sexual” sins of women especially “emotional lust” but you are not there to be made comfortable; you are there to be forgiven. Confession shouldn’t be some Oprah, boo-hoo crying on your shoulder type experience. If you are truly repentant, then endure the discomfort and offer it up to the Lord.

 

[pprimeau1976]

This question and poll is published with women in mind.

Without elaborating too much I just want to state how much better I’d feel about confessing my sins to a woman. Sometimes I just want to shrug my shoulders and give up on the business of confessing my sins simply because I’m tired of facing male priests for this matter. These thoughts and feelings are terrible but I can’t help it. Although I wear plain modest clothing and not a drop of makeup or perfume when I confess I can’t help but feel I am wearing a great big W on my forehead and breasts. I feel that if I confessed to another woman she would look at me as another one of her kind – without suspicion – with understanding – with mutual love and kindness. I’ve found myself envying men as they trot in to confess to a ‘buddy’. Anyway – am I alone here?
Yes - I know my expressions won’t be changing anything - ever.

I didn’t respond because I am a man and thought I shouldn’t vote. However, nothing said I couldn’t give a reply.

I think what you should do is ask yourself why you think that you are looked down upon, being labeled, and why you think that a male confessor would not see you as “one of his kind”. Set your biological differences aside and focus just on the fact that you are both baptized Christians. You *are *both of the same kind.

If confessing to a man makes you uncomfortable though, find a holy, woman friend who can provide you spiritual direction and confess your sins to her. Keep in mind that this will not be a sacramental confession, she will not be able to absolve you of your sins, and there’s little to prevent a lay confessor (male or female) from telling others about your sins. But maybe a female spiritual director will be able to help you with whatever hangups you have about confessing to a priest, who will always be a male.

In doing this, always keep in mind that** confessing your sins for guidance and confessing your sins for absolution are two totally different things.** For absolution, you would always have to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (a much more accurate term, IMO).

 

[Beautiful]

QUOTE: pprimeau
Set your biological differences aside and focus just on the fact that you are both baptized Christians. You are both of the same kind.

These words of yours struck a chord in me and reminded me of a passage I recently read in Virginity, A positive approach to the celibacy for the Sake of the Kingdom of Heaven by Raniero Cantalmessa.

At first sight, the motivation St. Paul gives for virginity seems different from that given by Jesus. It appears subjective, almost psychological, centered more on the good of individuals and their peace of mind than on the kingdom of God. But this is not the case. It is the same exquisitely objective and theological motive which has God as its aim, not oneself. All the motives adopted by the Apostle of virginity are summed up in the expression “for the Lord,” and ever since Easter this the exact equivalent of the expression: “for the Kingdom of Heaven.” We know that, after Easter, the expression “Kingdom of Heaven” or “Kingdom of God” so central in the preaching of Jesus, disappears almost completely from Christian preaching. In its place we find the apostolic proclamation: “Christ has died; He is risen; He is Lord!” Indeed, now the Kingdom or salvation consists precisely in that fact. Before Easter Jesus said: “The appointed time has come and the Kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe in the good news!” (Mk1:15). After Easter, this fundamental proclamation, made up of a piece of news (The kingdom is at hand!) and a command (“Repent”), now sounds like this: “This Jesus whom you crucified God made both Lord and Messiah…repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins” (Ac2:36,38)

The motive Paul uses to justify his exhortation to virginity —“This world as we know it is passing away!” – sounds very much like the one we looked at above, namely that “the appointed time has come” – these are now the end times in which it is possible to live already as “children of the resurrection” in the manner of the world to come.

“Set your biological differences aside and focus just on the fact that you are both baptized Christians. You are both of the same kind.”

So – do I set biological differences aside and sit together as children of the Resurrection?
Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” John 6:67-69

After all this I finally voted ‘no’ in the poll - I was #100 to vote no.

 

[lizaanne]

Women cannot receive Holy Orders. Women cannot absolve you from your sins. Therefore, it would be pointless to confess to a woman.

…Honestly, I don’t get what the problem is with Confession to a priest. If you don’t want to confess face-to-face you can confess behind a screen.

I couldn’t say this more clearly myself. And I think the poll speaks volumes.

I like my Church and my Faith just as she is, thank you very much.

~Liza

 

[Seatuck]

I answered no. I am a woman I would do me absolutely no good to confess to a woman. Why would I prefer it?

 

[Teakafrog]

I answered no. I am a woman I would do me absolutely no good to confess to a woman. Why would I prefer it?

Exactly. Pointless to even think about, since women can not receive Holy Orders. The priest isn’t ‘just some guy’, he is my Father in Christ. Especially in the confessional, he IS Christ. Jesus was a man. I don’t see how there could be a problem with this.

 

[cecilia97]

In general, I have to admit that I don’t trust other women. I think they tend to be more “catty,” “gossipy,” etc, and I actually feel more comfortable talking to guys in general.

My thoughts exactly. Besides the fact that the Church would never permit it, I’m a woman who just feels more comfortable with men than “my own kind”.

That said, strangely, my counselor is a woman and I think she’s awesome.

OP, I agree with some others here that it sounds like there is a deeper issue. Possibly some feelings of shame stemming from past relationships with men?

 

[pprimeau1976]

So – do I set biological differences aside and sit together as children of the Resurrection?

What I am saying is that you shouldn’t disqualify or feel uncomfortable with confessing to a priest just because he is a man. It would be like me, a married man, not confessing to a priest or seeking his counsel because he’s celibate. Priests are dedicated to building up the Kingdom of God, regardless of their gender or state of life.

 

[Della]

This question and poll is published with women in mind.

Without elaborating too much I just want to state how much better I’d feel about confessing my sins to a woman. Sometimes I just want to shrug my shoulders and give up on the business of confessing my sins simply because I’m tired of facing male priests for this matter. These thoughts and feelings are terrible but I can’t help it. Although I wear plain modest clothing and not a drop of makeup or perfume when I confess I can’t help but feel I am wearing a great big W on my forehead and breasts. I feel that if I confessed to another woman she would look at me as another one of her kind – without suspicion – with understanding – with mutual love and kindness. I’ve found myself envying men as they trot in to confess to a ‘buddy’. Anyway – am I alone here?
Yes - I know my expressions won’t be changing anything - ever.

I have a suggestion that may help you: How about taking another woman into the confessional with you? I know one who would be welcomed with joy by the priest–Mary of Nazareth.

Mary is the Woman (spoken of in the Bible) who was to bring the Redeemer into the world. She is the first of Women. She’s known all the heartaches women can suffer. She was threatened with stoning, torn from her family and forced to flee for her life, saw her only Son crucified before her eyes, and yet she came out of it all stronger in faith and as a champion of all those who are abused or misunderstood or who suffer in this life.

Ask her to go with you into the confessional, to help you make a good confession, of course, but also to help you see Father as Jesus sitting there waiting to help you, not judge you for your sins or judge you for your gender, but to bring forgiveness and joy back into your life.

 

[sandraladeda]

In Beautiful’s defense, I did not see a screen for the confessional from my First Reconciliation (hmmmmn, 1971?) until about 2 years ago. I am in Canada, if that makes a difference. I always just assumed the screen was a thing of the past, and never worried about having one.

In recent years, as I have sought confession at parishes outside my own (such as when i really need confession and it is not scheduled at my parish that day) I have discovered other parishes with screens. I have no real preference, unless I have a particularly embarassing sin to confess (luckily for me, embarassment is a very good deterrent to embarassing sins! )

I have several very good confessors whom I meet regularly. The pastor at my parish is someone with whom I do alot of parish work. I can speak with him about parish business, then ask him if he has a few minutes for my confession. We step into the privacy of the confessional, I make my confession, and moments after we leave, we are back to our original relationship, no tension or embarassment over the confession.

I am a woman, by the way…

 

[RosalieM]

So what are you saying? "Bless me mother for I have sinned? yikes! If I were to commit a sin I’d be embarrassed to tell; then I’d go to the anonymous confessional booth with the visiting priest. Luckily, as someone else said here, the impending embarrassment of confessing some sins is an effective deterrent.
I’m a woman. I work for women attorneys. I believe men and women are equal but different. And that difference makes me not want to confess to a woman. A woman would never be able to impart dealing with something “like a man”. I’m single and will probably remain so. I treasure the advice I receive from my confessors, my pastor and other priests. If I want female advice, I’ll call a chum.
Also, I’ll second that Jesus Christ is a male; please let’s not mess with that when the confessor is “in persona Christi”.
p.s. There is always a screen to choose for confession. If your parish is missing one; please say something for the good of all concerned.

 

[mary_bobo]

If one wants to “confess” to a woman, I suggest a female shrink.

 

[lukewarm]

I’m not a woman but I think at times it would be easier for a man to confess to a woman, women are generally more caring and easier to talk to in that regards. A man opening up to another man can be very difficult and awkward.

 

[Gertabelle]

I always confess to my women friends about stuff. But that isn’t a sacrament – it’s girl talk, crying on a shoulder, boosting one another up, providing a warning through example…

When I need absolution, I follow the direction of the Church and talk to the priest in the confessional. Am I more comfortable confessing to my women friends? Of course! But comfort isn’t really the point. As another poster said, just knowing I’d have to confess a certain sin redirects my actions sometimes.

Gertie

 

[LittleFlower967]

I read your post and I would just like to say to you that I understand the need to feel connected when you are discussing your most private issues.
Although, I wonder if you have missed the point, the Holy Sacrament of Reconciliation can only be obtained through Our Lords Holy Ordained Priests. This sacrement is not only about the confessor (you), it is to show repentance, honor and praise to God Himself, … Respect His Holy Priests!

1. Call the church office anonymously and ask about confession behind a screen, then go ASAP, or
2. Contact the Diocese and make them aware, then find somewhere else to go ASAP.
3. Ask him to help you to make a good confession,… he will and he should not be suprised at this, he may even welcome it.

Smile, and treat him as if you were speaking to The Lord Himself… because you are.