I don't want to get married

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Oops, double post. Pardon my accidental infatuation. I’m not a stalker, really I’m not, just too taken up with a girl who’s hard to get, that’s all.
 
Stylus said:
I don’t want to get married. I’ve met too many men who are mean, dishonest and impatient. Our society today has caused so much stress on people. Even if I meet a nice guy now by the time we’re married 3, 4, 5 years the stress of the world will will start to get to him and he’ll turn into the kind of guy I was trying not to marry. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Years change people. Guys are all nice and attentive to the ladies at first because they’re so crazy about them but after you’re married and that dies down you’re stuck basically and he’s not so ‘Mr. Wonderful’ anymore.

I’m better off with a nice big loyal dog.🙂
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Nice, loyal dogs die after 15 years. You’re still starting over again.

Look for a guy whose dad treats his mom well. That is a man that knows how a good marriage works.

Also, dare to date the “nice” guys who don’t try to be outwardly exciting. Unless you are very high-energy, you’re going to find a guy who can keep that up exhausting…and as you imply, most people can’t keep up the “exciting” act for very long. People who need that kind of excitement get bored easily. This is not a recipe for a long relationship…although I will admit that I know of some notable exceptions. (In those cases, very few people could live with either one of them…now *that *is a match made in Heaven!)
 
chicago said:
Let’s fight for her honor and hand! (Too bad I’m not a Spartan, it could make for a good duel).
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If you work out at Crunch, they sometimes have sparring after some of their boxing classes.

We can make you a Quigley South Spartan for a day…
 
BLB_Oregon said:
Look for a guy whose dad treats his mom well. That is a man that knows how a good marriage works.
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👍 Best advice on here yet!

My FIL is rather, um, well, chauvenistic and my MIL is basically there to wait on him hand and foot. Apple doesn’t fall far…

If this is what you want out of marriage, great! But if that sort of lifestyle doesn’t appeal to you, then you need to re-evaluate.

Marriages CAN work… and I do mean WORK.

But before that walk down the aisle, you have to be willing to put aside the “but I LOVE him” starry eyes and look at the relationship from a different perspective: is this person going to fit the lifestyle I desire? If not, can I get over that?

Not that I wouldn’t have married my husband had I known what I know now, but I at least wish I would have had the foresight to ask the “right” questions and then be able to see the consequences of what those answers meant.

I think you are a very wise woman to be open to the possibility of single life. Too many women I know just can’t wait to get a ring on their finger regardless of if it’s the “right one” or not.
 
chicago said:
Well, that’s longer than some marriages!
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I have two brothers who have not yet married on that account, and a third who waited until he was over thirty. People would ask me why they aren’t married yet. I’d say, “Well, if you’re smart, you skip the marriages that aren’t going to work, and go straight to the one that will. You can divorce a spouse pretty easily in this day and age, but an ex is forever!”

You cannot depend on societal pressure to keep your marriage together any more. This has the up side that if you get into an invalid marriage, you won’t be artificially forced to carry on as if it were valid. It has the down side that too many people assume that hard times are a sign that their relationship is impossible.

The best advice may be to look for someone from a region where marriages are assumed to be for life…
Norseman82 said:
Or you put the dog to sleep…not exactlty the best relationship model, if we are going to continue the analogy.
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I have this clipping from the *Oregonian *on my refrigerator. It is very similar to my mom’s maxim: Divorce Never. Homicide…Maybe.

The best line of the Sustainable Northwest night came from Karla Chambers of Corvallis as she picked up the award for her family’s Stahlbush Island Farms.

The secret to her long marriage: “I’m from Eastern Oregon. I told Bill the day I married him, we don’t divorce men over there. We just shoot 'em.”

Now that’s the kind of woman that you can expect to stay married to you for life! 😃
 
Let me just tell you that I used to say the same thing. I was in a 5.5 yr long relationship and this guy treated me like garbage. I finally left him and met another one. He was great! Too good to be true… he ended up being married and w/2 kids. Then I met one who was very handsome, athletic, very hard working, sucha nice man, a month after dating he told me he lived w/his girlfriend and would only leave her if he knew we’d get somewhere. I was crushed. I really liked this last one. I stopped seeing him because I didn’t want to hurt anyone nor myself again. I was so angry at men and atmyself for letting myself meet these type of men. I thought they were all liars. I said I’d never get married and I “hated” men. I had lost hope. Then, 2 days after this last one said he had lived w/his girlfriend, I met the most wonderful man in te world. I married him and he’s the best thing I could’ve ever found!

This happens to all of us, don’t get discouraged. Not all men are the same. Some are not marriage material, but sooner or later you will find the one that will sweep you off your feet and will end up married and have a family w/him.

Good men are out there, they are just hard to find, but they are there!
 
I have a friend. His wife died from leukemia a few years ago. He is trying to get out and meet now but says it seems as if all the women, 10 years either way age wise, have either been married or have something seriously wrong with them.

Just keep taking your dog to the park and one day there will be a guy there and his dog will like your dog and you will strike up a conversation.

It’s a tough comparison though since dogs have so many positives and so few negatives compared to humans.

Good luck. Be patient.

Fred
 
BLB_Oregon said:
People would ask me why they aren’t married yet. I’d say, “Well, if you’re smart, you skip the marriages that aren’t going to work, and go straight to the one that will. You can divorce a spouse pretty easily in this day and age, but an ex is forever!”
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I like that! I’m going to steal and use it.
 
Stylus said:
I don’t want to get married. I’ve met too many men who are mean, dishonest and impatient. Our society today has caused so much stress on people. Even if I meet a nice guy now by the time we’re married 3, 4, 5 years the stress of the world will will start to get to him and he’ll turn into the kind of guy I was trying not to marry. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Years change people. Guys are all nice and attentive to the ladies at first because they’re so crazy about them but after you’re married and that dies down you’re stuck basically and he’s not so ‘Mr. Wonderful’ anymore.

I’m better off with a nice big loyal dog.🙂
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Where are you looking for men? At bars? “Mean, dishonest, and impatient”?

I hope you are mostly kidding. If you are not, I would suggest that you examine yourself. Because if you really believe what you wrote, you are probably sending off pretty negative vibes to men. Making sweeping negative generalizations about men does not reflect an emotionally or psychologically healthy attitude towards dating. Even if you choose not to marry or never find the right guy, you are called to love others and be charitable.

HINT: A happy, cheerful, loving person attracts the same!
 
Stylus said:
I don’t want to get married. I’ve met too many men who are mean, dishonest and impatient. Our society today has caused so much stress on people. Even if I meet a nice guy now by the time we’re married 3, 4, 5 years the stress of the world will will start to get to him and he’ll turn into the kind of guy I was trying not to marry. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Years change people. Guys are all nice and attentive to the ladies at first because they’re so crazy about them but after you’re married and that dies down you’re stuck basically and he’s not so ‘Mr. Wonderful’ anymore.

I’m better off with a nice big loyal dog.🙂
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Well it’s obvious you don’t need a husband, but in my opinion, you may need a very GOOD therapist.
 
ReginaNova said:
Where are you looking for men? At bars? “Mean, dishonest, and impatient”?

I hope you are mostly kidding. If you are not, I would suggest that you examine yourself. Because if you really believe what you wrote, you are probably sending off pretty negative vibes to men. Making sweeping negative generalizations about men does not reflect an emotionally or psychologically healthy attitude towards dating. Even if you choose not to marry or never find the right guy, you are called to love others and be charitable.

HINT: A happy, cheerful, loving person attracts the same!
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All it takes is for the relatively few husbands or steady boyfriends she knows to be far less than advertised for a woman to feel reticent about signing up for her own 60 year cruise.

I had a woman friend who was never, never going to get married and certainly never going to have kids. She is now very happily married with six beautiful children. And yes, she met her husband to be in a bar. I have also known many men who wondered over and over again why all the women seemed to prefer dating the jerks and the losers. They’re also happily married now.

All it takes is for one right ship to come in, but you have to be willing to wait for as long as it takes for one of them to get there. In the meantime, there is no reason to live on the widow’s walk. Those ships do not just come in once in a lifetime. Just staying in a port town and checking out the wharf once in awhile is enough. In the meantime, getting a dog and a life is the best way to go. (That is, assuming you want to commit to the dog. It deserves a fair shake, too!)
 
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