I am very attached to my priest, and it is eating me

[Determined_Daug]

You are not alone. I have a friend from my Catholic high school that became a priest. He has worked in Catholic student Newman centers, different types of parishes with older people, more diverse populations with Spanish Masses, Vietnamese masses etc. over the course of about 30 years.

He says as a priest is does happen more than one might think over the lifetime of a priest that he is aware that someone is somewhat “infatuated” with him. He said it’s more common with younger parishioners and priests.

He also noted this was addressed in the seminary and that priests have a way of keeping a professional distance while keeping their warm demeanor and practice “custody of the eyes.”

I saw him recently and now and he has been a priest for 30 years and I asked him about this very subject and he said those that are enamored with him are few and far between now at his age LOL and that he has grown into a kindly old man. He had a great sense of humor. So, you are not alone. I actually dated him in my high school days and remember keeping my fond feelings for him after that for a few years.

We laughed about the days we dated and I told him that what I liked best about him was he was sooooooooooooo Catholic!~ He thought that was a riot, he said yes I do feel very Catholic, LOL. So you I realize how it’s easy to get a crush on a priest that speaks to your hear.

You sound like a wonderful asset to your parish and I would consider this a part of your youth. I admire your stand that you would not cross an inappropriate line and may God bless you in your faith walk.~

Mary.

Thank you very much for such an insightful and interesting answer!
Though, I’m a person, who usually hides my emotions, so I’m very great at it. Especially when I consciously try not to show them. Of course, I can never be sure, but I think I do a great job at it.
Haha, and I’m actually shy in many cases, so I naturally act the same way with the other priest in this parish and other parishioners as I do with the priest I like (I don’t act or speak any different when I’m near or with him).
And thank you for the words of encouragement, I appreciate it! God bless you too!

 

[Determined_Daug]

I was a 16-year-old girl once and I understand why you felt the need to write all that out in detail, but you could have just said, “I have a crush on my parish priest.” I agree with everyone who said this is common. A lot of teenage girls have romantic feelings for the young parish priest (or their young male teacher or really any nice man in his 20s who happens to be around). It’s part of growing up and you will likely grow out of it at some point and find yourself attracted to a guy closer to your own age who is also “available”.

The one thing you have to watch out for is that you don’t create an embarrassing situation for the priest or yourself or worse yet lead either you or him into temptation. For that reason, I would strongly suggest you limit your attendance at Mass or other church activities to when you can go with your family members or in a group. Do NOT put yourself in a situation where you’d be alone or even on your own with this priest. This is just common sense. I’d say the same if instead of a priest it was a married man.

Yeah… I know I wrote unnecessary long monologue, but I didn’t want people to say the most common answers - ‘go to a different parish’ and ‘pray on it and try to see him as Jesus Himself or your brother in Christ’. I just wanted to explain that I do these things already or at least name reasons why I can’t do them, so that I could get a different answer than those 2 I mentioned. But It’s still too long, though, I know
Yes, in a way he’s, indeed, a married man, so I understand. Thank you for your answer! I’ll keep it in mind.

 

[Determined_Daug]

Whatever you do, don’t say anything to him about it (or anyone, really). Not that people won’t be understanding, but the less you talk about it, the quicker it will go away. I was a teenaged girl just a few years ago, and I know that it’s very easy to develop intense romantic feelings at your age. Luckily, those feelings can be just as quick to disappear if you don’t fuel them.

If you can attend a daily Mass that is celebrated by another priest in your parish, it would really help; and if you’re bored by their dry sermons, you can make a sacrifice out of it. There are so many resources you can utilize to help you grow in your faith, so you don’t need to pin all your hope for spiritual growth on whether or not you were engaged by the homily. In the end, being bored is much more healthy, both mentally and spiritually, than constantly being around the object of your emotional turmoil.

Thank you for this wonderful answer. You have some great points I can think through.
Though, I tend to think of liking him as my sacrifice. My help is greatly appreciated at this parish, and I think that being in the Legion of Mary is actually a calling God wants me to follow for now and it helps me grow spiritually. And I know that I can’t hope that anything would happen or start acting on my feelings, so I, of course, don’t do anything about them, so, in a way, I think that this ‘crush’ is a sacrifice I make in order to continue helping others with the gifts God gave me and be a somewhat useful instrument of Him.
But maybe it’s not the right way to look at it, I really don’t know…

 

[Determined_Daug]

You have some good answers here. I just want to add a little encouragement: because of this early experience, you may have fewer problems with crushes as an adult. Your hard-won awareness could help you avoid related issues later in life, when the stakes are higher.

Speaking from my own experience as a teenager – this will fade if you let it. When you think about this priest, divert your thoughts. See him as little as possible, and be very fair about how often “as little as possible” really is. It’s nice to be encouraged in your involvement, and to enjoy participating, but perhaps you’re too involved right now, considering all the circumstances?

I hope you’re able to find peace soon.

Thank you very much! And encouragement is greatly appreciated as well
But I’m really needed in this parish, and I don’t think these circumstances could have just happend without God’s hand to it. So when I do help and involve in the church more, I feel like I’m doing God’s will. But an obstacle is this ‘crush’, so I think about it as a lesson and a sacrifice that I just have to get through…
Through, there is no way for me to be sure now if that’s the right way to look at it…

 

[Bluebright]

Only you can tell, but it is possible your feelings of attraction toward the priest are not to him as a person but him as a priest. You mention quite a lot about spirituality and the things you do for the church. I am only mentioning this because it may be that you have a calling to serve God? One of the many confusing way this can manifest is an attraction towards priests and nuns and things of the church. So is it him as a male or him as a priest? Perhaps you should look into discernment to a vocation? I may be way off but just a consideration

 

[Determined_Daug]

Only you can tell, but it is possible your feelings of attraction toward the priest are not to him as a person but him as a priest. You mention quite a lot about spirituality and the things you do for the church. I am only mentioning this because it may be that you have a calling to serve God? One of the many confusing way this can manifest is an attraction towards priests and nuns and things of the church. So is it him as a male or him as a priest? Perhaps you should look into discernment to a vocation? I may be way off but just a consideration

Wow, so… it’s actually been several months since I pretty seriously started thinking about my vocation and understood, that I have no obvious wanting to marry. I’ve actually felt a calling to be a consecrated person, but I’m not sure wether it is just what I imagine in my head or if that actually is from God. I pray about it a lot, but it’s still very unclear to me. But this attraction kind of scared me, because maybe it shows that my vocation is to have a family after all.
But your question of how I see him - as a male or as a priest, struck me. Because whenever I see a priest or a sister, I immediately want to smile and develop some kind of ‘personality’ crush. They seem so familiar to me, like home.
I would like to ask you a prayer for me to help discerning my vocation. And thank you for your answer! It has got me thinking…
God bless!

 

[Bluebright]

Wow, so… it’s actually been several months since I pretty seriously started thinking about my vocation and understood, that I have no obvious wanting to marry. I’ve actually felt a calling to be a consecrated person, but I’m not sure wether it is just what I imagine in my head or if that actually is from God. I pray about it a lot, but it’s still very unclear to me. But this attraction kind of scared me, because maybe it shows that my vocation is to have a family after all.
But your question of how I see him - as a male or as a priest, struck me. Because whenever I see a priest or a sister, I immediately want to smile and develop some kind of ‘personality’ crush. They seem so familiar to me, like home.
I would like to ask you a prayer for me to help discerning my vocation. And thank you for your answer! It has got me thinking…
God bless!

Of Course I will pray for you, I’d love to. I’m glad I could help it’s cos I had a similar experience but am much older than you so quickly dismissed it as not a romantic attraction because of experience with such things. I also feel called not to marry but my situation is more complicated than yours, so I am considering a third order, I’m a bit old and a bit chronically ill, lol. I read a little book on discovering vocations from the Catholic Truth Society and it mentioned in there an attraction/admiration for priests and consecrated people you know. Seeking something they know or represent and suggests being drawn to them. I’d suggest you google CTS and order this tiny little book or pick one up at your parish (it’s called How to discern your vocation). Of course there are loads of books and you may have some and the Holy spirit will lead you to people and events that will show you the way so trust is the most important. It sounds like you are doing a lot in that direction already by living your faith well. Good for you. How exciting.

 

[Determined_Daug]

Of Course I will pray for you, I’d love to. I’m glad I could help it’s cos I had a similar experience but am much older than you so quickly dismissed it as not a romantic attraction because of experience with such things. I also feel called not to marry but my situation is more complicated than yours, so I am considering a third order, I’m a bit old and a bit chronically ill, lol. I read a little book on discovering vocations from the Catholic Truth Society and it mentioned in there an attraction/admiration for priests and consecrated people you know. Seeking something they know or represent and suggests being drawn to them. I’d suggest you google CTS and order this tiny little book or pick one up at your parish (it’s called How to discern your vocation). Of course there are loads of books and you may have some and the Holy spirit will lead you to people and events that will show you the way so trust is the most important. It sounds like you are doing a lot in that direction already by living your faith well. Good for you. How exciting.

Thank you once again! I will sure read this book you suggested and probably many others of this topic as well now…
Thank you for prayers too, and I’m very glad that you could share your experience with me, it really helps me not to overthink and be overwhelmed. I’ll pray for you too, so that Holy Spirit guides you in your path of life as welll.

 

[Bluebright]

Thank you once again! I will sure read this book you suggested and probably many others of this topic as well now…
Thank you for prayers too, and I’m very glad that you could share your experience with me, it really helps me not to overthink and be overwhelmed. I’ll pray for you too, so that Holy Spirit guides you in your path of life as welll.

Thank you

 

[Monica4316]

Wow, so… it’s actually been several months since I pretty seriously started thinking about my vocation and understood, that I have no obvious wanting to marry. I’ve actually felt a calling to be a consecrated person, but I’m not sure wether it is just what I imagine in my head or if that actually is from God. I pray about it a lot, but it’s still very unclear to me. But this attraction kind of scared me, because maybe it shows that my vocation is to have a family after all.
But your question of how I see him - as a male or as a priest, struck me. Because whenever I see a priest or a sister, I immediately want to smile and develop some kind of ‘personality’ crush. They seem so familiar to me, like home.
I would like to ask you a prayer for me to help discerning my vocation. And thank you for your answer! It has got me thinking…
God bless!

Just a thought to contribute - just because you have feelings for someone, anyone, doesn’t mean your vocation is to have a family and not to be a consecrated person. These feelings are just natural, and a call to consecrated life is supernatural. We stay human though it’s not like people who have a call to consecrated life are unable to feel attraction for anyone, it’s not like that, it’s rather a choice they make.

As for the issue you describe… I think - just in my opinion - still go to Mass, if you’d like in a different parish for a bit of time (and offer up what you don’t like ) - but maybe just don’t talk to the priest as much and don’t look at him as much. Try to just fill your mind with thoughts about God, rather than fighting the feelings you describe directly. You’re young and sometimes people struggle with this, it will pass, just try to think more about God and develop a strong affection for Him, especially if you are discerning a vocation, then in your heart there will be more room for God and these feelings would probably lessen. It’s something that can be common though, we are human, as long as you don’t consent to these feelings - it’s not a choice. God bless you