I feel like my marriage is dead

[bumby]

He doesn’t do any of the behaviour you describe.

I don’t know how I would find out if he is or not unless I asked him and of course he would say no. He has no problem lying to me.

I asked him today if me backing off (it’s been about three weeks) has changed anything. He replied not really and it took years for me to wreck his confidence so it will take years to regain it. Ie, don’t bother asking me for sex for the next half decade.

He did offer to have sex tonight though. I suppose I should take him up on his offer even though he is unwilling in his heart. I don’t really want to because he is doing it begrudgingly but think I should.

My heart just feels so heavy. I feel like bursting into tears and have a lump in y throat for hours after we talk about this. I hate it.

 

[kelvinf]

He doesn’t do any of the behaviour you describe.

I don’t know how I would find out if he is or not unless I asked him and of course he would say no. He has no problem lying to me.

I asked him today if me backing off (it’s been about three weeks) has changed anything. He replied not really and it took years for me to wreck his confidence so it will take years to regain it. Ie, don’t bother asking me for sex for the next half decade.

He did offer to have sex tonight though. I suppose I should take him up on his offer even though he is unwilling in his heart. I don’t really want to because he is doing it begrudgingly but think I should.

My heart just feels so heavy. I feel like bursting into tears and have a lump in y throat for hours after we talk about this. I hate it.

What about the counselling sessions?

 

[The_Bucket]

How about just taking his offers at face value? If he’s hurt, he’s hurt and it probably will take some time for him to be all gung-ho and returning to normalcy. But there’s been progression here from even the start of this thread. He’s gone from “just ask” to offering, even if you perceive it as begrudgingly. Heck, even if it is begrudgingly, it’s better than nothing.

There’s a reason sexual intimacy can cause massive firestorms amongst non-married couples. It’s a superglue that helps bonds couples and puts blinders on our eyes to our partners’ faults. That’s bad news if you have yet to commit to someone forever, but good news for those already in that commitment. I would think that increased intimacy will probably help build up his confidence and lessen feelings of rejection, even if you start out on an uneven footing.

Plenty of times, I’m sure, husbands have prodded their wives when the wives are not “in the mood.” Sometimes there’s rejection, sometimes the wives are like “well… alright.” And then in many of the latter cases a fun time is eventually had by all!