I Cannot Tolerate Holding Hands During the "Our Father" at Mass?

[pnewton]

I believe in just going with the flow on this. It is simply not that big of a deal for me, though I would prefer to not have the hand-holding. I only bristle on the extreme sides, those that call abuse at any hand-holding and those to where it is announced that this is something we all do.

I do think our attitude should reflect the words of the prayer though, starting with the word “Our”. We do not pray the “My Father”. If we can not forgive those that trespass against us even during this prayer, we need not look for much forgiveness ourselves, regardless if that trepass is trying to hold hands or refusing to hold hands.

 

[KP3243]

When did this start happening? I am a younger Catholic and I have seen people do the hand holding more and more. When I was a little I just assume the people who did it were from out of town because I didn’t recognize them and no one in my church does it. Do some of the protestants hold hands because I see introducing yourself to your neighbor in the pew is catching on too.

 

[jim1130]

I have never seen or heard of people actually holding hands during the Our Father - what a strange thing to do! I have seen people holding their hands out (mimiking the priest) which is also odd. I would recommend firmly clasping your and closing your eyes. I do think it would be worth discussing this with the priest to establish his take on this bizzare practice.

It is an American tradition (small “t”) that seems to have caught on, but it is a non-ritual and I do not participate. If people reach toward me I will smile and shake my head “no.” I have found it to be contrived unity and something akin to having been picked up in an evangelical and fundamentalist church.

Personally, I wish people would stop doing it, but even priests do it. I’ve seen priests step to the first pew and join hands.

Sorry, but enough of this nonsense. I have no problem making eye contact and saying no. I have never been asked afterward, but if so I would simply state that the holding hands is non-liturgical and not part of the Mass.

 

[Faithdancer]

Where’s Tim and what have you done with him???

Tim left out my favorites, the leaping NFL celebratory touchdown chest bump, the smashing together of clenched fists and the 18 part handshake which as a teacher I have to re-learn every year because the kids keep changing it slightly.

 

[jim1130]

When did this start happening? I am a younger Catholic and I have seen people do the hand holding more and more. When I was a little I just assume the people who did it were from out of town because I didn’t recognize them and no one in my church does it. Do some of the protestants hold hands because I see introducing yourself to your neighbor in the pew is catching on too.

I do think that the origins of the hand-holding are the evangelical and fundamentalist Christian churches. Hand holding has not been part of the Mass. If it has then someone may correct me and show me when and where it occurred.

I do not make a big scene about it, but I do let the people on either side of me know that I do not hold hands. Even when I am with my son, we do not hold hands.

And while we are at it Is it me or do people get carried away with the “Sign of Peace”?

 

[Faithdancer]

It seems to me that the practice has been slowly but gradually becoming less common over the past few years.

Let us pray that it becomes so uncommon as to become extinct.

 

[jim1130]

i’m gonna come to your parishes and hold your hands. I’m goint to reach across three pews to do it too. And i’m going to sing the lord’s prayer…

ouuur faaaaather, who aaaart in heeeeeee-vun, halowed be thy naaaaaaame. Thy king-dooooom coooome, thy wiiiiiiill be done on eaaaarth as it is in heeeee-vuuuun. Give us this daaaaay our daaaaaily breaaaaaaaaaaaad, and for-gi-i-ve us our tre-e-spas-es, as-we-for-giv-those-who-tres-pas-a-gen-nenst-u-u-us. And leaaaaad us not in-to-ooooo-oooooooo tem-tay-ay-shun, but de-liv-er-us from eeeeeeeeeeee-vil!!!

then i’m going to lift your hands way up at the end, as high as they will go. And i’m going to do that hand-squeeze that no one knows what it means but everyone does anyway.

When the priest says “let us offer each other a sign of christ’s peace” i’m gonna yell, “praise jeeesus!” and give you all great big bear hugs, all of you, even you across the aisle.

That’s what i’m gonna do. I can’t wait for sunday!!! See you all at mass. :grouphug:

-tim-

yikes!

 

[mcw013]

Thanks for this. I never really thought of it as being “their problem”, but I guess it’s true to a point.

My dad is the same way. Just fold your hands in front of you in prayer, and close your eyes with your head bowed. If people around you can’t take a hint from THAT, then its really their problem.

 

[Faithdancer]

I got an idea that it was not the priest that won! Given any choice I am one that does not like holding hands during the Our Father.

Last I heard that priest was no longer pastor there, and the congregation is kneeling after the Agnus Dei just like always.

 

[jim1130]

Here in England we don’t hold hands but there is frantic handshaking for a long-time (during which the priest patiently waits for the frenzy to die down) after Our Father. I usually shake hands with the two people on my right and left and then hope that everyone realises that, like so many other things in mass, it is a symbol, and therefore you do not need to shake hands with 15 other people, given that you have not actually offended them (given that you do not even know them). But I have also had people start tugging my clothes from the pew behind so I had to turn round and shake hands; and I also had people walk across the aisle to shake hands. I am also quite a private person and don’t deal well with this. OP, keep your hands folded and if someone insists very much, consider if you could try to offer it, maybe now and then?

I think the handshaking for the “Sign of Peace” has gotten WAY out of hand. I am like you in that I keep within my proximity. If people are distant from me, I may move down the pew or just smile, nod, and mouth “Peace be with you.” I do not think the handshaking was intended to be this over-the-top occasion, but I guess people feel that anything worth doing is worth over doing. For me, I stand my ground for the most part and keep the hand-shaking to a minimum.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’m gonna come to your parishes and hold your hands. I’m goint to reach across three pews to do it too. And I’m going to sing the Lord’s Prayer…

**Then I’m going to lift your hands way up at the end, as high as they will go. and I’m going to do that hand-squeeze that no one knows what it means but everyone does anyway.
**
When the priest says “Let us offer each other a sign of Christ’s peace” I’m gonna yell, “Praise JEEESUS!” and give you all great big bear hugs, all of you, even YOU across the aisle.

That’s what I’m gonna do. I can’t wait for Sunday!!! See you all at Mass. :grouphug:

-Tim-

:bigyikes:

Some people at one of the parishes we attend get their hands ALL the way up at the end! Both of my sons have grown up with this practice so when they are home and we go to Mass, UP go our hands!

Since I told my husband that this is not truly IN the Mass, but has become a norm in some places, we don’t always hold hands, even between the 2 of us. See, people NEVER hold hands at the weekday Masses, and I love it that we don’t have such a hoo-hah. The older I get, the more I return to my pre-Vatican II roots as a child - just give me the Mass, nothing else. One of these days I’m going back to Latin and then I’ll be a paleo-Catholic.

 

[mcw013]

I myself try to keep the hand shaking to people around me, many times I am poked from behind or the side to shake hands with people who happen to be walking accross the church, just for the sake of shaking peoples hands… Anyway enough of that. I do find it to be distracting though.

I think the handshaking for the “Sign of Peace” has gotten WAY out of hand. I am like you in that I keep within my proximity. If people are distant from me, I may move down the pew or just smile, nod, and mouth “Peace be with you.” I do not think the handshaking was intended to be this over-the-top occasion, but I guess people feel that anything worth doing is worth over doing. For me, I stand my ground for the most part and keep the hand-shaking to a minimum.

 

[Faithdancer]

Not to divert the thread but here is a YouTube clip of the amazing Cardinal Arinze on the kneeling subject. I love it when he gets rolling!:youtube.com/watch?v=Cc0g3UMRtMM

The only place where he seems to address hand posture during the Lord’s Prayer is at 6:47 of this clip: youtube.com/watch?v=Iix5v1ytwBA&feature=related He doesn’t address physical contact directly, just hand position. He says that it is not prescribed. What is an issue on this and related threads is that none of the non-hand-holders are saying that others cannot hold hands (and this is certainly how I personally feel). We are simply requesting that others observe our posture and body language and refrain from insisting that *we *hold hands, which is in effect prescribing the holding of hands.

 

[pnewton]

What is an issue on this and related threads is that none of the non-hand-holders are saying that others cannot hold hands (and this is certainly how I personally feel). We are simply requesting that others observe our posture and body language and refrain from insisting that *we *hold hands, which is in effect prescribing the holding of hands.

This is such a simply request. A little courtesy goes a long way, especially when it goes both ways. Even if holding hands was a required posture,* which it is not*, it* still* would be polilte to allow those to refrain who wished, for any reason, and always assume the best in them.

 

[jim1130]

I myself try to keep the hand shaking to people around me, many times I am poked from behind or the side to shake hands with people who happen to be walking accross the church, just for the sake of shaking peoples hands… Anyway enough of that. I do find it to be distracting though.

That is tough, especially if people are poking and prodding. I try not to be rude, but at the same time I try to set limits.

 

[agnes_therese]

Not long ago a lady in the pew in front of me turned around and started poking my folded hands with her sharp fingernail.

I’m afraid I would have been startled into a loud “Ouch!”

 

[Faithdancer]

I do think that the origins of the hand-holding are the evangelical and fundamentalist Christian churches. Hand holding has not been part of the Mass. If it has then someone may correct me and show me when and where it occurred.

I do not make a big scene about it, but I do let the people on either side of me know that I do not hold hands. Even when I am with my son, we do not hold hands.

And while we are at it Is it me or do people get carried away with the “Sign of Peace”?

Nah, bear hugs, high fives and pretend kung fu fighting are just expressions of liturgical joy!

 

[boomerang]

That’s a good idea to keep your hands together in prayer. How about kneeling during the Our Father and keeping your hands together? I would think that would keep people away. Sit away from others. How about the cry room? In our church, there’s never anyone in there, although there should be plenty of parents and kids in there, but there are none. So we have to endure fussing, talkative, kicking, disruptive children during the quiet parts of the consecration, which makes me crazy. It’s soooo distracting. I can’t concentrate on what the priest is saying. But that is another thread!

 

[LilyM]

I’d be tempted to give any really insistent hand holder a big old smooch on the lips in return - and then say something like ‘well, you wanted to hold hands so badly I thought you must be romantically interested!’

 

[Inquiringperson]

None of these practices, including the madcap handshaking contest during the Sign of Peace, are in the rubrics. They are what is considered “local custom.”

One thing that works pretty well is to fold one’s hands together, close the eyes and bow the head immediately upon rising from the Great Amen. I say pretty well, because not long ago a lady in the pew in front of me turned around and started poking my folded hands with her sharp fingernail.

As far as the handshaking competition- I’ve been kneeling after the Agnus Dei for a while now. I’ll usually just give a bow and a “Pax Christi” to the persons to my right and left. I don’t turn around (this is against the rubrics). Yesterday I knelt before the Agnus Dei even started. I’ve seen other people doing this in our one diocesan EF Mass location. I think it’s old school but not disallowed, although a few years back an Orange County priest tried to kick out many of his congregation who were continuing to kneel after the Agnus Dei. Guess who won that little war?

Technically, the GIRM says to give the Sign of Peace to those nearest, so theoretically, one could turn around for the Sign of Peace.