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Sandi
Guest
Actually, it’s the responsibility of the OP, not any of us, to decide what she should be focusing on.
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Karin
Guest
Totally agree!
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Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
“Somewhere, there is a good man for you, a man who will be a good father to your future children.”
**I was responding to the above quote where it is implied that she can find another man to father the children she wants. If her current marriage is valid, that’s not possible. **
Malia
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Katie1723
Guest
If my husband told me he wanted a divorce and didn’t want to try and work things out because he didn’t want me, I would find myself a good attorney and protect what was mine. It wouldn’t take a ton of bricks to fall on me to say “it’s over”.
He may not have abused her physically, but verbally and morally, he was sure no prize. It boggles my mind that some women stay with someone “because I don’t want a divorce”. HE’S the failure! And no priest in his right mind would tell you to stay with someone who was abusive.And if he did, I would find another priest. When I was going through my divorce, and my ex said “my attorney said we could sleep in the same bed”, I told him to “sleep with his attorney then”. Sometimes as painful as a divorce may be, it is the best thing a person can do for themselves. There is no shame in saying you did your best to make it work. The real shame is not admitting it’s over until it is too late.
Kathy
He may not have abused her physically, but verbally and morally, he was sure no prize. It boggles my mind that some women stay with someone “because I don’t want a divorce”. HE’S the failure! And no priest in his right mind would tell you to stay with someone who was abusive.And if he did, I would find another priest. When I was going through my divorce, and my ex said “my attorney said we could sleep in the same bed”, I told him to “sleep with his attorney then”. Sometimes as painful as a divorce may be, it is the best thing a person can do for themselves. There is no shame in saying you did your best to make it work. The real shame is not admitting it’s over until it is too late.
Kathy
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Karianne
Guest
LOL, to the sleeping in the same bed comment!
In MD, you have to wait a year to get the divorce finalized and if you co-habit with your soon to be ex, you have to start all over again, so you were smart not to fall for that old canard.
I agree that there’s no shame in removing yourself from a bad situation, and it’s always best to do it before the kids come.
To be honest, however, I don’t see anything wrong with watching blue movies with your own husband, which is what Seminole’s husband wanted to do.
It’s hard when you only hear one side of the story and it could be that the guy isn’t so bad but that they are a bad match.
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Sandi
Guest
If her husband wants her to watch dirty movies with him and she doesn’t want to, there’s plenty wrong with it.
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Karin
Guest
there is plenty wrong with not wanting to watch porn?
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whatevergirl
Guest
I’m terribly sorry for your situation, seminolegirl. My heart aches for you. I read your thread, and a few of your other posts on different threads…and I am not sure, forgive me if you have said this already…but why is he leaving you? In some states, there needs to be a reason for divorce. If he lists irreconciable differences…well, that is not true, because you’re willing to keep things going. I agree with the poster who said that love is a sacrifice. But, if you cannot trust your spouse…that’s a whole other ball game, and his behavior leads one to think that something is up…or it’s leading there, if you know what I mean. I don’t want to throw around words, when I’ve never met you or your husband, but although love is a sacrifice…God doesn’t want you to be lied to, and just roll over and keep taking it. I am curious though…why is he wanting a divorce? what are his reasons?
you’re in my prayers.
you’re in my prayers.
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Sandi
Guest
(sigh) to elucidate…
There is plenty wrong with one person pressuring another to do something sexually they don’t want to do.
There is plenty wrong with one person pressuring another to do something sexually they don’t want to do.
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Karin
Guest
ahh…that is what i thought you meant…thanks for the clarification,and I do agree with that sentiment!.
B
BioCatholic
Guest
Sigh, welcome to Florida, the state that does what it wants, when it wants. I am way down in South Florida, so Tallahassee is a world away, most of us down here consider it South Georgia really. Orlando is really Florida. HeHe. There are judges there that are abominable.
But with respect to the Arkansas marriage being recognized in Florida, see Conflicts of Laws.
Sorry, but the Florida judge is right. Sad, yes, but that is the Law. Your best bet is to file for divorce in Arkansas yourself, and let the state courts fight over who has jurisdiction. Your attorney may think going to the Federal courts is the right option, but you are going to end up in the same Federal courts that heard all the Schiavo cases.
Those judges have little tolerance for state squabbles, especially when there is mountains of precedent that rule the state where the divorce was filed is the state that is closest to the case. Also, the Supreme Court has ruled that the state where the Federal court resides is to apply that state’s conflict of laws rules, so you will be dealing with Florida Law again.
God bless you for being a Bulldog, but the Law is against you. My advice, find a young hothead lawyer that is willing to lay it on the line, and have the guts to file this to the Supreme Court under Original Jurisdiction
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mariam1976
Guest
my heart goes out to you… but let me ask you one thing…
suppose you do win the case and there is no divorce?
where does that leave you?
it leaves you with a husband who does not want to be with you and will be so bitter that he will not want to make it work with you anyways.
it takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it… i am not saying that you made major mistakes… but my best advice for you would be to look into your marriage and try to understand the mistakes that you made entering into it and in it and then leave the rest to the Lord.
If the divorce goes through it, take it as God’s will and try to get an annulment from the church and move on with your life. God will not hold it against you. God hates divorce but he does NOT HATE the divorced. Remember his grace is sufficient.
Trust in HIM
suppose you do win the case and there is no divorce?
where does that leave you?
it leaves you with a husband who does not want to be with you and will be so bitter that he will not want to make it work with you anyways.
it takes two to make a relationship work and two to break it… i am not saying that you made major mistakes… but my best advice for you would be to look into your marriage and try to understand the mistakes that you made entering into it and in it and then leave the rest to the Lord.
If the divorce goes through it, take it as God’s will and try to get an annulment from the church and move on with your life. God will not hold it against you. God hates divorce but he does NOT HATE the divorced. Remember his grace is sufficient.
Trust in HIM
D
dulcissima
Guest
You say that you were not being abused. Think though about the man that you thought that you were marrying and the man that you very quickly realized that you married. I think if you had an understanding about some of the early phases of domestic violence which involve emtional and verbal abuse, you might have an idea of the path that your marriage might have been on. I say this because my marriage started out pretty similarly to yours, but I was not as firm as you were and tried to be accommodating. 17 years down the road, that path looks a lot different than it might seem to you now. Take a look at this from helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
The types of domestic abuse are:
-physical abuse (domestic violence)
-verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse)
-sexual abuse
-stalking or cyberstalking
-economic abuse or financial abuse
-spiritual abuse
Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
-threatening or intimidating to gain compliance destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
-violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
-yelling or screaming
-name-calling
-constant harassment
-embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
-criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
-not trusting the victim’s decision-making
-telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
-excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
-excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
-saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things
-blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
-making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
-making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
Sexual abuse includes:
-sexual assault: forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity
-sexual harassment: ridiculing another person to try to limit their sexuality or reproductive choices
-sexual exploitation (such as forcing someone to look at pornography, or forcing someone to participate in pornographic film-making)
Economic or financial abuse includes:
-withholding economic resources such as money or credit cards
-stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets
-exploiting the intimate partner’s resources for personal gain
-withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter from a partner
-preventing the spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation
Spiritual abuse includes:
-using the spouse’s or intimate partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them
-preventing the partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs
-ridiculing the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs
-forcing the children to be reared in a faith that the partner has not agreed to
The types of domestic abuse are:
-physical abuse (domestic violence)
-verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse)
-sexual abuse
-stalking or cyberstalking
-economic abuse or financial abuse
-spiritual abuse
Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:
-threatening or intimidating to gain compliance destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
-violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
-yelling or screaming
-name-calling
-constant harassment
-embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
-criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
-not trusting the victim’s decision-making
-telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
-excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
-excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
-saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things
-blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
-making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
-making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
Sexual abuse includes:
-sexual assault: forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity
-sexual harassment: ridiculing another person to try to limit their sexuality or reproductive choices
-sexual exploitation (such as forcing someone to look at pornography, or forcing someone to participate in pornographic film-making)
Economic or financial abuse includes:
-withholding economic resources such as money or credit cards
-stealing from or defrauding a partner of money or assets
-exploiting the intimate partner’s resources for personal gain
-withholding physical resources such as food, clothes, necessary medications, or shelter from a partner
-preventing the spouse or intimate partner from working or choosing an occupation
Spiritual abuse includes:
-using the spouse’s or intimate partner’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate them
-preventing the partner from practicing their religious or spiritual beliefs
-ridiculing the other person’s religious or spiritual beliefs
-forcing the children to be reared in a faith that the partner has not agreed to
B
BioCatholic
Guest
Very wise indeed.
Reminds me of the old saying in India:
"If you go looking for tigers, be prepared to find one."
M
mariam1976
Guest
i know where you are at this point. I was there not a few months ago. I would have done anything to bring him back. I could not believe that after all I had done for him, he would want to leave me and go. In fact, my husband actually told me when he left that he knew how much I loved him but simply did not want to be with me anymore as he could not live this life. he wanted the singles life again.
although i pleaded with god, him and everyone else, he did not come back and now in hindsight, i see that i would have been a total wreck of a person if he had come back becos the devastation was too great. i would have gone the wrong way if he came back just to keep him. i was broken completely ( i am not completely healed even now and break down every now and then ) but i know now that Jesus is and will be the first in my life no matter what happens and i will always keep him first in my life.
Please feel free to PM me as I have mentioned before and i hope Jesus gives you the peace that you deserve.
i know it is difficult and you are probably not there yet as i remember the initial days but i see that you have an incredible boss and i have one too who supported me through this painful experience. also as the healing comes ( and it will ) although it seems impossible now, start focussing on others-pick up volunteer work and bring some happiness into other people’s lives and that will bring peace in your own…
will be praying for you through this time…
although i pleaded with god, him and everyone else, he did not come back and now in hindsight, i see that i would have been a total wreck of a person if he had come back becos the devastation was too great. i would have gone the wrong way if he came back just to keep him. i was broken completely ( i am not completely healed even now and break down every now and then ) but i know now that Jesus is and will be the first in my life no matter what happens and i will always keep him first in my life.
Please feel free to PM me as I have mentioned before and i hope Jesus gives you the peace that you deserve.
i know it is difficult and you are probably not there yet as i remember the initial days but i see that you have an incredible boss and i have one too who supported me through this painful experience. also as the healing comes ( and it will ) although it seems impossible now, start focussing on others-pick up volunteer work and bring some happiness into other people’s lives and that will bring peace in your own…
will be praying for you through this time…
J
Jared123
Guest
This is one area where I unfortunantly have experience. I was a Baptist man who married a Catholic women. Within two years of marriage and one child later, my wife was leaving me. I tried everything to save the marriage or at least slow down the process hoping and praying that my wife would reconsider. I knew that this would have a profound effect on many peoples lives, but especially my one year old daughter. My wife never looked back, never went for couseling (with me) or even made one effort to try. Eventually our divorce was final a year after she left.
Now let me fastforward 6 years. Going through this sufferring brought me closer to Christ. I Converted to Catholicism (after my Catholic wife divorced me). Went throught the annulment process and was granted a declaration of nullity. Met an awesone women on AveMariasingles.com and am now married. My wife is pregnant and due the first part of April. I still see my first daughter and have a wonderful relationship with her. I even get along with my x-wife and have a working relationship with her although we aren’t best friends by any means. From this failed marriage I received to of the most wonderful blessings in the world, my Catholic faith and a wonderful daughter. I understand how bad you are hurting and how you would want nothing more than to save this marriage. By the grace of God it may happen, but be prepared for it not to work out the way you want it to. God treuly can take horrible situations and make great things come out of them. My life is proof of that. I will pray for you and God bless.
Now let me fastforward 6 years. Going through this sufferring brought me closer to Christ. I Converted to Catholicism (after my Catholic wife divorced me). Went throught the annulment process and was granted a declaration of nullity. Met an awesone women on AveMariasingles.com and am now married. My wife is pregnant and due the first part of April. I still see my first daughter and have a wonderful relationship with her. I even get along with my x-wife and have a working relationship with her although we aren’t best friends by any means. From this failed marriage I received to of the most wonderful blessings in the world, my Catholic faith and a wonderful daughter. I understand how bad you are hurting and how you would want nothing more than to save this marriage. By the grace of God it may happen, but be prepared for it not to work out the way you want it to. God treuly can take horrible situations and make great things come out of them. My life is proof of that. I will pray for you and God bless.
N
nana3
Guest
Thanks for your personal story. I will convey this to my sister who is now a year divorce. I really think she can get an annulment and truly did not want the marriage to fail, but looking at the man he has become with his new wife, I can see where she is better off. I hope that if she is granted an annulment, the Lord will show her that not all men are like her ex-husband.This is one area where I unfortunantly have experience. I was a Baptist man who married a Catholic women. Within two years of marriage and one child later, my wife was leaving me. I tried everything to save the marriage or at least slow down the process hoping and praying that my wife would reconsider. I knew that this would have a profound effect on many peoples lives, but especially my one year old daughter. My wife never looked back, never went for couseling (with me) or even made one effort to try. Eventually our divorce was final a year after she left.
Now let me fastforward 6 years. Going through this sufferring brought me closer to Christ. I Converted to Catholicism (after my Catholic wife divorced me). Went throught the annulment process and was granted a declaration of nullity. Met an awesone women on AveMariasingles.com and am now married. My wife is pregnant and due the first part of April. I still see my first daughter and have a wonderful relationship with her. I even get along with my x-wife and have a working relationship with her although we aren’t best friends by any means. From this failed marriage I received to of the most wonderful blessings in the world, my Catholic faith and a wonderful daughter. I understand how bad you are hurting and how you would want nothing more than to save this marriage. By the grace of God it may happen, but be prepared for it not to work out the way you want it to. God treuly can take horrible situations and make great things come out of them. My life is proof of that. I will pray for you and God bless.
I am happy for your gain and blessings.
M
mdgspencer
Guest
I was divorced against my will twenty years ago, and I understand what you are going through. The most important thing I did was to forgive her. Nor will I speak against her at any time. I think to do otherwise can be one form of wrongdoing (unless you need sympathy or advice.) The situation was very traumatic then, but I have long gotten over it (though I suppose I was helped in this by getting an annulment).
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