I Cannot Tolerate Holding Hands During the "Our Father" at Mass?

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This has been a very interesting thread! 🙂

I’ve been to a few Masses at several different Churches, and all of them have been big churches with lots of people. I can certainly understand not wanting to hold hands with strangers, and find it beyond rude that someone would persist if you’ve made it very clear by your actions (folded hands, bowed head) that you are not interested. 😦

In contrast, I attend a very small church (there is no Essene group nearby, so I attend a different church) where we all know each other and are good friends. We do not hold hands while praying, but we do gather in a circle at the end of the service and hold hands and sing our closing song. On the rare occasion that we have visitors, they are invited to join if they wish, or they may sit or stand outside our circle and watch. I don’t mind the hand-holding because I consider everyone in the congregation to be a friend, but it would be odd on a large scale.

Jala
 
LilyM said:
I’d be tempted to give any really insistent hand holder a big old smooch on the lips in return - and then say something like ‘well, you wanted to hold hands so badly I thought you must be romantically interested!’
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Great. Now we’ll have smooching also. 🤷
 
Jala said:
This has been a very interesting thread! 🙂

I’ve been to a few Masses at several different Churches, and all of them have been big churches with lots of people. I can certainly understand not wanting to hold hands with strangers, and find it beyond rude that someone would persist if you’ve made it very clear by your actions (folded hands, bowed head) that you are not interested. 😦

In contrast, I attend a very small church (there is no Essene group nearby, so I attend a different church) where we all know each other and are good friends. We do not hold hands while praying, but we do gather in a circle at the end of the service and hold hands and sing our closing song. On the rare occasion that we have visitors, they are invited to join if they wish, or they may sit or stand outside our circle and watch. I don’t mind the hand-holding because I consider everyone in the congregation to be a friend, but it would be odd on a large scale.

Jala
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Just to make you aware of the situation. A few people here, included myself, do not like to hold hands during the Mass. However, I (and other people too) do not have problems in holding hands in a circle during prayers events outside the liturgy.
 
I’m all for holding hands during the Our Father when it’s just between my family. We hold hands when we pray before meals at home, and we look forward to doing it during the Our Father at Mass. I don’t hold hands with non-family members, though, and the few times I’ve seen people step across the aisle to hold hands, I thought it was more of a distraction than anything else.

When I attend Mass by myself, I used to hold my hands up during the Our Father but after one too many times of strangers grabbing my hand(s), I switched to bowing my head and crossing my hands in front of me. This worked for a while, right up until the time the lady next to me scooted over and grabbed my hand anyway. Considering my hands were in a somewhat delicate vicinity, I was fairly shocked and actually pulled my hand away from her, which led to no shortness of dirty looks from her and several others around us. I now fold my hands behind me when I’m at Mass alone.
 
Gordon_Sims said:
I’m all for holding hands during the Our Father when it’s just between my family. We hold hands when we pray before meals at home, and we look forward to doing it during the Our Father at Mass. I don’t hold hands with non-family members, though, and the few times I’ve seen people step across the aisle to hold hands, I thought it was more of a distraction than anything else.

When I attend Mass by myself, I used to hold my hands up during the Our Father but after one too many times of strangers grabbing my hand(s), I switched to bowing my head and crossing my hands in front of me. This worked for a while, right up until the time the lady next to me scooted over and grabbed my hand anyway. Considering my hands were in a somewhat delicate vicinity, I was fairly shocked and actually pulled my hand away from her, which led to no shortness of dirty looks from her and several others around us. I now fold my hands behind me when I’m at Mass alone.
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That reminds of of a recent episode during the frantic-handshaking-of-peace, when someone on the other side of the person next to me extended their hand, and I would have had to reach directly across the intervening dowager’s bosom in order to comply. I just bowed and smiled, and kept my hands folded in prayerful supplication.

Perhaps those who are aggressive with the hand grabbing think that we are unaware of the custom, and they need to instruct us? Still, when one has one’s hands folded, head down, and eyes closed, no further postural indication should be necessary. Poking, and grabbing at one’s clothing, hands, or arms, is not only inappropriate, it is technically assault, not that anyone would press charges over it.
 
I had the good fortune of having a good Catholic friend invite me to mass, and the parish did hold hands during the Our Father.

I jokingly told him afterwards that that part was too protestant… even for me! 🙂

I think I got a raspberry for that! 😃
 
Faithdancer said:
I’ll usually just give a “Pax Christi” to the persons to my right and left. I don’t turn around (this is against the rubrics).
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No, it’s not against the rubrics. See Inquiringperson’s post below in my reply.
Samuel63 said:
You are not supposed to hold hands during the Our Father prayer. It is not in the G.I.R.M. which is the governing church document. PERIOD.
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Well, you’re wrong about that. No posture for the laity (except standing) is prescribed or prohibited during the Lord’s Prayer, so people can hold hands if they want. It’s perfectly allowed.

What is not okay is attempting to force the custom of holding hands on everyone. It’s rude and inappropriately imposes conformity to something merely optional and customary.
jim1130 said:
I think the handshaking for the “Sign of Peace” has gotten WAY out of hand.
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Yeah, I agree. People continue it well into the Agnus Dei, which doesn’t seem right to me. While we’re supposed to be singing/chanting/speaking to our Lord pleading for mercy and peace, we’re still conducting fun social time with each other.

I try to focus on the Lord and the altar when the Agnus Dei begins.
Faithdancer said:
None of the non-hand-holders are saying that others cannot hold hands (and this is certainly how I personally feel). We are simply requesting that others observe our posture and body language and refrain from insisting that *we *hold hands, which is in effect prescribing the holding of hands.
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Precisely. People can do it if they want, but forcing it on others is not okay.
boomerang said:
How about kneeling during the Our Father and keeping your hands together?
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Is that allowed? What does the GIRM say? Aren’t we supposed to stand during the Lord’s Prayer?
Inquiringperson said:
Technically, the GIRM says to give the Sign of Peace to those nearest, so theoretically, one could turn around for the Sign of Peace.
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That’s what I thought.
TEPO said:
I’m sitting by LilyM next Sunday… 😊😃
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LOL. 🙂
 
Faithdancer said:
None of these practices, including the madcap handshaking contest during the Sign of Peace, are in the rubrics. They are what is considered “local custom.”

One thing that works pretty well is to fold one’s hands together, close the eyes and bow the head immediately upon rising from the Great Amen. I say pretty well, because not long ago a lady in the pew in front of me turned around and started poking my folded hands with her sharp fingernail.

As far as the handshaking competition-** I’ve been kneeling after the Agnus Dei for a while now.** I’ll usually just give a bow and a “Pax Christi” to the persons to my right and left. I don’t turn around (this is against the rubrics). Yesterday I knelt before the Agnus Dei even started. I’ve seen other people doing this in our one diocesan EF Mass location. I think it’s old school but not disallowed, although a few years back an Orange County priest tried to kick out many of his congregation who were continuing to kneel after the Agnus Dei. Guess who won that little war?
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I couldn’t help but notice that you “have been kneeling after the Agnus Dei for a while now.” Has the bishop given the instruction that everyone is to remain standing After the Agnus Dei?" If so, he has the authority to do so and his authority to set such instruction should be respected.
 
Well, as a noob to all this, I’m confused. If almost nobody likes the hand-holding,- which is what these forums seem to suggest–and it is not required— why is it that every Catholic church I’ve tried ( the 3 nearest me ) is doing it??

I really am curious, how does the hand holding custom get started, and what keeps it going, if most people would prefer not to?

I find singing during mass equally confusing. Are we supposed to be singing or just standing there? At my local church- about 5 out of 60 sing- it feels odd to me not to sing along with the parts that I am learning- but since pretty much nobody else is singing, I’m not sure what the protocol actually is…
 
Candescent said:
Well, as a noob to all this, I’m confused. If almost nobody likes the hand-holding,- which is what these forums seem to suggest–and it is not required— why is it that every Catholic church I’ve tried ( the 3 nearest me ) is doing it?
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Two reasons. One, this forum is not your average Catholic cross-section. Two, people tend to post about things they most care about. On this, I may an exception, as I float through many different sections here and notice that the majority of people stay in their few areas of interest.
 
Way too protestant for me. I can’t stand it and I don’t really understand why so many Catholics do it.
 
Candescent said:
Well, as a noob to all this, I’m confused. If almost nobody likes the hand-holding,- which is what these forums seem to suggest–and it is not required— why is it that every Catholic church I’ve tried ( the 3 nearest me ) is doing it??

I really am curious, how does the hand holding custom get started, and what keeps it going, if most people would prefer not to?

I find singing during mass equally confusing. Are we supposed to be singing or just standing there? At my local church- about 5 out of 60 sing- it feels odd to me not to sing along with the parts that I am learning- but since pretty much nobody else is singing, I’m not sure what the protocol actually is…
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We Catholics tend to be change-resistant…so once something becomes common practice, we just keep doing it…🤷 It comes with the territory, I suppose…Many people in the congregation maybe don’t even realize that we aren’t supposed to be doing it; many others don’t like it but will never do anything differently (until someone else starts a movement).

Yes, we are supposed to sing along with the sung parts. Again, why your parish doesn’t? 🤷 Try another parish and see if the custom changes. But that is something we ARE supposed to do, so if they DO hold hands during the Our Father, but DON’T sing, they’re getting it wrong twice.

🙂
 
Gordon_Sims said:
When I attend Mass by myself, I used to hold my hands up during the Our Father but after one too many times of strangers grabbing my hand(s), I switched to bowing my head and crossing my hands in front of me. This worked for a while, right up until the time the lady next to me scooted over and grabbed my hand anyway. Considering my hands were in a somewhat delicate vicinity, I was fairly shocked and actually pulled my hand away from her, which led to no shortness of dirty looks from her and several others around us. I now fold my hands behind me when I’m at Mass alone.
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That was extremely rude of her “delicate vicinity” or not. The dirty looks were inappropriate as well. I’m surprised that no one has tried to grab your hands behind you.
 
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