I dont know what to do anymore, I give up

[SecretaryMonday]

If you were to leave the Catholic Church because of these attacks, it would only cement your relatives in their assurance that you were wrong, and they were right. Do you believe this about yourself? They will feel triumphant that they have defeated the demon of Catholicism in you, and you will feel degraded and bitter (that’s my guess, anyway). It will not bring you closer to these relatives. On the surface, the quarrels may stop, but a ceasefire does not equal true peace.

Please try to find someone “safe” that you can talk to, maybe a priest, or a steady person from your parish. It is wonderful to have online encouragement (such as these forums), but it is even better to have someone who knows you and can personally be there for you.

It sounds like you need to become the grownup in this situation. The “grownups” appear to be acting childishly, in ignorance; possibly you are coming across as fanatical and overbearing to them, but they don’t seem to be responding wisely. Wise grownups don’t harass 16 year olds, at least not to such an extent. Try to be patient, and remember that you have dignity as a human person. As far as possible, don’t respond to harassment, and don’t berate your family with Catholic “proofs”.

I was told that Catherine McAuley (not sure how far along she is on the path to sainthood), founder of the Sisters of Mercy, lived in several Protestant families, with varying degrees of tolerance for her Catholic faith. She didn’t argue about religion, but she didn’t deny her faith to please anyone, either. For a while she lived with a very kind Quaker couple who allowed her to practise Catholicism but did not want anything Catholic-y in their household - for example, a crucifix was out of the question, so when she prayed, she would kneel before a window and focus on a cross-shaped intersection between panes of glass.

 

[WoundedIcon]

I don’t really think that’s what’s happening. It is great to defend the Church, but when you have your whole family against you and they have hardened their hearts - words may not be the best approach. When he does respond (and I would not say he is unjustified in doing so), they seem to be insisting that he is misinformed - and when he is outnumbered, that doesn’t really get him anywhere. This may be a case where it is better to turn the other cheek.

Sorry. I know I sounded like I was telling them it’s OK to fight back. I’m not. I’m just trying to say I understand why they would feel that way. I went back and read OP’s threads about their family. S/he seems a bit bullheaded to be honest, overzealous and rigid… but I still stand by my assertion that their family sounds really, really nasty.

BVMFatima, I mean no offense. I basically did the same thing upon conversion, but for the most part I managed to keep it to myself. You gotta ease up a bit. Your family might not let up, but just keep it simple if you have to defend yourself. There comes a point where you have to dust off your heels and just pray. No one’s required to try to convert people who resist so strongly. You try, if it doesn’t work, you move on. Even Jesus said the same.

I’ve been in a similar situation myself. I was medicated for one of my beliefs. Got grounded for getting baptized too. Not to say I wasn’t actually ill, but the thing that they did it over was really nothing unusual in terms of Christian beliefs.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

OP, if your whole family were so antagonistic toward Catholicism, why did they allow you to convert in the first place? You had to have had their permission to take RCIA and be initiated into the Church, right? So why the big fuss now that you are a Catholic? It sounds as if you need to look at your part in the problem and fix that.

 

[Convert_in_99]

OP, if your whole family were so antagonistic toward Catholicism, why did they allow you to convert in the first place? You had to have had their permission to take RCIA and be initiated into the Church, right? So why the big fuss now that you are a Catholic? It sounds as if you need to look at your part in the problem and fix that.

I don’t think so. I was in her situation too. I converted at age 17. It seems like her mother (if I got things straight) was originally the one who allowed this, but, after much harassment from other family members ended up “giving up” and siding with those who were against her conversion. Am I right?

To the OP, I am so happy to hear of your conversion, and am so sorry your family is taking it so hard. A lot of my family didn’t (in fact still doesn’t) accept my conversion. I am the lone Catholic too. I might try to back down a bit on the evangelizing. Not that it isn’t a good thing to do, but in your situation (you are still having to live under your parents house and rules) I would just go about your day and try to discuss more neutral topics. Again, not that it isn’t a good thing to discuss faith, it just might get them fed up to the point they start getting serious about playing the parental “trump” card and they might even forbid you to practice your faith further while living under their house. (Not that they could ever forbid you practicing in your heart! )

Also, I have learned in my 14 years of being catholic, that people are more likely to be “won over for the church” through love and kindness then through pounding doctrine and Bible quotes into their heads. Just a suggestion.

You WILL be rewarded through your perseverance in the faith, in spite of these great difficulties. Bless you!

 

[corvinae]

Hello everyone,

I am a 16 year old convert to the Catholic Church and my entire family is Evangelical Protestant. They are not happy that I converted and even convinced my mother I made a big mistake. They keep saying my priest is a pedofile and that I have a disorder because I stick up for my Catholic faith when Christianity comes into topic. My grandmother always brings up quotes from her pastor randomly, for example she will be giving me a ride home and say, pastor said blah blah. Then I would do the same about my priest or the pope or a saint, and its automatically extremist as my mother and family claims because I am Catholic. Today I showed my Grand Mother a video of me on youtube defending Roman Catholicism, and she was very offended and showed all my family members, including my mother to show her how “unhealthy” I am. She said I need to stop evangelizing Catholicism because I may offend others and never get a job in the future, because somebody might bring it up and show the boss who will be offended, but I’m not doing anything bad in the video but talking about Jesus and sacraments and catholic traditions. Now my Mother wants to get me help, my family is against me, and want nothing to do with me anymore. Over and over they keep trying to get me to leave the church. I try staying strong but they just are not happy. Everytime I go to mass and be active in my Church, its a obsession, but its not fair because if it was their church it would not even dare be a problem.

I don’t know what to do anymore, my family is against me, including my mother, and do not want to even dare talk to me. I think I’m just going to leave the Church, because my mother is now saying she won’t take me anywhere with her because I may try " forcing" somebody to be Catholic, and never have I in my life, I only explained the faith to people. My family keeps pushing their beliefs on me, including the participation of sending me bible scriptures saying I am un fruitful and full of hate and my mother says I am too much into the religion itself than God, and all religions are equal.

I honestly don’t know what to do guys ;( I tried looking other places for help and I keep getting messages from my family telling me I’m full of hate and attitude because I am Catholic, what do I do?

God bless you all,
BVMFatima

Hi BVMFatima.
I am lots older than you, but I remember being 16! It’s not easy being 16, and it sounds like you are very strong and believe in what you’re doing. Really truly, the most important parts of Catholicism and Protestantism are the same, or very similar. It’s not as if you became a Buddhist or something. Both are Christian and share a huge amount of belief.

Two small bits of advice. Calm down first, and then don’t try to discuss your faith with the family unless they ask you first. If they ask, then go right ahead, but don’t be defensive, just answer their questions and let it be.

Catholicism is so beautiful and powerful that after a while it will begin to show itself in you, and you’ll radiate happiness and self-possession. Again, keep it out of their “face” unless they bring the subject up. They will begin to accept it over time, because they’ll see how good it is for you. Since you are young–and they are your parents and grandparents, etc they will feel the need to defend you and protect you. That is okay, it’s natural. In a way, Catholicism is the religion the Protestants love to hate, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

We Christians are basically in the same camp, especially in this time in history, when religious persecution of Christians is on the rise.

 

[crenfro]

Hello.

This all sounds very difficult to me – it almost sounds like a form of persecution to me.

Personally, my hat’s off to anybody who has the guts to remain Catholic at your young age and in your situation.

Do you belong to a good Catholic youth group? Perhaps that’d help. Do you pray a daily rosary?

Can you wear out a path to see a spiritual director on a very regular and frequent basis?

Becoming a Catholic is a great gift, but I know how some people who aren’t Catholic treat Catholics out of ignorance, sometimes even out of willful ignorance.

Do you listen to Catholic radio, to the call-in shows?

I’d just like to tell you what you’ve done so far must be very pleasing to Our Lord – it says so in the Beautitudes - and not to give up - but ask other Catholics, just like you’re doing now for support, and keep steady with the Catholic faith.

You are in my prayers - and please pray for me.

Also, this is all only my opinion so do like they say to do in the 12 step programs and take what you like and leave the rest.

God bless you.

 

[CompSciGuy]

Alright, I thought it was necessary to do so to be honest.

You must use discernment. Dialogue where dialogue is welcome. If your family doesn’t want to have a dialogue, then refuse to talk about it with them. You’ve already made an effort. Any more attempt to dialogue with your family about Catholicism will only make the situation worse.

 

[Love2beCatholic]

Wow, it sounds like a very tough situation. I just want to encourage you and say I admire the steps you have taken to be true to yourself.

I believe, in a perfect world, your parents and family would be speaking in a gentle way toward you. I have found sometimes I am gentle with my daughter but she takes what I am saying so hard that it doesn’t seem gentle to her. It does sound though like your family does not tend toward gentleness and possibly is verbally and emotionally harrassing you possibly to the point of being abusive.

Keep praying. I am just learning more and more how Jesus was so very patient during times of trial. Ask for extra patience. It does sound like silence with your family may keep peace within yourself. Think of having peace within yourself as part of your goal as well. You may find that the peace you so deserve is found through the advice here on this board (having less to say, working on actions and not words, etc.).

God bless you! You are an inspiration to be so young and so full of love of Jesus and his church. I will pray for your situation.

 

[Br_Pio]

First, I’ll add you to my prayers. Second, I noticed you said about them giving all kinds of passages.Most protestants I know make it a point to memorize scripture above all else. If you give them a quote they’ll give you 3 more to counter. In seminary I studied scripture in all 4 sacred languages and still those protestants got it memorized better (but they don’t understand the meaning). When Our Lord was tempted in the desert what did Satan do? He started to throw scripture passages at Our Lord. The Churches greatest saints didn’t memorize Scripture. Rather by their Faith, Reason, and Works, the Holy Spirit wrote Scripture on their hearts. I agree with the others, don’t take the bait, and find a priest to talk to, if available the religious can help too. The Lord keep you and bless you.

 

[Daniel_Jiaen]

Hey, i’m 16 too.
I’ve gone through exactly the same as you. My Family are pentecostal so I know how you feel, although i’m not sure if you are or are not batised. What i’m going to tell you may not be what you want to hear, but what you see as your family being antagonistic is in their eyes the very best thing for you. Knowing the mindset of evangelicals, I can assure you that they probably think they are fighting for your soul. We’re young, and sometimes we can make rash decisions and be quick to anger, but this will do nothing for us.You are a very pious and devout person, and I respect that, but remember that as catholics we believe in religeous liberty, that Evangelicalsism has as much right to exist as Catholicism, so it’s best to be humble and respect their opinions. If they keep on forcing opions onto you, make sure they know you respect what they believe, even if it’s aimed at you to cut you down. Show an interest in what they have to say, because in knowing what others believe, you know what you should believe, and pray that they will learn to do the same to you.
This might sound hard, and I struggle with it every day, but I learnt that if you want then to listen to what you have to say, you must listen to them. And even if they try and make you leave the church, just say you’ll pray about it, and then pray about it. A good practise is to pick a verse from the bible and ask her what she thinks, something denominationally neutral , and genuinely listen and discuss, trying to be as humble as possible. This helped me grow in understanding, not only of scripture, but of my family and i would highly recommend it to you.
Oh, and if you want anything else, just message me, I know how hard it is and will do all I can to help
I will pray for you.

 

[guanophore]

You need to have more charity with your family.

You are young, you are impulsive, you need to start thinking before doing. I suggest you focus more on prayerful silence than antagonizing your family at every turn.

try focusing on your internal prayer life rather than evangelizing so much right now.

Try Francis of Assisi’s approach. Everyday go out and preach the gospel, use words only when necessary

St Francis promoted evangelism through action. One can excel in the character or Christ by loving service to family, volunteering to do chores, being cheerful and peacemaking, and finding common ground instead of focusing on differences.

Right and I try my best, but they bash me for every little thing and I just don’t know how to respond but defend mother church.

If they are bashing you, what does “mother church” have to do with it? The Church does not need your defense. She is quite solid. It may be that you are acting out of ego, and hiding it behind the Church.

They are also saying there is things about the Church I don’t know about that can lead me away from Christ.

Now would be a very good time to withdraw from such conflicts, and just study the faith. You can spend time here on CAF and learn a lot.

That’s my point. You do not have to respond at all.

Or say “thanks for letting me know”, or “I will pray about that”, or “God bless you also” or “please pray for me” or something that is not combative.

Alright, I thought it was necessary to do so to be honest.

No. What matters is the integrity of your heart before God. Keeping silence when you are abused is a way of walking in the Lord’s footsteps.

Acts 8:32
"Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter,
and like a lamb silent before its shearer,
so he does not open his mouth.

Thank you for all of your help. I’m not getting so many messages how their pastors are the correct ones because they studied theology longer than I was born… great when will it ever end?

Protestant Pastors have plenty of good things to say. One way you can educate yourself in the faith is to listen to them, and compare what they say to the Catholic faith. They have many aspects of Truth that should be affirmed by Catholics.

When will it end? When your character becomes like that of Christ. Here is one little gem I learned from a Protestant pastor who had studied theology longer than I was alive…

1 Cor 13:4-7

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Insert your name:

1 Cor 13:4-7

4 BVMFatima is patient; BVMFatima is kind; BVMFatima is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude.BVMFatima does not insist on its own way; BVMFatima is not irritable or resentful; 6 BVMFatima does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7BVMFatima bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I don’t doubt that God has called you to the Holy Catholic faith from this particular family, so that you can be perfected in these virtues.

I will add my voice to those above who are calling upon you to quietness, prayer, and inward perfection.

1 Peter 3:1-2
"they may be won over without a word by (your) conduct, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your (life).

 

[guanophore]

I’d be antagonistic too if my family were emotionally and verbally abusing me. Am I seriously the only person who sees this? Why assume, just because they’re 16, that they have everything coming to them? :banghead:

You are right that antagonism is a natural human response to abuse and harassment. Unfortunately, it is not one of the fruits of the Spirit. We don’t win people over in faith by responding in in the flesh.

No one is saying that the harassment, detraction, and constant pressure is good or appropriate. All we are saying is that there is a better way to cope with it.

 

[Edward_H]

Please,watch this 2 minute video all the way to the end.

Notice the warmth, goodness, naturalness, and serenity in his advice.

What the reaction.

m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xSTvG_PUE9E&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxSTvG_PUE9E

 

[devoutchristian]

I’d be antagonistic too if my family were emotionally and verbally abusing me. Am I seriously the only person who sees this? Why assume, just because they’re 16, that they have everything coming to them? :banghead:

Isn’t it obvious? If someone under the age of 18 has a disagreement with someone over the age of 18 then they’re automatically wrong. It doesn’t matter if they’re Protestant or Catholic or what the disagreement was even about, if they’re a minor then they’re wrong. Catechism #2866 says so. (sarcasm)

 

[jochoa]

Perhaps consider the following line of thinking:
We are called to do God’s Will.
God’s Will states, “Ask, and you shall receive.”
So if they are not asking, do not respond. Even when they are bashing, do not respond until they ask.
For guidance, watch “The Passion of Christ” and recognize how he only responds when asked.

My friend, your cross is tremendous. It will be extremely difficult to not vocally stand up for the Church amid the unjust and cruel treatment, however, if you will master it, your patience and kindness for God and His Church towards all through the Sacraments will prevail victorious and amazingly glorious!

May you have as much peace as possible throughout your journey!

 

[devoutchristian]

Perhaps consider the following line of thinking:
We are called to do God’s Will.
God’s Will states, “Ask, and you shall receive.”
So if they are not asking, do not respond. Even when they are bashing, do not respond until they ask.
For guidance, watch “The Passion of Christ” and recognize how he only responds when asked.

My friend, your cross is tremendous. It will be extremely difficult to not vocally stand up for the Church amid the unjust and cruel treatment, however, if you will master it, your patience and kindness for God and His Church towards all through the Sacraments will prevail victorious and amazingly glorious!

May you have as much peace as possible throughout your journey!

This. As with the internet, it’s best to not respond to real life trolls.

 

[BVMFatima]

I don’t think so. I was in her situation too. I converted at age 17. It seems like her mother (if I got things straight) was originally the one who allowed this, but, after much harassment from other family members ended up “giving up” and siding with those who were against her conversion. Am I right?

To the OP, I am so happy to hear of your conversion, and am so sorry your family is taking it so hard. A lot of my family didn’t (in fact still doesn’t) accept my conversion. I am the lone Catholic too. I might try to back down a bit on the evangelizing. Not that it isn’t a good thing to do, but in your situation (you are still having to live under your parents house and rules) I would just go about your day and try to discuss more neutral topics. Again, not that it isn’t a good thing to discuss faith, it just might get them fed up to the point they start getting serious about playing the parental “trump” card and they might even forbid you to practice your faith further while living under their house. (Not that they could ever forbid you practicing in your heart! )

Also, I have learned in my 14 years of being catholic, that people are more likely to be “won over for the church” through love and kindness then through pounding doctrine and Bible quotes into their heads. Just a suggestion.

You WILL be rewarded through your perseverance in the faith, in spite of these great difficulties. Bless you!

You are correct, my Mother allowed me to convert because she said it would make me happy, but now my family got worse and are now persuading my mother that I’m in a bad path, and they are worried about my salvation and future, for they claim being Catholic and evangelizing can ruin my future, only if I give up " man made religion " up for non denominational Christianity where religion doesn’t matter, that I would be successful as they are as they claim.

 

[BVMFatima]

Hi BVMFatima.
I am lots older than you, but I remember being 16! It’s not easy being 16, and it sounds like you are very strong and believe in what you’re doing. Really truly, the most important parts of Catholicism and Protestantism are the same, or very similar. It’s not as if you became a Buddhist or something. Both are Christian and share a huge amount of belief.

Two small bits of advice. Calm down first, and then don’t try to discuss your faith with the family unless they ask you first. If they ask, then go right ahead, but don’t be defensive, just answer their questions and let it be.

Catholicism is so beautiful and powerful that after a while it will begin to show itself in you, and you’ll radiate happiness and self-possession. Again, keep it out of their “face” unless they bring the subject up. They will begin to accept it over time, because they’ll see how good it is for you. Since you are young–and they are your parents and grandparents, etc they will feel the need to defend you and protect you. That is okay, it’s natural. In a way, Catholicism is the religion the Protestants love to hate, but it doesn’t need to be that way.

We Christians are basically in the same camp, especially in this time in history, when religious persecution of Christians is on the rise.

I have done what you said by evangelizing if they ask questions, but every time I reply they get heated and say I don’t know anything that their pastor knows the truth and not me, since they are ex Catholics.

 

[aemcpa]

I have done what you said by evangelizing if they ask questions, but every time I reply they get heated and say I don’t know anything that their pastor knows the truth and not me, since they are ex Catholics.

Some questions aren’t questions at all, but just passive-aggressive statements. Simply do your best not to discuss religion with your family right now, and just pray for them. Maybe things will cool off in a few months.

 

[BVMFatima]

This. As with the internet, it’s best to not respond to real life trolls.

Agreed, I will no longer respond to the arguments of my family.