H
hadassahjones
Guest
I am currently in RCIA, and day by day find myself growing more and more convinced that Catholicism is the truest and best form of Christianity. This change is taking place to the point that my priest has nearly convinced me to return to a chaste lifestyle (my prior lifestyle being sexually colorful, and I am currently living with my boyfriend of a year) and my boyfriend and I are going to meet with him together after the first of the year to discuss our future, as well as my boyfriend’s possible return to the Church.
I know I want to marry. I love my boyfriend very much, and he is the man who I can see myself marrying, when the time is right. My problem is this: I don’t know if I want children. He is indifferent on the subject, at least for now, he would have children if I wanted them, he would be equally willing, I believe, to not have them. I love kids, but I am a spontaneous, impetuous person. I want to get my doctorate, which, with me being a freshman in college, will be six to eight years from now. I want to be an archaeologist, and travel. I want the freedom to enjoy life, wherever, whenever, with the man I love. I don’t want to be tied to a home by a child, or children. Furthermore, the idea of being responsible for another human being frightens me to no end. My dog is difficult enough! To produce a human life, to be responsible for its life, its education, its spiritual wellbeing, and to have someone relying on me, at first helplessly, then as a learning growing child and teenager, and later on as a fledgling adult—this is possibly the scariest thing I could ever imagine. And as if this is not enough–I grew up without any real role models for parents. My father was a religious zealot who twisted everything about the Bible to suit his own views, never allowed us in church because he knew better than every pastor, and frightened us constantly with lurid tales of the rapture and apocalypse. He emotionally abused me and my mother, and I am in psychological counseling with my priest to help me move past the issues created by this. My mother is more of a sister or friend to me than a mother—there was nothing she could do by try to soften what he did to us—she couldn’t actually be a parent. I don’t know how to be a parent.
Can I still marry, even if I don’t know if I want to have children? It doesn’t seem fair that I be denied the companionship of a lifetime partner in the man I love, just because I honestly don’t know if I am suited to be a parent. I would hate to bring a child into the world just because I am told I am supposed to, and fail at parenting.
I know I want to marry. I love my boyfriend very much, and he is the man who I can see myself marrying, when the time is right. My problem is this: I don’t know if I want children. He is indifferent on the subject, at least for now, he would have children if I wanted them, he would be equally willing, I believe, to not have them. I love kids, but I am a spontaneous, impetuous person. I want to get my doctorate, which, with me being a freshman in college, will be six to eight years from now. I want to be an archaeologist, and travel. I want the freedom to enjoy life, wherever, whenever, with the man I love. I don’t want to be tied to a home by a child, or children. Furthermore, the idea of being responsible for another human being frightens me to no end. My dog is difficult enough! To produce a human life, to be responsible for its life, its education, its spiritual wellbeing, and to have someone relying on me, at first helplessly, then as a learning growing child and teenager, and later on as a fledgling adult—this is possibly the scariest thing I could ever imagine. And as if this is not enough–I grew up without any real role models for parents. My father was a religious zealot who twisted everything about the Bible to suit his own views, never allowed us in church because he knew better than every pastor, and frightened us constantly with lurid tales of the rapture and apocalypse. He emotionally abused me and my mother, and I am in psychological counseling with my priest to help me move past the issues created by this. My mother is more of a sister or friend to me than a mother—there was nothing she could do by try to soften what he did to us—she couldn’t actually be a parent. I don’t know how to be a parent.
Can I still marry, even if I don’t know if I want to have children? It doesn’t seem fair that I be denied the companionship of a lifetime partner in the man I love, just because I honestly don’t know if I am suited to be a parent. I would hate to bring a child into the world just because I am told I am supposed to, and fail at parenting.
. When my husband and I got engaged, he ended up deciding to be Catholic, though I wasn’t really practicing at the time. We went back to Church together.
. I would say at around 4:30 pm (dad gets home at 5:30), Monday thru Friday, I’m emotionally ready to let him watch Dora for hours, even though that morning I swore he was never going to watch TV again!