I don't see how I can believe in the Church anymore

[Gab123]

I think this is the best way to handle certain kinds of habits, but not for decade long and very deep seated habits. At least I think you’ll be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.

Whatever approach you take to getting rid of such a habit, my only advice is the approach must also accept that you’ll fail often.

As long as you keep trying. The problem is looking at it as breaking a commandment rather than looking ar[t it as something that offends God. After all, the terrible tortures Christ endured in His flesh was in atonement for our sins.

But I think such addictions become spiritual problems and one can become enslaved to spirits of impurity that have become entrenched in our life. I would get holy water and blessed salt and sprinkle your room, and begin to fill your mind with good stuff to crowd out the bad. Here’s a fellow who had all sorts of addictions; his story might help:

 

[lilypadrees]

@leonhardprintz, God hasn’t withheld any graces from you. But He has given you free will with which to choose whether or not you will resist the temptations placed in your path and the strength to resist them. He won’t force His Will on you.

 

[catholicray]

I’ve recently had great success with lust. I’m not perfected but over a month sober concerning pornography.

My best advice is to prepare to fall. Accept that you will fail. The only thing you have to do is not give up. That simple. Focus on not giving up and you’ll find the patience to endure. Be ready to accept that you fall short of the glory of God. Accept it again and again. But prepare yourself against your adversary. Tell the ancient serpent you absolutely will not stop trying no matter how many times you fail. He’ll go away eventually we he figures out you won’t quit. When his hour is up and he loses that wager with God.

I recommend finding good Catholic teaching on demonology. This will give you eyes to see the war you are waging. God bless.

 

[opop]

I have a similar struggle with impurity as you have. Believe me, I find myself many times with a huge despair wanting to come down on me, and I am constantly going to confession. I also have depression. But I think what you should understand is that religion is not supposed to make you healthy, or to make you feel well. In fact, it is more of a burden (but a holy burden, if I may say) than anything else. The fact is that we are, during this life, in a constant battle. To be sure that, by prayers or sacraments, you will find the battle less harsh, is foolish. It certainly gives you more chances to win the battle in the end, but it will not necessarily make you feel less pain or less difficulties during the battle. Yes, a lot of Catholics strongly believe that prayers and sacraments will make temptation less strong, but there is actually no dogma that says this will happen. It can happen, and it happens sometimes, but it certainly does not happen in all cases.
Sure, you have no garantee to win the battle in the end, but by fighting you have at least one chance. However, if you give up, you have the guarantee to fail. Sure, if you give up, you will feel better, perhaps more healthy, more happy, etc. And it’s normal, because in the short run it is always easier and healthier to surrender to the enemy rather than fight. But you must think long-term: the pig is always well nourished before being sent to the slaughtherhouse.

So yes, you’re right: being a practicing Catholic doesn’t guarantee that the temptation will decrease. It is in fact quite harsh and depressing, as any great battle or war is. But it gives you confession, and with that, a chance, even if small, to win the battle in the end. And now that I think about it, the words of William Wallace in Braveheart can perfectly be applied to the present context:
Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live – at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!
Now, for us, it is the same thing, except it is about the freedom of the soul, the freedom from sin.

The concept of eucatastrophe, expressed by Tolkien, also describres perfectly what we should believe in, and what we have to hope for.

P. S. : I don’t know it this may help you, but there is this famous thing callled The Nine First Fridays Devotion. Basically, if you do it properly, you can be pretty sure to win in the end (even if you fall many times before), because that is what Christ promised. Here’s a link:
https://www.americaneedsfatima.org/Our-Lord-Jesus-Christ/the-nine-first-fridays-devotion.html

 

[MariaDolorosa]

Hi Leonhard.

I have overcome many very difficult vices, thanks to God’s grace. I certainly attribute it to prayer but there is another element; true love. I was so elevated in meditation (on Heaven especially) that my base thoughts and instincts could not withstand the joy that I was experiencing. By focusing on how beautiful I find the Divine Mysteries and in falling in love with the works of my favourite saints, my mind and heart no longer gravitates towards the sins of my past. My prayer has also become much more effective.

Mortification is important, it’s true. But it can’t be without love. Love is the electricity that powers prayer. Yes, I did have to give up many things but only the things that I knew stood in the way of me loving God fully. What I have gained in return is true peace and gratitude.

I recommend spending some time thinking about what you find most beautiful in the Catholic tradition. Your favourite saint, book or artwork. I wouldn’t focus on things regarding overcoming impurity. Rather, things glorifying purity, holiness, goodness, etc. It sounds as though you do better with positive reinforcement. I do too. It’s natural. Fall in love with beauty and innocence and you’ll see thoughts contrary to that will start to fade away. It might also change your relationship with God and His Church.

God bless you.

 

[Neithan]

As I’ve detailed in my prior posts. Cutting off all ties, including friends, just led to sickness. As for channelling it into a marriage I doubt “Hi, I’m horny and I’d like to have sex without it constituting mortal sin, will you marry me” is the best approach, or foundation to build a relationship.

You’re right, that’s not the only reason to pursue marriage. Clearly though, the struggle with masturbation is an appetite that is “out of order.” Aquinas (who didn’t have this struggle but was perceptive about everything he wrote about) stated that grace perfects nature, but it does not destroy it. If our nature is unhealthy, we might pray for a miracle, but as you noted, that is not the usual way God works; but rather through providence in the ordinary course of things. If you get an infection, you can pray for a miracle, and you can go to communion to have the grace for your infection to be healed; but refusing to treat the problem with a natural remedy is imprudent to say the least.

You suffered from scrupulosity and that is a hellish kind of spiritual suffering, in fact it’s what lead Martin Luther to splinter the entire church (he was going to confession multiple times a day obsessing over sin). You don’t have a special gift of celibacy, that much is obvious. Rather than torture yourself and beg for a gift God does not have in mind for you, why not seek a vocation to marriage? That seems to be both the natural and spiritual solution. Before doing that though, the compulsive masturbation ought to be addressed, if it hasn’t already. It may have been caused or aggravated by scrupulosity.

Also why not attend Mass and abstain from communion? Confession and communion are only requirements once a year. It’s a minimalist approach, but it might let you relax for a bit and enjoy the presence of God without obsessing about your unworthiness (we’re all unworthy). There is no need to completely abandon the church because of vice; don’t despair.

[Just for comparison sake, if someone had a struggle with gluttony and prayed that God deliver them, and they had holy statues and images, prayed the rosary, wore scapulars, medals, cinctures and joined confraternities devoted to temperance, but they still ate too much and ate compulsively: what would you recommend for them?]

 

[YoungCatholicGuy]

Friend, with all kindness I tell you;

No one is ‘making you sin.’ It is a personal decision.

You need to just decide: ‘I will not sin anymore.’

I know you do not want to read anymore books, or go to anymore events,

But:
There is a reason you are committing this sin and you need to discover that root and cast it out.
The catholic book ‘Unbound’ is very good at discerning the root cause of a sin and praying for deliverance in that area.

The prayers of Catholic Charismatic Fr Robert De Grandis are powerful deliverance prayers, available for free online in the two free downloadable ebooks: on www.larrycummins.ie

Which do you love more? That sin, or the church?
The bible says you cannot serve two masters.

Would you rather be a St augustine who continually repented until delivered from the sin,
Or
A Judas who embraced sins and freely chooses Hell.

Have you ever attended a catholic charismatic healing service? (These have been approved by the Vatican and many experience deliverance from spiritual addictions or even physical healings at such healing masses,)

The words of Saint Padre pio apply to you:
‘Better to be a sinner ashamed of his sin, who contantly repents. Than to be a Pharisee ashamed of doing good.’

Be an Augustine! Don’t be a Judas!

As jesus told the apostles (priests): ‘If someone sins 70 times 7, and says sorry: forgive them.’
Find a spiritual director and confess to him monthly and receive communion as often as you are worthy.

Satan wants your soul, you need to choose will you be the son in the parable who doesn’t want to continue in the vineyard but does so. Or the son who wants to be in the vineyard but doesn’t go.

Continue with confession!

 

[YoungCatholicGuy]

Do you know any priest who is in exorcism ministry, you are not possessed no, But special prayers of deliverance may help you, if the usual spiritual warfare is not working.

Have you attended a catholic charismatic healing service? People experience deliverance from addictions/ physical healings at such events also,

Do you need to join an online or actual group; for those addicted to impurity (alternatives to alcoholics anonymous),

Are you sins thoughts or actions?
If they are thoughts, it may be that you are just scrupulous and are confusing temptations with actual thought-decisions

 

[YoungCatholicGuy]

My personal advice would also be: balance in all aspects of life is important; exercise, 8 hours sleep each night, healthy diet; social life, spending time with family and relatives, spending time doing hobbies, having clear goals in life; This is all good and from God. ‘The devil makes use of idle hands’ the bible says so. If you are busy doing all these good things the devil will have less occasions to tempt you, St Faustina was told by Jesus; ‘When people are busy doing good things; Satan cannot tempt them in the slightest.’

It also means doing a fast from things that are a trigger to you: eg: ‘40 days of no internet/ laptop/ phone,’ giving up certain unholy tv programmes or music that may be leading to sin, maybe even giving up certain friends if they are an extremely bad influence on your life; maybe it means giving up attending certain social scenese if certain particular places are occasions for mortal sin (eg: unholy nightclubs,)

Some more information here would help us; eg: if you are a teenager undergoing puberty, obviously temptations are higher during this stage of life, but then ease off later.

Saint Padre Pio had great temptations towards impurity during his youth, and would continually confess this to his spiritual director.

St margaret mary wrote:
‘Heaven is not just for the perfect, but for those who persevere’ (repent, go to confession and try again).
Jesus fell three times on the way of the Cross but kept going to save your soul.

If you are to fall 777 times and pick up the Cross again, Jesus has clearly told the apostles that He came to save the Lost Sheep, and the sick sheep, And clearly told His apostles to always forgive a truly repentant person if they even fall 7777 times and confess again,

When you fall pick up the cross again and drink the waters of Life, don’t stay in the mud to drink from the dirty waters that satan poisons souls with,

 

[Windmill]

Patterns of behavior leading to acting out the sexual urge are deeply embedded due to chemical alterations in the brain. We oftentimes are using the act as an escape from a deeper pain. The temporary comfort sex gives us does not take the pain away, so we return to the habit yet again. After years of indulgence, the mere sight of a woman can trigger anticipation of the sexual high, and we head down the path of acting out yet again.

The good thing is that the brain chemistry does start to change back to normal if the person perseveres in chaste behavior. If he learns to discover those things that trigger the Pavlovian response, he can start making small changes in his life that help dampen the overreaction to the stimuli.

Fasting and self denial are important, prayer is critical, frequent confession is helpful, and trust in God and your spiritual director is foundational. However, God is going to use ordinary means before he uses extraordinary means. You have to want to make changes in your daily life and want to face the deeper pains that cause you to seek this false comfort called masturbation. You have to willing to see that this is an inability of your to cope with problems in life constructively. You have to be willing to change instead of simply accepting your addiction. You also have to realize that years of embedded habits are not going to change easily or quickly. But God wants you to persevere through the darkness to reach the real light on the other side.

Surrounding yourself with beauty, filling your life with meaningful relationships, and nurturing your relationship with a loving and patient God helps remind us of the good in our world, in our God, and in ourselves. It helps us find joy amidst the trials and reminds us that we are not rotten to the core.

Facing the darkness is harder than running from it, but the confrontation is something that gives meaning to life.

 

[Annie]

At least it seems impossible for me that God would withhold the graces needed to resist mortal sin.

God does do this, mostly for prideful people, but I think the previous poster was referring to an increase in temptations rather than a decrease in grace.

Temptation has three sources: the world, the flesh, and the devil. We know the world likes to keep us the same: if we decide to quit drinking, our buddies will all invite us to have just 1 beer and the like.

And of course our selves really hate to change. I have a very hard time fasting…

And the devil hates to lose a soul and really increases what pressure he can to keep the soul on a downward course.

My thought may sound strange, but here goes.

Maybe you are like a person with a broken leg and strep throat. Instead of focusing on getting rid of the strep, you are trying to train for a marathon and focusing on lugging the cast around on a “training run.”

Why not try to ignore this one problem and be Catholic in every other way? Most people have more than one spiritual area they need grow in, and you could just focus on those other areas. Just tell God you are not happy about this situation, but better to be a Catholic who is trying than to move away from God altogether.

(To me, this is unlike politician advocates of abortion who also put forth their Catholicism. They do have a choice, they just don’t want to risk their jobs by advocating the Catholic position, but you don’t seem to have a choice.)

We do not know everything about the human body. Some people need medication to keep themselves from committing the sin of suicide. Maybe 50 years from now, they will discover that people with your problem can take some medicine to help them.

In the meantime, I would suggest being a human Catholic, ie, imperfect, is better than not being one at all. Tell God you regret this problem and are willing to cooperate with His grace on it, but other than that, you just can’t deal with it at all.

Even St Paul had a thorn in his flesh (which each person seems to think was the exact same problem he or she struggles with :wink. )

 

[lilypadrees]

Addiction is not something that can be cured by Catholic magic.

I take it you aren’t Catholic, Windmill. If you were, you’d know there’s no such thing as “Catholic magic.”

 

[Neithan]

Oh there is, it’s superstition, but it exists. Voodoo is a blatant example, but there are more subtle forms of it (some Catholics wear bracelets to ward off the “evil eye”). That’s not to say the OP was being blatantly superstitious; I think the point made is that sacramentals or even the sacraments are not going to work magically. Yes it is possible that a miraculous cure from addiction could happen, but that doesn’t seem likely if, in God’s providence, it is better for us to attain virtue through our natural faculties, aided (but not replaced) by grace. It is possible to stop masturbating without any sacraments or sacramentals, so feeling healthier by leaving the church suggests relief from scrupulosity and magical thinking. “Superstition is the disease of religion.” It’s also opposed to religion by excess (rather than deficiency).

 

[HisSparrow]

That was such a good reply. Lots of information. I have never heard of sin as “missing the mark”. Thank u for sharing that

 

[Windmill]

lilypadrees,

I have been very Catholic all my life. If you had read my entire post you would have read my recommendations to the OP to frequent the sacrament of Confession and rely on the advice of his spiritual director. When I said “Catholic magic” I was referring to the fact that the sacraments and devotions do not confer grace against our wills. OOW, we cannot jump through hoops and expect our difficulties in life to disappear. Frustration can set in if we expect a certain result from following a formulaic approach to deeply psychological issues. Sexual bad habits take time and patience and self-application.

That’s all I was trying to say =)

 

[leonhardprintz]

[Just for comparison sake, if someone had a struggle with gluttony and prayed that God deliver them, and they had holy statues and images, prayed the rosary, wore scapulars, medals, cinctures and joined confraternities devoted to temperance, but they still ate too much and ate compulsively: what would you recommend for them?]

First of all, I would not recommend them anything. I would listen to them, and what they say. I believe they understand their own sufferings better than most people will.

After that, if they asked of my advice, I’d ask them to seek good professional secular counseling. That’s what I in the end did, after taking a good long break from the Church and all that purity “madness”. I went to a professional, and got real help for my depression.

And instead of getting more depressed, I got less depressed. And started fixing my life. Its been a very healthy tree to eat from in comparison to my experience with the eucharist, confession, statues, praying, holy salts, rosary counting, etc… etc…

It worked. The other stuff made me sick. Now I’ve also ditched most of the spiritual practices I did, except a few prayers. If I ever become a practicing Catholic, I will be openly critical about reading the lives of the saints uncritically. They lived in a certain time, their advice was for certain people, and even in their own time they might have given unhealthy and bad advice.

St. Francis de Sales sat in a tree and beat himself with a rock, Church Father Origen emasculated himself to keep pure and there are certain pious nuns who cut off their noses to mortify their vanity. Anyone thinking its good to do these things are fools.

Which is what I had become.

I would not advice anyone on spiritual matters. There is only one recommendation of a spiritual practice I’ve ever given others, and its the only one I’ll ever give, no more no less. Three Hail Mary’s in the morning, and three in the evening, each followed by a prayer to be kept from mortal sin.

This is either enough to obtain all the divine graces you will need to die in a state of grace, as long as you are of good heart, or no amount of praying or mortification, supplication, sacrifice or practice will be.

 

[leonhardprintz]

lilypadrees,

I have been very Catholic all my life. If you had read my entire post you would have read my recommendations to the OP to frequent the sacrament of Confession and rely on the advice of his spiritual director. When I said “Catholic magic” I was referring to the fact that the sacraments and devotions do not confer grace against our wills. OOW, we cannot jump through hoops and expect our difficulties in life to disappear. Frustration can set in if we expect a certain result from following a formulaic approach to deeply psychological issues. Sexual bad habits take time and patience and self-application.

That’s all I was trying to say =)

A particular odious pious practice is the attachment of “promises” to a lot of prayers. Those should be viewed with a lot of skepticism, beyond of course the generic promise of the divine grace of a good death. Though even then the list of caveats to even that seemingly universal promise is as long as my arm.

 

[leonhardprintz]

We oftentimes are using the act as an escape from a deeper pain. … You have to willing to see that this is an inability of your to cope with problems in life constructively.

I’d rather you not act like a dr. Phil.

I’ve always done it because I enjoy it. I don’t watch porno, but if you’ll escuse me I won’t be detailing any particular enjoyment and what it gives me on a public site. I hope you’ll accept that as a reasonable request from me.

Since I can’t describe the fun and joy I get from it, its going to a bit uphill to convince you that I’m not using it to run from pain. Its certainly a nice frustration and stress valve. So when I’ve been more stressed, I’ve done it more. However after ceasing to actively be a Catholic I’m less stressed than at any point in my life that I can remember. I still do it rather frequently.

It is also lessening, but’s that is because I’m in my thirties now and each year my sexual appetite is naturally declining as I age. No grace, no divine assistance, just sexual glands wearing down with time.

My working understanding is that I did it because its very enjoyable. That’s produced a strong habit. I don’t think its any deeper than that. People who are married aren’t having sex because they have deep seated emotional problems, they have sex because its highly enjoyable.

God is going to use ordinary means before he uses extraordinary means.

It seems that God would rather keep forgiving my sins than seeing me gain the virtue needed to resist. I honestly don’t understand that. It seems contrary to pretty much every reading I’ve ever seen, that God will confer the graces a person need to resist mortal sin. Often this won’t be the case with venial sin, in as much as they protect a person from a mortal sin. And there is the Church dogma that God does not tempt a person above their ability to resist.

It is this that has made me lose faith in the Church.

That and the fact that the moment I left I quickly got better, which constantly brings to mind Jesus words “By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”

 

[lilypadrees]

But there is no “Catholic magic,” Windfall. As a devout lifelong Catholic, I take offense to the use of that term. You say you’re Catholic yet use a term that anti-Catholics use to describe the Eucharist and to show Catholics disrespect.

If the OP doesn’t feel he can believe or trust in the Catholic Church which was founded by Jesus Himself or in His priests, how is going to Confession going to help him when he isn’t even going to Mass presently?

Until he is ready to let go of the sins that bind him, these sexual issues are going to remain with him. Right now, he feels pressured by the Church which condemns these sins. That’s why he needs to take one step at a time and just trust in Jesus right now. His posts indicate that he’s not ready to return to Mass or the sacraments at this time.

 

[Windmill]

Of course there’s no Catholic magic. That’s the entire point of my post. You need to cooperate with the grace of the sacraments. As a devout Catholic husband and father of 5 boys, we frequent Confession and Mass. We homeschool our children in the Catholic faith. I’m hardly one who considers the sacramental life “magic”.

Before you sound off on someone, it may be better to read their full post and then ask yourself if you are assuming the absolute worst of intentions.