I could use some prayers if you have the time

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homewardbound

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Hey,

I’m sure some of you have seen me around.

I’ve been having vocation confusion and such, but I’m getting better at being patient with that. Today I’m asking for prayers for a problem I’ve been dealing with since I was 13 years old, depression.

Let me give you all some short background information on why I struggle so much with this.

I was adopted at 5 years of age by my maternal grandparents because I was being physically and emotionally abused by my parents, mainly my father.

I was raised Baptist, and loved church. Until, at the age of 13, I began to be sexually molested by my youth paster(who was also the pastor’s son). This went on for two years and I finally, kinda, told when he started getting more men involved.

I was a mess by then and had turned my back on God. I was cutting and suicidal. Somehow, I hid all of this from my family. at 16, I began having sex and got into an abusive relationship(abusive in every way). I stayed with him for two years because I thought I deserved it, and really didn’t see what he was doing to me.

Last year I had a breakdown. I couldn’t keep all of this inside anymore and I started counseling. Last semester, the second week of January, I ended up in a psychiatric ward. I was there for a week and struggled for the rest of the semester with depression, anxiety, and fighting any urges to hurt myself.

God, even though I didn’t have the strength or courage to ask him to, reached down and pulled me out of the awful place I as in.

I transfered schools and have just started a new semester. Problem is, I’m feeling depressed again. I have no clue why. It’s really getting a huge grip on me. I’m struggling so much to go to class. I have one in 20 mins and I just feel so afraid. Afraid of what? I don’t know. I’ve been praying for God to help me, but then my mind just keeps telling me how selfish it is of me to expect God to fix everything. I don’t know.

Sorry for the long post. I’m just feeling so depressed and hopeless right now. I can’t let this semester be anything like the last(I failed every class). Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever make it through college.

This isn’t me, and I want it to go away. My mind just keeps telling me I must be doing something wrong.

Anyway, thanks for your time. I hope my post makes enough sense. Sorry for its length, I meant for it to be shorter.

Everyone take care!
 
homewardbound, my prayers are w/ you. You are still under the care of a psychistrist/psychologist, aren’t you? Check out Father Emmerich Voigt (sp?) site and his 12 step program. He recommends reading material for all sorts of issues, including yours.
 
MJE said:
homewardbound, my prayers are w/ you. You are still under the care of a psychistrist/psychologist, aren’t you? Check out Father Emmerich Voigt (sp?) site and his 12 step program. He recommends reading material for all sorts of issues, including yours.
Click to expand...
Yes I am still in therapy. But since I transfered I had to start all over with a new person, which can be hard also. Thank you very much I’ll check Father Emmerich’s advice out.🙂
 
homewardbound said:
Hey,
…
I’ve been praying for God to help me, but then my mind just keeps telling me how selfish it is of me to expect God to fix everything. I don’t know.

This isn’t me, and I want it to go away. My mind just keeps telling me I must be doing something wrong.
Click to expand...
I am so sorry for what you have been through.
I will keep you in my prayer.

No, you are not selfish to expect God to fix your problem. God loves you so much and He died for you. His healing is for you.
You are not doing anything wrong by praying to God and wanting to get out of depression.

It is good you are going through therapy, but you also need to talk to a priest you can trust and seek for pastoral help. The best thing is to find a priest who gives inner healing prayers. Not every priest has such a gift. Ask around to find a priest who performs such type of healing service.

Also, if you can find any Catholic church that has special “healing Mass”, by all means attend.

You need lots of healings from above, from our Lord Jesus. Pray and ask others to pray for you are good, but in your case, you need someone who is Holy Spirit anointed to lay hands on you and pray for your deliverance. You need to be delivered from your past abusive experience. The hurtful experience is beyond yourself to handle.

Is there a college priest you can talk to? If not, is there a priest in town you can seek for help? Reach out, look for pastoral help and start from there. Say Rosary for yourself if you can.

God bless!
 
What you are experiencing is the coming to the surface of emotions you repressed while you were being abused. And considering the amount of abuse you’ve suffered it’s no surprise that you have many recurring bouts of it. It is not guilt, although it feels like guilt, I know, it is anger turned in on yourself. I too was abused, but not exactly as you were or as badly, but I know the symptoms of depression due to that abuse. This is not your fault and you are not responsible for the bad things that happened to you. I cannot tell you what to do (I’m not a therapist and not qualified), but I can share with you what helped me.

First of all, I had to recognize that bad things happened to me and that I was helpless to do anything about it at the time. It’s a terrible feeling to be helpless–it cuts you off from yourself and makes you feel like you deserved it. But, that’s simply not true.

Secondly, I had to forgive (not with feelings but with an act of my will, with the grace of God) those who hurt me. This can take a lot of time to do, so be patient with yourself and allow yourself to work through your feelings, trusting all the while in God’s goodness that you will come out the other side intact and happy.

And thirdly, I asked daily (sometimes hourly) for the aid of St. Dymphna. She was a huge help to me. Also, St. Michael helped me fight off spiritual attacks I was suffering, but that may not apply to you.

God bless you, dear one. I will remember you in my prayers.
 
homewardbound,

I would like to recommend a little booklet to you, it’s called “Confidence in God” and is available from the Passionist Missionaries, Monastery Place, Union City, NJ 07087.
I’ll remember you in my daily prayers…
 
Myself as well, with Saint Joseph.

For your courage and confidence. And your angel may call on mine for help whenever needed.

*Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself. *
 
You are in my prayers as well. Never forget, you are not alone. God loves you and gave you the gift of your very own guardian angel who is with you every moment to love you, guide you, comfort you, do battle for you against whatever darkness you’re up against. Use this powerful resource. Ask him to go with you every day and thank him for being there even if you may not have known it. Tell him now that you do, he’d better get ready, because you’re going to be calling on him. He’ll be thrilled. Here’s a prayer from Pope Leo XIII that he advised we pray often. It has been very helpful to me. (St. Michael is also the patron saint of police officers.)

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the Divine power, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
And don’t think this is some wussy little angel off a Hallmark card either. This is a big combat-trained angel that can kick major butt.
 
Hi,

Sometimes I also find a little thought trickle into my head that it is so “selfish” for me to keep asking God for help and that I shouldn’t have to bother him all the time. But when I thought of it, and as I read those very words right now, it seems strange because God isn’t a sinful human being like, perhaps, our fathers are or were or other significant persons in our lives were or are. He’s God, obviously, and sometimes we need to come clean with Him with these feelings. No need and no use to pretend to be someone else or hide what we feel. God knows what we feel. He knows our faults and our insecurities and needs. And he wants us to humbly come to him and rely on Him.

I also learned that we are all children of God…even our fathers and other authority figures we have in our lives are all equally children of God. And other human beings may fail us…as even we fail ourselves…but gradually we must learn that God doesn’t and won’t and we CAN trust him. Other human beings might claim to ask uf to do things for our own good and then they fail or abuse us…but God is both just and merciful, He disciplines us but ALWAYS for our own good…he will always be faithful to us.

A week ago, I brought a thought to prayer. Sometimes, after mass, I’m not sure what to say to God in prayer and that thought crept in. " I don’t want to keep bothering God…I should be more independent",Whoops…then I realized it really wasn’t that I wanted to be “considerate” of God but rather I often deal with pride and wanting to be in control of things instead of having to give God the control and follow His will. It’s hard to realize after so many years of acting otherwise…when being in control in daily appears normal.

I’ll pray for you too. Sorry that I seem to have just focused on a bit of your OP. I’ll pray you make it through your studies. College can be tough with all these issues. There are many who have experienced abuse at a young age. You may have heard of Courage already and COL?
 
Friend
You are so much in my prays. I have been there and have battled for years, I am now out of it and am free.
You can email me if you wish if you think I might be able to help other than prayer.

As others have said you are not alone.
Oli 🙂
 
Hey - I am praying for you right now. I have a little advice for you being as I have suffered with depression for over 18 years.

If you are not currently taking medication - ask your therapist for some. I take Paxil but there are many options out there for you that can help with the " I can’t get out of bed" syndrome.

Medication will help with the physical signs of depression.

As for the Spiritual - I know you may have heard that God’s love for us is without end - and it is true. God wants us to be happy and fruitful with our lives.

Mary as Jesus’ mother also has special compassion for us. Ask her to help you and pray the rosary when ever you start feeling those urges to hurt yourself.

Also - I recommend purchasing and having blessed a St. Benedict’s medal. This particular medal will keep any additional outside forces such as demons and evil spirits away from us!
It is used in exorcism and I can attest to God’s power through this medal.

Feel free to e-mail me if you would like to talk some more and I pray that God will Bless you and pour out his Spirit upon you.

He will lift you up on Eagle’s wings , Bear you on the Breath of God - Make you to shine like the Sun and hold you in the Palm of His hand!

May you be lifted up and reveive his abundance!!!
 
Wow, resurrected thread !

How is the OP doing now?

It’s First Saturday, and I will add a special prayer for the OP…
 
The Lord loves you very much!!! Continue to seek the Him.

Don’t worry about asking the Lord to fix things for you…He knows that you need Him…and what you need before you even ask for it.

Asking the Lord to help you ( in your case heal you) is the same
as when all the people sought out Jesus and then asked him to heal them in the Bible.

It is okay to ask/pray for things for yourself…many great saints asked for great graces from the Lord.

Prayers :gopray2:
 
I’m keeping you in daily prayer,I too have suffered with depression and anxiety for yrs.,took medication,still due,but I’m convinced GOD is the answer,HE is with you always,depend on him,HE wants you to.Before I’m out of bed, I speak to my FATHER,ask him for strength,and mercy.HE is my rock!!!,Please don’t ever feel like your bothering HIM,HE is the ONE that will change things.
 
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