I don’t think you are alone. These are confusing times. Even when I go to mass, I’m not sure it’s the right thing because the more I learn about Catholicism, the more I doubt that the Novus Ordo is truly a Catholic mass. But, I guess, to a point, a certain amount of anxiety is good as “fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10) Yet, at the same time, I’m fairly sure fear shouldn’t overwhelm faith, since, when you think about it, fear is the opposite of faith.
Up until very recently, I never worried about my salvation. As I’ve said in a previous post, although my parents were very Catholic, Hell was never mentioned due to my mother’s fear of inducing the scrupulosity that she endured throughout her youth. But now that I’ve fully embraced Catholicism, not only do I worry about my own salvation, but I also worry about the salvation of everyone else, especially my children, nephews, sister, etc, who not only do not go to mass but who I believe do not give much thought to God at all.
My anxiety is compounded by my confusion about the Novus Ordo Mass and all of the changes since Vatican II. The more I learn about Catholicism, the more I’m convinced the Catholic Church has been infiltrated by the adversary, which has eroded my trust in the hierarchy, including some of the very liberal priests I’ve encountered. I’m sure my distrust is the source of some of my sins. For instance, my distrust of clergy and since the Catholic Churches in my area don’t have the traditional confession booths, I have yet to go to confession, confessing my sins directly to God. It seems as if the Novus Ordo is deliberately designed to discourage confession.
I think the answer is prayer. I’ve noticed some changes in myself since I started saying the Rosary.
P.S. It’s so interesting to see how easily a thread is derailed. The “faith alone” comment has received more responses than the original post.
and I sure can’t answer that.