I am the mistress to a married Catholic man, did I doom him to Hell forever?

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StSentry83 said:
I don’t see how their actions are any different. They are both facilitating adultery. They are both acting like creeps, and right now they deserve each other.
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Yep. I’m a bit confused by everyone assuring her that she “deserves” better. I wonder if her lover’s wife would agree that this woman deserves a good and faithful man.

She doesn’t need to concern herself with this louse or any man right now. She needs to break this off (for no less than 84 unique reasons) immediately and spend some time working on her. She needs to work on her self-esteem. She needs to work on her empathy and compassion. She needs to figure out what her morals and values are and what she wants in life.

After all of that she can take another stab at dating-with available men only.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Yep. I’m a bit confused by everyone assuring her that she “deserves” better. I wonder if her lover’s wife would agree that this woman deserves a good and faithful man.

She doesn’t need to concern herself with this louse or any man right now. She needs to break this off (for no less than 84 unique reasons) immediately and spend some time working on her. She needs to work on her self-esteem. She needs to work on her empathy and compassion. She needs to figure out what her morals and values are and what she wants in life.

After all of that she can take another stab at dating-with available men only.
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Oh I hear you…but I don’t think any of us want her to suffer like she is causing others to suffer, if this is a real scenario. She’s actually punishing herself with this delusion.
Everyone deserves a real shot at love and affection. The problem is, both of them are the bad guy in the scenario. Hard for us to empathize with bad guys, but forgiveness is something she can attain if she repents. Even this louse can repent. But they have to WANT to.

You’re right. She needs to form herself into someone who can reasonably expect to have a good relationship with an available person At this point, they’re both damaged goods, and harming others.
I don’t see any virtue in kicking her. Now him…:ehh: j/k
 
ladystardust said:
A serious question. I need to the know the truth.

A few months ago I began going for late night cocktails with a married man, and a new father, in fact.

He insists that the adultery never extends beyond kissing, caressing, viewing each other nude, basically everything but sex. He seems content with these amorous exchanges, and promises me that because he is only married through the state and not the church yet, it is really not yet adultery.

In every other sense of his life he is a Catholic man.

My question to you all relates to the validity of his statements, as I am deeply in love with him. Is it not yet adultery? Would the church care about state sanctioned marriage or can he leave his wife and child? Is there anywhere that states “everything except sex” is okay?

What is the Catholic perspective on this?
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I wouldn’t worry too much about it. It is very likely that you both could end up spending eternity together. Though, he does have access to the sacraments so that could complicate things for your eternal plans…
 
StSentry83 said:
I don’t see how their actions are any different. They are both facilitating adultery. They are both acting like creeps, and right now they deserve each other.
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On the face of it, she is at least thinking about the morality of what she is doing, which he certainly isn’t.

And y’all may be right, she may be a troll, but I’d rather play into a troll than be mistaken and come down hard on someone who needs some supportive words. Pascal’s Wager works in many different areas!
 
Let’s see if she returns. Maybe some of the advice has been hard to swallow?
 
Tomdstone said:
How would it be adultery if there is no sex and the man is not married ?
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Is that you again, Tomdstone?
Now you don’t think there’s sin when it’s right in your face! :confused:

The man is playing house with a girl other than his wife…what is so hard to understand…it’s Adultery!
 
truetofaith said:
Is that you again, Tomdstone?
Now you don’t think there’s sin when it’s right in your face! :confused:

The man is playing house with a girl other than his wife…what is so hard to understand…it’s Adultery!
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It is difficult to understand because:
  1. The man is not married.
  2. There is no sex.
 
Eliza10 said:
So many trolls! So little time!
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Oh, yeah, because if this were you, you’d be sure to post under your customary name!

If she’s a troll, I’ll tell you what, she’s succeeding in sounding like some real cases I have heard from, both male and female. I mean really nailing it.

He insists that the adultery never extends beyond kissing, caressing, viewing each other nude, basically everything but sex. He seems content with these amorous exchanges, and promises me that because he is only married through the state and not the church yet, it is really not yet adultery.

That is the kind of self-delusion that you can hardly make up. In any case, you don’t have to. It is out there, in some otherwise intelligent people. (Ask Monica Lewinsky…)
 
ladystardust said:
A serious question. I need to the know the truth.

A few months ago I began going for late night cocktails with a married man, and a new father, in fact.

He insists that the adultery never extends beyond kissing, caressing, viewing each other nude, basically everything but sex. He seems content with these amorous exchanges, and promises me that because he is only married through the state and not the church yet, it is really not yet adultery.

In every other sense of his life he is a Catholic man.

My question to you all relates to the validity of his statements, as I am deeply in love with him. Is it not yet adultery? Would the church care about state sanctioned marriage or can he leave his wife and child? Is there anywhere that states “everything except sex” is okay?

What is the Catholic perspective on this?
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Did he marry in the Church? If he married outside the Church he’s not really married and he’s committing fornication. Unless he got a dispensation from the Church to marry outside the Church.

In the bible Jesus says looking at another women lustfully is committing adultery in the man’s heart. Women would be mad if their boyfriend was kissing, caressing, etc someone else
Looking at someone nude unnecessarily who isn’t your spouse is usually a mortal sin. I mean looking at yourself nude unnecessarily long enough can be a mortal sin
 
If you are seeing him nude Or touching each other when you are not spouses stop because that is grave matter. Even if he isn’t validly married, his child and partner might be negatively affected by this
 
Tomdstone said:
You say so.
But not everyone agrees that he is married validly.
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Ask his wife if she thinks these little petting parties are Ok! 😛

The state made him legally married…God still holds him to his vow.
 
cena said:
In the bible Jesus says looking at another women lustfully is committing adultery in the man’s heart.
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Yes, it is true that the Bible says that. Matthew 5:28. But how many people or how many Catholics take that literally? If you go to a PG-13 or R rated movie, I don’t see how you can avoid looking at some of the women there lustfully? The way they act, the way they dress, what they do, all point to the idea that they want you to see them as sexy.
 
truetofaith said:
Ask his wife if she thinks these little petting parties are Ok! 😛

The state made him legally married…God still holds him to his vow.
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Exactly. Now we’re going to condone this behavior on the “technicality” over whether he’s married in the Church or not? Wow.
She claims he has a wife.
He’s married.
He. is. married.
 
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