I cant enjoy my life

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Babinicz

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I simply cant. Every social activity comes with a struggle. Im 19 y/o. I know that having parties isnt the goal of youngs’ life but for every party that I have been invited I am afraid.
Of what? I dont even know. Am I too shy? For me parties arent a pleasure. Id rather sit in my room than enjoy myself.
 
Did you know that it is part of being a teenager to feel awkward, outside, embarrassed, like you “don’t fit in”?

Not every person is comfortable at parties. We learn how to go and be a good party guest so we can attend work and important social functions.

Some people are happier getting together with a rocket making club or a book club or to go hiking with friends. There are a million ways to socialize other than parties.
 
Yeah but I guess parties will be the most used way to socialize on university
 
All through college I didn’t do the whole party thing. It wasn’t my cup of tea. After college my friends and I were too busy or not near each other to try to live it up, so to say. I did however find groups of people that also didn’t want to party and we’d all hang out and socialize, go to cultural festivals, and organize crafts and projects. That way I didn’t always feed my inclination to squirrel away until I needed to emerge for class. Now at work I join socials and talk to co-workers but those don’t happen often so it’s kind of a treat to meet up and talk about anything but work.

Parties are the easiest socialization to find, but they aren’t the only path you have to take. You’re at a wonderful age to come into your own and socialize how you want to instead of how your peers tell you to. Take control. Look around and be unconventional. You might be surprised at what you find.
 
Fear not. We were made to live our lives, not to be fearful about our lives.
Our purpose in life is to praise and glorify God in what we say and do. And to love and serve one another as brothers and sisters in this world.
Having fun. Attending parties. That is part of life, too.
 
I went to very few college parties and usually only when there was a good band playing or it was super convenient (like my roommate or my dormmate happened to have a party going on so I stopped by).
I didn’t drink so that pretty much limited my party fun to dancing and listening to a band. I also learned pretty quickly not to use parties as a way to meet new people because the vast majority of attendees were either inebriated or hopelessly immature or not my type or all of the above.

Find a hobby or an activity you enjoy and meet people through that. It will be much more rewarding. Most of the people I ended up meeting were through my working at the college radio station or being involved with bands. I’m still friendly with and keep in touch with a number of those people 35 years later, because we actually share interests.
 
But I think most teens “fit in” judging how theh can actually have fun on parties. Im not talking about using drugs.

And here its me with my social anxiety.
 
Parties are one of those things that are never as fun as they’re “supposed” to be.

So don’t go the the party. Big whoop.

Instead, invite a few close friends over to your house for pizza and hang out. Or a pick-up basketball game. Or to see a movie.
 
Right now, the primary socializing you need is with Christ. A nearby parish? Newman Center? Go and spend time with Christ, the Divine Physician.

There is no judgment, no condemnation, only the peace which surpasses all understanding.

And no headache or apologies the next morning!
 
In the movies 🙂 In real life you will find clubs and groups and many ways to socialize! Your first stop ought to be at the Newman Center or at the Catholic Parish that covers the campus. Get involved there!
 
Why do you want to fit in with people that are going to places and spending time doing things that make you uncomfortable? You’re 19, which while technically a teen, is hardly what I would consider the height of teenage years. You’re an adult, so you can make the adult decision on deciding on how you want to spend your leisure. Find other young adults and groups that do things that you enjoy and help you grow. Stop worrying about fitting in and instead focus on finding enjoyment and fulfilling people to be around who also don’t just go with the flow of things.
 
Yes but Im not living in my studio that nobody knows me. There are other students in the rooms and everyone will know who doesnt want to go to a party.

I dont want this time to be another trial filled with mockery or even bullying. Sure, it can be survived but my mental condition isnt well.

I want to know people and talk after lectures but Im not the type of party man.
 
When I was a teen, I met people in class and by sharing common interests, not by going to parties. Parties can make anyone anxious, and, frankly, they can also be a bore. Everyone puts on a phony mask and pretends they are really enjoying themselves. Don’t believe it is the only or best way to fit in. There are other things you can do that are much more enjoyable and interesting: join a club on campus, such as the Catholic club or any other group whose activities you find interesting. Look for people who enjoy activities or hobbies you enjoy. You don’t have to conform to what you perceive others are doing (and not really liking).
 
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Babinicz said:
Yes but Im not living in my studio that nobody knows me. There are other students in the rooms and everyone will know who doesnt want to go to a party.
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If you confidently do your own thing and be your own person, they should respect that, and even if they don’t, it won’t matter to you. There are actually a lot of teens who don’t like to party. They generally don’t care what “party people” think of them because they don’t want to be friends with “party people” anyway.

You’re growing up and you need to work a lot harder on not caring what people think.
 
Stop making excuses. Your personality is not fully formed yet, and it is you who can shape it. That doesn’t mean you have to be the life-of-the-party extravert. Not everyone is this kind of person, and that’s perfectly fine. Reading a good book or listening to music by yourself is great, but no need to do that all the time. You also need to meet other people with whom you can talk comfortably and get along, share interests and hobbies, and have similar personalities. But it’s up to you to make the first move. Don’t isolate yourself. Get out there and join a group on campus with people and activities you like. For example, is there a Newman Center on your campus? You might want to start by participating there. Or a book club or music group or sports activity, wherever your interests lie.
 
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@Babinicz, you need to talk to a health professional about all your anxieties.

Parties are not the be all and end all. If you really feel as if you should go, you don’t have to stay for the duration. Focus on meeting people through hobbies and sport. You’ve convinced yourself parties are so important, and you’re missing out on better ways to meet people and befriend them.
 
There’s no time like the present to start building your personality up and becoming stronger and more confident and assertive. Ask God to help you.

And I also agree with Lou2U that if you’re having this much difficulty, you really should be seeing a health professional to get the help you need.
 
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