I don't want to make Confirmation

[MyNameIsDan]

My mom and I were eating dinner tonight. I told her I didn’t want to make confirmation. Se said, “You have to be confirmed.” I said, “No I don’t.” She said, “We’ll discuss this later.” My dad is away on business. We had a fight. When my dad gets back, I plan on telling my parents that I will not be confirmed. We can do it the easy way or the hard way. They can just leave me alone, or they can try to force me to go to confirmation classes. In that case, I will misbehave and cause problems in confirmation class to deliberately get thrown out and denied confirmation. Then my parents will be humiliated when they go to church.

That is an awful way to behave. I’m sure others (regardless of what they believe) would agree that that is an immature way to behave. Don’t ruin it for others. Why would you give others a hard time? If you don’t want to, you could simply tell the priest that you are not ready yet. Discuss with your priest. At the end of the day, the priest is the one communicating with the bishop.

 

[MBeatty1999]

I don’t care about their rules. I am going to refuse to go to church anymore. That whole thing about living under their roof is wrong. In my state, (NY), they are legally responsible for me until I turn 18. They can’t legally throw me out if I refuse to go to mass.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I don’t care. I refuse to go to church anymore.

You are 15. You can’t live on your own or pay your own bills. Heck, you don’t even have a driver’s license yet.
A child is supposed to obey their parents or face the consequences as the parents see fit. You don’t get to make the rules until you grow up and get you own house.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

I don’t care about their rules. I am going to refuse to go to church anymore. That whole thing about living under their roof is wrong. In my state, (NY), they are legally responsible for me until I turn 18. They can’t legally throw me out if I refuse to go to mass.

They can make your life hell, though. Not allowing you to do things with friends, only allowing you to have the bare necessities, etc.
You are sounding like a toddler pitching a hissy fit. Grow up.

 

[CatholicServant]

I don’t want to sound preachy but here is my 2 cents:

1. Show respect for your parents - there is only a short time that you will still be in their care and as you get older you will regret many things that you did at this age (I certainly do - especially how I showed disrespect to my parents);
2. You might accomplish more with your Mom about Confirmation if you have a civil and adult conversation with her. Try something like, “Mom, I am having a crisis of faith that I need to work through before I can honestly state before God that I am ready to be confirmed.” Versus, “Mom, I don’t want to get confirmed!” or “I am not going to Church anymore.” If you have a reasonable and rational conversation backed up with thoughtful responses, I would respect that as a parent. Remember, this is obviously something very important to your parents and think to yourself if something was so important to you and your parents just dismissed it out of hand without a thoughtful reason, how would you feel;
3. You owe it to yourself to question everything and thanks be to God, that the Catholic church encourages us to question and find answers. We as Catholics are to use our God given intellects and search for Truth - using faith AND reason. Question, but don’t just give up - question and seek answers. We have 2,000 years worth of Catholics, not so different from you or I, who have asked and answered the same questions you have;

Good luck, and God bless you.

 

[Corki]

My mom and I were eating dinner tonight. I told her I didn’t want to make confirmation. Se said, “You have to be confirmed.” I said, “No I don’t.” She said, “We’ll discuss this later.” My dad is away on business. We had a fight. When my dad gets back, I plan on telling my parents that I will not be confirmed. We can do it the easy way or the hard way. They can just leave me alone, or they can try to force me to go to confirmation classes. In that case, I will misbehave and cause problems in confirmation class to deliberately get thrown out and denied confirmation. Then my parents will be humiliated when they go to church.

Do you really think that kind of childish behavior is going to convince your parents that you are making a mature, reasoned decision?

You can refuse to receive Confirmation, refuse to go to Religious Education classes and refuse to go to Mass. Your parents can also refuse to give you privileges, pay for your activities or contribute to your continued education. We all have choices. Sometimes the first thing that comes to mind is not the best choice. How far are you willing to push this and are you ready for the consequences?

I have a son a little older than you. He tried to pull a stunt like this once (not over Church). I explained that his “you can’t make me” would result in losing his allowance, his use of the car, his cell phone, his computer, etc. Once he calmed down, he had a bit of a different attitude about family.

 

[zab]

Hello. I don’t know if this is the right site to discuss this or not. I am almost 16. I was raised Catholic and am a sophomore at a Catholic High School. Before that, I was in public school. I am supposed to be confirmed in October. I don’t want to go through with it. I just don’t believe in Catholicism. I wouldn’t say I’m an atheist. I do believe in God. I just don’t believe in organized religion. My mother mentioned my confirmation to me a few days ago. How do I tell her I don’t want to go through with it? I know that this is going to cause a big argument. I have been dragged to church every Sunday since I was 4, which I hate. My parents know I hate it, but don’t care.

Like **JimG **wrote, it is usually required that the Confirmation candidate write a letter to the bishop, and I agree with him that you should write the letter and be honest with the bishop. Let him handle it. I doubt that the bishop or your pastor would approve of your being confirmed knowing your present state of mind. Hopefully, your parents are trying to do the best they can in raising you. Some day you will be on your own and make your own decisions. Then, your parents can have at least a little bit of comfort in knowing that they did the best that they knew how in raising you while you were still in their care.

 

[Vico]

Hello. I don’t know if this is the right site to discuss this or not. I am almost 16. I was raised Catholic and am a sophomore at a Catholic High School. Before that, I was in public school. I am supposed to be confirmed in October. I don’t want to go through with it. I just don’t believe in Catholicism. I wouldn’t say I’m an atheist. I do believe in God. I just don’t believe in organized religion. My mother mentioned my confirmation to me a few days ago. How do I tell her I don’t want to go through with it? I know that this is going to cause a big argument. I have been dragged to church every Sunday since I was 4, which I hate. My parents know I hate it, but don’t care.

They have to drag you to fulfill their obligation as Catholic parents.

In Confirmation the bishop who represents the apostle, imparts the Holy Spirit to believers by the laying on of hands (Acts 8:15-17 and 19:6). Who will impart the Holy Spirit to you to complete your Christian initiation?

Do you reject the apostleship of your bishop and deny that the Catholic Church has the fullness of the Christian faith?

 

[MBeatty1999]

The funny thing is, I actually enjoy going to the Catholic high school. I like the people I go to school with. I like my teachers. I enjoy being involved in athletics. I played soccer and basketball. I plan on trying out for baseball. I didn’t think I’d be happy there, but I am.

 

[Havard]

I don’t care about their rules. I am going to refuse to go to church anymore. That whole thing about living under their roof is wrong. In my state, (NY), they are legally responsible for me until I turn 18. They can’t legally throw me out if I refuse to go to mass.

Going to Church doesn’t mean you are a religious person. It just means you are respectful of your parents. Plenty of non-Catholic and non-Christian adults come to Church to learn, to experience, etc. So don’t look at it as something you have to suffer through. No matter what you believe in terms of faith right now, each experience is an opportunity to gain understanding. I am 20 years older than you, have gone to Church my entire life, and am still constantly learning about the Catholic faith.

 

[casslean]

The funny thing is, I actually enjoy going to the Catholic high school. I like the people I go to school with. I like my teachers. I enjoy being involved in athletics. I played soccer and basketball. I plan on trying out for baseball.

It’s good to hear you like your school and that you’re getting involved.

Why have you decided you don’t like “organized religion” or church? Why now? What is it that is turning you off?

These may not be questions you immediately know the answers to, but I’d encourage you to think about them. I was raised in a secular home, without any religion. Even now that I have found my way to the church, I look back at my life and see so many times when there was a huge gaping hole that having a strong faith could have filled.

Instead of saying “I don’t want to”, I’d encourage you to really examine why you don’t want to, and then talk to a priest about that why - give them a chance to address any questions or concerns you have. Your faith is a real gift; don’t be so quick to throw it away without some reflection.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Hi M,

I did not really want to be confirmed either.

Honestly, I saw no reason for it, and didn’t really understand its purpose or why I should do it. I never got a good answer, but for some reason I did it anyways. I guess I figured, well, it can’t hurt. No one was trying to force me to do it, though, it seems.

It seems to me you have the right to say “no” if you wish to do so. But before you say no, you really should figure out what it means to be confirmed, what does it do, and why Catholics do it. That is what I think, anyways.

It wasn’t until I was about 30 or 31 that I started to see the Catholic Church in a different way. I don’t believe you should be forced to do it. It must be chosen. But I hope you ponder those areas I recommended.

God Bless!

 

[Marie5890]

I noticed your ignored my first reply to your OP.

Talk to your priest. That is a very reasonable, mature and sound piece of advice and he can help you deal with your parents.

Unless of course it is your desire and intent to have problems with your folks and are not seeking a mature course of action to how you feel about being confirmed.

Examine your conscience. What is your honest intent? Are you seeking to cause problems or are you seeking a reasonable avenue of conflict resolution?

 

[MyNameIsDan]

I noticed your ignored my first reply to your OP.

Talk to your priest. That is a very reasonable, mature and sound piece of advice and he can help you deal with your parents.

Unless of course it is your desire and intent to have problems with your folks and are not seeking a mature course of action to how you feel about being confirmed.

Examine your conscience. What is your honest intent? Are you seeking to cause problems or are you seeking a reasonable avenue of conflict resolution?

I agree with everything. My replies also were ignored.

 

[MBeatty1999]

I noticed your ignored my first reply to your OP.

Talk to your priest. That is a very reasonable, mature and sound piece of advice and he can help you deal with your parents.

Unless of course it is your desire and intent to have problems with your folks and are not seeking a mature course of action to how you feel about being confirmed.

Examine your conscience. What is your honest intent? Are you seeking to cause problems or are you seeking a reasonable avenue of conflict resolution?

I guess that’s not a bad idea. Unfortunately, now the horse is already out of the barn. I’ve already told my mother I don’t want to do it.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

The people who are saying that a teenager’s reluctance to get confirmed is a reason confirmation should be done earlier are missing the point of the sacrament. Confirmation is when you accept responsibility for your own faith and role in the church as an adult member.

How can you confer that on someone who’s still a kid?

I grew up in a non-denominational Christian family and was never baptized because my parents felt we should all get to make our own decisions about what to do with our faith. That worked perfectly well for me for 29 years. When I decided to get baptized and confirmed Catholic, it was my choice after years of study and life experience. Because it was my choice, I take the requirements (Mass, confession, etc.) fairly seriously. Do you really think someone who is forced into finishing their sacraments is going to have warm fuzzy feelings about going to Church as an adult?

To the OP, if you don’t want to be confirmed, don’t get confirmed. That’s your right. No one can force you to do it. Do keep going to church with your folks until you’re 18. You don’t have to believe it, but you do have to follow the rules of your family. Also, keep in mind that if you don’t get confirmed now, you will have to go through all those classes again as an adult if you choose to be confirmed in the future. (It’s once a week for about 9 months at my church.) Good luck on your journey.

 

[casslean]

I guess that’s not a bad idea. Unfortunately, now the horse is already out of the barn. I’ve already told my mother I don’t want to do it.

The great part about being a teenager is everyone expects you to speak, THEN think. I’m sure your mother would understand if you go to her and say you are willing to discuss the issue with your parish priest.

 

[Marie5890]

I guess that’s not a bad idea. Unfortunately, now the horse is already out of the barn. I’ve already told my mother I don’t want to do it.

Talk to your priest. He can help with this. He can help you and your folks navigate this.
It doesn’t matter that the horse is out the barn. The priest can help get the horse back in the barn and help with conflict resolution.

It’s about handling how you feel about this in a mature, and reasoned way.

Talk to your priest.

 

[JamalChristophr]

Talking to a priest is a good idea. It probably won’t cause your death or anything.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I don’t care about their rules. I am going to refuse to go to church anymore. That whole thing about living under their roof is wrong. In my state, (NY), they are legally responsible for me until I turn 18. They can’t legally throw me out if I refuse to go to mass.

So here’s the thing from my pov (I’m not Catholic). If my understanding of what confirmation is is correct then I’d encourage you to respectfully finish the series of classes regardless of whether or not decide to go through with it. Others probably have a better explanation but I’m not sure if the various sacraments (besides infant baptism) are truly “valid” if they are coerced, but someone else can chime in.

Adulthood is partially about picking your battles. More importantly, try your best not to get argumentative with your parents about this. Calmly discuss mass attendance with them. More than likely you will but get the answer you want, but it will be a better outcome than anything else you are planning plus each of you will better understand each other on this.