This is a great prayer and was exactly what I was thinking. On reading your OP, I thought I saw a conflict between what you want and what you think God may want.
Let me give you an example. A few years back I was hospitalized for a few months. I knew I was facing death even though the doctor’s wouldn’t say so at the time (I found out they don’t like admitting it for fear of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy). Still, I could see it on the faces of the doctors and my family that I was dying.
Being raised protestant/evangelical, I knew I could count on God to give me peace in the face of death should it come. I prayed for that peace for about a month and it didn’t come. Meanwhile, my health continued to decline which made my prayers more urgent. I just could not understand why I could not find the peace I thought God was supposed to give me.
I finally broke and prayed a truthful prayer. Instead of saying, God give me peace in facing death, I told God, “I am not ready to leave my wife. I don’t want to die. Please let me live.” At that instant God relieved all my anxiety about death. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t die even though it turned out I was still not at my worst and not even halfway through my ordeal. I had finally found the peace I had been praying for. From that moment on I knew that it was just a matter of getting through the treatment. Obviously, I made it
In your case, it seems that your prayer is, “Please give me a husband, but I’ll devote myself to a religious vocation if you want,” while not being truly open to God and adding, “but the religious vocation would make me unhappy.” I see you admitting that in the prayer above.
Another thing, the married vocation is a holy calling and is even better than a religious vocation for those who are called to it (obviously the religious vocation is the better vocation for those called to that life).
I mentioned I was raised protestant/evangelical. Even in that tradition I knew some people were called to a single life and others to marriage. I knew as a teenager that I was one of those called to marriage. Don’t be surprised to know your vocation so clearly.
I wouldn’t be surprised if your investigation into a religious vocation only clarifies your desire for marriage.
As a married guy, I can say there is no greater vocation than marriage…for me

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