I am dating a divorced Lutheran...need advice

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Keiko25

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Dear Friends

I would really appreciate some kind assistance with my current situation. I am a Catholic woman in a relationship with a divorced baptised Lutheran (although not practicing). His ex wife is also a baptised Lutheran and they were married civilly in a town hall in a non-religious ceremony. I have recently become aware of the stance on marriages outside our Church and this has now raised serious concerns for me as to whether or not his first marriage is still seen as valid in the eyes of God and our Church. If it is still valid I am deeply saddened because our relationship will be deemed adulterous. I have spoken with my local priests and have received mixed answers. Please could you help shed some light for me so that I can know whether or not it is acceptable to for us to keep dating?

Many thanks & may God bless you!
 
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A Catholic marrying outside the Church would be a defect of form. Non-Catholics do not have that requirement, even if it’s a Lutheran who went to town hall.

There may be reasons the marriage could be annulled, such as issues with consent or understanding of marriage, but your boyfriend would need to ask about the Catholic annulment process. There would be paperwork. His marriage is presumed valid unless shown otherwise.
 
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Sounds like it is or could very be a valid natural marriage. There are most likely more details needed. If you received ambiguous answers from different priests, I would contact the Diocesan office for a definitive answer. You could provide them with answers to any questions they pose.
 
Thank you very much for your response, God bless you. I thought that may be the case.
 
Yes I will do that right away, thank you for your help. God bless you.
 
If your in love, and you want to marry pull out all the stops and research how likely an annulment would be granted. Did this Lutheran have kids? If his marriage is not recognized in the Catholic Church can he become Catholic, confess and marry you? Etc.

I would also seek the advice of Our Lady, and Saint Joseph. There are many patron saints for converts, John the Baptist, Boniface, Edwin of North Umbria, ask for their prayers and intercession.

Consider the Novena of the three Hail Marys. Are you praying the rosary, and partaking in the sacraments ? All of these can only help.

Finally, and most important of all, is he willing to become Catholic, at heart as well as in name?

Prayers and hopes,
-e
 
His marriage is presumed valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church and you should not be in a romantic relationship with him. However, he may have his marriage investigated by a tribunal to determine it’s validity and the two of you can move forward from there.

I can’t imagine why a priest would give you an ambiguous answer to this question, it’s very straight forward.
 
Thank you for your response I really appreciate your advice. Yes I am partaking in the Sacraments and praying my rosary as often as I can. I will continue to plead the intercession of Our Lady & St Joseph for my life. Yes we are very much in love and intended to marry. Unfortunately for me I was ignorant to Holy Mother Church’s teaching on marriage and was only prompted to research into them once I knew about both him and his ex wife being baptised Christians by which point we were had already fallen in love. At the moment he has no interest in becoming a Catholic but I will keep praying for his conversion whether or not we can be together. I will do as much as possible to do my research into an annulment in the meantime.

May God bless you 😊
 
Thanks a lot I appreciate more clarity on this. I was confused myself and even more so when the priest also asked me if I had considered marriage in a registry office. God bless him but I know this can’t be an option for me as a Catholic.

God bless you
 
Keiko25 said:
At the moment he has no interest in becoming a Catholic but I will keep praying for his conversion whether or not we can be together.
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If this marriage is meant to be it will. Maybe if you can agree to not lay the qualification or insistence of conversion on him (I’m not saying you shouldn’t pray or hope) maybe he can respect that this is important to you and your faith life. You also might check, but as a mixed marriage you may need this approved by the bishop in addition.
 
The heart gets you into trouble, while the head gets you out. I would contact your archdiocese’s canon law office for some advice, or the marriage tribunal. An authoritative answer is always best - even if it is not what you wanted, it eliminates doubt and confusion.
 
If you have questions you should ask a priest. If you are embarrassed to speak of this face to face, you could go to confession and ask about this then in the confessional. He wouldn’t know who you are, nor could he speak of this to anyone else.
 
for both of your sakes, try and get this sorted out as soon as possible.

the longer the relationship goes on and you wait, the harder it will be, with the romantic entanglement.

I know you may not like hearing this, but it might also be wise to put some distance between the two of you, while you wait for the tribunal to make its decision, because if his marriage is found to be valid, you will not be able to marry him
 
He does not have to be Catholic to have his marriage investigated by the tribunal. At this point he is considered a married man and is not free to be in a romantic relationship with anyone.

The two of you in a romantic dating relationship is grave matter for you.
 
On a side note, with all the Catholic men who are eligible to marry in the Church and are having a hard time finding a practicing wife, why pray tell are you turning your back on them to pursue “forbidden fruit”?
 
My question is was he baptized or confirmed Catholic? If not, I don’t think a marriage outside of the Catholic church, regardless of whether it was civil or Lutheran, is recognized by the church, so it’s essentially like he was never married to begin with.

Spiritual compatibility is a different issue, I believe.
 
Benjinho said:
My question is was he baptized or confirmed Catholic? If not, I don’t think a marriage outside of the Catholic church, regardless of whether it was civil or Lutheran, is recognized by the church, so it’s essentially like he was never married to begin with.
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Wrong. The Church recognizes the marriages of non Catholics. It does not recognize the marriages of Catholics outside the Church unless there is a dispensation.
 
Benjinho said:
If not, I don’t think a marriage outside of the Catholic church, regardless of whether it was civil or Lutheran, is recognized by the church
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This is incorrect. Non-Catholic marriages are presumed valid unless proven otherwise. If both non-Catholics are baptized Christian, it is sacramental as well.

Those who say this man would need to pursue an annulment before being free to date are correct.
 
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