I don't think I can do this

[cjpayn2]

Do you have any friends or even family other than your mother. Any brothers, sisters, your husband’s family? Are you currently still using aid from the government. You mentioned earlier you and your kids were on medicaid. Is that still the case? If it is, it seems anything health related will be paid from medicaid, including labor and dr. appointments. With WIC (milk, cheese, bread and formula, if you dont breastfeed) and food stamps, yours and your kids basic needs and foods will be met. Your a stay at home so you are not paying for day care. It sounds like at least 2 of your children are of school age, which means they are not at home with you during the day so there is that. With the aid, raising another child right now shouldn’t cost as much as your are probably thinking.

 

[TSB4]

I can’t help but think about all the things that could possibly go wrong in this pregnancy. And after the pregnancy.
I’m also sad my due date is the day before my birthday. My grandmother passed on my birthday 5 years ago and I never recovered or have been able to celebrate that day.

Amongst the panic attacks, yelling at my current kids, the chaos. I feel like I don’t really deserve another child let alone be able to handle another. I’m afraid.

I also feel bad for my aborted baby. I feel like they are in heaven hurt because I went on to have more children and not them. I know I probably sound crazy.

 

[TSB4]

Do you have any friends or even family other than your mother. Any brothers, sisters, your husband’s family? Are you currently still using aid from the government. You mentioned earlier you and your kids were on medicaid. Is that still the case? If it is, it seems anything health related will be paid from medicaid, including labor and dr. appointments. With WIC (milk, cheese, bread and formula, if you dont breastfeed) and food stamps, yours and your kids basic needs and foods will be met. Your a stay at home so you are not paying for day care. It sounds like at least 2 of your children are of school age, which means they are not at home with you during the day so there is that. With the aid, raising another child right now shouldn’t cost as much as your are probably thinking.

That’s the other thing. I don’t want to bring anther baby while on aid. I feel it’s irresponsible of me. Like we can’t afford the children we make.

 

[mommamaree]

It’s where they dilate the cervix and surgically remove the “contents” of the uterus. I have worked on gynae wards where they are performed for miscarriages, as the body doesn’t re absorb after a point and was horrified to find the word “products” on the hand over. Some of the girls have actually seen said “products” and it’s not the most pleasant experience. Most just get sent to the incinerator unless requested. However with an abortion, I’m not sure there will be an option to get the remains?

Truth Faith is quite right about this.
Second trimester abortions are usually D&E or D&C. Dilation and evacuation (or curettage). Curettage involves vacuum aspiration, whereas evacuation involves use of surgical tools. Both do not typical result in the baby being removed whole and intact.
Please know, while these are obviously terminal procedures for the baby, it is not rare that the mother is injured during one of these procedures. Mothers have suffered perforated uterus, had their small intestine accidentally partially removed, as well as hemorrhaging and infection. It is far safer to carry the baby to term and give birth than to have one of these procedures.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

I can’t help but think about all the things that could possibly go wrong in this pregnancy. And after the pregnancy.
I’m also sad my due date is the day before my birthday. My grandmother passed on my birthday 5 years ago and I never recovered or have been able to celebrate that day.

Amongst the panic attacks, yelling at my current kids, the chaos. I feel like I don’t really deserve another child let alone be able to handle another. I’m afraid.

I also feel bad for my aborted baby. I feel like they are in heaven hurt because I went on to have more children and not them. I know I probably sound crazy.

Can you honestly hands on heart, Gods honest truth, say you have thought about every possible alternative? Have considered this decisions fully outside of your emotions? (Ie it’s not a rash decision) have fully explained or at least tried to your husband, mum, friend or any other support factor and sort their advice? Have fully considered how you will feel and whether you truly will be able to cope? Do you honestly feel it’s the best way? Can you honestly answer yes to all of those questions?

And you are not crazy…

 

[cjpayn2]

That’s the other thing. I don’t want to bring anther baby while on aid. I feel it’s irresponsible of me. Like we can’t afford the children we make.

I understand that. But you and your husband pay taxes right? If that is the case, you are entitled to use those services that the government provides; that is where some our taxes go to. It is not like you planned this pregnancy. That is why the aid is there; it is used temporarily. I can tell from your previous posts that you only plan to use the aid temporarily and not forever. That is fine, continue to use it. I remember seeing in your post that your husband says things will get better, and generally they do. Stay the course, if you have to use it for a little longer, say another year, do not feel. If you truly need it and sounds like you do, use it. You will know when it is time to refuse the aid.

 

[CatholicCAGirl]

Obviously you won’t make the time to follow up on the resources posted but I feel certain you will make the time for killing your baby on Friday. May as well bring the kids along, since you said you don’t care if they find out. Teach 'em young that kids are expendable.

May God accept your baby into His loving arms and may He have mercy on you.

 

[LongingSoul]

Could have fooled me. My mental stability is one f the MAIN reasons why I came to that conclusion. I hardly think that’s a contraceptive reason. But, I could be wrong.

TSB4, you’ve mentioned fears for your mental stability a few times but if you don’t mind me pointing out to you a common and toxic reactive pattern you are using to constantly undermine yourself. Have you heard the phrase being you’re own worst enemy? I’m not a professional therapist but have worked in a volunteer way with a counselling and self development organisation for over 10 years and journeyed with people seeking to break old patterns that undermine their own natural strengths and capacities.

You are reacting constantly out of self pity than from self help. (God helps those who help themselves) You can change that pattern. I once heard a funny but true comment that went just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean someone isn’t following you. See your own situation like that. Just because you’re suffering self pity, doesn’t mean that your life isn’t genuinely ‘pitiful’ at this moment. What can you do about it?

There’s been a lot of really great advice and ideas come up through the thread. You could go back over the thread and instead of finding obstacles to the advice… think, how can I achieve this? One of the first things you need is to have some occasional me time to recharge your batteries. Without being aggressive or without taking no for an answer… work out with you husband how he can look after the kids for maybe a 2 hour block here and there. Figure a time that would be most convenient for him and think of ideas that will entertain them in that time. Then you make the space to do something that’s going to help your situation. Talk to a friend, take a run, find a meditative outlet that is aimed at reducing stress levels.

From what I can tell from your posts, it’s not really your mental stability that’s at serious risk here from being overwhelmed, … it’s your own self respect and general happiness. These are things that don’t require an easy perfect life to achieve. They require a shift in your outlook and approach.

 

[TSB4]

Obviously you won’t make the time to follow up on the resources posted but I feel certain you will make the time for killing your baby on Friday. May as well bring the kids along, since you said you don’t care if they find out. Teach 'em young that kids are expendable.

May God accept your baby into His loving arms and may He have mercy on you.

Okay. Awesome.

 

[cjpayn2]

Can you honestly hands on heart, Gods honest truth, say you have thought about every possible alternative? Have considered this decisions fully outside of your emotions? (Ie it’s not a rash decision) have fully explained or at least tried to your husband, mum, friend or any other support factor and sort their advice? Have fully considered how you will feel and whether you truly will be able to cope? Do you honestly feel it’s the best way? Can you honestly answer yes to all of those questions?

And you are not crazy…

I agree with this. Certainly there must be other family, in laws or even friends to help support you through another baby. At least, have a night alone, ask a friend to watch the kids on a friday or saturday night. There must be some support you can turn to and reach out for help. Believe me, my wife and I need it. We have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. My wife also suffers from panic attacks and severe anxiety. She just recently went through a tough period from depression. She is home alone with them when she gets off at work at 4:00 and I dont get home until late when they are already in bed. You are not alone in what you feel. My wife the other day said she couldnt imagine having another baby after what she went through last year.

 

[Listener]

I don’t mind at all when my tax dollars are used to feed a mother and her children. It is just so much better than using it to kill people in Iraq and Afghanistan!

 

[TSB4]

Can you honestly hands on heart, Gods honest truth, say you have thought about every possible alternative? Have considered this decisions fully outside of your emotions? (Ie it’s not a rash decision) have fully explained or at least tried to your husband, mum, friend or any other support factor and sort their advice? Have fully considered how you will feel and whether you truly will be able to cope? Do you honestly feel it’s the best way? Can you honestly answer yes to all of those questions?

And you are not crazy…

I don’t have people around me who truly care. So I don’t really bother speaking to them anymore about personal things.

 

[His_angel]

I can’t help but think about all the things that could possibly go wrong in this pregnancy. And after the pregnancy. I’m also sad my due date is the day before my birthday. My grandmother passed on my birthday 5 years ago and I never recovered or have been able to celebrate that day.

Maybe the birth of your child could make that a more happier time of the year.

Amongst the panic attacks, yelling at my current kids, the chaos. I feel like I don’t really deserve another child let alone be able to handle another. I’m afraid.

Hug Being afraid is ok. Take a deep breath, take it a moment as a time. Life can be very chaotic, and I’m sure you’re trying your best. You can get through this. God tells us not to be afraid- He is always with us. Handling the child might be something you need help with- and that’s ok. Help is there. Rethink calling social services, maybe? They are there to help, not take all of your children away. You are overwhelmed, not a drug-addict or doing anything illegal. They want to lighten your burden, not increase it.

I also feel bad for my aborted baby. I feel like they are in heaven hurt because I went on to have more children and not them. I know I probably sound crazy.

You don’t sound crazy, you sound human and like a mom. Your child is in Heaven, they’re are with God, not sad. But you can see how much pain this causes you, so please do not go through with it again. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem- and I am very much comparing it to suicide. It ends a life. Things can always get better with some time and help.

That’s the other thing. I don’t want to bring anther baby while on aid. I feel it’s irresponsible of me. Like we can’t afford the children we make.

Aid is there to help, that is why it is called aid. The child is here, alive, you cannot take it back. The irresponsible thing to do would be to not get aid, to refuse help- you are not doing that. People have lived in and through poverty, and come out for the better.

 

[TSB4]

I agree with this. Certainly there must be other family, in laws or even friends to help support you through another baby. At least, have a night alone, ask a friend to watch the kids on a friday or saturday night. There must be some support you can turn to and reach out for help. Believe me, my wife and I need it. We have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. My wife also suffers from panic attacks and severe anxiety. She just recently went through a tough period from depression. She is home alone with them when she gets off at work at 4:00 and I dont get home until late when they are already in bed. You are not alone in what you feel. My wife the other day said she couldnt imagine having another baby after what she went through last year.

But there isn’t. I know it’s probably hard to believe.

 

[mommamaree]

I can’t help but think about all the things that could possibly go wrong in this pregnancy. And after the pregnancy.
I’m also sad my due date is the day before my birthday. My grandmother passed on my birthday 5 years ago and I never recovered or have been able to celebrate that day.

Amongst the panic attacks, yelling at my current kids, the chaos. I feel like I don’t really deserve another child let alone be able to handle another. I’m afraid.

I also feel bad for my aborted baby. I feel like they are in heaven hurt because I went on to have more children and not them. I know I probably sound crazy.

None of what you said sounds crazy at all. I have two babies in heaven that I miscarried, and I believe they are waiting for me and praying for me and I hope to see them again someday. Your baby is doing the same, waiting and praying. Since you are experiencing post-abortion grief, please check out Rachel’s Vineyard. It is an excellent organization to help women who have had abortions.
About deserving another child…God thought you deserved another child. It was a specific act of creation on His part when He infused a soul into your baby at the moment you and your husband conceived. Trust His judgement on this one.
About being on aid, please just use the aid and do not feel guilty. That is why we all pay taxes, so that good people who hit rough times can receive assistance until they get back on their feet. We do not then place restrictions on them and tell them that they do not deserve the goods of marriage. I have several family members who have received aid like SNAP, WIC, Medicaid, etc. Even when bringing a new child into the world! Life happens!

 

[pianistclare]

That’s the other thing. I don’t want to bring anther baby while on aid. I feel it’s irresponsible of me. Like we can’t afford the children we make.

OK. YOU didn’t make this baby. God did.
God will provide.
When are you going to trust God?
He’s keeping the planets and the moon and the sun in the sky.
I think he can handle your child.

If you know the horrors of abortion, then you should cancel the appointment.
NOW.

Just lit your candle. It will burn for 7 days for your intentions.
It has been lit for your mental health, (peace of mind) your marriage, your children, and their little brother or sister.

Life is not one big monetary commitment, although society tells us it is.
There is a bigger issue at hand.
What is it to gain treasures here and lose our very lives in the next life?
Think hard about this.
What prayers are you praying?

 

[cjpayn2]

But there isn’t. I know it’s probably hard to believe.

Certainly you have at least 1 friend to turn to or family member to say, I can’t take this anymore, my children are driving me crazy, I need a weekend alone with my husband. And if that is the case, I would find a support group for mothers that can empathize in your situation and definitely find better friends.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

I don’t have people around me who truly care. So I don’t really bother speaking to them anymore about personal things.

Fair enough, I can understand not telling people who don’t care. What about the others? (You don’t have to answer). But if you doubt any if them, don’t go through with it. If you do say yes to all, then it’s your decision. Just make it an informed one.

 

[mommamaree]

Obviously you won’t make the time to follow up on the resources posted but I feel certain you will make the time for killing your baby on Friday. May as well bring the kids along, since you said you don’t care if they find out. Teach 'em young that kids are expendable.

May God accept your baby into His loving arms and may He have mercy on you.

Please, for the love of God, stop.

You are encouraging this mother toward despair.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m going to say this in all charity:

Begin to say YES…stop saying “no”.

Perhaps that’s why people seem to not care to you. You have an answer for everything, yet you seek answers.

We may not have the answer for you, in truth.
The answer you seek is with God.

So go and ask Him.
Go to the nearest Catholic Church and kneel and ask God.

Say yes to Him, at least.

Still praying.
Not giving up.
Determined to pray you into self -forgiveness and light.
May you feel peace this night.