I am so furious right now

[Linda_Marie]

I have 2 Minature Schnauzers. This aggression towards children is something to which this particular breed is susceptible. It is because they are bred to keep pests under control. Children are small and noisy and in the dog’s mind fit the description of what they are supposed go after. Likewise, if you have schnauzers, having rabbits, cats or chickens is not a good idea. Most of the information I read about them said that they are generally not good around children and that families should consider another breed.

Your BIL’s dog has shown itself to be unsafe around the children. It is YOUR house and they are presuming on your generosity. I agree with other posters who said to make them take responsibility. If they want to stay, the dog must either go or be properly secured, not just closed in a bedroom. (not to mention the damage a bored dog can do). Get your husband on the same page with you and let him know that you are thinking about moving out of your own house because of this dog and that you won’t come back until it’s gone. I think the Schnauzer Rescue would be the best. Properly matched, he could be a good pet for someone, but he is not suitable for your BIL’s family, nor for yours.

I think the in-laws are as much a problem as the dog. It is saying a lot that you would leave your own house because they refuse to secure this animal. Make sure your husband knows how you feel about this. He needs to support you and remove this dog before it seriously injures someone.

 

[masondoggy]

Consider printing your original post and showing it to your husband. You need to get him on your side. After all, it was his children that you and your witnessed being attacked by his sister’s dog.

.

DH is definitely on my side. He is upset right now, this is really making him physically sick. I really feel bad for him because he is very, very close to his brother and it took A LOT for him to stand up to him and tell him the dog has to go. But he did it because he knows it has to be done and our kids come first. The whole problem is that they have clearly been told SEVERAL times that the dog has to go and they are outright ignoring us. The terms have been made clear. At this point, I don’t know what else we can do but remove the dog ourselves. And I know if it has to go that far, it very likely could destroy his relationship with his brother.

Is it an option to

1. buy a doghouse
2. buy a muzzle
3. put the dog outside
   and when the inlaws come home tell them the dog is to remain outside at all times, not to worry about him because he’ll get used to it, and must be muzzled when the kids are outside playing?

I’ve had others suggest the outside option and it really won’t work. The mutt barkes incessantly when he is outside and I just won’t do that to my neighbors.

As for making them muzzle the dog in the house, I don’t feel that’s any safer than them locking the dog in their room. What if my nephew removes the muzzle? What about when they remove the muzzle while he’s eating and the door happens to get opened and Jacob wanders in there? The problem is that my nephew is only 8 years old and he’s in and out of their bedroom and that’s how the dog keeps getting out.

What plans (and steps) are there for these people to get out on their own? I find it disturbing that after close to two months, there doesn’t seem to be any progress towards that end.

Well, it may be awhile. My bil’s business went under last year, leaving them with a huge tax debt. That’s why they had to move here, so they can get that debt payed back. He’s also starting over in a new job and money is very tight right now.

I’m really not necessarily in a hurry for them to leave. I don’t mind having them here. Other than this dog issue, it’s really not that much of an inconvenience to DH and I.

I don’t agree with the not-asking-permission part. The dog isn’t the OP’s property and the OP has no right to dispose of it. The house is the OP’s property, and the OP has the right to give an ultimatum – the dog must leave.

I agree that the shelter must be informed that the dog is aggressive.

It’s way too late to try any of this. This might have worked if it was implemented before the problem began. If the dog really is aggressive, it needs to be confined or removed from the house as soon as possible.

Unprovoked aggression towards family members is not normal for a domesticated dog. We’ve had 4 dogs, and only 1 had problems like this. When it became clear that the aggression was not just a fluke, the dog was removed immediately.

I agree that it’s too late for training. I will never, ever trust this dog around Jacob. I simply won’t rest until he is out of my home. There’s just no other solution in my mind. 3 of my kids have been bitten before by pets that were showing warning signs that we ignored, and we are not about to make that mistake again.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Dog leaves- up to them whether they stay or not.

I concur … I wouldn’t ask permission, I would just do it. And make sure that the shelter knew the dog had attacked one child and behaves aggressively to others.

What plans (and steps) are there for these people to get out on their own? I find it disturbing that after close to two months, there doesn’t seem to be any progress towards that end.

Have to agree with other posters - they stay, the dog leaves. Period. End of discussion.

Sorry to say this, but this is the most sound advice out there. Your house, YOUR rules, period!

Nothing more to discuss.

He is lucky to be alive, if that dog was at my house, he would not be able to be taken to a pound. No dog should EVER bite someone, if they do…let’s just leave it at it should never be done.

Pack the bags for the dog, it is time to go.

 

[CatholicSam]

Before you remove the dog yourselves, call a family meeting around the dining table. I know you’ve asked them to remove the dog before, but give them one last opportunity to do it on their own. They have ignored you and told you the dog is not a problem, so therefore in their minds they may think that they’ve convinced you to let the dog stay.

The only reason I’m suggesting this is that I can’t imagine how ugly it would be to live with those people indefinitely with a severed relationship. If removing the dog yourselves will destroy the relationship and they simply have no where else to go, you will be living with your enemies, so to speak.

Tell them that they have 48 hours to make living arrangements for the dog elsewhere or you and DH will have to take him to the pound/rescue. Let them know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are serious and if they continue to ignore you they will lose the dog. If they defend the dog let them know you don’t care what they think about the safety of the dog and that it will be out of the house in 48 hours, end of story. This still may make the relationship strained, but I think in the long term it will be easier to live with these people than if you sneak the dog to the pound.

Reading through how these people are treating you and your children makes *my *blood boil, I can’t imagine how *you *must be feeling! :hug1:

 

[He_Man]

I guess I just need to vent…or get some advice on how to be charitable when my blood is boiling…

My bil, sil and nephew moved in with us back in Oct. because they were having serious financial problems. They basically lost everything within a years time, and SIL’s family has moved out of state. So, they are both going through a lot right now, especially sil, who is struggling with adjusting to a new lifestyle and she feels abandoned by her mom.

Well, they brought their dog with them (a mini-schnauzer). To make a loooong story short, since they have moved in this dog has tried to attack Jacob every chance he gets, unprovoked, he has growled at me, DH, my older DS, my nephew, he SNARLED in my nephews face and an hour after that he BIT him in the face. Since all of this happened, the dog has been locked in their bedroom. Problem is sil is completely blowing the danger off and she habitually leaves the door cracked open, the dog “accidentally” gets out all the time while my kids are in the house, she let’s her son take the dog outside, walking him right by my kids on the leash. She DOES NOT take any precautions to protect my kids. She doesn’t believe the dog is dangerous. The day he bit my nephew, about 2 weeks ago, I made it pretty clear I didn’t want the dog in my house. But when my bil came home, sil and my nephew completely downplayed what happened and now my bil doesn’t believe that he actually bit him! They LIED TO HIM, and even though his wife has lied repeatedly to him and he knows it, he believes her over ME, who witnessed all of these incidences. My DS witnessed the dog bite my nephew.

We have made it very clear, SEVERAL times that the dog needs to be removed from our house and they have done NOTHING about it. NOTHING. I don’t think they have any intention to get the dog out of here. I am so beyond furious right now I can’t even see straight. It’s getting to the point where I think DH and I will have to take the dog to the pound ourselves (which we shouldn’t have to) and that is probably going to sever the relationship with these two.

I am just completely horrified that DH and I took these people in, in an effort to do what we could to help them in a crisis, and we get this total lack of disrespect in our face.

We can’t even kick them out right now because they have nowhere to go. Nowhere. They have no money.

I don’t even know what to do right now. This is DH’s brother, they are VERY close and it is just killing DH right now. It’s making him physically sick. I don’t even think he will let me remove the dog myself, he’s still convinced my bil will do it. But I cannot let this go on any longer. I don’t even want to speculate how bad it would be if that dog gets loose and gets access to Jacob. I am just horrified that these people would keep that dog when he went after a child in that way. Horrified.

Why not just lock the dog outside???

 

[4blessings]

man, how can this be happening? how can you ask them to get rid of the dog and they ignore you? sounds like the problem is the lack of respect that your bil and sil have for the two of you. And in the next meeting when you tell them to get rid of hte dog again, I would tell them how you feel about them ignoring your wishes and how disrespectful that is to you both. You said that your husband is onboard, but this is his brother and he must stand up to them again and then, just like with children, he must stick to the consequences whether that is getting rid of the dog himself or making them leave. Have you ever seen pictures of babies and children that have been mawed by a dog, it is awful and imo sinful to leave any child in harms way with an animal. If you have to leave to protect your kids, do it! Maybe then someone will take you seriously. I would not be buying any more food for that dog either. Once a dog has bitten a human, they will continue to do so, especially since they have had no consequence either. Gosh I pray this ends soon, and please take no offense to this reply, it just really made me angry that you bil and sil are so disrespectful!
I guess I was no help with calming advice, I just became furious with you.

 

[newf]

I recommend you tell them to pack their bags and their dog as you are taking them to a hotel (find out ahead of time which hotels take dogs) and you will pay for them to stay there for the next 3 nights.

Let them know they are welcome to return to your home but the dog is not. Don’t let them back with the dog. They need to be more respectful of you and your husband. And they need to find a place for the dog, not you. If they decide they will not part with the dog, well, I guess they will have to find someplace else to live. It is THEIR choice, not yours.

 

[kage_ar]

Was the dog part of the equation when they moved?

Let me just give one thought - seems that these people have lost many things including a place to live. They may be very attached to this dog, and if it were my brother, I’d be sick asking them to give up a pet they love.

Responsible pet owners know that an animal should never be left unattended with a child, and it does seem that they are not responsible pet owners. This does not make them henious monsters, so, masondoggy sees her loving husband torn here, this must be so hard on all of you!

It does seem to be the most loving thing to assist them in finding another place for the dog to live until they are back on your feet.

 

[masondoggy]

Was the dog part of the equation when they moved?

Pretty much. We really didn’t mind them bringing the dog at all. I’m a huge, huge dog lover myself and had no issue with having an extra one in the house. Actually, I thought it would be good for our dog to have a playmate.

What is really, really frustrating is my sil stays in her room ALL DAY LONG, making it nearly impossible for me to confront her about this. I think she sleeps most of the time she’s in there. She literally gets up in the morning and takes her son to school and goes straight back to her room, and doesn’t come out again until she goes to pick him up. So not only is she avoiding me but she’s wasting valuable time to be seeking somebody to take the dog. So she’s really leaving herself no alternative but to take the dog to the pound.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

What is really, really frustrating is my sil stays in her room ALL DAY LONG, making it nearly impossible for me to confront her about this. I think she sleeps most of the time she’s in there. She literally gets up in the morning and takes her son to school and goes straight back to her room, and doesn’t come out again until she goes to pick him up. So not only is she avoiding me but she’s wasting valuable time to be seeking somebody to take the dog. So she’s really leaving herself no alternative but to take the dog to the pound.

For what it’s worth, that’s a classic sign of depression. It doesn’t fix the dog problem, but she’s not exactly “wasting valuable time.”

 

[masondoggy]

For what it’s worth, that’s a classic sign of depression. It doesn’t fix the dog problem, but she’s not exactly “wasting valuable time.”

I know she’s seriously, seriously depressed. There’s just a lot going on in her life, their marriage is on the rocks, she’s dealing with a verbally/emotionally abusive mother, the list goes on and on…

I wish there was something I could do to help her, I’ve tried everything I could. And I KNOW that losing her dog is only going to make things much, much worse. And that’s what makes it even harder for us to push this. But we don’t know what else to do. The kids safety has to come first before sil’s mental health.

Ugh, this is just so hard…

 

[wifeandmomoftwo]

Two words… “TOUGH LOVE”

 

[Sheeniac]

I wish there was something I could do to help her, I’ve tried everything I could. And I KNOW that losing her dog is only going to make things much, much worse.

The schnauzer rescue may actually be able to hook them up with a short to mid term foster until they get their own place. Foster homes are scarce, but it’s worth a try. Perhaps them offering to pay for food and care for the dog would help.

They could even start out on craigslist.org to see if they can find someone on their own.

Prayers, again.

 

[rpp]

Pretty much. We really didn’t mind them bringing the dog at all. I’m a huge, huge dog lover myself and had no issue with having an extra one in the house. Actually, I thought it would be good for our dog to have a playmate.

What is really, really frustrating is my sil stays in her room ALL DAY LONG, making it nearly impossible for me to confront her about this. I think she sleeps most of the time she’s in there. She literally gets up in the morning and takes her son to school and goes straight back to her room, and doesn’t come out again until she goes to pick him up. So not only is she avoiding me but she’s wasting valuable time to be seeking somebody to take the dog. So she’s really leaving herself no alternative but to take the dog to the pound.

For what it’s worth, that’s a classic sign of depression. It doesn’t fix the dog problem, but she’s not exactly “wasting valuable time.”

I know she’s seriously, seriously depressed. There’s just a lot going on in her life, their marriage is on the rocks, she’s dealing with a verbally/emotionally abusive mother, the list goes on and on…

I wish there was something I could do to help her, I’ve tried everything I could. And I KNOW that losing her dog is only going to make things much, much worse. And that’s what makes it even harder for us to push this. But we don’t know what else to do. The kids safety has to come first before sil’s mental health.

Ugh, this is just so hard…

Yes, I agree that your SIL is probably depressed. I can understand that a great deal of bad stuff is going on in her life and she and her husband have lost control. Hanging onto the dog may be the only little bit of control she has. But enough psycho-analysis. But that does change things a bit.

She has to confront this. Both the current situation with the dog as well as her seeming depression.

And, MasonDoggy, you can help!

First, rather than you confronting her about the dog, as I suggested earlier, try drawing her out of her shell a bit. Grab your babies and take a drive during the day while the kids are in school. Go to the zoo or your local children’s museum. Bring her grocery shopping. `Take her to Adoration or daily Mass. Whatever you do, get her out of her room and the house! Include her in things. That is what people who are depressed need, to get moving. Once in motion, most people’s moods will lift a bit. The more often they get out of bed and do things, the better their moods become.

Try to be her friend and be empathetic in this, her time of need. In essence, hold out your hand in Christian love and compassion.

The result is that while she may not get rid of the dog, she may be more inclined to be more careful with it and recognize that it may not be the nice little poochie she wishes it to be.

My earlier post was based on the presumption that no one was depressed or withdrawn. From my perspective, that changes everything. When a person is depressed, they do not want anything to change. Even changing little things, and giving up a pet is not a little thing, is just not tolerable.

This whole thing is not really about the dog, that is a symptom. It is really about her losing control of her life and not being able to deal with it. Help her to get a modicum of control back, and these difficulties will be resolved much more easily.

Consider this approach as an act of love; a corporeal work of mercy, not maternal instinct.

 

[KittyKat]

I would tell your husband that he needs to make it clear that they either control the dog, get rid of the dog or leave. I ama guessing that the little boy wouldn’t tell the truth because the mother said that they would have to get rid of the dog if he did. Little kids are very attached to animals. I like the idea of using a muzzle when the animal is out while it lives with you, but make sure the children still keep fingers away from the mouth since it is possible for a bite on small fingers to happen.

Though to the person talking about the kitten, that would be a different situation as a kitten thinks that pouncing and attacking is playing. That is different than an aggressive dog.

 

[rpp]

I had a friend who was asked to cat sit for a neghbor who went on a honeymoon. He came into the kitchen first moring and the cat pooped on the rug. He threw it out and cleaned the mess. Next morning the same thing happened. He threw it out and cleaned the mess. The next morning the same thing happened and he shot the cat. He threw it over some bushes. When the newlys came home for their cat he said the last he saw it it was headed through the brush.Dogs get loose and run away. They just disappear sometimes.

You need a hit man. After he leaves with the mutt leave the door open and the fence. I live pretty far away, but my brother inlaw lives in your state. PM me if you are interested.

This is so wrong on so many levels. What your “friend” did was absolutely inexcusable. If you have to lie to explain something, then you have done something exceedingly wrong.

 

[LindaS]

Get the dog a crate and insist that the dog stay in it when children are around. It is not too late to train the dog, Cesar Millan does it all the time. With your SIL’s depression, it changes the face of things. She needs to seek help, very hard to do when you are depressed. Can her DH help with this? Hope this works out for you all soon.

Peace,
Linda

 

[mommamia]

You may need to take a hand in this dogs training.
I have three kids and a dog that is known to bite. He stays in a crate when I am not available, and is usually attached to a leash attached to my side when we are out with the rest of the family. After 8 months I let him out w/o the leash only if I know I will be paying attention to him. It has been a long time since he so much as snapped at a child, but I will probably never be able to totally let my guard down with him. Even little dogs can seriously hurt a child.
Getting rid of a pet can be the last straw for someone who is depressed. I wish I could foster this dog for you and work with him, (I swear I am married to a dog whisperer), but financial reasons won’t let me take on another one. Definantly contact a rescue, at least you could do that much for your sil. Maybe if you try to include her more, and teach her to keep the dog attached to her or you the dog could learn. I agree that if the dog’s master is not herself, the dog could be feeling lost without his leader. Some dogs need strong leaders. A crate could solve a lot of these problems, the child just must be told if he opens the crate door, he will have to get rid of the dog. This could be a detterent.
But either you must take control of the dog, or he should have to go. I think it would be a great gift to you sil to try to work with the dog, but on the other hand she can’t fight you on this. It needs to be made clear that regardless of what they think, you think the dog is a problem.

 

[masondoggy]

Training is just not an option for me. I want this dog out immediately. I’ve been through this enough times with aggressive pets to know that once they bite, they will bite again. I tried the training route before only to have my neighbor attacked by my german shepherd. Not only could she have been killed, but we could have lost everything after being sued. We were lucky as heck our neighbor liked us, because she had nerve damage from that incident which would have given her plenty of leverage to sue us. We just simply will not take the chance with our kids. There will never be any guarantees with this dog and there’s too many “what if” scenarios. I won’t keep a ticking time-bomb around my kids. If something happened to one of them, I’d never forgive myself.

 

[KCT]

So is the dog still in your house? ----KCT