I am an out gay man. Ask me anything.

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Well I was looking for the old SSA thread because after I read through there I really tried to get a handle on my SSA and was hoping to post in there again but I can’t find it so here will do I guess. After praying and getting confession, I actually met a girl and for the first time I was attracted to her, not too much sexually although I thought she was very pretty but her personality was amazing and I actually thought we could be married. So after that, I was hoping to date her but found out she had a guy which was no problem because she’s a really good friend now.

That experience made me realize that if you truly want to change, it can happen. I am gay. I know that, and by gay I mean that I can look in the mirror and say to myself “you’re attracted to guys.” But like some on here may know, I really want to be married to a woman and have children, it’s been a dream since childhood but after a while of uneventful searching for a single girl I could fall in love with my SSA life creeped back into my life.

To be perfectly honest, I sometimes question my religion and God, sometimes I think of just coming out and being with guys and having what people would call “a healthy sex life.” But what I realized is that, I do believe there is a God, the teachings may be hard for me to handle but it could be hard for all of us. When I actually think about it, I think I may just be looking for sex and God made me born gay for a reason. It might sound crazy but one theory I have is that, if I were straight then I could and would want to get with girls who in the world’s view is fine for me to get with, and I won’t lie I really crave sex so I’d probably have gone and had lots of stupid sex. But since I’m not sexually attracted to girls, I won’t chase them for sex [which ensures I find a good one to marry] and I have a very low chance of chasing men since society and my family etc. would look at me differently so I won’t go after them and hence maybe God knew I’d be so lustful and he gave me this cross to carry as also maybe a way to help me… it’s weird but that’s one way I think of it, I came up with it when I was crying wondering why God made me this way.

Anyway, my question for you is why you don’t believe in God and what you think happens after death?
 
Untruth said:
It might sound crazy but one theory I have is that, if I were straight then I could and would want to get with girls who in the world’s view is fine for me to get with, and I won’t lie I really crave sex so I’d probably have gone and had lots of stupid sex. But since I’m not sexually attracted to girls, I won’t chase them for sex [which ensures I find a good one to marry] and I have a very low chance of chasing men since society and my family etc. would look at me differently so I won’t go after them and hence maybe God knew I’d be so lustful and he gave me this cross to carry as also maybe a way to help me… it’s weird but that’s one way I think of it, I came up with it when I was crying wondering why God made me this way.
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Untruth, I eliminated the last question because you were addressing that to someone else in particular. And I would like to address the other portion of the above.

It is not crazy. You have just stumbled upon, in your apparent wisdom, Catholic spirituality regarding The Cross and regarding virtue, and even heroic virtue. The parts I bolded, above, refer precisely to that. While God does not “make” people “gay” (He may make them with a particular array of features which then coalesce into tendencies, and then further, depending on experience & mutual response, to a logical attraction), he does provide us with a challenge (series of challenges) which give us opportunities to become virtuous.

I think this is part of many people’s difficulty with the notion that somehow having SSA is “more” painful than any other Cross or suffering. I think it is uniquely painful, but I don’t think it is necessarily “more” painful. Substitute your touching phrase about always wanting to get married and have children, and your generous admission of tears, with someone who has always wanted to ski (but born with or developed diseased legs), always wanted to be a mountain climber (but born with cystic fibrosis, or developed debilitating asthma). Lots of inborn and acquired dreams are dashed by the circumstances of our lives – some of these “cruel” in the experience of the sufferer, or ironic. Usually, the biggest, toughest Crosses are the ones that we most need: that is orthodox, classic Christian spirituality.

And the same applies to invisible Crosses. I sometimes go to Mass at a small Church where a handful of priests preach, one of them very learned and with a very strong personality. It becomes obvious, when you talk to him before or after Mass, that he has significant problems controlling that rather storng personality, which manifests often as harshness, impatience, and domination. It’s been clear for a long time that he struggles with this. And this is a person steeped in the religious tradition of his Order, who does have and has had many opportunities to ‘work on’ this. I doubt very much that he doesn’t work on it; I think this is his Cross – his very own personality, which allows him, by the way, to preach the gospel with a flourish, and allows a fine, rapid, advanced intellect to reflect insightfully upon that gospel, for those attending his Masses. His very inborn personality is his opportunity for virtue.

God bless,
Elizabeth
 
To Elizabeth,

Thank you for what you said and I think that it all really comes down to what you believe. Just last night I was contemplating why I go through the suffering of being able to do something but forcefully not doing it, even though I want it. It came down to what I believe and I realized that if religion wasn’t something close to me, I’d have long come out as gay and just done whatever. If I ever do fall and succumb to temptations, I probably will be repentant as it is something I will have to fight for the rest of my life.

I’d love to hear what the Original Poster thinks of my struggles.
 
Untruth said:
Well I was looking for the old SSA thread because after I read through there I really tried to get a handle on my SSA and was hoping to post in there again but I can’t find it so here will do I guess. After praying and getting confession, I actually met a girl and for the first time I was attracted to her, not too much sexually although I thought she was very pretty but her personality was amazing and I actually thought we could be married. So after that, I was hoping to date her but found out she had a guy which was no problem because she’s a really good friend now.

That experience made me realize that if you truly want to change, it can happen. I am gay. I know that, and by gay I mean that I can look in the mirror and say to myself “you’re attracted to guys.” But like some on here may know, I really want to be married to a woman and have children, it’s been a dream since childhood but after a while of uneventful searching for a single girl I could fall in love with my SSA life creeped back into my life.

To be perfectly honest, I sometimes question my religion and God, sometimes I think of just coming out and being with guys and having what people would call “a healthy sex life.” But what I realized is that, I do believe there is a God, the teachings may be hard for me to handle but it could be hard for all of us. When I actually think about it, I think I may just be looking for sex and God made me born gay for a reason. It might sound crazy but one theory I have is that, if I were straight then I could and would want to get with girls who in the world’s view is fine for me to get with, and I won’t lie I really crave sex so I’d probably have gone and had lots of stupid sex. But since I’m not sexually attracted to girls, I won’t chase them for sex [which ensures I find a good one to marry] and I have a very low chance of chasing men since society and my family etc. would look at me differently so I won’t go after them and hence maybe God knew I’d be so lustful and he gave me this cross to carry as also maybe a way to help me… it’s weird but that’s one way I think of it, I came up with it when I was crying wondering why God made me this way.

Anyway, my question for you is why you don’t believe in God and what you think happens after death?
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Good post.

One of the weird things about homosexuality is that there is no test, really, that can tell you that you are gay. You pretty much have to rely on your emotions at a time when things are crazy enough as it is. Needless to say, emotions are a poor guide. You yourself have experienced this, going in and out of attraction to girls and then to guys and then back to girls and then back to guys. Sexuality is a complex thing, and anyone who says its reducible to genetics just does not know what they are talking about.

The plight of SSA inflicted persons is an important topic for me - it’s one that I am only beginning to research. I hope you preserve in Christ. I hope we all do.
 
Exalt said:
Hi again everyone. It’s a busy day for me but I’ll do my best to post as much as I can.

Not in the way that Catholics believe. I know that in orthodox Christianity, free will is defined supernaturally, which doesn’t reflect the way I look at the world.

I like what Christopher Hitchens jokingly says about free will. I have no choice but to believe in it. Expanding on that a little, I find that I act as if I’m an independent being making totally independent choices, but I realize that such a point of view is probably illusory, and that I might have far less control over my actions than I initially think. I find psychological research in this area fascinating, especially when it comes to things like priming.
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I find this interesting. Your experience is that you act as an independent being who makes independent choices, yet you believe this is probably illusory.

Many atheists, in my experience, demand scientific support in order for something to be believed. If there is no scientific evidence in support of us having free will (not just as Christians understand it, but as philosophers have as well), why would one have no choice but to believe in it, and act as if it were true? The theist could never get away in a debate with an atheist by saying, I have no choice but to believe in a higher power.
 
Untruth said:
Well I was looking for the old SSA thread because after I read through there I really tried to get a handle on my SSA and was hoping to post in there again but I can’t find it so here will do I guess. After praying and getting confession, I actually met a girl and for the first time I was attracted to her, not too much sexually although I thought she was very pretty but her personality was amazing and I actually thought we could be married. So after that, I was hoping to date her but found out she had a guy which was no problem because she’s a really good friend now.

That experience made me realize that if you truly want to change, it can happen. I am gay. I know that, and by gay I mean that I can look in the mirror and say to myself “you’re attracted to guys.” But like some on here may know, I really want to be married to a woman and have children, it’s been a dream since childhood but after a while of uneventful searching for a single girl I could fall in love with my SSA life creeped back into my life.

To be perfectly honest, I sometimes question my religion and God, sometimes I think of just coming out and being with guys and having what people would call “a healthy sex life.” But what I realized is that, I do believe there is a God, the teachings may be hard for me to handle but it could be hard for all of us. When I actually think about it, I think I may just be looking for sex and God made me born gay for a reason. It might sound crazy but one theory I have is that, if I were straight then I could and would want to get with girls who in the world’s view is fine for me to get with, and I won’t lie I really crave sex so I’d probably have gone and had lots of stupid sex. But since I’m not sexually attracted to girls, I won’t chase them for sex [which ensures I find a good one to marry] and I have a very low chance of chasing men since society and my family etc. would look at me differently so I won’t go after them and hence maybe God knew I’d be so lustful and he gave me this cross to carry as also maybe a way to help me… it’s weird but that’s one way I think of it, I came up with it when I was crying wondering why God made me this way.

Anyway, my question for you is why you don’t believe in God and what you think happens after death?
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I don’t wish to derail the thread too much, but I’d like to ask you whether you would have told the woman you mentioned whom you almost married about your being gay, either before or after you had married her, or whether you would have always kept it a secret. Same question to the OP, as a hypothetical, since you are a truth seeker.
 
Where is the OP? We all seem to just be talking to each other which makes no sense in an AMA thread.
 
Untruth said:
To Elizabeth,

Thank you for what you said and I think that it all really comes down to what you believe. Just last night I was contemplating why I go through the suffering of being able to do something but forcefully not doing it, even though I want it. It came down to what I believe and I realized that if religion wasn’t something close to me, I’d have long come out as gay and just done whatever. If I ever do fall and succumb to temptations, I probably will be repentant as it is something I will have to fight for the rest of my life.

I’d love to hear what the Original Poster thinks of my struggles.
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You display the moral courage the OP said he has, but which he proved he doesn’t have.
 
Normally I hate to admit my ignorance but at this point, what the heck, man! 😛 Ask Me Anything = AMA. I’ll file that in my acronym lexicon 😛
meltzerboy said:
AMA=Ask Me Anything thread. It took me a while, too, Gurney…
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**Please stay on topic. If you want to chat about stuff not relevant to the topic send a PM as per the Forum Rules.

This thread has been pruned again.
Thank you. **
 
Why do you have to define your entire life by your sexual habits, preferences or orientation (whatever you want to call it)?

Did you have a father growing up? If so, what type of relationship did you have with him?

If a man is truly gay, how can he ever even have a sexual relationship with a woman? It seems like he wouldn’t be able to function.
 
Exalt said:
Regarding the issue with catholic adoption agencies, my position is this: The children being adopted deserve an especially high level of protection. It’s not the kid’s fault or choice that he or she happened to end up at a Catholic adoption agency. And it’s not fair to the kid that an entire pool of well-qualified applicants is excluded from consideration.

To the point generally about gays and religion being at odds, I think you’re right. That being said, I don’t think that it’s a reasonable opinion that churches will eventually be forced to marry gay people, or will be punished for preaching against homosexuality. I’m a firm supporter of the separation of Church and state, and the church should be able to preach or say or support anything they want.
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“separation of church and state” is not an actual law, nor is even in any legel document. it is a reference from a letter written in the early years of the united states. and as for the children, no one is saying that it is their fault that the places are being shut down. if a gay couple had a child, they would most likely not let him/her go to a church/institution that actively spoke out agiants homosexuality… denying him/her the opportunity to learn from it. the orphaneges, being the childs gaurdian, isnt even going to that extreme, it is cutting itself out of the middle saying “we will not be a part of that lifestyle nor be acomplices” and shuts down… not even denying the child the right to be adopted. if a gay couple wants to adopt, dont go to a catholic/protestant orphanege.
 
meltzerboy said:
I don’t wish to derail the thread too much, but I’d like to ask you whether you would have told the woman you mentioned whom you almost married about your being gay, either before or after you had married her, or whether you would have always kept it a secret. Same question to the OP, as a hypothetical, since you are a truth seeker.
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if you believe in God, and know He is there, why would you not follow His ways, He is God after all, and who r we to question Him? to pick and choose what we want to believe out of what he commands? to form our “faith” around our worldy, secular, lustful, and depraved opinions? whos opinion is greater than Gods? yours? mine? the Popes?
 
Madaglan said:
I find this interesting. Your experience is that you act as an independent being who makes independent choices, yet you believe this is probably illusory.

Many atheists, in my experience, demand scientific support in order for something to be believed. If there is no scientific evidence in support of us having free will (not just as Christians understand it, but as philosophers have as well), why would one have no choice but to believe in it, and act as if it were true? The theist could never get away in a debate with an atheist by saying, I have no choice but to believe in a higher power.
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every time i hear a debate on homosexuality, the argument is one of two… “i have no choice i was born this way” or “i choose this lifestyle and that is my right”… being catholic, american, human. I say this, Gods word and will is law, within this law, to be born with the inherrant ability, insessant ability, to sin, does not condem us. Yet the act of sinning does. so to be “born” gay (sinful) is not in itself wrong, but the act of it is. And to “choose” to be gay (sinful) is wrong, because, the Word says so, law of nature nature says so, the universe says so.
now you may not BELIEVE in the law that i speak of. if i believe, no matter what anyone says, that all of my neighbors things belong to me, and in the dead of night walk on over and start taking their things and heading back to my place; im going to get arreseted. why? becuase despite my disbelief in the law, the law remained, and i would be held accountable.
 
But to complicate things, folks on another thread here at CAF were posed the question by the OP: “Is looking at someone with lustful thoughts a mortal sin?” 90% of the respondants said, “if you realize you’re lusting for someone you see, THEN YES!” So imagine if that is true, being born gay is going to throw a whole new set of thoughts one’s way that will lead to mortal sin. 😦
chillipino said:
every time i hear a debate on homosexuality, the argument is one of two… “i have no choice i was born this way” or “i choose this lifestyle and that is my right”… being catholic, american, human. I say this, Gods word and will is law, within this law, to be born with the inherrant ability, insessant ability, to sin, does not condem us. Yet the act of sinning does. so to be “born” gay (sinful) is not in itself wrong, but the act of it is. And to “choose” to be gay (sinful) is wrong, because, the Word says so, law of nature nature says so, the universe says so.
now you may not BELIEVE in the law that i speak of. if i believe, no matter what anyone says, that all of my neighbors things belong to me, and in the dead of night walk on over and start taking their things and heading back to my place; im going to get arreseted. why? becuase despite my disbelief in the law, the law remained, and i would be held accountable.
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