I don't enjoy being a mom

[EasterJoy]

…Just wait until you have to deal with the first boyfriend/girlfriend; the chance that one of the kids will try to shop-lift, cheat on a test, drive the car without permission or a license, get seriously ill or hurt, fail a grade all together, and any other thing you can imagine…

*Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. *Matt. 6:34

It only gets harder, not easier.

This is not true. Sometimes it gets harder, but if often gets a lot easier. This is especially true for active boys. It certainly doesn’t “only” get harder. If that were true, you’d never let your guard down. As it is…

Oh, c’mon. People walk out of childhood alive and more or less employable all of the time. As with childbirth, people who have been through parenting don’t remember how hard it was. They see the good that came of it, and they tell all the stories as if they actually had the perspective at the time to find it funny while they were in the midst of it.

Our Lord had the world’s only perfect mother and a saint for a father, and they still had that little Incident at the Temple. If that doesn’t prove that we were created to have interesting family lives, I don’t know what does.

Perhaps you should stop at two.

Nice vote of confidence, that. If your friends never bring their problems to you, I think I can tell you why!

… Professional parent on a closed course…

Yeah. RRRIGHT!!

 

[PhiloMed]

It only gets harder, not easier. Perhaps you should stop at two.

Not helpful, unnecessary and really not very nice. Strange advice coming from someone who doesn’t have children of their own so probably can’t really relate anyway.

 

[EasterJoy]

Yes, ADHD once crossed my mind, but he is able to concentrate very well and he’s able to focus.

Does he focus and concentrate well on things he does not find mentally stimulating?

I have found a lot of active children have more “will” power than “won’t” power. Tell them not to do something, and it does not compute. Truly, you tell them to stop throwing that ball around, they put it down, and in literally less than a minute, it has “found its way back” into their hands, and they are back to doing it. *This is when they are in high school. *

For a person who has “will” power but no “won’t” power, diversion is your friend. Try to always make rules into positive commands. Rather than “don’t put your feet off the furniture” it is “keep your feet on the floor”. Rather than “stop running around” it is “here, do this.” I knew a mom who made her kids run laps around the house. It did calm them down. They were pretty good cross country runners in high school, too…

BTW, if you figure out how to keep a boy from throwing balls around the house, do let me know. Yes, I have tried banishing all balls from the house, although I have not yet taken the nuclear option of destroying any that I see here. Maybe that is what it takes. Oh, and they throw ice across the room into the sink. They throw wads of paper across the room towards the waste basket. I don’t know. It is a nut I have not cracked yet.

 

[PhiloMed]

It’s so refreshing when someone says what many others are thinking, but are too afraid to say it with their out-loud voice.

There are days I don’t enjoy being a mom. There are days I don’t want to go home. I would rather stay late at work where it’s quiet and peaceful. I would rather go out to dinner by myself somewhere fancy.

Then there are days I can’t wait to get home to smush their little faces with kisses.

There are days I wonder what my life would be like if I was still single. I would go to any movie I wanted on any night of the week. I could order take-out and eat it while sitting on the floor and watching TV.

Then there are days I am so distracted at work because all I can think about is getting home because we are planning to go out for ice cream as a family and I want to see the look on my son’s face when he gets a sundae all for himself.

Yesterday, my son pooped in the bathtub. I didn’t enjoy being a mother then either.

Today was better.

 

[pensmama87]

Does he focus and concentrate well on things he does not find mentally stimulating?

I have found a lot of active children have more “will” power than “won’t” power. Tell them not to do something, and it does not compute. Truly, you tell them to stop throwing that ball around, they put it down, and in literally less than a minute, it has “found its way back” into their hands, and they are back to doing it. *This is when they are in high school. *

For a person who has “will” power but no “won’t” power, diversion is your friend. Try to always make rules into positive commands. Rather than “don’t put your feet off the furniture” it is “keep your feet on the floor”. Rather than “stop running around” it is “here, do this.” I knew a mom who made her kids run laps around the house. It did calm them down. They were pretty good cross country runners in high school, too…

BTW, if you figure out how to keep a boy from throwing balls around the house, do let me know. Yes, I have tried banishing all balls from the house, although I have not yet taken the nuclear option of destroying any that I see here. Maybe that is what it takes. Oh, and they throw ice across the room into the sink. They throw wads of paper across the room towards the waste basket. I don’t know. It is a nut I have not cracked yet.

EasterJoy, this may be too much pressure to put on you, but I think you may have changed my life. Lately, I feel like every sentence coming out of my mouth starts with, “Don’t do…” or “Stop that…”

I am going to try this tomorrow and will report back.

 

[Petaro]

I am sure you don’t mean it this way, but it’s very hard for me to read this post and not interpret it as a smug. Men and women are different, yes, and I think many men find it easier to be “emotionally distant” from their children, but I am not sure that is any kind of a solution for both parents (actually being too distant from one’s own children invites new problems - see children who have problems forming healthy attachments because they don’t have examples of them).

On a practical level, I may sometimes envy that my children can be screaming in the middle of the night and my husband blissfully sleeps through it, but could you imagine if we were both like that?

Oh, wow. I didn’t even consider satire. If it is, it honestly makes me feel a lot, lot better. Because I do have that “whup upside the head” feeling.

Yup! It was satire! I forgot the smiley again. But I do understand what mothers go through for the love of their children, and was especially saddened by the post of the poor mother of the sick child that needed emergency brain surgery. We must prayer for his complete recovery. No I am not really smug and did a lot more nappies than the one. Good men love their children just as much as their wives but often do have to be away from their children more than they want to making a living for the entire family. They don’t ignore their wives’ sacrifices and try to take up the slack when possible. Men support their wives and children in a different but often an equally important way.
Often I was up at four in the morning for a six oclock flight to a court in another city to sleep in a foreign bed in a lonely hotel room hearing my loved one’s only on the phone. Sacrifices are different but equally real. (I must be doing something right, as my wife still loves me twenty years after our wedding.)

 

[Faxero]

After reading this thread, I think I’d rather remain a virgin.

You folks continue to fuel and expand the human genre pool. I’ll just be a peaceful hermit.

 

[Serap]

EasterJoy, this may be too much pressure to put on you, but I think you may have changed my life. Lately, I feel like every sentence coming out of my mouth starts with, “Don’t do…” or “Stop that…”

I am going to try this tomorrow and will report back.

me too

I’m always saying “don’t” “stop”…I have to change my language for my son also

 

[Serap]

Not helpful, unnecessary and really not very nice. Strange advice coming from someone who doesn’t have children of their own so probably can’t really relate anyway.

I am stopping at two though haha! FACTORY"S CLOSED PEOPLE!!!

 

[Serap]

Yup! It was satire! I forgot the smiley again. But I do understand what mothers go through for the love of their children, and was especially saddened by the post of the poor mother of the sick child that needed emergency brain surgery. We must prayer for his complete recovery. No I am not really smug and did a lot more nappies than the one. Good men love their children just as much as their wives but often do have to be away from their children more than they want to making a living for the entire family. They don’t ignore their wives’ sacrifices and try to take up the slack when possible. Men support their wives and children in a different but often an equally important way.
Often I was up at four in the morning for a six oclock flight to a court in another city to sleep in a foreign bed in a lonely hotel room hearing my loved one’s only on the phone. Sacrifices are different but equally real. (I must be doing something right, as my wife still loves me twenty years after our wedding.)

Bravo daddy!!!

My husband is a good dad too, but I wish he had more patience and nuturing abilities so he could help me more. He’s just not able to help like I’d like him to b/c it’s not in him. He does what he can and he’s great at what he does. He would do anything for our kids.

Funny thing though b/c my husband DOES have a coffee while I’m shopping haha! BUT he usually has one kid with him too…

 

[Serap]

After reading this thread, I think I’d rather remain a virgin.

You folks continue to fuel and expand the human genre pool. I’ll just be a peaceful hermit.

Can you at least babysit once in a while???

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

I am stopping at two though haha! FACTORY"S CLOSED PEOPLE!!!

lol! that’s how I feel about 4! however I will say that 2 was nice…I wish my 3rd would have switched birth order with my last though…she would have been much easier to handle if she could have stayed the baby of the family

 

[Serap]

So I like being a mom again…last night I said “STICK IT TO THE HOMEWORK!!!” and we watched Malificient movie together as a family. It’s a great movie by the way.

I went to bed and woke up this morning…WITHOUT BEING AWAKENED BY MY SON!!! I actually woke up before my alarm clock went off feeling refreshed and not tired!!! :bigyikes:

Then my son wouldn’t get out of bed and it all went down hill from there.

I managed to get him to school on time after yanking him out of bed…wrestling with him to eat breakfast and let me brush his teeth and comb his hair. He had a mini-meltdown in the process, but I had enough sleep so I wasn’t a big meanie.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

So I like being a mom again…last night I said “STICK IT TO THE HOMEWORK!!!” and we watched Malificient movie together as a family. It’s a great movie by the way.

I went to bed and woke up this morning…WITHOUT BEING AWAKENED BY MY SON!!! I actually woke up before my alarm clock went off feeling refreshed and not tired!!! :bigyikes:

Then my son wouldn’t get out of bed and it all went down hill from there.

I managed to get him to school on time after yanking him out of bed…wrestling with him to eat breakfast and let me brush his teeth and comb his hair. He had a mini-meltdown in the process, but I had enough sleep so I wasn’t a big meanie.

isn’t it amazing how much better we can handle things when we get enough sleep?! I keep telling that to my DH…I feel 100% better if I don’t have to wake up more than once to feed the baby…(well it would be really nice if he would just sleep all night but I’ll take what I can get) he’s been up 2-3 times and it’s driving me insane and making me really grumpy! And then I have to deal with my 3 year old …which is no picnic either lol!

 

[Serap]

isn’t it amazing how much better we can handle things when we get enough sleep?! I keep telling that to my DH…I feel 100% better if I don’t have to wake up more than once to feed the baby…(well it would be really nice if he would just sleep all night but I’ll take what I can get) he’s been up 2-3 times and it’s driving me insane and making me really grumpy! And then I have to deal with my 3 year old …which is no picnic either lol!

Not trying to give medical advice, but have you tried sedating your 3 year old during the day? Or you could keep feeding him so he can’t talk??? Or maybe you could tie him up outside give him a nice little house to go into when it’s raining? Or try using your TV as a babysitter???

I used all of those and while it was hard and I often felt bad for my then 2 year old daughter, it was absolutely necessary for me to keep my sanity.

Don’t worry about children’s services knocking on your door…just always have your go to lines:

“Oh is that my daughter tied up outside??? I’m so sorry, I had mistaken her for my dog. I promise it won’t happen again officer.”

“My daughter is morbidly obese? Really? I thought she was just in a growth spurt.”

“My daughter only watches episodes Dora when I take my baby out for his doctor’s appointments. I’m only out for 2 hours and she’s fine b/c I give her a glass of water and some snacks. I also lock all the doors and windows, so she can’t leave the room while I’m out… Thanks for your concern officer.”

 

[marymary1975]

I am with you Serap! I think all mothers have felt like that at some point. Now that you mention sleep, my first three years were a nightmare because my daughter does not sleep. It is unbelievable. She would not nap and would only sleep about five or six hours a day. Even when she was eleven or twelve months (and I am afraid that maybe since six) she would not nap during the day and would only sleep about five or six hours… When I was lucky to get her to sleep. It was a nightmare. We all feel like that at some point and we need to express it.

I like a lot what Cat said originally. I agree too that we need to express it just avoid to constantly dwell on the negative side if it. And I think things get better! Mine (despite the fact that she still doesn’t) has gotten so much easier, so hang in there it can get easier over time.

I also agree with Easterjoy with regard to positive commands. I got that advice from another m years ago and it did work wonders. I remember being told to tell the kid what they ate supposed to not not what they are not supposed to do, because if you say just don’t do x is an unclear command that the kid has difficulty assimilating. Instead of don’t run around, try walk around the house for example or sit and play with x. Instead of don’t chew with your mouth open, when you eat chew with your mouth close, etc. It worked really good for me.

Finally, it is not only moms who sometime feel like that! I remember a priest at my parish mentioning " do you think I like having to wake up in the middle of the night to run to a hospital to give last rites, or do you think I enjoy sitting in a concessionary for three hours without a break listening, do you think I enjoy having to go where the diocesis sends me without having a say in it? No, but the important thing is that no matter how hard I continue taking it day by day doing my best at it and trusting God that he guides me and gives me strenght.". So we are not alone !!! The important thing is just to never give up

 

[EasterJoy]

…Now that you mention sleep, my first three years were a nightmare because my daughter does not sleep. It is unbelievable. She would not nap and would only sleep about five or six hours a day. Even when she was eleven or twelve months (and I am afraid that maybe since six) she would not nap during the day and would only sleep about five or six hours… When I was lucky to get her to sleep. It was a nightmare. We all feel like that at some point and we need to express it…

That is so hard!!

We had a problem with one or both of the boys getting up, starting at about 5 am, wondering, “Is it time to get up yet?” Our solution was the “reverse alarm clock.” We had a night light with a red bulb in it on a lamp timer. When the red light went on, it was OK to get up…but not OK to wake anyone else up. (We had twins, and the first one up had this temptation to wake his sleeping brother, so he would have someone to play with.) You could also have something similar elsewhere in the house, to let them know that if Mom isn’t up, it is time to knock on her door…because her alarm did not go off!!

I think three things are key: creativity (especially in problem-solving), a sense of humor, and a sense of perspective in making priorities. When Erma Bombeck said it takes a sort of sickness to have to re-make a child’s bed-making effort so that it is perfect, she had a point. Life is too short to make nitpicking part of our vocations.

"As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary, who sat beside the Lord at his feet, listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.” The Lord said to her in reply, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”
Luke 10:38-42

Does this mean that Our Lady, our model of feminine perfection, concerned herself (gasp!) with something other than domestic perfection? Is it possible that the perfect woman was not the “perfect hostess”? It would seem so, based on her son’s comparison of Martha’s hospitality with Mary’s. When we think about what it means to be perfect as the Father is perfect, to seek the Kingdom of God and not worry ourselves about things that are going to pass away, that is worth thinking about…

As Steven Covey puts it: The Main Thing is to Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing.

 

[MaryT777]

I am with you Serap! I think all mothers have felt like that at some point. Now that you mention sleep, my first three years were a nightmare because my daughter does not sleep. It is unbelievable. She would not nap and would only sleep about five or six hours a day. Even when she was eleven or twelve months (and I am afraid that maybe since six) she would not nap during the day and would only sleep about five or six hours… When I was lucky to get her to sleep. It was a nightmare. We all feel like that at some point and we need to express it.

I like a lot what Cat said originally. I agree too that we need to express it just avoid to constantly dwell on the negative side if it. And I think things get better! Mine (despite the fact that she still doesn’t) has gotten so much easier, so hang in there it can get easier over time.

I also agree with Easterjoy with regard to positive commands. I got that advice from another m years ago and it did work wonders. I remember being told to tell the kid what they ate supposed to not not what they are not supposed to do, because if you say just don’t do x is an unclear command that the kid has difficulty assimilating. Instead of don’t run around, try walk around the house for example or sit and play with x. Instead of don’t chew with your mouth open, when you eat chew with your mouth close, etc. It worked really good for me.

Finally, it is not only moms who sometime feel like that! I remember a priest at my parish mentioning " do you think I like having to wake up in the middle of the night to run to a hospital to give last rites, or do you think I enjoy sitting in a concessionary for three hours without a break listening, do you think I enjoy having to go where the diocesis sends me without having a say in it? No, but the important thing is that no matter how hard I continue taking it day by day doing my best at it and trusting God that he guides me and gives me strenght.". So we are not alone !!! The important thing is just to never give up

I liked your example of the priest. I always wondered if after sitting in the confessional
for hours they ever felt like a pent up hen in a hen house…If I have to hear another confession now I am going to scream LOL…
Priests are people too, which reminds me, there are also always cute memories as time goes by to remember our young children with albeit difficult times; my youngest asked me if priests go to sleep in their priest suit as pajamas LOL…(Can’t imagine wearing the collar to bed!~)
Mary.

 

[marymary1975]

yes that was so thought! But thanks to God now she is older, it has gotten easier and while she still wakes up at 4:30-5 am, she reads a book, etc. In fact lately she has been doing homework at that time in the morning because she says she feels more awake so I think from a school point of view the past problem is becoming productive hehe

When she was around first or second grade we tried melatonin too which helped at least to make her sleep 7 hours. We also had to eliminate TV, computer, video games and many other things. She was allowed these only until 6 pm and then we would take her to do sports and then it took a ton to teach her not to wake me up at 4 am but I think finally paid off. But every time I remember the first three years, uf I wanted to run away like crazy Lol

Oh and I love that passage from Luke! So in point to remind us not to get too anxious.

 

[Demetra2]

I feel your pain Serap, I really do. But the kids will eventually grow up into decent adults and support themselves and life will get so much easier for you. You will have more disposable income to spend on yourself but don’t wait years to buy yourself little treats such as a nice haircut and highlights. Seriously, work it into the budget somehow. It will make you feel so much better and go shopping at Marshalls and buy yourself a nice sweater etc. You are worth it! I too, denied myself so many little things that in retrospect we could have afforded and I should not have done that. It took a bout with breast cancer and a brain aneurysm to wake me up and start treating myself. Be nice to Serap!