I think that most only children do share (to differing degrees) some characteristics. Do you? What do you think they are?
Yes and No. While I believe that there may be a correlation of personality traits and characteristics with a person’s birth order or being an only child, I don’t think they are all the same.
I’m the oldest of three. My brother and I are 14 months apart and my sister and I are 5 years apart. Perhaps because I’m the oldest, there may be a similarities between the oldest and onlies, but I’ve found similar traits in others who were in a different birth order.
• getting upset over conflict
It’s natural for siblings to fight, but I hated it. I never liked myself after I would get into a fight with my siblings and I didn’t like raising my voice. I have always disliked fighting and will avoid it if I can. But I will engage in a conflict if it means speaking out to protect or defend someone else or myself who is being hurt (physically, mentally or by reputation) or unjustly treated or wrongly blamed. And I’ve gotten myself into trouble because of that, but all worth it. The funny part is that people who think they know me (especially those who have tried to treat me with a lack of respect as if I was just rug) are usually shocked when they see me do this. I tend to be quiet.
• seeing things from my point of view
I don’t think this falls under “onlies”. I believe it is deficiency in many people from all different backgrounds.
• not sharing spontaneously
Again, something I think can be seen in people of different backgrounds. I’ve seen that trait in youngest, middle and oldest children - not just only children. It all depends on how the parents raised the children.
• being happy do things on my own
Again, this trait does not just fall under only children. There are people in other categories who are like this. Often times they are in the minority of introverts. Unfortunately, because there are many more extroverts than introverts, this trait is often looked upon as something deficient in a person. It isn’t (and don’t let anyone else tell you that it is either.
)
As a true introvert, I am very happy to do things on my own. I remember being looked at as a weirdo because I was pleased to just sit in a tree to read a book or write a story as a kid instead of playing. Inner peace and quiet is still a very essential part for me. It gives me time to really think and ponder things in my own life or what’s happening to the world around me. In many ways, my “alone time” is sometimes the most spiritually and intellectually edifying, unless I’m with one or two people with whom I can trust and share my thoughts. (Like my husband, my Dad or a very good friend.)
• not asking for help or assistance
I don’t know, I think this depends on the person again. My grandmother was the youngest of six and she is extremely independent. It took a lot to get her to finally think it was ok to ask for help. (She’s 82) She didn’t ask for help because she didn’t want to be in the way of others. I’ve never been one to ask for help either since I was a little girl. I liked to learn how to do things on my own. I also didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want to bother people. I felt that I should be able to do it on my own and learn how to do it on my own without relying on others because I thought it would rude of me, especially if I knew they were busy. And when I was a kid, I used to want to be Laura Ingalls and Anne Shirley, so I thought I needed to learn how to be self-sufficient in order to survive should the world lose all its technology and such. hahahahaha!
• lack of small talk.
Why is that a negative thing? I think small talk is overrated and can be superficial. Sometimes it is needed and I had to learn how to do it, especially in my profession of meeting audience members after a recital and such. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been in so many large social situations (introverts do not like large social gatherings), if I didn’t learn how to do some small talk, I would have just been (as my husband put it) a bump on the log in the corner of the room. I’ve learned to just ask specific questions of other people and let them do the talking, then focus on something they said to get into a deeper conversation with them. If within a couple minutes of small talk I find that there will be no substantial, deep or even just a fun conversation, I politely find a way out of it. For the most part, though, in those large situations, I like to observe people (like an anthropologist, haha!) unless I find someone interesting to talk to.
What I have found sad with only children is that often times they are immediately branded as spoiled brats
because they were only children. And whenever they might do something less than stellar, people will say, “That’s because he’s an only child.” I find that very unfair for you onlies. It’s the same as people saying that the youngest child in a family are always spoiled brats, too, or that the oldest child or the only boy or only girl in the family gets everything they want. I suppose in some instances it can be true to certain degrees, but I believe it is unfair when people are all lumped together like that.
