I Don't Want Any Friends

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From a man’s perspective…I don’t see any problem with only hanging out with your husband! I learned that from my wife. She has no desire to foster a friendship when she is already around her best friend!
 
I don’t think you’re weird or anything, it’s just who you are, but I definetly would feel that something was missing if I didn’t have my girlfriends to hang out with. I adore my husband and spending time with him, but I like having girly time with my friends to meet for coffee and chat. Plus I work and go to class in a VERY social environment. Me as a person, I’m rather on the quiet side, but I still have a great time with my friends.

I don’t know how you could not have at least a couple girlfriends to hang out with from time to time, just to vent about stuff that men sometimes don’t want to hear…girl stuff like shopping or hair or something. 🙂 But everyone is different I guess…
 
Okay, my first speculation didn’t work, so here’s another one:

Is your hubby in touch with his feminine side? Meaning, is he such a rounded out, holy man as to display qualities from both sexes?

I think my fiancee is in touch with his feminine side. Besides growing up in a family of 5 sisters, he is emotionally very mature and open. Communicative, affectionate without being the stereotypical guy…he’s the perfect “best friend”

Hey, I could say when we’re married, he is my friend with benefits! 😉
 
Pug - I’m with you! Trees, plumbing, ANYTHING but shopping, hair & makeup! 😃

Hasikelee - Adding data to your survey, I’m not close to my dad at all…in fact he wasn’t around much during my childhood. And my husband is not one I’d call ‘In touch with his feminine side’ by any stretch. We’re best friends, but comparing our personalities, I’d say I’m more on his side of the fence than he is on a typical “girl” side. (The grass is WAY greener on his side, BTW… 😉 )

🙂
 
hasikelee said:
Is your hubby in touch with his feminine side? Meaning, is he such a rounded out, holy man as to display qualities from both sexes?
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I’ll add even more data. My husband loves chick flicks. His fav is Jane Austin, Pride and Prejudice. (Hope this isn’t detraction or slander or whatever…I swear he is otherwise nice enough). 😉

I, otoh, love it when stuff blows up, boats fly through the air, and tanks plow into buildings.👍
 
No-one would have told St Antony the Hermit to get out of his cave and go and get some friends.

Everyone is made uniquely and no two people will be happy doing the same things in the same way with the same reasoning, we are all set up individually and you can have an extrovert loner because presently I am one.

I am presently, on the whole, not introverted, but I choose to be alone alot of the time and I choose this because it presently suits who I am and who I am depends on some external (name removed by moderator)ut (family, environement, nationality etc) but mostly on how God created me to be and is constantly recreating me to be.

I don’t like and have never liked lumping people into categories because you cannot firmly cram anyone tightly enough into them, they will be introvert in some ways and extrovert in others, they will be melancholy in others and happy go lucky in other ways. All boxes are made square, but people are not square, they come in all ways and boxes just restrict the person as do labels.
**
On the other hand don’t restrict yourself. Rather than say ‘This is how I am and I like it’, say, ‘This is how I am presently and I like it’ because who knows in time how God will cause us to grow and what effect this will have on our likes and dislikes and where God will lead us or inspire us to be.**

A person may believe that just because they do not like to run with a crowd then they must be introverted, but such a person may make a very good leader. It’s all pish.

Be who you are and simply strive to love and God will make you more of who you are and greater of who you are until no-one can put you into a box because no box will be big enough to ever contain you because God will make you and recreate you in Him, as we all are a little imperfect facet of God and in eternity, God willing, we will be a perfect facet of God (we shall become like Him)!🙂
 
Scout said:
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately, and I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me.

The fact is, I don’t have any friends, outside of my husband, and I don’t have any desire to have any. To be perfectly honest, I find most women to be caddy, self-obsorbed, overly-opinionated, and superficial. Now, please understand me, I know not all women are like this. It just seems that most of the women I come in contact with are this way. Or, if they’re not, they’re so insecure that you can’t say two words to them about themselves without them getting defensive.

To be honest, I prefer the company of men. I find them much more honest and direct, and they’re not always trying to “play games” with people or widdle compliments out of each other. Unfortunately, I also do not find it appropriate for a married woman to have a deep friendship with a man, outside of her husband, of course.

So, it’s just me and my husband and I’m happy with that. Please understand, I know this is going to come off as being extremely arrogant and condescending to other women, and I’m not meaning for it to sound that way. It’s just the way that I feel.

I guess I’m wondering if this attitude is something I should be conscerned abut. It’s not that I can’t make friends, it’s that I don’t want any.

Just looking for some thoughts.
Thanks.

Scout :tiphat:
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I feel much as you do, Scout. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. You’re probably just a very introverted person in the first place. Personally, I’ve had experiences of having some pretty catty female friends as well, so I know what you are talking about. I also tend to find male attitudes more refreshing, which is probably why I’m content to spend most of my time with my husband. Since socializing tends to drain me of my entergy (Even when it’s fun). I can spend an entire day with no other human contact and feel totally satisfied with my day.

However, I sometimes feel bothered about it too, because I get the feeling God doesn’t want me to spend all day seeing nobody but my husband (though my husband is one of the best men alive). So, I MAKE myself spend time with women, and make friends with them. It isn’t always fun at first. I often feel very uncomfortable, and not every new friend I meet becomes a close one. In fact, very very few do. But I know intellectually that I need to have other women in my life whom I can turn to if I need a friend, and that I need to be willing to do God’s work in someone else’s life if he calls me to, so I try to overcome my nature to find friends, even though I don’t usually feel like I want or even need them.
 
Polish said:
Jesus is my God and my best friend. What more can anyone ask for?
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:amen:

myself, iam alot like scout. i do not prefer the company of men or women, but my own husband and my family. for me that is enough. if iam an “oddball” so be it. i don’t mind talking to people here, but other than that, iam quite content with hubby and family.

some people love having close friends, be it male or female.iam not into that. never have been. i had 1 really close female friend and she is a jw, but since i left the organzation, we are no longer friends, but the odd time i do think of her, and still fondly, jw or not. she and 1 other girl, who when i was in school was my best friend, and she died in 2001, and i miss her terribly, and felt bad about not being in touch with her since i left school.

i have OCD, and that makes it difficult for me to be around people because i
always cannot be certain if they are sick, and with my health, i have to be concerned because of low immunities. the OCD compounds the problem, but in many ways, it benefits me as well, when it comes to not being around so many people, i get sick less, and that is good for my physical health. i liken it to a tv that never shuts off, and that is the way it is.

my OCD is not the reason why i don’t like being around men and women that are not family, i just do not prefer the company of people outside my family. iam also prone to being quite cranky, and most of that is due to my OCD, and when it comes to dealing with people in public, i get irritated alot when things do not happen fast enough.

i have almost zero patience when it comes to dealing with people outside my family. being on the net is alot easier because i do not have to deal with people face to face, don’t get me wrong, iam not an unkind person, and iam by no means rude in public, but i will get cranky in line ups, and if people take to long trying to explain things to me. i frown and immediately get cranky. i do not yell, but iam abrupt. it is something i pray about alot believe me!

iam trying to learm patience, and it has been a hard road. but all things are possible with God! Praise God! i neverhad an excellent role model as a kid, and no iam not laying blame on my parents, but i did not have an excellent role model to look up to except 2 of my older sisters, and thank God they were there for me! Being a Catholic, and an active one has truly helped me appreciate God, and God’s people. Its hard to change your deep seated habits at my age, but it is possible, and only because of God and His True Church, and my husband’s enormous patience, and that of my family as well. it also helps having met some really good friends here too. internet friends, but to me, friends never the less.
 
Pug said:
Dreadful topics.:eek:😃 Now, how to properly fertilize and care for a young tree, that’s a good topic.
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:eek: :sleep: just kidding…

😛 My friends and I do tend to be on the “girly” side I guess. :o
 
Island_Oak said:
I, too, am sad for the OP and others as isolated as her. There is nothing that can replicate or replace the time spent with good friends. There is nothing more gratifying than being able to support friends in need or graciously accepting the same help in your own times of joy, sorrow, celebration or loss. I am so sorry you have never known this and I would be concerned that you are modeling a very limited lifestyle to your kids. God created us to be social beings and what would ever happen to you if you found yourself without your husband?

I suppose part of the problem could be living in such a tiny community. If the few women there are toxic–perhaps you are better to steer clear. But you did mention that your kids attend school in a larger commmunity close by. What about joining a class, voluntering your time with charitable organization or finding a bible study/faith sharing group that appeals to you in hopes of meeting like-minded folks with whom you can socialize–with or without your husband? It seems you are hiding from the world. Perhaps you should consider offering up the anxiety of moving out of your comfort zone and making yourself more emotionally available to people. God graces us and enriches our lives through our friends and service to others. He uses our relationships to teach humility, compassion, self-sacrifice as well as to bring us joy and contentment here on earth. Don’t take a pass on these amazing gifts.
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I’m sorry but I see this post as totally condescending, the OP was not telling someone who likes to have woman friends they are wrong or that she felt sorry for them. She was quite simply stating how SHE was and how SHE felt. To say that there is nothing more gratifying may be how YOU feel and that is fine but that is not to say that is how everyone will feel.

Who are you to say that because one does not choose to have friends that God does not enrich Our Lives through service to others. God finds all ways to teach us compassion, self sacrifice, humility, and to bring us Joy and contentment. Your way is not the only way, I find you saying you feel sorry for vthe OP insulting.
 
Wow, I really can relate to the OP. I get a great deal of stimulation at work, but don’t have a big need to get together with my friends very often. I too need time to recharge. I especially don’t like needy friends, where you are expected to remember their birthdays.

Some people on this thread critisise people who don’t need much social stimulation, but I feel the same about needy people who. can’t be alone. How can they stand it? I guess the answer is that God made us all different. We live in such an extravert society, that more retireing people are considered neurotic I guess. Maybe we should respect differences instead of critisising?
 
This thread reminds me of what a guy i know once said about the autopilot on his boat.

“It’s my best mate. It always does what it is told, it never gets in the way and it doesn’t get sea sick”.

This guy likes to fish alone. Just he and his autopilot.

But it doesn’t chip in for gas money.😉
 
I can relate to what OP has said. I don’t really need to have a lot of friends and I much prefer the company of men to that of women.
 
interesting posts. i’ve thought of something. most people would label me as introverted. i too, most of the time. but what if, at this point in my life, I just have not yet met people that are compatible with me, as my friends?
this is something to think about.
 
I’m in the “don’t want 'em/don’t have 'em” category too. My husband and I are both that way. We have a close relationship and a wonderful marriage and prefer each other’s company.

He is a truck driver and out two weeks at a time. I’d rather talk to him on the phone even than spend time with other women. It’s just never been my thing either. Always preferred to be “one of the guys”.

I have two sisters and my mother whom I’m very close to. I’m close to my husband and my son. I don’t feel the need for other people.

I enjoy a chat at work or at Mass or Bible study or whatever. As for actual friendships, I have not met anyone in my adult life who really makes me want to bother.

I think friends are highly overrated. I’ve also noticed that the most lasting marriages seem to be between people without a gang of friends around, i.e., people who get their main fulfillment from their spouse and their own personal interests.

My parents are of the no/few friends category. They’ve been married 55 years. Same with my older sister and her husband. Long, lasting marriage. Same with my marriage.

My other sister was in a marriage where there “friends” around all the time, it didn’t last. Same with a previous marriage of mine (which has been annulled.) The friends were not my choice but my ex’s. Just a pattern I’ve noticed.

I love spending time on my own. I like to read, pray, watch t.v. I grew up like an only child basically because of my sisters being considerably older than me. I am happiest when I’m on my own or with my husband or son. Lots of people are apparently just made that way.

I also find other women to just suck the life out of me and the cattiness mentioned in OP is a big problem. Also have problems with friends who want to be too clingy or keeping count of who called who and did they return the call, etc. Aaaargh. Who cares? I’m happiest on my own.
 
Isn’t it amazing how God give us certain people that are important in our lives? It can be a mother, father, brother, sister, husband, wife, child, other family member or it can be a friend of the same or opposit sex. It doesn’t matter. He gives us what we need and we just need to thank Him for that. You are blessed to have a husband that is all that you need and you should not feel bad that you don’t have a need for anything more. My husband passed away but we were very good friends and he fulfilled a great deal of what I needed in my life. I have a friend that I have had since jr. high school. We come in and out of each other’s lives at times that have to be God given. She lost her son in a car accident a couple of months before my husband died and we were a tremendous support for each other. We keep in touch and we love each other very much but we don’t see each other but every few years. I have another friend that came into my life and has taken me on an incredible walk with God. She is a phenomenal woman that I cannot imagine not having in my life. We both have our irritations with each other but we are human and so it is okay. We are there for each other always and she is very much a gift from God. God gives us who we need. We just need to be open to whomever He sends us! God Bless You!
 
Its ok if you don’t want to have friends. My friends are (my husband, my mother, my sisters, my children and those who I can share my faith with). I don’t think its appropriate to go out with a male person other than my husband alone. Most of my school chums I have outgrown but we do try to see each other at least once a year at a picnic to see how everyone is doing. I’m not interested in the “girls night out” kind of thing.
 
I’m another woman who prefers the company of men, with the qualification that I have 4-5 female friends I can REALLY talk to, and the only thing they have in common is that they’re not too “girly”… 🤷

Talking about hairdos, diets, makeup, boys, gossiping about other women nauseates me, but I’m also not too keen on cars, football and fishing as conversation topics (though I greatly prefer them to makeup, diets and gossiping. And I do go fishing with dh, I’m just not interested in discussing it 😛 ).

My friends are all back in Belgrade, and I live near a small town now, and I’m alone very often and sometimes get lonely (mostly b/c I’m alone with a baby, before she was born I rarely felt lonely), but I greatly prefer solitude to makeup/hairdos/boys…

And it’s not just the subject matter of conversation. Do you other not-so-girly girls find having the same complaints against girly girls that men seem to have about women in general? Like: “Just b/c I don’t like gossiping about someone else with you doesn’t mean I have an alliance with her against you.”; “I don’t even UNDERSTAND the story you told me… she said that but meant what? and you replied this and she snapped why?”; “The purpose of the phone is agreeing upon plans that involve action, not chatting for hours.”; “I don’t understand why you get upset if I don’t call you just to chat every couple of days (lost a friend to this).”; “No, I can’t guess how you’re feeling, you have to** tell** me.”; “Why the constant need to discuss each other’s appearance (‘you’ve lost weight/you’ve put on weight’ etc.)?”; “Doing housework is quite enough for me, thank you very much. I don’t have to DISCUSS it too, do I?”

Men are just so EASY to maintain… 🤷
 
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