As time goes on, I become “baffled” more and more. On one hand, God’s existence is more self-evident than gravity, on the other hand he does not want to “compel” us by providing actual, irrefutable evidence for his existence.
So… how is it? Yep, I am getting confused more and more.
How compelling he makes his existence out to be to any particular being depends upon some facts about that being.
You wouldn’t trust just anyone with closely held secrets and the “powers” those secrets might endow to those who are privy to them. You don’t understand that we are in a state of war. Who to trust and who not to is determined by their trustworthiness, not their abilities.
Where God is concerned, the trustworthiness of those who vie for his attention, grace and powers (virtues) is completely dependent upon their faithfulness. (If you had faith the size of a mustard seed…)
Now, you might decide what God has to offer is not worth your time or effort (or your faithfulness,) and THAT is your prerogative, but what is at stake is beyond all comprehension precisely because God is.
The point being, still, that we determine our worthiness by making ourselves worthy by the choices we make (be not just hearers but doers of the Word) to allow God to make us worthy of what we are incapable of bringing about ourselves. This is why faith is a supernatural virtue which is endowed in proportion to our willingness to receive it.
It is not up to us to make ourselves anything but faithful recipients of God’s grace.
The reason you are baffled is because you suppose your role in the matter is be the gatekeeper. The problem, as far as I can tell, is that you assume that means to keep the gate shut against all the things you don’t approve or understand, whereas what it means is that gatekeeping is an apprenticeship, of sorts, where we learn by experience the job of being a faithful gatekeeper.