I am the worst Catholic in the world!

[KatieD]

The Church does not recognize a marriage performed by a Christian minister if one of the parties is Catholic. If you are a Catholic, you are bound to be married as the Church says - by a Catholic priest, unless you have received permission from the bishop. The Church would recognize the marriage by the Baptist minister only if neither party was Catholic at the time of the marriage. (At least this is how it was explained to me by my priest.)

I am surprised at how many of us there are in this type of situation - and I pray that each of us resolves our personal circumstances so we can fully practice our faith.

 

[CoG]

The first question that should be resolved, is it a mortal sin to have sex outside of marriage with a person that is not married? My understanding is that it is fornication and not adultery. This is a question for confession.

My understanding is that fornication becomes a mortal sin if it becomes a way of life that precludes marriage. This is not the case here. His effort in this relationship is directed toward a valid marriage not away from marriage.

 

[TheRaiders]

rayne89:

My husband was an agnostic/atheist when we married and I was a fallen away Catholic. I know how it can freak out a spouse when you start changing.

Stop talking about your faith and just live it. Stop, stop, stop talking about it. Your wife is probably scared she’s losing the person she married. Stop criticizing her pastor, as hard as it is bite your tongue. Offer up your sufferings.

You are not a bad Catholic. I want you to remember though it is not your wife’s fault that your marriage is not valid. You chose to stop practicing your faith before she came into the picture (or never really practiced it at all which ever the case may be) and you chose to marry outside the church. When you married your wife married a non-practicing Catholic and you told her all Christian churches were fine. Now you are the one that is changing and your expecting her to just jump on board.

Imagine your wife was a non-practicing Hindu when you married her. And you were a church going Catholic. Then a couple years into the marriage your wife decided to return to her Hindu faith and wants to marry in a Hindu temple and raise the chilren Hindu. All she talked about was how wonderful the Hindu faith and how your priest was wrong about what he taught at Mass. Well for a your wife as a Baptist you might as well becoming Hindu.

Pray, pray , pray and trust in God’s mercy. Those who desire Batism but die before they recieve it are not condemned to Hell. God know’s your great desire to have your marriage validated and your great desire to return to the sacraments. Trust in his mercy. This is heavy cross but you can bare it.

Do not discuss religion at all for at least 6 months at all. Then maybe in six months maybe ask your wife if she would reconsider the convalidation. If she says no, drop it and wait again another 6 months. Live your faith, show her the joy that comes from being Catholic. Don’t talk about it, let it show. Be the best husband you are capable of being. Be kind, loving and considerate. All she sees right now is that you being Catholic is driving you two aprat and causing trouble in your marriage and she feels threatened by that.

By the way my agnostic husband is now a devout practicing Catholic, so pray and be patient (and bite your tongue.)

I’m glad I read this before I wrote my comments because I would have said something different, but now I realise that what you are saying is the best advice. This is the route that requires the most humble faith.
The one thing I disagree with is that he should not criticize the pastor. He just shouldn’t talk about it with his wife. He should talk about it with a priest, and devise a way to open up a dialogue with the pastor. I am familiar with the types of criticisms that pastors give against the Catholic Church. My boss is a non-denom, and have felt his wrath against me, a young misguided Catholic. But it was a blessing that he chose to debate me because I was able to dispell many of his built-up misconceptions and use the Bible, which he respects against his claims. He had a lot of built up hate for the Church and it is not from God. If this pastor uses the Lord’s day to indoctrinate his flock with hateful, ignorant stuff then he needs to be dealt with head on. A heated debate is not always a bad thing. Mike is a man, and this pastor is acting in a way that is disrupting his household and turning his wife against him. Anger is not a bad thing for even Jesus got angry and flipped some tables over. If anger is directed at injustice towards God’s Church then it is righteous. Make sure it is done out of love for God and the pastor too though, and for all the Baptists. Start with one thing at a time, and make it a regular thing. You don’t need to convince him of 2000 years of history in one day. Tell him, “What if I can prove to you one Catholic teaching you hate is actually Biblical? Will you then hold off on criticizing the Church untill you have researched it more?” Or, “Can I teach you what the Catholic Church realy believes on the subject you talked about last sunday?”
Patrick

 

[bambi]

Hi michael I’m fairly new here like 20 minutes ago new, anyway don’t worry so much I have a similar position, I call my husband RELIGIOUSLY PROMISCUOUS because he was baptized a catholic back in the Philippines and when he got to TN he was baptized a Baptist, and when we had our son we baptized him as a catholic, my hubby calls me DIE HARD CATHOLIC,well it does sound weird but my hubby is comfortable whatever church he goes to, but for once I would like him to have some sort of loyalty to a religion any religion, because it really has been a subject of a lot of ridicule between the two of us, when you ask him what his religion is he would say CatholicBaptist in one word. Annoying as it is I am still here waiting for him to profess his loyalty to any religion , in the meantime I call him a confused baptist or catholic in one phrase…so I give you encouragement to pursue and to embrace your catholic faith because the catholic faith did not find you after how many years of being complacent you just found it again in your self let it grow.

 

[all4one]

RyanL's Wife:

Catholic Sam,

Why would you even mention this? He said he was very much in love with his wife and that she was a wonderful woman! Why would you divorce someone you are in love with. (Because that is how his wife would see it, as a divorce) I would think if he loves her as much as he implied, he would want the best for her. Most likely, leaving her isn’t going to be much of a witness to the love and greatness of the Catholic Church. It is very possible for him to get his marriage recognized by the Church so he can easily receive the sacraments within a month if he starts the process now. (or he can abstain for a month and receive it sooner)

But yes, almost every devout Protestant is going to rebel, be angry, reject their spouse’s change in faith, if it is contrary to what they previously believed. Look at Kimberly Hann and other posts on this particular forum. It just makes sense for them to be upset, even if the person in question is actually growing. But to suggest an annulment just because things aren’t going great from them right from the start. That is just ridiculous. Don’t you think he should give his wife some time to adjust to the idea. One doesn’t just give up everything they believe, and have been taught, overnight. I guarantee, if Michael leaves his wife before she has a chance to hear the holy spirit, he will create a great anti-catholic. Does the world really need more of those? 5 years down the road, if things haven’t gotten any better than maybe…but to have an annulment be his first action of solving the predicament he is in, is just ignorant, IMO.

By the way, while it is indeed very sad that a Baptist minister would do this, throwing his Catholicism in his wife’s face in this particular manner, at this particular time, will do absolutely nothing for her conversion, or even acceptance of his faith. In fact, it will do just the opposite. She will see it as a smack in the face and it will just make her mad. Trust me! I’ve been in his wife’s position and I have to say all your advise may be well and good for some, but it will in NO way help his wife.

So if it is all about him, the maybe he should take your advice. But if he cares even a little about his wife, I would highly suggest he ignore your suggestions.

Again this is just the opinion of a Baptist wife who use to feel the same way about her Catholic husband, but is now even considering converting. Hmmmmmm, wonder where I would be now if my husband had just got an annulment…oh yeah, I would be in my Baptist church telling everyone how horrible the Catholic church is… now, do we really want that???

RyanL’s Wife

Right on!!!
‘love is patient…’ A marriage is an icon of your inner life. Once you work through this, and you will, your marriage will be a beacon to others. In my prayers, Al

 

[jebojora]

KatieD:

The Church does not recognize a marriage performed by a Christian minister if one of the parties is Catholic. If you are a Catholic, you are bound to be married as the Church says - by a Catholic priest, unless you have received permission from the bishop. The Church would recognize the marriage by the Baptist minister only if neither party was Catholic at the time of the marriage. (At least this is how it was explained to me by my priest.)

I am surprised at how many of us there are in this type of situation - and I pray that each of us resolves our personal circumstances so we can fully practice our faith.

Thanks for clearing that up. I wasn’t sure about it. Since I was Methodist and my husband (now ex) was Baptist when we married, all I knew was that the Catholic Church recognized our marriage as a sacrament. I didn’t realize the other aspect of the one person being Catholic and the other not being Catholic.

 

[Island_Oak]

bambi:

… I call my husband RELIGIOUSLY PROMISCUOUS because he was baptized a catholic back in the Philippines and when he got to TN he was baptized a Baptist…

Very funny…welcome Bambi!

 

[jessi]

Hi
I was in a similar position to you, but my ex-husband was United Reform.
I tried to embrace his beliefs but also keeping to my Catholic faith.
We eventually divorced, but he really hurt my family in the way he made fun of the Catholic way of life… and he nearly damaged my relationship with my family who are very dear to me.
I am still searching for the answers