I can't feel Gods Love for me

[Shameless]

I am a recovering sex addict (self-abuse), this “condition” has been afflicting me for 18+ years. I am married (9 years w/kids) my wife knows about my “condition”, the problem is I don’t feel God’s love for me. I know he loves me but nothing is going right for me. I’m selfish, impatient, mean, moody, etc. I have health problems, anxiety, depression so I usually always feel bad and tired I get irritaed very easy. I can’t seem to change much, I can’t STAY inspired. I hear a good uplifting show on EWTN radio or TV and I’m inspired, then I fall again within days. Last night I went to Eucharistic Adoration, stayed longer than an hour, then today I fell and masturbated, how can that happen? I can’t afford a shrink, can’t afford medication, have no friens, my co-workers don’t care for me, I’m hurting my wife by doing this, I can’t seem to stop. I pray daily, more than once to help me stop this - and I continue to sin. Why won’t God listen to me?, I thought he loved me, if he is showing me how to overcome this, I ain’t gettin it.
I have made progress last year at this time I “fell” 72 times this year it’s 28, but once is too many times. God help me!! Please.
It hurts, I don’t want to go to hell.

 

[Catholic_Dude]

Have you been reading the Bible daily/regularly?
If you dont know where to start, start at the New Testament and just read a little every night.

 

[Stac4Grace]

I know you may not feel God’s love for you but trust me, He loves you very much! You say you are moody, selfish, impatient, and have health problems but maybe this is how God wants things to be for now. He sees that you are praying and going to Adoration and asking Him for help. God wants you to perservere and this must be how He wants you to do it. I know it may seem hard for you and you think that it will never end but you have to trust in God and try the best you can to be Christ-like. God hears your prayers and He won’t let you down. Things will happen for you when God is ready for them to just keep praying and doing the best you can. You said your wife knows about this and I’m sure she is praying for you too. Don’t be so hard on yourself! God Loves You!

 

[mhansen]

Shameless:

I am a recovering sex addict (self-abuse), this “condition” has been afflicting me for 18+ years. I am married (9 years w/kids) my wife knows about my “condition”, the problem is I don’t feel God’s love for me. I know he loves me but nothing is going right for me. I’m selfish, impatient, mean, moody, etc. I have health problems, anxiety, depression so I usually always feel bad and tired I get irritaed very easy. I can’t seem to change much, I can’t STAY inspired. I hear a good uplifting show on EWTN radio or TV and I’m inspired, then I fall again within days. Last night I went to Eucharistic Adoration, stayed longer than an hour, then today I fell and masturbated, how can that happen? I can’t afford a shrink, can’t afford medication, have no friens, my co-workers don’t care for me, I’m hurting my wife by doing this, I can’t seem to stop. I pray daily, more than once to help me stop this - and I continue to sin. Why won’t God listen to me?, I thought he loved me, if he is showing me how to overcome this, I ain’t gettin it.
I have made progress last year at this time I “fell” 72 times this year it’s 28, but once is too many times. God help me!! Please.
It hurts, I don’t want to go to hell.

He DOES love you - unconditionally. Please, don’t let your sense of self-worth be dependent on how often you “fall.” He loves you before you fall, while you’re falling, and after you’ve fallen. You must understand this. Guilt that drives a wedge between us and God, or us and family, friends, etc, is an unhealthy guilt. I believe it is this unhealthy guilt, and the resultant fear associated with it that is the underlying cause of most, if not all, of your “problems.”

You’re being a lot harder on yourself than God is. Spend time with him in prayer, even if you don’t say a word. You said you can’t afford a psychiatrist…maybe a spiritual director is something you’ll consider instead.

God didn’t put us on this earth to torture us. Everything that does torture us comes from within - from our own minds. Please, lighten up on yourself a LOT and open yourself up to God’s love.

Mike

 

[Shameless]

Yes, I read the bible daily, multiple times.
Catholic Dude:

Have you been reading the Bible daily/regularly?
If you dont know where to start, start at the New Testament and just read a little every night.

 

[Shameless]

Thank you for your kind words, if God wants me to be hear I wish I could understand why. I’m tired of it, it’s killing me, literally.

Stac4Grace:

I know you may not feel God’s love for you but trust me, He loves you very much! You say you are moody, selfish, impatient, and have health problems but maybe this is how God wants things to be for now. He sees that you are praying and going to Adoration and asking Him for help. God wants you to perservere and this must be how He wants you to do it. I know it may seem hard for you and you think that it will never end but you have to trust in God and try the best you can to be Christ-like. God hears your prayers and He won’t let you down. Things will happen for you when God is ready for them to just keep praying and doing the best you can. You said your wife knows about this and I’m sure she is praying for you too. Don’t be so hard on yourself! God Loves You!

 

[Shameless]

I’m being hard on myself because I’m sinning mortally, I know I can go to hell for it but it doesn’t stop me, to me that makes me the WORST KIND OF SINNER THERE IS.

mhansen:

He DOES love you - unconditionally. Please, don’t let your sense of self-worth be dependent on how often you “fall.” He loves you before you fall, while you’re falling, and after you’ve fallen. You must understand this. Guilt that drives a wedge between us and God, or us and family, friends, etc, is an unhealthy guilt. I believe it is this unhealthy guilt, and the resultant fear associated with it that is the underlying cause of most, if not all, of your “problems.”

You’re being a lot harder on yourself than God is. Spend time with him in prayer, even if you don’t say a word. You said you can’t afford a psychiatrist…maybe a spiritual director is something you’ll consider instead.

God didn’t put us on this earth to torture us. Everything that does torture us comes from within - from our own minds. Please, lighten up on yourself a LOT and open yourself up to God’s love.

Mike

 

[Pentecost2005]

Daily Rosary – start with five decades. It may be difficult at first, but it’s worth it to persevere. Get a copy of The Secret of the Rosay by St. Louis de Montfort ($3-$5). It will light a fire in your soul. Get your Rosary blessed by a priest. Ask him to make an explicit, blessing out loud. Ask for St. Mary’s help.

catholiccompany.com/product_detail.cfm?ID=3816

If for some reason, you can’t find the book, or you find yourself procrastinating, let me know, and I will send you a copy.

 

[Shameless]

Thanks, but already doing and have done all this and I do have that book. God bless.

Pentecost2005:

Daily Rosary – start with five decades. It may be difficult at first, but it’s worth it to persevere. Get a copy of The Secret of the Rosay by St. Louis de Montfort ($3-$5). It will light a fire in your soul. Get your Rosary blessed by a priest. Ask him to make an explicit, blessing out loud. Ask for St. Mary’s help.

catholiccompany.com/product_detail.cfm?ID=3816

If for some reason, you can’t find the book, or you find yourself procrastinating, let me know, and I will send you a copy.

 

[mhansen]

Shameless:

I’m being hard on myself because I’m sinning mortally, I know I can go to hell for it but it doesn’t stop me, to me that makes me the WORST KIND OF SINNER THERE IS.

My friend,

That God is waiting for you to slip just to send you off to eternal punishment is a lie. It puts God’s love on a level which is human at best. We cannot begin to comprehend the depth of God’s love. The best we can do is compare it to our own flawed human understanding of conditional love. In this, we do a great injustice to God (in that we restrict His love) and to our fellow man because they (such as yourself) feel that they have to do something to EARN God’s love. If this is the case, none of us will EVER be good enough. God’s love is given freely. This being the case, the only thing I would ask of you is to share this love not only with your family, friends, and loved ones, but also with YOURSELF, in gratitude for the love shown to us by God. Even this is not a requirement, but should be a natural outpouring of love in return for the love shown to us by God.

You’re struggling with a habit. Welcome to life as a human being. Not a day goes by that each of us doesn’t struggle with something. It doesn’t make us any less worthy of God’s love. I hope and pray you come to realize this.

Mike

 

[MariaGorettiGrl]

Could you talk to your priest? Sometimes your priest will also know of councellors who can work around your financial inability to pay them.

It would be hypocritical for me to say “There is hope!” without confessing that I’m in very much the same boat you are. I have had depression for most of my life and, even with the help of doctors and medication, have not been able to beat it yet. It weakens my immunity, so I get sick a lot and it makes it hard for me to sleep. I, too, struggle with masturbation and everytime I fall, I feel like the worst person ever! On the rare occasions that I ever feel “inspired”, it never lasts more than a few hours. I have trouble feeling God’s love even when I’m before the Eucharist. There have been times when hell didn’t seem to me like it could be any worse than this life. It was only through unfelt grace from God that I was able to keep going.

But as I read your post, besides taking comfort in the thought that I am not alone in my trials, I couldn’t help but see that God has a plan for you and your full recovery will come when the time is right. It’s so much easier for me to think that God will help you than to accept that He will help me. The cold, hard truth is that He already has been helping the both of us. The fact that you and I both want to do the right thing and suffer so when we fail proves that God is there, for where there is goodness, there is God.

I don’t know why God allows us to face this suffering and with so little consolation. But by perservering and offering up our pain, we are doing some good that is only known to God. God never lets anyone suffer needlessly or alone. Even when we can’t feel Him, He has never left us. For some reason, the time when we feel abandoned by Him is the time that He is nearest to us.

Hold strong! Relief will come. God will not let this torture break you! And when you feel alone, I am here. I don’t know much about you, but I like to think everyone on this message board is a friend, sappy as it may sound. I know I will not be the only one praying for you.

And know that you aren’t the worst kind of sinner. Have a little love for youself. Those who never even try are far worse off than you or me. God knows our intentions and our weaknesses and He is merciful.

You’re loved, Shameless.

 

[cheddarsox]

Sometimes we are not addicted to the act as much as we are addicted to the idea that we are not worthy of God’s love and redemption. Sometimes the repeated act of sin is a symptom of our deeper inability to accept the divine gift of total love.

Working with a priest or spiritual counselor can often help us work through the underlying causes of our addiction to the idea of unworthiness.

It can be terrifying to think of spending eternity with God, to receive love we feel we are unworthy of and have not earned. Certain personality types and people with certain histories are more prone to this than others.

Some of these personalities turn to extreme mortification as a way of dealing with their guilt, shame and feelings of unworthiness, others turn to habitual sin, often of a sexual nature, or other type that brings feelings of great shame upon one’s self.

A spiritual advisor/counselor can be of great assistance here, in providing both counsel and accountability to the afflicted.

cheddar

 

[Shameless]

mhansen:

My friend,

That God is waiting for you to slip just to send you off to eternal punishment is a lie. It puts God’s love on a level which is human at best. We cannot begin to comprehend the depth of God’s love. The best we can do is compare it to our own flawed human understanding of conditional love. In this, we do a great injustice to God (in that we restrict His love) and to our fellow man because they (such as yourself) feel that they have to do something to EARN God’s love. If this is the case, none of us will EVER be good enough. God’s love is given freely. This being the case, the only thing I would ask of you is to share this love not only with your family, friends, and loved ones, but also with YOURSELF, in gratitude for the love shown to us by God. Even this is not a requirement, but should be a natural outpouring of love in return for the love shown to us by God.

You’re struggling with a habit. Welcome to life as a human being. Not a day goes by that each of us doesn’t struggle with something. It doesn’t make us any less worthy of God’s love. I hope and pray you come to realize this.

Mike

Thanks but I think this is a vice which is worse than a habit, or I think it’s an addiction.

 

[Shameless]

MariaGorettiGrl:

Could you talk to your priest? Sometimes your priest will also know of councellors who can work around your financial inability to pay them.

It would be hypocritical for me to say “There is hope!” without confessing that I’m in very much the same boat you are. I have had depression for most of my life and, even with the help of doctors and medication, have not been able to beat it yet. It weakens my immunity, so I get sick a lot and it makes it hard for me to sleep. I, too, struggle with masturbation and everytime I fall, I feel like the worst person ever! On the rare occasions that I ever feel “inspired”, it never lasts more than a few hours. I have trouble feeling God’s love even when I’m before the Eucharist. There have been times when hell didn’t seem to me like it could be any worse than this life. It was only through unfelt grace from God that I was able to keep going.

But as I read your post, besides taking comfort in the thought that I am not alone in my trials, I couldn’t help but see that God has a plan for you and your full recovery will come when the time is right. It’s so much easier for me to think that God will help you than to accept that He will help me. The cold, hard truth is that He already has been helping the both of us. The fact that you and I both want to do the right thing and suffer so when we fail proves that God is there, for where there is goodness, there is God.

I don’t know why God allows us to face this suffering and with so little consolation. But by perservering and offering up our pain, we are doing some good that is only known to God. God never lets anyone suffer needlessly or alone. Even when we can’t feel Him, He has never left us. For some reason, the time when we feel abandoned by Him is the time that He is nearest to us.

Hold strong! Relief will come. God will not let this torture break you! And when you feel alone, I am here. I don’t know much about you, but I like to think everyone on this message board is a friend, sappy as it may sound. I know I will not be the only one praying for you.

And know that you aren’t the worst kind of sinner. Have a little love for youself. Those who never even try are far worse off than you or me. God knows our intentions and our weaknesses and He is merciful.

You’re loved, Shameless.

Hi, Thanks, I do talk to priests but they are so busy and I hate to keep bothering them with my problems, I just feel like I’m always intruding.

 

[Shameless]

cheddarsox:

Sometimes we are not addicted to the act as much as we are addicted to the idea that we are not worthy of God’s love and redemption. Sometimes the repeated act of sin is a symptom of our deeper inability to accept the divine gift of total love.

Working with a priest or spiritual counselor can often help us work through the underlying causes of our addiction to the idea of unworthiness.

It can be terrifying to think of spending eternity with God, to receive love we feel we are unworthy of and have not earned. Certain personality types and people with certain histories are more prone to this than others.

Some of these personalities turn to extreme mortification as a way of dealing with their guilt, shame and feelings of unworthiness, others turn to habitual sin, often of a sexual nature, or other type that brings feelings of great shame upon one’s self.

A spiritual advisor/counselor can be of great assistance here, in providing both counsel and accountability to the afflicted.

cheddar

I would love to have a spiritual director but how do you find one? I talked to one priest about it and he kinda didn’t want to get into all that.

 

[threej_lc]

1. YOUR ARE NOT ALONE! Many men and women out there suffer from sexual addiction. There have been a wide variety of sexual addiction recovery and support groups formed across the United States to help those struggling. They should all be free of charge. A quick google search found me the following:

saa-recovery.org/
sa.org/
rsaministries.org/
sca-recovery.org/

Look through each of their meeting directories. There is almost sure to be one near you.

1. When you feel like you’ve fallen very low, go to confession. Then afterwards, immediately go before the blessed sacrament and spend time in meditation on the following: How greatly is God praised through you, that you, although haven fallen so far in your own mind, would still choose to come before in in reconciliation? How great is he glorified that you would come in humility to his priest to bring yourself back to him?

How could Christ not love they who give him such glory?

Josh

 

[Topher]

Shameless,
God loves you no matter what you feel and no matter what you do. I know that for sure. The bible doesn’t say “For God so loved good people that he sent his only son” or “For God so loved those who feel loved”. NO! the bible says “For God so loved the WORLD that he sent his only begotten Son”. The whole world, no matter what their sins or condition in life. God’s love has nothing to do with feelings. As for hell. I think you need not obsess about that. If you are truly a sex addict, then God does take that into account. Being an addict means that ones free will is seriously impared. For a sin to be mortal, it is required that one’s free will be intact. If you are an addict, then your will is not intact, and thus in these matters, you are not guilty of mortal sin with regaurd to things such as masturbation. In this case it would be venial sin if you are trying to overcome it. However, you sound more like some one who is just struggling. If you continue to seek repentance and grace through the sacrment of reconciliation, God will do the rest. He will bring you to eternal life. I am not saying that you should presume on God’s grace but I am saying that if you are doing your best to love God with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength, trying your best to stay in the state of grace, then Christ blesses you and will bring you to heaven to be with him some day.
Love in Christ,
Topher
P.S. I will be praying for you!

 

[Beebs]

Shameless
I didn’t see you mention confession.
Confession will allow you to get closer to God and allow his grace to help overcome you addiction.
I’m not saying it is going to be easy and at first it will seem like you will need to go once a week.

Also your focus of sexuality has been warped by society.
You most likely are focusing on the act and not its mutual unifiying nature.

I would suggest getting Chris West book on the theology of the body.

I will pray for you.

Never lose hope and keep trying no matter how many time you fall. If you fall go to confession and try again.

Beebs

 

[Egg4christ]

Keep heart. Keep praying.Keep going.
remember, GOD LOVES YOU.
HE LOVES YOU
REALLY!
it’s already been said, but this love is not conditional. It doesn’t fade when you lose the warm fuzzies, or when you fall in your walk.
I honestly don’t know how to combat an addiction. But i have a lot of friends who fall to this same feeling of hopelessness.
They just feel like God is a million miles away, that their prayers are bouncing off the ceiling, being reflected by some invisible barrier, never reaching God.
In the times that i have found this, often i am led to simply, give up. Give up control, give up my efforts, my ability, my everything. I am forced to admit that i am entirely hopeless without him, that i can accomplish nothing worthwhile if he is not leading. It is often in those times that God lifts me up, and puts me back on my feet.
Now, i have to warn you, that “feelings” are only temporary. Nobody is happy and optimisitic all the time. Sooner or later, hardship or failure will crop back up again, and you will not feel that “incredible closeness” to God anymore. Remember that God is not in that alone. Practice finding him even when emotions are not high.

 

[Catolico]

Shameless:

I have made progress last year at this time I “fell” 72 times this year it’s 28, but once is too many times. God help me!! Please.
It hurts, I don’t want to go to hell.

Dear Shameless

Do yourself a favor and STOP counting. You may feel this helps you, but I believe it does just the opposite.
You have received excellent advice on this thread. Be patient this is going to take time, trust God and trust His Love.
Know that you are not alone, more people that you imagine deal with the problems you are having. You will be in my prayers