I am an out gay man. Ask me anything.

[babylonsfalling]

Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

A few notes:

• AMA, or “Ask Me Anything” threads are common on forums around the internet. It’s an opportunity for a group of participants to get to know someone from a novel background, and ask them all kinds of interesting questions. It’s a chance to dialogue, to learn from one another.
• I’m not here to press any agenda. The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular. I don’t particularly care about persuading anyone of anything; evangelism is not my concern here. That being said, even though I’m not here to persuade anyone, you are totally free to attempt to persuade me or press any agenda you want. Remember, I’m here because I’m curious about you!
• I will answer every question completely honestly, and no question is off limits so long as it’s allowed by the forum rules.

Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.

You spend a lot of time on pre-emptive explanations about why you’re here with this thread but the most sensible, basic reason (the reason you DON’T give) is the most obvious one.

You have this need to seek out Christians to talk to regarding your homosexuality, even though you already know what they’ll say. And yes, it’s reasonable for people to notice that and read much into it. You already know their views, especially conservatives types who you specifically seek out more than others.

Under the pretense of answering questions you seek to create conversations with Christians where you can explain yourself and it seems very likely that your just seeking opportunity to rationalize what you know to be wrongful behavior, and likely for your own benefit rather than anyone else’s.

Not much different than atheists searching out Christian sites because they can’t stop going on about the God they supposedly don’t believe in. If they can convince a Christian there’s no God, it helps them believe there’s no God. If a homosexual can convince a Christian that homosexuality is okay, it goes a long way in helping the homosexual ignore what he knows about his own lifestyle.

Homosexuality is just as much a sin as any other sin and homosexuals don’t get a sin-pass just because they are more passionate about their sin.

Ask yourself a question…why are you making such a big deal of your orientation that you need to spend your spare time searching out Christian sites to set up threads and seeking debates about it under the pretense of seeking questions.

Why are YOU making such a big deal of your homosexuality in front of people whose opinion on it you already know?

 

[Waiting]

But to complicate things, folks on another thread here at CAF were posed the question by the OP: “Is looking at someone with lustful thoughts a mortal sin?” 90% of the respondants said, “if you realize you’re lusting for someone you see, THEN YES!” So imagine if that is true, being born gay is going to throw a whole new set of thoughts one’s way that will lead to mortal sin.

Only if you willingly entertain those thoughts, just as a heterosexual is tempted by lustful thoughts.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Define “entertain?”

Only if you willingly entertain those thoughts, just as a heterosexual is tempted by lustful thoughts.

 

[Waiting]

Define “entertain?”

To entertain is to dwell on even though you know to do so is sinful. You willingly and with full knowlege sin gravely by entertaining, or dwelling, on impure thoughts.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

So a person who is addicted to pornography but who went to confession and is struggling hard, working hard not to look at that stuff has gone a month without looking at it, let’s say, and yet the fantasies remain in his mind and he sees women in the parking lot at the grocery store, fantasizes about them in his mind, struggling with this addiction, and still he is in mortal sin and doomed to hell? Such a man would have to LIVE in the confessional and never leave I would say…

To entertain is to dwell on even though you know to do so is sinful. You willingly and with full knowlege sin gravely by entertaining, or dwelling, on impure thoughts.

 

[Waiting]

So a person who is addicted to pornography but who went to confession and is struggling hard, working hard not to look at that stuff has gone a month without looking at it, let’s say, and yet the fantasies remain in his mind and he sees women in the parking lot at the grocery store, fantasizes about them in his mind, struggling with this addiction, and still he is in mortal sin and doomed to hell? Such a man would have to LIVE in the confessional and never leave I would say…

Gurney, you’re putting words in my mouth that I haven’t said. If someone is struggling with an addiction, he isn’t willingly consenting to sin. If impure thoughts invade your mind, you have the obligation to TRY to avoid them. Pray, read, whistle – whatever you can do to get your mind on something else. How can you sin mortally without full consent of the will?

 

[Miserissima]

Of course. Freedom of speech is one of my core political values, fo sho.

Okay, I have a question.

Why would the homosexual subculture consider Eve Tushnet “self-loathing” since she is also out and choosing to remain celibate, and openly champions celibacy as a lifestyle choice?

I’m not asking you to speak for all homosexuals, of course, but why would she be a “traitor” to a “cause” if she is freely choosing not to act upon her same-sex attraction?

I think it’s the height of intolerance against a person by a culture that expects acceptance of its actions (actions distinct from orientation/attraction). Your thoughts?

 

[SwizzleStick]

Exalt, are you too busy to return to the forum or have you grown bored with Ask Me Anything? Your public profile indicates: Last Activity: Apr 20, '11 1:48 pm

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Hi Waiting,

I’m not putting words in your mouth at all. I never said that you said anything at all? I merely put out a hypothetical, that’s all. Apologies if that’s how you took it?

Gurney, you’re putting words in my mouth that I haven’t said. If someone is struggling with an addiction, he isn’t willingly consenting to sin. If impure thoughts invade your mind, you have the obligation to TRY to avoid them. Pray, read, whistle – whatever you can do to get your mind on something else. How can you sin mortally without full consent of the will?

 

[Miriam1947]

Why did the homosexuals decide that the word gay meant them?

I haven’t met that many gay (as in happy) homosexuals.

And I know you answered this earlier Exalt, but, I still do not understand why sexual orientation is the be all and end all of a person’s identity. It seems to be that way in the homosexual community.

For instance Ellen Degeneres. When she came out of the closet she ruined her first tv show. Not because she told everyone she was homosexual but, because she made her sexual identity the entire story.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Richard Simmons definitely qualifies!

I haven’t met that many gay (as in happy) homosexuals.

.

 

[Exalt]

Hey again everyone. My apologies for not updating recently; I haven’t had an hour to myself for the last couple days! Responses will be slow through the weekend too; my family is coming down for the Easter weekend and I’ll be spending some time with them.

On to questions.

Well, I can only talk about my own experience. Personally, I’ve enjoyed the fact that it’s very easy to find romantic partners with tons and tons of common ground. We play games together, go see nerdy movies together, geek out about astrophysics together, and so on. Every night is guy’s night. From what I’ve observed, that kind of girl is a bit harder to find. Nerdy dudes seem to be far, far more common that nerdy girls. That’s something I appreciate about being attracted to other men.

And I didn’t mean to speak bad about heterosexual men. I only mean that I have found value in being part of this particular minority. There are many other things that make me unique, of course. My sexuality strikes me as being especially special.

I do not understand this. When you as a gay male hang out with guys it’s just like as if I as a girl hung out with guys all the time. See, I love football, and it’s mostly guys that are into it as much as I am. Sometimes I do have a problem with that as I’m a girl and getting invited over in order to “have a drink and watch a game together” could mean something else you know what I mean. In your case, as you like guys, wouldn’t you want to hang out with girls more than being around guys. I mean you’re homosexual, and when you say that every night is guys night, you never know what they want from you, right? I mean I naturally do not feel sexually attracted to friends.

I find this question interesting, but I’m not *quite *sure what you’re asking. I *think *you’re asking if I get worried that a proposition from a gay friend of mine to have a drink and play video games might mean more than what it initially seems.

If that’s the case, I don’t really worry that my gay friends will invite me over for beer and video games but secretly want to proposition me. Why don’t I worry? Well, first of all, I’d probably *consider *the proposition, depending on which friend it came from, and would probably feel flattered by it. Worrying about it would be like worrying your friend might get you a nice present. Second of all, I know that whatever decision I make would be respected. But it’s not like getting propositioned happens all that often. 99% of the time, a gay friend of mine inviting me out means exactly what it means.

 

[Exalt]

does God exist? and if so do you feel you are as wise and holy as he/she is? that is my question for you, please do not be evasive. God bless you

I don’t believe there’s sufficient evidence for me to believe in any supernatural being.

 

[Exalt]

Hello Sir, I think you are very courageous and I like your post.

What I want to know is how exactly do the gay men see women? I have a good friend who is gay and had another in the past, we are very close and can talk about most things, do the gay men see a woman as a good friend and companion but just not sexually interesting or attractive? Are women mostly the same to the gay man or vary?

Sorry if this is a stupid question, I’m just curious. I wonder for a long time., thanks

That’s not a stupid question.

I actually don’t have all that many friends who are women. Men outnumber women in my circle of friends 5 to 1.

And for me, I see a woman as just a good friend and companion, and not at all sexually interesting or attractive, with one or two exceptions. There are a couple women that I’d consider a relationship with, actually.

 

[Exalt]

If the truth-which you say you seek-is that God exists along with heaven and he’ll-which presumably the Catholics on here all believe-and in the last moments of your life, you were presented with the choice to admit that your homosexual actions were wrong and enjoy eternal life in heaven or refuse to admit that and go to hell, which choice do you think you would make?

Presuming that the true, objective reality of the world is that God exists – and he exists the way that Catholics say he exists – along with Heaven and Hell, then my desire would be to believe in that reality. My desire is to believe in the real truth, above everything else, whatever it happens to be.

And if the objective reality was that the Christian God exists, along with Heaven and Hell, and that I would be doomed to suffering in Hell forever, I’d hope that I avoid that fate.

That being said, it’ll take very strong, concrete evidence to get me to believe in the reality that Catholics propose. If such evidence isn’t presented, I won’t have any choice but to continue believing in what appears to be real – namely, that God doesn’t exist and that I don’t have any hell to try to avoid. I probably won’t be making a deathbed conversion without evidence.

 

[meltzerboy]

if you believe in God, and know He is there, why would you not follow His ways, He is God after all, and who r we to question Him? to pick and choose what we want to believe out of what he commands? to form our “faith” around our worldy, secular, lustful, and depraved opinions? whos opinion is greater than Gods? yours? mine? the Popes?

Your reply has nothing to do with my question to another poster and to Exalt. Please re-read the comment I was responding to. Thanks!

 

[Exalt]

Well I was looking for the old SSA thread because after I read through there I really tried to get a handle on my SSA and was hoping to post in there again but I can’t find it so here will do I guess. After praying and getting confession, I actually met a girl and for the first time I was attracted to her, not too much sexually although I thought she was very pretty but her personality was amazing and I actually thought we could be married. So after that, I was hoping to date her but found out she had a guy which was no problem because she’s a really good friend now.

That experience made me realize that if you truly want to change, it can happen. I am gay. I know that, and by gay I mean that I can look in the mirror and say to myself “you’re attracted to guys.” But like some on here may know, I really want to be married to a woman and have children, it’s been a dream since childhood but after a while of uneventful searching for a single girl I could fall in love with my SSA life creeped back into my life.

To be perfectly honest, I sometimes question my religion and God, sometimes I think of just coming out and being with guys and having what people would call “a healthy sex life.” But what I realized is that, I do believe there is a God, the teachings may be hard for me to handle but it could be hard for all of us. When I actually think about it, I think I may just be looking for sex and God made me born gay for a reason. It might sound crazy but one theory I have is that, if I were straight then I could and would want to get with girls who in the world’s view is fine for me to get with, and I won’t lie I really crave sex so I’d probably have gone and had lots of stupid sex. But since I’m not sexually attracted to girls, I won’t chase them for sex [which ensures I find a good one to marry] and I have a very low chance of chasing men since society and my family etc. would look at me differently so I won’t go after them and hence maybe God knew I’d be so lustful and he gave me this cross to carry as also maybe a way to help me… it’s weird but that’s one way I think of it, I came up with it when I was crying wondering why God made me this way.

Anyway, my question for you is why you don’t believe in God and what you think happens after death?

That’s an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

I don’t believe in any supernatural beings because the evidence for the existence of the supernatural is inadequate.

I imagine that my death will be very much like the billions of years that transpired when I wasn’t alive before my birth. The mechanisms that generate my consciousness will be gone, and what I am now will cease to exist.

But death doesn’t worry me, for three big reasons.

First, in some ways I experience death every day. I go to sleep and my consciousness fades to nothingness for a time, and it certainly isn’t painful. And in another sense, I’m not even quite the same person moment to moment – the self of one moment is obliterated to make way for the self of the next moment. The change from one moment’s self to the next is subtle over short amounts of time, but it’s obvious when thinking back a year or five or ten. This momentary death has filled my existence since I was born. Death, in one sense, is the moment when the self is obliterated without any new self to replace it. It’s just the same as any other moment except for that one small change.

Second, death will look an awful lot like the billions of years that transpired before I was born, and those weren’t painful or unpleasant.

Third, death is a part of life, and it’s something I’ve come to accept. This is very much unlike traditional Christian teaching, which holds that death is entirely unnatural and a product of sin. To me, death is beautiful. It’s the end of the journey. It’s the warm bed after a day’s adventures. I’m lucky enough to be alive, to have had any adventure at all – let alone a *human *experience in this particular time of our existence as a species. So, on the day that death claims me, I’ll be thankful for the time I did have, and my consciousness will move into unexistance peacefully.

 

[Exalt]

Why do you have to define your entire life by your sexual habits, preferences or orientation (whatever you want to call it)?

Did you have a father growing up? If so, what type of relationship did you have with him?

If a man is truly gay, how can he ever even have a sexual relationship with a woman? It seems like he wouldn’t be able to function.

1. My entire life isn’t defined by my sexual habits.
2. Yep! My relationship with my dad was pretty normal growing up. We spent lots of time together. He loved me. I loved him. We don’t see eachother as much now that my parents retired (to Florida!), but we still love eachother. We talk on the phone once a week usually.
3. You don’t need to be sexually attracted to your partner in order to make all the parts work.

 

[meltzerboy]

That’s an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.

I don’t believe in any supernatural beings because the evidence for the existence of the supernatural is inadequate.

I imagine that my death will be very much like the billions of years that transpired when I wasn’t alive before my birth. The mechanisms that generate my consciousness will be gone, and what I am now will cease to exist.

But death doesn’t worry me, for three big reasons.

First, in some ways I experience death every day. I go to sleep and my consciousness fades to nothingness for a time, and it certainly isn’t painful. And in another sense, I’m not even quite the same person moment to moment – the self of one moment is obliterated to make way for the self of the next moment. The change from one moment’s self to the next is subtle over short amounts of time, but it’s obvious when thinking back a year or five or ten. This momentary death has filled my existence since I was born. Death, in one sense, is the moment when the self is obliterated without any new self to replace it. It’s just the same as any other moment except for that one small change.

Second, death will look an awful lot like the billions of years that transpired before I was born, and those weren’t painful or unpleasant.

Third, death is a part of life, and it’s something I’ve come to accept. This is very much unlike traditional Christian teaching, which holds that death is entirely unnatural and a product of sin. To me, death is beautiful. It’s the end of the journey. It’s the warm bed after a day’s adventures. I’m lucky enough to be alive, to have had any adventure at all – let alone a *human *experience in this particular time of our existence as a species. So, on the day that death claims me, I’ll be thankful for the time I did have, and my consciousness will move into unexistance peacefully.

I know others will disagree, but I think your view on life and death is courageous. I just hope you can maintain it when you’re older. Let me assure those who disagree, that I think many of their views are ALSO courageous. And I’m NOT an atheist, but I can still appreciate and understand this perspective.

 

[Young_Thinker]

That’s not a stupid question.

I actually don’t have all that many friends who are women. Men outnumber women in my circle of friends 5 to 1.

And for me, I see a woman as just a good friend and companion, and not at all sexually interesting or attractive, with one or two exceptions. There are a couple women that I’d consider a relationship with, actually.

What is stopping you from attempting such a romance (as long as you keep it decent)? No one stays young forever (well, physically anyway).