I don't see how I can believe in the Church anymore

[leonhardprintz]

You better fight the urge to masturbate or else your soul Will be doomed for all Eternity. Stop being selfish and read your scripture and some lives of the Saints. Many are called not All are called. So if not all are called and only few are chosen, where does that leave you and me? Meditate on it receive the Sacraments as often as possible. God love you. I’ll be praying

I tried this, didn’t work. I only got sick, as I’ve described multiple times now.

Thank you for the advice on any rate. I wish the best of luck in your own purity quest. I hope it brings you joy.

 

[leonhardprintz]

Frankly, I wouldn’t listen to people, priests and therapists included, who say you should just accept this sin and nothing will change. That is despair and it only takes a road to dropping virtue altogether.

No therapist I ever went to told me that it is not a sin. I did go to a real therapist in order to treat my depression, but at no point was masturbation discussed there. That is uniquely something I’ve experienced in the Catholic Church.

And on this forum where its one of the most discussed topics.

Remove any source of temptation.

I did that, burned all “unclean” books I had, and broke up with all “unholy” friendships. It left me alone, and spinning around in frustration. And it didn’t change my habit.

Breathe. It’s a lot easier to let go when you don’t agonize over every time you sin.

I agree. I also think not agonizing over it would be a good advice for everyone.

 

[leonhardprintz]

Find other distractions. If you can’t get rid of your computer or if you need a supplement, find something else to do. If you feel temptation, go outside and take a deep breath. Ride a bike or some other excercise. Pick up a new hobby. Read a book, though it doesn’t have to be scripture or a life of a saint, it just has to be wholesome.

This is a bit difficult if you’re severely depressed which is what I was at that point. I hope you can understand this, if not, then I have to say that your advice is in vain. At any rate even when I was healthy there was no activity I could do that would stop it.

I could go for a ten mile walk, listening to Tolkien’s works on audio. Trying to keep my mind distracted.

Didn’t work. I arrived home extremely hornier than ever.

What really got me though was late at night not being able to fall asleep, because I wanted to do it. If I sacrifised a good nights sleep, I wasn’t then rewarded with feeling less temptation the next day. I felt more temptation, and the day after that.

It never stopped.

But I told God “Its better to be with you, and be without a job, sleep deprived and depressed, than not to be with you.” And so I struggled on, and lost my job. Lost my money. Got sicker and more depressed.

And finally after a year of the absolute bottom of it, where I was suicidal, I decided to stop. This couldn’t be true. This wasn’t joy. God loved me, but the Catholic Church was demanding the impossible of me, and it didn’t possess the graces it claims about itself, otherwise God would have granted me the ability to resist.

This problem of evil: A man being given a temptation so strong he can’t resist it, yet the Church promising that God grants people what is needed to overcome.

This, has made me doubt that the Catholic Church is genuine.

Talk to a priest outside confession. You can ask for a special blessing or even a minor exorcism to remove the obsession/addiction.

Done that, multiple times. I had a lot of items blessed. Lots of prayers. Lots of blessing. Mini exorcisms.

No results. Same temptations, and no added strength to overcome.

1. Turn to Our Mother of Sorrow.

I still have an icon of Our Mother of Sorrow hanging in my entrance, I say a Hail Mary upon leaving and arriving home.

Didn’t do anything to change my habit.

The struggle is real, but don’t give in to despair.

Its not despair. I have no doubt God can heal me any moment He wants, if the Catholic Church in fact is the one true church. The fact that this never happened, and whenever I asked for strength I was getting weaker, and whenever I tried to be stronger and more devoted, “God” sent me more sickness and more temptation…

That didn’t make me despair. It made me lose faith in the Catholic Church.

Until someone can make sense of what I’ve experienced, I have every natural reason to reject the Catholic Church, and stay as far away from it as possible. Because entering the Catholic Church made me sick, and leaving it made me well.

 

[baz82]

I’m a little late in reading and responding to this thread so forgive me if someone has made the following suggestions.

This is spiritual warfare. The devil and his minions will relentlessly try to temp us. I suffered from this for years. What helped me turn the tide was something I had not considered.

After confessing my sins of impurity for the umpteenth time, the priest hearing my comfession (he was a priest I had never met before) offered to pray a deliverance prayer over me after granting absolution. I fell one last time after that, but went back to him. He prayed the deliverance prayer again. It’s been over a year now and I have not fallen again

I’m sure that is not the sole reason, but I know in my heart that it helped immensely. Next time you go to confession ask they priest to say a deliverance prayer over you.

God bless and don’t stop fighting!

 

[Gab123]

My big challenge is finding out how this could be, and how I can enter without becoming sick again.

The problem with addictions is that one ends up being a slave to them. The best way is to quit cold-turkey. If you are too addicted then the answer would be to get professional help.

And I finally began to be able to sleep at night regularly, as I wasn’t fighting a nightly struggle

The problem with addictions is that they end up enslaving a person to the point that one cannot go on without getting a fix. It happens with drugs, gambling, pornography, etc. - all destructive behaviors. A heroin addict is a slave to heroin and cannot find rest until the next fix. We see this phenomenon with the large numbers of people that are addicted to opioids and all sorts of drugs; it is a slavery being that one is not free. Something that began as a thought turned into an act, the act becomes a habit, the habit an addiction, and the addiction becomes a way of life shaping one’s own character. The problem with masturbation is that it drains a man’s vitality and natural virility which is the energy that God gives a man to channel his manliness into to wooing a woman, which blossoms into family and children. The problem starts when one begins to misuse the purpose of God’s creation. Masturbation is to engage in sexual activity with one’s own self, which is inherently a homosexual act, but the Bible speaks of It as the sin of Onan, and known as Onanism

Thank you for the advice, but you don’t seem to be listening

You said that you were going to seek a spiritual director. Again, listen to this talk from a spiritual director: This should point you in the right direction as to your next move. I will pray for you:
Spiritual Direction Audio

 

[leonhardprintz]

The problem with masturbation is that it drains a man’s vitality and natural virility

This is pseudo-scientific nonsense from the late eighteenth century. I am healthier and better than when I was trying not to masturbate. I work as a consultant for a tech company, and I exercise daily.

I honestly don’t think you have the faintest clue what you’re talking about.

The best thing I can say for your argument here is that health effects of masturbation in and of itself isn’t studied directly, though its the consensus of the medical establishment (who’s medical opinion I will always side with over the Church) that the medical effects of masturbation is either harmless or beneficial.

Listen, I know you want to help me, but giving bad advice and perpetuating old myths isn’t the way to do it. I’d much rather have honesty and integrity, and be told that I’ll have to do A, B and C, and they’re mentally and physically harmful, than to be told that the thing I do which is not making me sick is harmful.

You’re simply not going to convince me that way.

As for the audio link, I don’t intend on clicking on it. I have a policy of never watching youtube videos like that. And I’ve had enough of “read this link, say this prayer, watch this video advice.”

If you want to give me advice, give it here in a forum.

 

[leonhardprintz]

After confessing my sins of impurity for the umpteenth time, the priest hearing my comfession (he was a priest I had never met before) offered to pray a deliverance prayer over me after granting absolution. I fell one last time after that, but went back to him. He prayed the deliverance prayer again. It’s been over a year now and I have not fallen again

I had this done by my spiritual advisor, who is a charismatic Catholic, old and very pious. He has a rosary that is worn down from use.

I know I sound like a broken record but it had no effect on me.

 

[Gab123]

This is pseudo-scientific nonsense from the late eighteenth century

No it’s true. Masturbating completely channels a man’s virility into self-abuse with the help of pornography and impure thoughts. Instead of driving a man’s vitality into a beautiful family it invests it into pornographic thoughts. The Church encourages people to have a lot of sex, but not with one’s self, or with sex dolls or porno magazine; instead it teaches God’s plan for sexuality within the confines of holy matrimony, where a man makes a woman a mother and a woman makes a man a father. A beautiful design.

You’re simply not going to convince me that way.

I think the real problem is that maybe you are more interested in attacking Church teaching rather than getting help for this addiction? I’ve known people who try to defend their addiction to drugs, because they cannot imagine a world without it… But there is hope, and real freedom is possible, and there are countless people who testify to this. It’s a matter of first acknowledging that it is an addiction and treat it as such.

As for the audio link, I don’t intend on clicking on it. I have a policy of never watching youtube videos

This is not a YouTube video, it is a spiritual director speaking to you to get to the root of your issue. Earlier you said you were going to seek a spiritual director, so here it is again. It is really good, you won’t regret listening to it. This should point you in the right direction as to your next move if indeed you are sincerely seeking a solution. Listen to it tonight when you go to bed. I will pray for you:
Spiritual Direction Audio

 

[lilypadrees]

If I may be so blunt, neither God nor the Catholic Church made you sick. You’ve already admitted that you masturbate because you enjoy it. You aren’t going to give up this sin until you’re truly ready to give it up. You’re using your “getting sick” as an excuse to stay out of the Catholic Church and most probably, any church since they all preach and teach against masturbation. You say you feel “healthier and stronger” since leaving.

What you want is someone who’s going to okay your indulging this sin. No spiritual director worth his salt is going to do this in the Catholic Church or any church that preaches and teaches Christ.

What you need is the Truth. And the kind posters here have given you the Truth. You have rejected the Truth and used so many excuses as to why you have to masturbate (no you don’t “have to” masturbate), why you have to stay away from the Catholic Church, how this prayer and that prayer don’t work, God has let you down, not listened to you, the Church has let you down, etc.

Stop with the excuses already. Look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. No one has let you down. Not God, not the Catholic Church, NO ONE. You have free will. You stopped going to Mass because you wanted to. You haven’t returned to Mass because you don’t want to.

Maybe God hasn’t healed you of this because you keep saying “if” and putting conditions." IF God wanted to heal me, He would." “IF the Catholic Church is the one true church.” “I’ll return to the Catholic Church if/when…”

That’s not the way it works. You have free will. The choices you’re making with the free will God gave you are your roadblocks. God will not force His will on you.

 

[Sleepdoc]

I have some suggestions

Memorize this prayer

Lord Jesus Christ, purify the eyes of my heart.

Now, pay attention to all thoughts, feelings, inclinations
Of your heart. Minute to minute. Hour by hour day by day.

If you are struggling, expect to think about sex about every few minutes of your day.
Ask the Holy Spirit to move in your heart. Hourly

For the first inclination of any sexuality or pleasure
Stop immediately and say this prayer.

The second time it happens you say the prayer twice.
The third- 3 times. And so on.

By mid day you will be struggling to do anything but pray it. You could be at it 70-100 times.

Your interrupting the pathways your mind created to this pleasure and giving yourself a moment to fight the temptation.

When a man has smoked 100,000 cigarettes
The pathway to any resistance is gone. They are helpless to stop.

The devil will come after you very quickly
You will not sleep. He will make every woman you see
Appear as a goddess.
Keep your eyes down.
Fight every image.

You have no power to solve this. It will be grace that
Remolds your behavior.
When you fall, and you will fall.
Ignore the guilt, it’s satans game.

Just keep calling on Jesus.
There is a reason he is coming slowly to you.
For you it is necessary - trust him.

Your will and his grace is your rope out of the pit

It can take years.
God love you

 

[leonhardprintz]

No it’s true. Masturbating completely channels a man’s virility into self-abuse with the help of pornography and impure thoughts.

The entire medical community disagrees with this, I have no less a desire to be with someone than I’ve ever had before. In fact I’ve been on dates ever since I stopped this purity quest and I certainly didn’t feel any less sexually interested in the people I was with.

The Church encourages people to have a lot of sex, but not with one’s self, or with sex dolls or porno magazine;

I don’t use sex dolls, and I don’t buy porno magazines.

I think the real problem is that maybe you are more interested in attacking Church teaching rather than getting help for this addiction?

At no point have I attacked any Church teachings, if I have name just one. Just one. All I have expressed in this thread is a frustration with having done countless devotionals, on the request of people exactly like you. Read this books, listens to this specific guy and say these prayers, sprinkle holy salts etc…

All it did was turn my apartment into an imitation of a cloister, it did not change my habit. And yes I’ve yet countless articles and several books on sexual impurity and ways to deal with addiction.

If I were to recommend one book it would be The Courage to Be Chaste by Fr Benedict J Groeschel C.F.R.

It’s a matter of first acknowledging that it is an addiction and treat it as such.

Thank you dr. Phil.

This is not a YouTube video, it is a spiritual director

I have a policy against spiritual direction via any online source. I came to Catholic Answers Forum to put up this thread in order to get answer as to why devotionals were powerless, when the Catholic Church promises us enough help to avoid mortal sin. I intend to get a real flesh and blood spiritual director at some point, this intention hasn’t changed. But it will be when I’m ready for it.

So far I have gotten some answers, though they keep being drowned by posters with (read this/pray this) advice.

Some people have talked honestly about supernatural help being very rare, an exception to the rule. Other people have talked how the strength of addiction might reduce culpability, which is something I have considered.

 

[leonhardprintz]

Memorize this prayer

Thank you for the suggestion, but did you read the thread before posting this?

For other posters. I know you have many private and personal devotions you believe will help me, but my story is that I kept adding and piling on devotionals from well meaning people. The total sum of this litany of items was a disappointment.

It did nothing for my habit.

 

[leonhardprintz]

If I may be so blunt,

I don’t mind harsh honesty or tough love.

neither God nor the Catholic Church made you sick.

Then what did? I entered the Church in relatively good health. I learned I shouldn’t masturbate. So I tried stopping. This quest led me to taking advise from spiritual advisors. And also a lot of online research into this to see what could stop it.

Each devotional I added didn’t help. I got sicker and more depressed. Finally after having been suicidal for the better part of a year, I stopped.

You say you feel “healthier and stronger” since leaving.

You put quote marks around it. This is objectively true. There are no quote marks about it. I haven’t lied, and anyone of my friends can give testimony to it. Right now I can get a written testimony from half a dozen people who stayed with me through the thick and thin of it, and have known me at all stages of it.

Those are my real friends by the way. My “holy” friendships? Those Catholic friends? They left the instant they found out I wasn’t going to Church regularly anymore. One or two talked to me once, and that’s it. Its been crickets since then from them.

And those were the friends I was supposed to trade my old friends for?

I have a friend through fourteen years, I’ve been thick as thieves with. He knows more about me than any spiritual director ever will. Including my sins. He worried for me when I became a Catholic, but supported me through it the entire way. Because its what I wanted.

And every single one of the original predictions he made came true, I became lonely, stressed out over battling something I had no real control over, and worse than that I entered a severe depression that it took me a long time to climb out of.

 

[leonhardprintz]

What you need is the Truth.

Can you point to a specific post in which I rejected “The Truth”. I think the only thing I’ve rejected explicitly is some pseudoscience about masturbation sapping a man of virility. For the rest its mostly been well-meaning readers who’ve offered this or that devotional to do, and me in either answering that I don’t plan on taking on anymore of them, or telling them that I’ve already tried it for a long time without effect.

Maybe God hasn’t healed you of this because you keep saying “if” and putting conditions." IF God wanted to heal me, He would."

Some people have told me to shout and demand God to do things. I have done that sometimes. Others have told me not to expect God to do something, and more humbly submit to his will. This is what I typically did. I doubt I’ll get any real consistent advice on this, but since I trust the Holy Spirit to understand my intentions, I can pray with confidence that I’m doing the right thing.

I think in fact its heresy to say that God will only hear your real intentions or understand you, if you say a prayer the right way.

 

[Anrakyr]

you are fighting with the devil, not with mortal men.

I’d argue he fights with God but ya.

 

[leonhardprintz]

What you want is someone who’s going to okay your indulging this sin.

No. I already accept that if I were to be a practicing Catholic I’d accept the Church’s teachings. I have never stated otherwise in this thread.

If I have show it.

I’ve actually repeated what I want in this thread. Multiple times. I’m afraid I’ve been saying something you don’t want to hear, but as for what I really said I’ve made it quite clear. I’ll repeat it again for you though.

I want someone to explain how it could be that since the Catholic Church reassures us constantly that we have God’s help to fight the good fight, and that we’re not tempted above our ability to resist, then how is it that despite all sorts of attempts at overcoming this addiction, it never changed, and I never got anymore strength, grace or additional virtue to resist?

Many well learned users have given explanations of this, and to several of them I’ve told them that what they had said had been taken under consideration. You might have to scroll up a bit, or actually read this thread. But I’ve gotten good suggestions on this.

 

[leonhardprintz]

I’d argue he fights with God but ya.

The story of Jacob always encouraged me, and that phrase was always on my mind in this thread.

Welcome to the community.

 

[Gab123]

The entire medical community disagrees with this, I have no less a desire to be with someone than I’ve ever had before. In fact I’ve been on dates ever since I stopped this purity quest and I certainly didn’t feel any less sexually interested in the people I was with.

Pornography is a common culprit, and it ends up fueling a pornographic imagination that creates an insatiable desire. The damage is spiritual and psychological. One of the effects is timidity around women. Instead of wooing and winning her heart with a noble intention, one hides in the dark and masturbate with an impure mind using women as object of their impurity.

Jesus Himself said that even to look lustfully at a woman a man has already committed adultery in his heart. The good news is that there is freedom available; one doesn’t have to be a slave to sin. Addictions have to be treated as addictions.

I don’t use sex dolls, and I don’t buy porno magazines.

You probably watch pornography on the internet? Do you have pornography at home?

At no point have I attacked any Church teachings,

the title of this thread speaks for itself…?

All it did was turn my apartment into an imitation of a cloister, it did not change my habit.

You said it yourself. It’s a habit. Cold turkey is the best way to stop a habit… But one has to want to quit for the right reasons. it doesn’t sound like you want to quit. Fear of the Lord is the fear of offending God out of love for God. The problem is when people’s relationship with God is about following laws and avoiding going to hell, rather than wanting to be transformed and sanctified and becoming serene and a reflection of God’s goodness and purity. that is what that audio link will help you with.

I have a policy against spiritual direction via any online source. I came to Catholic Answers Forum to put up this thread in order to get answer as to why devotionals were powerless, when the Catholic Church promises us enough help to avoid mortal sin

I suggest you make an exception and listen to this spiritual director, Archbishop Fulton J Sheen; in this 22 minute audio talk will point you in the right direction: Spiritual Direction Audio

 

[leonhardprintz]

Pornography is a common culprit … You probably watch pornography on the internet? Do you have pornography at home?

I have no pornography in my home, or anything you’ve described. I don’t watch pornography online either. And if you will excuse me, I will not start to detail the saucy details of what I do here.

 

[strivingforsainthood]

Have you’ve seen a doctor about this?

I am so happy you have fought hard with this, but it worries me if you are having sleeplessness over it. It makes me wonder if it’s something within the body. There is a disorder called hyper-sexuality which holds an increased libido. I think it’s worth checking and seeing if all your levels are within a normal range. Talking to a doctor may bring some peace.