I feel guilty whenever I pray for a husband

[Lost_Wanderer]

Anyone have any advice on how to overcome these misconceptions?

(I’m determined to break 1800 posts by the weekend. Can you tell that my semester is almost done? )

Hm… in the words of the Sorting Hat.

“Difficult… veeeery difficult…”

Frankly, I’m not the best person to give you advice but remember what I said about satan being quite the cunning bastard that he is when he split the treatment of sex into two extremes.

This day and age just seems to force you to be either on the side of prudes or perverts. You can stay close to the fence as much as you want (as I have) but somehow you just can’t stand on it.

I mean while I don’t approve of stuff like premarital sex, pornography (at least the live-action variety ><;; ), and outright bizarre gestures of sexual depravity (e.g. Folsom Street Fair), I’m pretty lax on the topic of consensual making out, most of modern of day fashion (many of which Trads decry as immodest), and writing romantic scenes. >>;;

 

[valient_Lucy]

This day and age just seems to force you to be either on the side of prudes or perverts. You can stay close to the fence as much as you want (as I have) but somehow you just can’t stand on it

I think right now I’m on the prudish side of the fence. I was writing about this in my journal last night. I’m not going to repeat it, but that isn’t helping.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Well, I’m married, so i don’t know how much you care to hear my opinion…

I definitely want to hear married people’s opinions about this subject.

just wanted to chime in to say that although I’m due with our 5th blessing in July, I often have similar thoughts. Although my question’s always posed in *present *tense. So you may be “single” but you’re not alone.

Thanks. It’s good to know that I’m not the only person who is afraid that I won’t be a good mom.

 

[JerrySeibert]

God wanted us to take a wife or husband and procreate.
I would suggest seeing a Priest or counselor. You have issues that you need to have examined. Why would you feel you are undeserving?
We all have had doubts. Will I be a good husband??? Well, that’s a choice you can make.
Will I have a good mom/dad??? Well, you will make mistakes but children are the most forgiving blessing.
You deserve it. Wait and pray.
“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm

 

[valient_Lucy]

God wanted us to take a wife or husband and procreate.
I would suggest seeing a Priest or counselor. You have issues that you need to have examined. Why would you feel you are undeserving?

I don’t know. Sometimes it just seems like such a huge responsibility to be a wife and mom, and that I won’t be able to do it.

And as I posted in the beginning, sometimes it just doesn’t feel holy to want to be married and have children. It doesn’t feel holy to want sex. There. I said it. I feel as though I should just want marriage and children, but not sex. I know that’s irrational, but feelings aren’t always rational.

As I posted above, I’m in my prudish phase. It won’t last. I don’t always feel like that. But sometimes I do, and I do right now.

We all have had doubts. Will I be a good husband??? Well, that’s a choice you can make.
Will I have a good mom/dad??? Well, you will make mistakes but children are the most forgiving blessing.
You deserve it. Wait and pray.
“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm

I’ll keep praying.

 

[chevalier]

I think right now I’m on the prudish side of the fence.

Same and rather permanently so. I easily get sexual signals and then I get alerted, plus, I obviously don’t do the things that send those signals.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I think right now I’m on the prudish side of the fence. I was writing about this in my journal last night. I’m not going to repeat it, but that isn’t helping.

Hmm… seeing as how I’m currently on the pervert side of the fence maybe just do the antithesis of what I do.

Whilst I try to minimize the amount of sexual content I expose myself to, maybe you should try minimizing the amount of content that justified your sex-is-bad views from the past.

I guess an example would be to minimize reading quotes from saints who were celibate and came off as advocating life in a bubble by some people.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Hmm… seeing as how I’m currently on the pervert side of the fence maybe just do the antithesis of what I do.

Whilst I try to minimize the amount of sexual content I expose myself to, maybe you should try minimizing the amount of content that justified your sex-is-bad views from the past.

I guess an example would be to minimize reading quotes from saints who were celibate and came off as advocating life in a bubble by some people.

I don’t know exactly how I came to that conclusion, but I have some ideas. I’ll work on that.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Update:

Over the past week, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Perhaps too much. Then again, it is the end of the semester…

Anyway, I’ve had some thoughts.

1.) I prayed today in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart and lit two candles. I prayed very honestly about my desire for marriage and a family, and I asked God to fulfill those desires, if they come from Him. If they do not, I asked him to take those desires from me, or at least conform them to His will.

2.) I also promised God that I would at least look into religous orders. This probably sounds odd, but in a way, it makes sense. I’ve always assumed that I was going to marry and have children, even though I’ve dated infrequently. Partly because I wasn’t raised Catholic, so I didn’t grow up around consecrated religous. I’ve never felt called to that way of life, I still don’t, but I want to do God’s will above all else. So I figure that I won’t feel guilty about praying for a husband and children if I am trying to be open to God’s will, whatever that is. I don’t see myself getting very far in that search, since I desire a family of my own so badly, and I can’t imagine giving that up.

I’m the opposite of Blessed Zelie Martin. She wanted so badly to be a consecrated religous, that she wept the night before she married Blessed Louis. I feel the other way.

Blessed Zelie Martin wanted gold but had to be satisfied with silver; I want silver and would be very disappointed to get gold.

 

[spirit4life]

Anyone have any advice on how to overcome these misconceptions? (I’m determined to break 1800 posts by the weekend. Can you tell that my semester is almost done? )

Well, seems to me that if you want to get the best out of combining marriage AND spirituality, you should focus your efforts on getting involved in an apostolate where ‘how to live as a holy-family’ is the top priority. I don’t know where you are located, but there is a great one called the Apostolate for Family Consecration. They have year-round events primarily in the Ohio area (as well as in several countries) - but there are countless local smaller groups in many cities across the states. AND you don’t have to be already married to get involved; in fact they even have groups of unmarried singles called the Catholic Corp that are an integral part of the organization ( familyland.org/content/Content.aspx?CategoryID=142)

Single Womans link - familyland.org/content/Content.aspx?CategoryID=162

Stop standing on the sidelines, and get involved!
Their main site is at: familyland.org

Here is also a link on learning about consecrating your family (for you it would be great learning for your future family) familyland.be/family_consecration/introduction-to-consecration-to-the-holy-family.html

 

[valient_Lucy]

Well, seems to me that if you want to get the best out of combining marriage AND spirituality, you should focus your efforts on getting involved in an apostolate where ‘how to live as a holy-family’ is the top priority. I don’t know where you are located, but there is a great one called the Apostolate for Family Consecration. They have year-round events primarily in the Ohio area (as well as in several countries) - but there are countless local smaller groups in many cities across the states. AND you don’t have to be already married to get involved; in fact they even have groups of unmarried singles called the Catholic Corp that are an integral part of the organization ( familyland.org/content/Content.aspx?CategoryID=142)

Single Womans link - familyland.org/content/Content.aspx?CategoryID=162

Stop standing on the sidelines, and get involved!
Their main site is at: familyland.org

Here is also a link on learning about consecrating your family (for you it would be great learning for your future family) familyland.be/family_consecration/introduction-to-consecration-to-the-holy-family.html

I’ve never heard of this organization, but it just so happens that I live in Ohio! Thanks! I’ll check them out!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Hmm… seeing as how I’m currently on the pervert side of the fence maybe just do the antithesis of what I do.

Whilst I try to minimize the amount of sexual content I expose myself to, maybe you should try minimizing the amount of content that justified your sex-is-bad views from the past.

I guess an example would be to minimize reading quotes from saints who were celibate and came off as advocating life in a bubble by some people.

I’ll probably get burned for this, but I think you might be right about that.

 

[Mayita30]

Ok, I’m starting to think that Catholic Answers Forum needs a special sub-forum for singles.

That being said, I want to marry and have children, but whenever I pray for a husband and children, I feel very guilty.

Several reasons.

1 It doesn’t seem very holy to ask God to give you a husband and children.

2 I worry that maybe God doesn’t want me to marry, so I’ll be wasting my time. Or wose, he’ll answer my prayers and I’ll be miserable, since I wasn’t meant to marry.

3 I’m worried that I’ll be a terrible wife and mother, and just make everyone else miserable.

4 To be perfectly honest, a part of me still doesn’t believe that God loves me or wants me to be happy.

I still pray anyway. I also pray for my future husband, and that God will give me the grace to be a good wife and mother. But I still feel guilty.

Any thoughts?

Don’t feel guilty to ask for a husband. God said : “ASk and You shall receive”!!! God wants us to pray to him and ask him four our needs. This however, does not mean that God will always give us what we want because what we want may not be good for us for the moment! What kind of father will give a snake to his son, if the son asks for a snake?? We should always pray and Trust in God’s will!!! God will give you what you want in HIS time!!

In my personal experience I asked for a specific person to be my husband but God did not give me that person instead he gave me another person whom I truly love right now and I thank God he answered my prayers that I be married but I realized that God did not give me the person I prayed for because he was not good for me…I just realized this afterwards…BUt never stop believing.always pray and trust God!!!

 

[valient_Lucy]

Don’t feel guilty to ask for a husband. God said : “ASk and You shall receive”!!! God wants us to pray to him and ask him four our needs. This however, does not mean that God will always give us what we want because what we want may not be good for us for the moment! What kind of father will give a snake to his son, if the son asks for a snake?? We should always pray and Trust in God’s will!!! God will give you what you want in HIS time!!

In my personal experience I asked for a specific person to be my husband but God did not give me that person instead he gave me another person whom I truly love right now and I thank God he answered my prayers that I be married but I realized that God did not give me the person I prayed for because he was not good for me…I just realized this afterwards…BUt never stop believing.always pray and trust God!!!

Thanks. I really appreciate that.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I’ll probably get burned for this, but I think you might be right about that.

Well at least you won’t be as badly burned as I’ll be for giving you that advice. I’m not exactly popular amongst the spiritual types here for my views on sexuality and purity.

 

[SemperJase]

1.) I prayed today in front of a statue of the Sacred Heart and lit two candles. I prayed very honestly about my desire for marriage and a family, and I asked God to fulfill those desires, if they come from Him. If they do not, I asked him to take those desires from me, or at least conform them to His will.

This is a great prayer and was exactly what I was thinking. On reading your OP, I thought I saw a conflict between what you want and what you think God may want.

Let me give you an example. A few years back I was hospitalized for a few months. I knew I was facing death even though the doctor’s wouldn’t say so at the time (I found out they don’t like admitting it for fear of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy). Still, I could see it on the faces of the doctors and my family that I was dying.

Being raised protestant/evangelical, I knew I could count on God to give me peace in the face of death should it come. I prayed for that peace for about a month and it didn’t come. Meanwhile, my health continued to decline which made my prayers more urgent. I just could not understand why I could not find the peace I thought God was supposed to give me.

I finally broke and prayed a truthful prayer. Instead of saying, God give me peace in facing death, I told God, “I am not ready to leave my wife. I don’t want to die. Please let me live.” At that instant God relieved all my anxiety about death. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t die even though it turned out I was still not at my worst and not even halfway through my ordeal. I had finally found the peace I had been praying for. From that moment on I knew that it was just a matter of getting through the treatment. Obviously, I made it

In your case, it seems that your prayer is, “Please give me a husband, but I’ll devote myself to a religious vocation if you want,” while not being truly open to God and adding, “but the religious vocation would make me unhappy.” I see you admitting that in the prayer above.

Another thing, the married vocation is a holy calling and is even better than a religious vocation for those who are called to it (obviously the religious vocation is the better vocation for those called to that life).

I mentioned I was raised protestant/evangelical. Even in that tradition I knew some people were called to a single life and others to marriage. I knew as a teenager that I was one of those called to marriage. Don’t be surprised to know your vocation so clearly.

I wouldn’t be surprised if your investigation into a religious vocation only clarifies your desire for marriage.

As a married guy, I can say there is no greater vocation than marriage…for me .

 

[Musician]

Dear Lucy,
Don’t worry about praying for what you really want: a husband and a family. It seems clear that family life is your vocation. God does not want us to go against our own talents and pure desires; our inclinations are a big clue as to what God wants us to do, if we will listen to that still small voice. Yours is saying, “I want a companion with which to share my life and with whom to glorify God in the sacrament of marriage.”
For instance, I am a pianist. My talent is playing music. It would silly for me to give that up to serve God in some other capacity; I would be wasting my talent.
Same with you. Your heart yearns for a husband; why would God want you to be a nun?
So don’t worry. You will find a husband. I remember being worried that I wouldn’t find the “right man” to love - I was all of 19 years old. Of course I found my knight-in-shining-armor and you will, too.
This is a true story. My daughter was 19 years old and doing a little too much partying in college. I decided to pray a novena to St. Anne for her to find a good husband. Within 6 months she had not only met the most ideal young man, but had married him in a whirlwind courtship. This year they will celebrate three years together and they are deeply in love. That novena really works! I said it for my son also, and he met and married a lovely sweet young woman just this past February. Why not just try it? I said the prayer daily for my children.

 

[Nessie86]

As far as praying for a husband goes: been there, done that!!

After a particularly heartbreaking break up, before I was confirmed Catholic, but was working towards entering the church, I decided to pray a 40 day Rosary novena for the intention of, you guessed it, a husband. Well… I met him on something like day 5. I continued the novena while we were dating. We’ve been married four months, and I love him to pieces. Seriously, there is no question God sentme the right man, we’re made for each other!

Granted, I went through a whole heck of a lot of heartache before I mean DH, but in the end, my prayers were literally answered!!!

Hope that’s an encouragement to someone!!

 

[valient_Lucy]

This is a great prayer and was exactly what I was thinking. On reading your OP, I thought I saw a conflict between what you want and what you think God may want.

Let me give you an example. A few years back I was hospitalized for a few months. I knew I was facing death even though the doctor’s wouldn’t say so at the time (I found out they don’t like admitting it for fear of it becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy). Still, I could see it on the faces of the doctors and my family that I was dying.

Being raised protestant/evangelical, I knew I could count on God to give me peace in the face of death should it come. I prayed for that peace for about a month and it didn’t come. Meanwhile, my health continued to decline which made my prayers more urgent. I just could not understand why I could not find the peace I thought God was supposed to give me.

I finally broke and prayed a truthful prayer. Instead of saying, God give me peace in facing death, I told God, “I am not ready to leave my wife. I don’t want to die. Please let me live.” At that instant God relieved all my anxiety about death. Somehow I knew I wouldn’t die even though it turned out I was still not at my worst and not even halfway through my ordeal. I had finally found the peace I had been praying for. From that moment on I knew that it was just a matter of getting through the treatment. Obviously, I made it

In your case, it seems that your prayer is, “Please give me a husband, but I’ll devote myself to a religious vocation if you want,” while not being truly open to God and adding, “but the religious vocation would make me unhappy.” I see you admitting that in the prayer above.

Another thing, the married vocation is a holy calling and is even better than a religious vocation for those who are called to it (obviously the religious vocation is the better vocation for those called to that life).

I mentioned I was raised protestant/evangelical. Even in that tradition I knew some people were called to a single life and others to marriage. I knew as a teenager that I was one of those called to marriage. Don’t be surprised to know your vocation so clearly.

I wouldn’t be surprised if your investigation into a religious vocation only clarifies your desire for marriage.

As a married guy, I can say there is no greater vocation than marriage…for me .

Thanks for your post. I think that was a big thing, I just wasn’t being honest with God, or with myself, about what I really want.

 

[valient_Lucy]

Dear Lucy,
Don’t worry about praying for what you really want: a husband and a family. It seems clear that family life is your vocation. God does not want us to go against our own talents and pure desires; our inclinations are a big clue as to what God wants us to do, if we will listen to that still small voice. Yours is saying, “I want a companion with which to share my life and with whom to glorify God in the sacrament of marriage.”
For instance, I am a pianist. My talent is playing music. It would silly for me to give that up to serve God in some other capacity; I would be wasting my talent.
Same with you. Your heart yearns for a husband; why would God want you to be a nun?
So don’t worry. You will find a husband. I remember being worried that I wouldn’t find the “right man” to love - I was all of 19 years old. Of course I found my knight-in-shining-armor and you will, too.
This is a true story. My daughter was 19 years old and doing a little too much partying in college. I decided to pray a novena to St. Anne for her to find a good husband. Within 6 months she had not only met the most ideal young man, but had married him in a whirlwind courtship. This year they will celebrate three years together and they are deeply in love. That novena really works! I said it for my son also, and he met and married a lovely sweet young woman just this past February. Why not just try it? I said the prayer daily for my children.

Thanks. I’ll have to give a novena to St. Anne a try.