I don't feel beautiful

[oldgraymare2]

I am 67 years old and have been married 46, almost 47 years. I have lost the girlish figure, my hair is graying, my chin is sagging, I have some wrinkles, etc. Yet my husband still calls me his “pretty lady” and “Princess”. And I don’t argue with him. In his eyes that’s what I am, and that is what is important. Don’t argue with your fiancé. You ARE beautiful.

This is a really lovely post. It’s so sweet! It really made me smile!

It’s so very nice to hear spouses say things like this to each other.

I agree with you, too, where her fiance finds her beautiful. That’s what she is. God creates beauty.

We are each unique individuals, with unique gifts. You will be a beautiful bride, annie.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Be gentle with yourself, and with your husband.
Every bride is beautiful on their wedding day–I’ve never seen a picture where I wasn’t absolutely struck by how beautiful the bride looked!

But the most beautiful thing of all? Your smile and your gentle graciousness. Make your husband feel loved. This is what sets you apart from all the other beautiful ladies. It is simply because you love him, and your giving your entire LIFE to him. He’s a very, very lucky man for someone to do that for him. Now if that’s not beautiful, I don’t know what is.

Now go and smile, and know your worth!

Thank you for writing such an inspiring and lovely post. I was very touched by it. It was such a pleasure to read it, too.

There are some really great posts on this thread.

I wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful contributions on this thread. Your touching responses to the OP annie, really made me think, too. :flowers:

 

[JD1789]

I am 67 years old and have been married 46, almost 47 years. I have lost the girlish figure, my hair is graying, my chin is sagging, I have some wrinkles, etc. Yet my husband still calls me his “pretty lady” and “Princess”. And I don’t argue with him. In his eyes that’s what I am, and that is what is important. Don’t argue with your fiancé. You ARE beautiful.

This is a great witness

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

How do I handle not feeling beautiful? I am getting married soon and I am worried that I will feel too self conscious to enjoy the day. I know I have low self esteem since I have felt this way since I was 13. I just wish I could overcome this somehow for my wedding day. Anyone know of any theological writings about beauty that might help? Any Prayers? Advice?

All I can say is be thankful you are getting married. Do you have any idea how many people NEVER get married even though they want to? I am on a Catholic dating site and there are never married in their 60’s and 70’s. And it was not always because they did not want to get married until now. Lots of the times it just never happened for them. Sorry you do not feel “beautiful” but life is not about “feelings”. I wish I was better looking too. I also use to be 320 lbs at 16 and it still affects me in ways only a handful of people here would probably understand. Things I am too embarrassed to even mention here but I must live with everyday. In fact, I learned to live with these problems but I am still self conscience over them. So I know about being self conscience. You will live even if you are a bit self conscience. The worse thing is NEVER finding someone willing to marry you and that happens more often than people think. Be thankful.

I am 31. Do you know how many relationships I have had in my life? One… and it lasted 4 months. What I would not give for a woman who was willing to marry me. You have someone who you get to share your life with. Be thankful, that is a blessing that not everyone gets to have despite how much people always assure each other that there is someone for everyone. Do not ruin your own wedding day over not feeling pretty enough. God bless.

 

[E_7]

My fiance tells me I am beautiful everyday. But when I tell him I don’t feel pretty he gets sad, so I try not to make too big of a deal out of it.

Don’t do that! If you keep telling your beloved that you are ugly, he would get tired of hearing what he doesn’t believe, and may start seeing you the same way you see yourself . It’s like when you keep repeating yourself that this is like this or like that until you actually believe it. It is ugly to think that you’re ugly.

You know, I was a tomboy in my childhood, teenage years and in my adulthood…until I met my now husband. I was a tomboy because I feared lustful eyes on me, I even hunched so that my breasts wouldn’t stand out much and wore baggy black band shirts. My dear husband, boyfriend back then, was a man that wanted a woman to look sexy, not average and much less a tomboy. I felt hurt one time by how he reacted on how I looked in a photo. That’s when my self esteem got worse. I started finding myself ugly every time I looked in the mirror. And so I did a 180 degree change. I did my research on what kind of stuff would look good in a petite girl, normal weight, white with golden/warm undertones. I learned what type of blouses go for me and what kind of shoes. I learned how to walk in heels and how to do my makeup, all that at age 21. I’m 24, and I still haven’t figured out how to put eye shadow, I dont look good with it. Now, I’m breastfeeding, I can’t shop at LOFT in the meantime, I can’t wear my previous blouses. I’m stuck in unfashionable breastfeeding blouses. I look so bad at home, while my husband is going through so many changes like working out, wearing fitted shirts, caring for his hair, his skin, his teeth, his looks, wearing brand clothes. It is discouraging and scary for me because he wasn’t like that when I met him (although he claims he was before we met ), and that brings me to eat more stuff, non paleo sweets. And I dont even feel like going out with him because of so much contrast. But, you know, it’s all in my hands, if I chose to, I can look pretty.

 

[Patavium]

Don’t do that! If you keep telling your beloved that you are ugly, he would get tired of hearing what he doesn’t believe, and may start seeing you the same way you see yourself . It’s like when you keep repeating yourself that this is like this or like that until you actually believe it. It is ugly to think that you’re ugly.

You know, I was a tomboy in my childhood, teenage years and in my adulthood…until I met my now husband. I was a tomboy because I feared lustful eyes on me, I even hunched so that my breasts wouldn’t stand out much and wore baggy black band shirts. My dear husband, boyfriend back then, was a man that wanted a woman to look sexy, not average and much less a tomboy. I felt hurt one time by how he reacted on how I looked in a photo. That’s when my self esteem got worse. I started finding myself ugly every time I looked in the mirror. And so I did a 180 degree change. I did my research on what kind of stuff would look good in a petite girl, normal weight, white with golden/warm undertones. I learned what type of blouses go for me and what kind of shoes. I learned how to walk in heels and how to do my makeup, all that at age 21. I’m 24, and I still haven’t figured out how to put eye shadow, I dont look good with it. Now, I’m breastfeeding, I can’t shop at LOFT in the meantime, I can’t wear my previous blouses. I’m stuck in unfashionable breastfeeding blouses. I look so bad at home, while my husband is going through so many changes like working out, wearing fitted shirts, caring for his hair, his skin, his teeth, his looks, wearing brand clothes. It is discouraging and scary for me because he wasn’t like that when I met him (although he claims he was before we met ), and that brings me to eat more stuff, non paleo sweets. And I dont even feel like going out with him because of so much contrast. But, you know, it’s all in my hands, if I chose to, I can look pretty.

You ARE beautiful!

 

[Della]

Don’t do that! If you keep telling your beloved that you are ugly, he would get tired of hearing what he doesn’t believe, and may start seeing you the same way you see yourself . It’s like when you keep repeating yourself that this is like this or like that until you actually believe it. It is ugly to think that you’re ugly.

You know, I was a tomboy in my childhood, teenage years and in my adulthood…until I met my now husband. I was a tomboy because I feared lustful eyes on me, I even hunched so that my breasts wouldn’t stand out much and wore baggy black band shirts. My dear husband, boyfriend back then, was a man that wanted a woman to look sexy, not average and much less a tomboy. I felt hurt one time by how he reacted on how I looked in a photo. That’s when my self esteem got worse. I started finding myself ugly every time I looked in the mirror. And so I did a 180 degree change. I did my research on what kind of stuff would look good in a petite girl, normal weight, white with golden/warm undertones. I learned what type of blouses go for me and what kind of shoes. I learned how to walk in heels and how to do my makeup, all that at age 21. I’m 24, and I still haven’t figured out how to put eye shadow, I dont look good with it. Now, I’m breastfeeding, I can’t shop at LOFT in the meantime, I can’t wear my previous blouses. I’m stuck in unfashionable breastfeeding blouses. I look so bad at home, while my husband is going through so many changes like working out, wearing fitted shirts, caring for his hair, his skin, his teeth, his looks, wearing brand clothes. It is discouraging and scary for me because he wasn’t like that when I met him (although he claims he was before we met ), and that brings me to eat more stuff, non paleo sweets. And I dont even feel like going out with him because of so much contrast. But, you know, it’s all in my hands, if I chose to, I can look pretty.

As Patavium stated–You are beautiful, but you’re simply overwhelmed. You need a day of pampering, my dear. Go get your hair and nails done, or go shopping with friends, just for yourself, and leave the baby with someone else for a while. And I think a good talk with your husband is needed. Not to accuse him of neglecting you, but to let him know how you feel–that all you want is his love during this awkward time in your life. You won’t be nursing your baby forever, after all. So, be kind to yourself as your body goes through this period of adjustment.

 

[faithsmind]

As Patavium stated–You are beautiful, but you’re simply overwhelmed. You need a day of pampering, my dear. Go get your hair and nails done, or go shopping with friends, just for yourself, and leave the baby with someone else for a while. And I think a good talk with your husband is needed. Not to accuse him of neglecting you, but to let him know how you feel–that all you want is his love during this awkward time in your life. You won’t be nursing your baby forever, after all. So, be kind to yourself as your body goes through this period of adjustment.

Yes, I’d agree with this. Its very healthy to take care of yourself, as a woman, too. You’re worth it. I’d agree to talk with your DH so you can have some equal time on health as well. As women, I think it’s an easy comfort-zone to fall into. And we have to re-evaluate and battle internal and external self-care, personal feelings of worth, etc constantly, especially in this day and age.

 

[faithsmind]

Because I just posted on here, I have to show you all something I just found on the counter in the bathroom, this morning. This must have been a sticker on my 14 yr old’s shorts that I had just bought for her off of amazon. And these were the shorts that I purposely bought for her because they were longer, because the only shorts we could find at the mall were obscene.

I mean come on! This is what we’re all battling with, here. It’s just difficult.

 

[Della]

Because I just posted on here, I have to show you all something I just found on the counter in the bathroom, this morning. This must have been a sticker on my 14 yr old’s shorts that I had just bought for her off of amazon. And these were the shorts that I purposely bought for her because they were longer, because the only shorts we could find at the mall were obscene.

I mean come on! This is what we’re all battling with, here. It’s just difficult.

Yes, although now that I’m a senior citizen I don’t have as much pressure to look a certain way, but I pity our young women who are bombarded by such messages 24/7 from all sides and every form of media. It’s disheartening, isn’t it? I remember the feminist movement was supposed to release women from such pressures, but the upshot has been to make it even worse. We have to look sexy for everyone who might see us–according to artificial standards that 99% of us can’t obtain. We’ve been sexualized to the point of idiocy–even toddlers have to be sexy now. No wonder so many women have big time self-image issues.

 

[Lea101]

Yes, although now that I’m a senior citizen I don’t have as much pressure to look a certain way, but I pity our young women who are bombarded by such messages 24/7 from all sides and every form of media. It’s disheartening, isn’t it? I remember the feminist movement was supposed to release women from such pressures, but the upshot has been to make it even worse. We have to look sexy for everyone who might see us–according to artificial standards that 99% of us can’t obtain. We’ve been sexualized to the point of idiocy–even toddlers have to be sexy now. No wonder so many women have big time self-image issues.

I don’t think the feminists caused that- they are still trying to get rid of beauty standards and they have made some impact-black women being represented, etc. Beauty has always been a measure we have to live up to, and I don’t think that’ll ever change sadly. All we can hope is that it changes

 

[faithsmind]

I don’t think the feminists caused that- they are still trying to get rid of beauty standards and they have made some impact-black women being represented, etc. Beauty has always been a measure we have to live up to, and I don’t think that’ll ever change sadly. All we can hope is that it changes

No, no. Beauty comes from within. I know that sounds tacky and cliche, but I’ve thought about this a great deal. My career, my life, has been deeply affected by this question. As I get older, and see all different types of women who are loved by men… I know more and more that it very much depends on them–not their husbands opinion of them or some kind of standard floating around. And if they love themselves, they will take care of themselves and frame themselves in gold. They will attract a man who loves them for who they are. Men notice this and are attracted to this confidence. I think they instinctually know that if a woman can love herself, they are capable of loving others.

And feminism has been a negative influence because it’s classic stance on birth control and abortion almost encourages the objectification of a woman’s body. So we see this alternating between the two extremes… Self-loathing and protection, and neediness/loneliness/hypersexualization.

It’s difficult not to fall into these temptations as a single woman.

 

[Della]

I don’t think the feminists caused that- they are still trying to get rid of beauty standards and they have made some impact-black women being represented, etc. Beauty has always been a measure we have to live up to, and I don’t think that’ll ever change sadly. All we can hope is that it changes

However, they were also the ones that pushed contraceptives, free love, and abortion on demand. And what has that led to but the objectification of women as sex objects–even more so than before. I agree that some had good intentions, but by eliminating all sexual responsibility along with telling women that having babies and being at home is demeaning, they destroyed many safeguards women and children used to have. So, it very much has to do with feminism, tied in with the sexual revolution, that brought about the very things many did not intend.

 

[Lea101]

No, no. Beauty comes from within. I know that sounds tacky and cliche, but I’ve thought about this a great deal. My career, my life, has been deeply affected by this question. As I get older, and see all different types of women who are loved by men… I know more and more that it very much depends on them–not their husbands opinion of them or some kind of standard floating around. And if they love themselves, they will take care of themselves and frame themselves in gold. They will attract a man who loves them for who they are. Men notice this and are attracted to this confidence. I think they instinctually know that if a woman can love herself, they are capable of loving others.

I think most women today struggle with loving themselves (maybe they’ll be seen as narcissistic).

But honestly, how does one love herself? I always feel (probably OP too) that I’m lying to myself whenever I’m trying to accept myself/tell myself nice things.? I always feel women who love themselves must have been already loved by others so it’s easier, or they are on some level pretty enough to get by

And I don’t think loving yourself is a sign of whether you are capable to love others. The most loving people I know are always the ones who treat themselves like their worst enemy. I don’t know, the statement always sounds hurtful to me-as if I’m not capable of loving others because I don’t like myself?

 

[CRATUS]

How do I handle not feeling beautiful? I am getting married soon and I am worried that I will feel too self conscious to enjoy the day. I know I have low self esteem since I have felt this way since I was 13. I just wish I could overcome this somehow for my wedding day. Anyone know of any rheological writings about beauty that might help? Any Prayers? Advice?

why do women always think they are ugly? I bet you are not. Just because you are not a Jessica Alba look alike does not mean you are hideous. Saint Rose of Lima is the patron saint against vanity. You will look beautiful on your wedding day.

 

[Sarcelle]

No, no. Beauty comes from within. I know that sounds tacky and cliche, but I’ve thought about this a great deal. My career, my life, has been deeply affected by this question. As I get older, and see all different types of women who are loved by men… I know more and more that it very much depends on them–not their husbands opinion of them or some kind of standard floating around. And if they love themselves, they will take care of themselves and frame themselves in gold. They will attract a man who loves them for who they are. Men notice this and are attracted to this confidence. I think they instinctually know that if a woman can love herself, they are capable of loving others.

And feminism has been a negative influence because it’s classic stance on birth control and abortion almost encourages the objectification of a woman’s body. So we see this alternating between the two extremes… Self-loathing and protection, and neediness/loneliness/hypersexualization.

It’s difficult not to fall into these temptations as a single woman.

Even before the advent of feminism in the early twentieth century, women’s bodies have always been objectified. Nothing new about this.

Talking about impossible beauty standards, remember Chinese foot binding and whalebone corsets for those wasp waists in the West? There wasn’t any feminism or birth control back then.

It’s not like women were all treated decently back in the so called good old days until feminism came along and everything went to hell.

 

[Della]

Even before the advent of feminism in the early twentieth century, women’s bodies have always been objectified. Nothing new about this.

Talking about impossible beauty standards, remember Chinese foot binding and whalebone corsets for those wasp waists in the West? There wasn’t any feminism or birth control back then.

It’s not like women were all treated decently back in the so called good old days until feminism came along and everything went to hell.

I’m afraid I, for my part, haven’t made clear what I mean by laying some of the blame at the feet of radical feminists. They supported “freeing” men and women of all moral restraints, with the intention of freeing women from the so-called confines of home and family. However, they did the very opposite of what they intended by making it easy for men to abandon their sexual partners as if they were yesterday’s newspaper instead of human beings. Not all supported tossing out of morality, of course, but those who did were the loudest and boldest, persuading women that being a wife and mother make them enslaved to men’s desires. As if one night stands didn’t do that very thing.

They pushed for no fault divorce, contraception, abortion, etc. that were supposed to, once again, “free” women. But, these things made women even more the object of men’s lust. This is shown by the plummeting number of people getting married–thus men have no responsibility to support their children. Men now have sex with as many women as they like, father any number of children, and are free to walk away with no responsibility towards them. If that doesn’t make women even more into objects of lust, I don’t know what does.

I elaborated on other disastrous fall-out from radical feminists’ family destroying agenda in another post–and we’ve taken the thread off topic, so, that’s all I have to say about it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Even before the advent of feminism in the early twentieth century, women’s bodies have always been objectified. Nothing new about this.

Talking about impossible beauty standards, remember Chinese foot binding and whalebone corsets for those wasp waists in the West? There wasn’t any feminism or birth control back then.

It’s not like women were all treated decently back in the so called good old days until feminism came along and everything went to hell.

I can’t think of anywhere women are more objectified in today’s world than in radical Islamic circles. There’s certainly no feminism in ISIS.

Personally, I’ll take our “radical feminism” over real radicals any day.

 

[Sarcelle]

I can’t think of anywhere women are more objectified in today’s world than in radical Islamic circles. There’s certainly no feminism in ISIS.

Personally, I’ll take our “radical feminism” over real radicals any day.

I agree.

However, as a Christian and as a Catholic, I much prefer the dignity of humans, both men and women, as taught by the Church. The inability of Catholics to live up to the standards of how we should treat others does not nullify the teachings.

I am not blind to the good things that feminism has brought though. The right to vote is one. My great grandmother was a suffragette.