I am an out gay man. Ask me anything.

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Hi Exalt,

Such opinion (I bolded it) sounds similar to most heterosexual men’s opinion about women. Most normal heterosexual men don’t just sexually attracted to all or any women. They usually find only one or two to be considered for long term relationship.

My question:
  1. Do you feel differently to your dude-friends compared to your (above) opinion about female-friends? I mean, do you attracted to men all the time?
  2. Were you sexually active when you dicided that you were “gay”? Or was it about “pictures” only?
  3. If you were not “sexually active” when you decided that you were gay, then exactly what/ which experience covinced you that you were gay? Again, was it about porn and/ or imagination of sensuality?
  4. I read from your long-long time ago post, that you live in the area where there were many sexual offenders. Did you ever have experienced or seen anyone being offended sexually?
Thanks
When I said I’d consider a relationship with one or two women, I meant that I was attracted to them and would *consider *a relationship. Just to compare, I’ve considered a relationship with dozens of men. Meaning, I found them attractive and interesting and wanted to get to know them.
  1. I’ve only ever been physically attracted to a handful of women. On the other hand, I’ve been physically attracted to hundreds and hundreds of men. On the street, on the bus, at work, on vacation, etc. For every woman I’m attracted to, I’m attracted to a hundred men.
  2. I was not sexually active when I decided I was sexually oriented towards men. I was 13 or 14 at the time. I didn’t have (any kind of) sex with someone until age 20.
  3. I actually didn’t look at porn until a couple years after I pretty much knew I was attracted to other boys. I remember having dreams of other boys, night after night after night, for weeks and months when I was going through puberty. One day I discovered porn, and that pretty much settled the question. What gender I was attracted to was never really something I struggled with. Since I felt any kind of attraction, it was towards other boys.
  4. I said that? Weird. But no, I’ve never seen or experienced someone being assaulted sexually.
 
Are you admitting something here, Lost?:eek:
Straight men, even the most macho type, find it lustfully appealing to see two girls kissing. Especially two girls who themselves are physically attractive. On the other hand, these same men would probably throw up at the sight of two guys kissing. Its not an endorsement of homosexuality by the straight man. Its just another twisted lustful thought. I must admit that I too enjoyed it in the past (watching it). And even today I would totally avoid seeing that for fear of falling into that hole again.
 
Nobody’s going to argue with you, CTG. I don’t know many men that don’t get hot and bothered by it. I was just razzing Lost…
Straight men, even the most macho type, find it lustfully appealing to see two girls kissing. Especially two girls who themselves are physically attractive. On the other hand, these same men would probably throw up at the sight of two guys kissing. Its not an endorsement of homosexuality by the straight man. Its just another twisted lustful thought. I must admit that I too enjoyed it in the past (watching it). And even today I would totally avoid seeing that for fear of falling into that hole again.
 
Straight men, even the most macho type, find it lustfully appealing to see two girls kissing. Especially two girls who themselves are physically attractive. On the other hand, these same men would probably throw up at the sight of two guys kissing. Its not an endorsement of homosexuality by the straight man. Its just another twisted lustful thought. I must admit that I too enjoyed it in the past (watching it). And even today I would totally avoid seeing that for fear of falling into that hole again.
Just curious, but why do you say it’s twisted?
 
I don’t want to put words in his mouth but I’d wager his view that it’s “twisted” comes from our fallen nature and the fact that the CC teaches homosexuality to be disordered. Things that are disordered are twisted…that’s the Church’s view on it…
Just curious, but why do you say it’s twisted?
 
  1. I’ve only ever been physically attracted to a handful of women. On the other hand, I’ve been physically attracted to hundreds and hundreds of men. On the street, on the bus, at work, on vacation, etc. For every woman I’m attracted to, I’m attracted to a hundred men.
I would need some (name removed by moderator)ut from heterosexual men, whether they normally attracted to hundreds and hundreds of women in their lifetime. At this moment I can only say that according to what I know about many men in my life, they don’t get attracted to women that easily.

I am curious about the term “attracted to hundreds and hundreds of men”. Sometimes general attraction to the way they walk, the way they dress, the way they carry themselves can be misinterpretted as “sexual” when they are just “general interest” towards human features.
  1. I was not sexually active when I decided I was sexually oriented towards men. I was 13 or 14 at the time. I didn’t have (any kind of) sex with someone until age 20.
  2. I actually didn’t look at porn until a couple years after I pretty much knew I was attracted to other boys. I remember having dreams of other boys, night after night after night, for weeks and months when I was going through puberty. One day I discovered porn, and that pretty much settled the question. What gender I was attracted to was never really something I struggled with. Since I felt any kind of attraction, it was towards other boys.
So when you were not sexually active and had never watched porn either, but you had many many dreams about boys. Were those dreams sexual? Or were they just general “happy” dreams about boys?

It is possible for a young boy who has no sexual experience at all to think ahead of his time about his sexual orientation based on very immature experience while listening “buzz words” from adults or from the news and television regarding “gay” and then reflecting those to himself because young boys do like to play with boys too. Young boys do not like to play with girls because they identify himself with his boy friends.

It is also possible for a girl to be attracted to female nude pictures because she identify the woman in the picture and picture herself as being as sensual as the woman in the picture without being a lesbian. Human has capability to imagine things. And sometimes this imagination about self identity (reflected on others) being misinterpreted as sexual orientation.
  1. I said that? Weird. But no, I’ve never seen or experienced someone being assaulted sexually.
I read from this post “Local Sex Offender” Started by Anonymous on Aungust 12 2004, your post number 24 on the same day at 10:19
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=11316&page=2

Anyway, I have more question:
  1. You said that you have never had any romantic feeling about women (your post 243). Do you have romantic feeling about men? How often? Is it really really romantic or only sexual? Is it towards one particular man, or towards many many men.
What I mean by romantic feeling is like: buying him presents, remember his birthday, knowing his whole stories, want him to know your stories, enjoy his accompaniment and wanting him to enjoy your accompaniment, without thinking about his sex (sex is secondary).
 
Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.
First a fact for you. One can be neither a liberal or conservative Catholic. One is either a Catholic or one is not. One either holds the faith in it’s entirety or one does not.

A Catholic views homosexuality (one doubts that there is anything very “gay” about it) as a grave disorder. A Catholic holds that God loves all of His children alike and he love homosexual human beings as much as heterosexual human beings.

God does not condone heterosexual or homosexual sexual practices outside the confines of marriage. Marriage is a life long covenant between one man and one woman. That means your cohabiting neighbors are objectively in a state of sin whether they are homosexual or heterosexual.

A Catholic believes that promiscuous, even anonymous, sexual contacts are sins against the people involved society in general and their Creator.

A Catholic believes that the opinion of the sinner about the bigotted nature of the Catholic belies an attachment to sin which is simply a justification thereof.

Now I’ll ask you a question, which is ostensibly the reason for your post. What possibly, could the homosexual community find attractive about a public abomination like the Folsom Street Festival? What is it about being publicly and completely without taste and decorum that attracts anyone of taste and learning? If one chooses to act on the homosexual proclivity what causes one to flaunt the fact in the face of society? It’s seems to me the issue is not just a sexual attraction issue but an extreme need for some kind of recognition or notice.
 
I don’t really know why the word gay was adopted. I like it, though.

And it’s a shame you haven’t met any happy homosexuals! I’m one! Most of my gay friends are happy, too.

Also, I’ve heard this criticism before that sexual orientation takes up *too much *of a gay person’s identity. Well, I never really thought that was a particularly valid criticism for two reasons:

First, a person’s sexual *orientation *is rarely a gay person’s primary focus. Maybe finding a partner is a primary long-term goal in your life (as it is with me), and that partner is preferably the same gender. Or maybe loving the partner you have is your primary goal. But the orientation itself isn’t usually the focus. Like with me, for example. With my buddies I’ll talk about my new experiences with relationships and all their ups and downs. Am I flaunting my homosexuality? Or am I just talking about my relationships, and they just so happen to be with other dudes?

Second, when I hear this criticism, I wonder if the hidden, primary criticism is that homosexuality is wrong, so it shouldn’t be flaunted. It’s not the flaunting per se that the critic has a problem with, it’s just that homosexuality is wrong. They wouldn’t mind someone flaunting their love of motorcycles, would they?

What do you think about that?
When you are chatting with your friends you are doing what most of us do. Though I have never spent a lot of time discussing my sex life.

My comment about Ellen was not because of her sexual identity but, after she came out her show became only about that. I loved that show and I had already figured out that she was homosexual years before she acknowledged it. I watched her specials all the time, she is genuinely funny.
 
I would need some (name removed by moderator)ut from heterosexual men, whether they normally attracted to hundreds and hundreds of women in their lifetime. At this moment I can only say that according to what I know about many men in my life, they don’t get attracted to women that easily.

I am curious about the term “attracted to hundreds and hundreds of men”. Sometimes general attraction to the way they walk, the way they dress, the way they carry themselves can be misinterpretted as “sexual” when they are just “general interest” towards human features.
shrug I feel pretty sure that the type of attraction I feel towards an attractive dude when I first see him is physical, sexual attraction.
So when you were not sexually active and had never watched porn either, but you had many many dreams about boys. Were those dreams sexual? Or were they just general “happy” dreams about boys?
They were definitely sexual dreams.
It is possible for a young boy who has no sexual experience at all to think ahead of his time about his sexual orientation based on very immature experience while listening “buzz words” from adults or from the news and television regarding “gay” and then reflecting those to himself because young boys do like to play with boys too. Young boys do not like to play with girls because they identify himself with his boy friends.

It is also possible for a girl to be attracted to female nude pictures because she identify the woman in the picture and picture herself as being as sensual as the woman in the picture without being a lesbian. Human has capability to imagine things. And sometimes this imagination about self identity (reflected on others) being misinterpreted as sexual orientation.
Interesting. I remember thinking to myself when I first started looking at porn that I was just looking at pictures of other guys to compare myself to. But I’m pretty sure that was just rationalization.

Also, I actually wasn’t exposed to the idea of homosexuality very much as a youngster. I remember hearing about the Ellen show controversy, I think, and I was in middle school at the time. And I remember observing that my older cousin was openly gay (he’s 12 or 13 years older than me). Also, I think I remember that another boy in middle school made him being gay a big deal. And I think that’s it.

Honestly, my memories are pretty fuzzy from that time of my life. I remember feeling pretty certain that I was physically attracted to other boys. I remember, too, that this wasn’t something I was particularly worried about until I discovered that the Church didn’t approve of such things. Somehow, I got in my head that if I was mostly or only attracted to other guys, that would be okay – and was really surprised when I found out that the Church and my parents weren’t cool with it.

I also remember telling my friends that I had crushes on girls, and I remember getting really attached to a girl when she told me she had a crush on me. But I was never physically attracted to her. And looking back, it’s pretty clear to me that I was crushing on other dudes – not girls. I remember being very attracted to this new boy in my class (I went to a small, private catholic middle school, by the way), and doing everything I could to be his friend. It was kind of silly, actually, the lengths I took to get closer to that boy. And I remember dreaming about him all the time, both in my sleeping and waking state.
  1. You said that you have never had any romantic feeling about women (your post 243). Do you have romantic feeling about men? How often? Is it really really romantic or only sexual? Is it towards one particular man, or towards many many men.
What I mean by romantic feeling is like: buying him presents, remember his birthday, knowing his whole stories, want him to know your stories, enjoy his accompaniment and wanting him to enjoy your accompaniment, without thinking about his sex (sex is secondary).
I definitely have romantic feelings towards other men, sure. I’ve fallen in love twice. Sadly, once with a straight guy. (That’s kind of a rite of passage for gay folk. You learn to avoid it after the first one.) The second time, with a dude I met off OK Cupid (an online dating site). We dated for a few months. I fell into the beginnings of love, and he didn’t. We’re good friends now, though! I have lunch with him every day.

I’m definitely actively looking for a deep, romantic connection (in addition to the physical and intellectual connection) and a long-term relationship. I keep a profile on OK Cupid, the highest quality dating site that’s pretty popular in my town. But if I meet someone I like and it leads to just a more sexual short term relationship, or a friendship, or both, I’m cool with that.

Speaking to your last sentence, I want all those things with any guy I date. I want to know their story. I want to spend quality time with them. I want to go on adventures with them. And if I don’t, I don’t spend time with them. An emotional, intellectual, romantic connection is pretty important.
 
The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular…I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally…Ask me anything.
Where did you get the fanciful notion that there’s a “conservative” branch of Catholicism, just as there is a Conservative branch of Judaism, and there are conservative branches of political parties? Catholicism is radically different from other religions, in that its core moral teachings (of which heterosexuality and homosexuality are among those) do not change, are constant, and are binding on all Catholics, despite what particular Catholics might want to follow/not follow. Nor is Catholicism like a political party. Valid Catholicism adheres to moral absolutes which come from The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, through Rome’s authority. Universally, for all Catholics, homosexual activity is immoral and gravely disordered. Universally, all authentically practicing Catholics are bound to inform themselves about church teaching, and to follow that teaching, as it affects matters in the public square, such as homosexual “marriage.” When Catholics oppose such teachings, they are not being “liberal,” they are failing to practice their Catholicism. They are being sinful. And when they claim to other Catholics on message boards that it is possible to be a good Catholic and support homosexual “marriage,” they are elevating that sin to another level: to scandal.

What would make you believe that Catholics, whether practicing authentically or not, would have little acquaintance with people who practice homosexuality, or have same-sex attraction? (Or do you believe that the moral teachings of the Roman Catholic Church have something to do with supposedly not knowing homosexuals?)

There has often been a subtext in the public square that “if people just understood homosexuals more, or had friends who were homosexual,” then (1) the public would embrace gay “marriage” wholeheartedly; (2) religions would alter their moral codes; (3) the natural order of the universe, including the complementarity of genders, would deconstruct itself. (All those are wrong, by the way.)
 
Hey everyone.

I’ve been thinking about doing this type of thread around here for a while, and I happen to have a few days free to post here.

A few notes:
  • AMA, or “Ask Me Anything” threads are common on forums around the internet. It’s an opportunity for a group of participants to get to know someone from a novel background, and ask them all kinds of interesting questions. It’s a chance to dialogue, to learn from one another.
  • I’m not here to press any agenda. The only reason I’m here is that I am curious and interested in religion and religious people – conservative Catholicism in particular. I don’t particularly care about persuading anyone of anything; evangelism is not my concern here. That being said, even though I’m not here to persuade anyone, you are totally free to attempt to persuade me or press any agenda you want. Remember, I’m here because I’m curious about you!
  • I will answer every question completely honestly, and no question is off limits so long as it’s allowed by the forum rules.
Why am I here? Essentially, I’m curious about what actual conservative Catholics think about gay people generally. I know many of you believe that homosexuality is immoral, or that gays should not be allowed to adopt children or get married legally, or that homosexuality was caused by some early psychological trauma and might be able to be healed. But I don’t know what you would actually ask an out gay person if given the chance. Are you as curious as I am?

Let’s find out! I am an openly gay man. Ask me anything.
You are right that is sin by Catechism, but we all have sins, our sins have just another face.
For your life is better way not to make sin.
Do you happy for your option or do you happy in your circumstance?
 
:ehh:

Technically (and biologically) a lesbian is still a girl. I can’t say I see any moral problems with a gay man marrying a lesbian. If such a marriage was likely, I’d actually find it kinda amusing. :\
That is true. But he stated that he is attracted to women who look or act like boys. So, it seems that he is not attracted to women because they are female but because they resemble men in some way. As for a male and a female homophile marrying each other, it would typically not be for anything like romantic love, so it is unlikely that their marriage would even be consummated.
 
:mad::mad::mad:

Are you OUT OF YOUR MIND??? You are seriously recommending that a GAY MAN marry a heterosexual woman??? For what purpose??? What would SHE get out of it, pray, tell??? Assuming he could perform sexually with her at least once, she might get pregnant, then what? They could never have a normal sex life! And he would be denying himself what he really desires, which is men. That never works out well. Terrible idea! The worst! What are you thinking??? Would he hide this from her? That would be even more immoral than saying, “Hey, I might not be gay, let me experiment as your husband!”
:eek:
Please do not become so offended. I was saying that provided that he could behave like a “straight” man. You should remember that there have people who have been married and had children yet lacked any erotic drive. How would a homophile with little or no erotic interest in women who is doing the same be that much different? And of course, it would be best for such a man to be honest with a lady about his feelings before marrying her.
 
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