I did not need to know this

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woolycaterpillar

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Things have been very trying lately. My grandson graduated from college and moved to a different state. His mother took me aside and told me that he is gay, but not to tell anyone about it. I haven’t breathed a word to anyone.

It left me feeling empty inside, and sad. He moved to live with his current BF.

I did not need to know this. It seems he wants very little to do with his family.

The best times with him were when he was a child and we used to go to the zoo and other things. I will always treasure the times we spent together when he was small.
 
I can understand that you’re hurt and upset.

Children grow up and go in their own directions. I sometimes feel wistful about my own kids and how they aren’t the same now in their teen years that they were when they were little ones.
 
woolycaterpillar said:
I did not need to know this. It seems he wants very little to do with his family.
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If his family has reacted negatively to his announcement, then it’s understandable he wouldn’t want to be around them.
I personally know gay people who came out to their Catholic families and did not receive a negative reaction; perhaps their parents expressed concerns about their life or behavior in private, but there was no public negativity or shunning or need to hide from the rest of the family. Those people seem to still be having lots of contact with their families.
The best times with him were when he was a child and we used to go to the zoo and other things. I will always treasure the times we spent together when he was small.
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That’s good. Remember that he’s the same person now that he was back when he was a little boy, despite his engaging in behavior that you do not like or approve of.
 
Do you have a priest or advisor you could speak to? I will remember your family in my prayers today. God bless you.
 
There has traditionally always been a lot of negativity about homosexuality in the Catholic Church, and Catholics really don’t know what to say about the sin or what to say to get the person to repent from it.

When I was driving a cab, I’d sometimes would pick up a local priest to go to or from a local gay bath house, and it was uncomfortable for him I’m sure. I was a professional cab driver who wasn’t going to blab, the priest knew that, but still didn’t feel cool coming out to me.
 
Your grandson didn’t vanish. It’s not like the time you spent together when he was little is somehow “gone” now.

He’s still there. You can pray for him and make sure he knows that you love him. That’s about all you can do, really.
 
Yeah, I’d really encourage you to remember that your grandson is not defined solely by his sexual attractions. I understand you’re upset by the path he’s on, but it’s not like that’s all he is as a person now. If he was a kind, decent person before he experienced SSA, he still is today.
 
The problem is you were left with a secret. You should ask your daughter to allow you to talk about this.
 
It is not my business to talk about the sexual temptations, preferences or acts of my grandchild.

Likely her daughter told her so she would pray, be loving and not stumble into “so,when are you going to get married??” banter with her grandson.
 
That he did not tell you is certainly not insignificant. However, understanding why he did not tell you is the mystery.
 
Okay, there’s a few things going on here.
Is his mother your daughter?
How does she feel about her sons revelation?
Was there a big brouhaha when he came out to his parents? Did they flip out or rejoice or something in-between?
Did he make a mass announcement (i.e. Facebook, instagram, YouTube) or is he telling people gradually.
Who else in the family knows?
How much contact have you had with your grandson directly and not through family events, etc.

Depending on the answers to this, the grandchild may need comforting, the parents may need comforting or both. You are in a position to be there for them.
As a grandparent who is strong in the faith and has a good relationship with the grandkids, you are in more of a position to be a strong and faithful presence, but without the push-and-pull dynamic that is present between the direct generations.
Uplift them all in prayer, including your grandson’s partner.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: for your dear family
 
I understand you feel hurt, sad, and even betrayed by your grandson, all the more so since active homosexuality is regarded as sinful according to the teachings of the Catholic faith. And there are even secular parents who are not at all pleased if and when their child comes out to them and subsequently lives with or marries their partner. Such reactions are not atypical. OTOH, some parents and grandparents still try to maintain a loving relationship with their gay children and grandchildren even though they do not approve of their behavior. This is what I would encourage you to do since you still love your grandson, I am sure. Further, although not compensating for the behavior, there is, to my mind, somewhat of a silver lining in that your grandson has a boyfriend, hopefully a steady one, so at least he is not engaging in promiscuous sexual behavior, which is dangerous. This may or may not provide some comfort. The main thing, however, is not to disassociate from your grandson altogether, even if he seems to want to separate. His need for separation is most likely due to his feeling that he is no longer loved and wanted. Make an effort to prove him wrong on that score.
 
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It’s good that you know this ‘secret’ because it means you can pray and have Masses said for your grandson and the other man involved in this sinful situation. Do not underestimate the power of prayer and penance. Pray for your grandson and don’t let your love grow cold. He needs your help now more than he ever did.
 
I don’t think it’s really such a mystery. How many grandchildren tell their grandparents they are gay? How many grandchildren talk about ANYTHING related to sex to their grandparents? Probably not many. It is difficult enough for gay young people to come out to their parents, let alone their grandparents.
 
meltzerboy2 said:
And there are even secular parents who are not at all pleased if and when their child comes out to them
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The most devastated parent of an “out” child I ever met was a very liberal lady who even had a marriage equality sticker on her bumper.
She said to me “I can’t believe I’m this upset”.
I tried to reassure her that feelings aren’t wrong, but I’m not sure I got through to her.
 
I can believe it. When it hits home, it’s just not something most parents or grandparents want to hear from their children for a variety of reasons. I remember that Cher, of all people, was quite upset with her daughter. In this case, the issue was transgenderism, but one might think that Cher would be all right with virtually everything dealing with sexuality!
 
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People are often afraid to admit to ssa. They know they’re different.
The could be millions of “gay pride parades” going on, but maybe they’re trying to compensate for being different.
 
meltzerboy2 said:
I can believe it. When it hits home, it’s just not something most parents or grandparents want to hear from their children for a variety of reasons. I remember that Cher, of all people, was quite upset with her daughter. In this case, the issue was transgenderism, but one might think that Cher would be all right with virtually everything dealing with sexuality!
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I think the natural reaction to homosexuality and transgenderism is repugnance. Normal people find some acts and behaviours abhorrent. I think homosexuality comes under that umbrella. The people with same-sex attraction are an exception to this general sentiment.
 
Not all people with SSA are an exception. Some are internally conflicted and feel self-loathing, even today when homosexuality is much more accepted than in the past.
 
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