I feel so lost. Don't know what to do

  • Thread starter Thread starter pvhc47
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

pvhc47

Guest
I feel so helplessly lost right now. I feel as though my life has completely fallen apart.

I’m not sure many of the members of this forum will remember, but I created a topic on here last year regarding a toxic relationship I found myself in with a prostitute, and the fact that my grandmother was facing life threatening surgery regarding her back. I know it might not seem relevant to dig up things from the past, but they have greatly contributed to the way I’m feeling now, and the difficult position I find myself in. I have been so foolish and hate myself for it. I know it’s not right in my heart to hate myself, but I do. I’ve let myself down and my family down, and there’s no way back now.

I understand if you don’t have time to read my old posts, but basically I became romantically involved with an escort. I didn’t know she was an escort until it was too late, I’d already fallen in deep. I believed her and trusted her, and then tried to get her away from that life, only to find myself being threatened by her pimp. A friend of mine got involved and he got assaulted. The whole thing was a horrific mess. I finally resolved to move on…but I fell into a deep depression.

I’d always been a casual gambler. I never played high stakes, it was just for fun and to pass the time. I always had a limit… But that all went out the window. In order to feel better, to get a rush I gambled. And gambled and gambled. I don’t want to babble on, but basically I’d been left a large sum of money…and I lost it all within a few months. It was all gone by the middle of the year. Stupidly, I didn’t leave it there. I resorted to doing a couple of things that weren’t exactly legal to get money. I don’t want to go any further than that but the consequences haven’t gone away.

By the grace of God my grandmother is much better than she was last year. It is probably the only real positive within the last year. She didn’t have the surgery and is doing well for now. She’s still in a lot of pain, but controls it with painkillers and pacing herself, not overdoing anything at all… But now we’re all facing been kicked out on the street. You see, I’m not the only one with financial difficulties. I don’t expect people to believe his innocence, but my grandfather was framed for something he didn’t do. His car was allegedly caught speeding and driving in a bus lane…but it wasn’t him! The registration was the same, but it had to be a cloned car, as I was with him at the time it was supposed to have happened. He didn’t tell me about the letters he’d been getting and has ignored them. Now the debt has gone up into the thousands, and bailiffs are coming nearly every day. But the real problem is with the local council. The house we live in belongs to the council and they think the property is not being kept in good enough condition.

Continued in next post.
 
They have said they will try and find my grandparents a temporary place to live, but I don’t believe them. I remember reading about an old woman in Scotland being left on the street for days and having to stay in hospitals when she lost her council property. Myself and my mother are also facing homelessness. My former friend no longer speaks to me, and we have no close family members who would be willing to help. We do still have a caravan in North Wales, but that’s going to be taken away at the very beginning of next year as I can no longer afford the £4,000 yearly rent for site fees.

I’m working day and night for Royal Mail, trying to get any bits of money I can towards paying something of my debts off. But my real priority is the £4,000 needed for the caravan. I know the caravan is pretty small, but at least we could all stay there if the worst came to the worst. The trouble is, though, I will only have £1,500 by then, according to my calculations. I’m terrified at the prospect (as I have swore off gambling ever again), but I may need to risk it all on some kind of bet to try and get the rest of the money. I feel as though I have no other choice. I need the money fast but don’t want to do anything illegal to get it. I’ve considered doing a Go Fund me or something, but it just seems like begging, and I doubt it would work, anyway.

I know it’s all my fault (except my grandfather’s debt), and that’s why I’m so despondent. I know there are people worse off than even me (people who are starving and have been homeless for years, or have never had much of a home at all in this world), but I can’t help but feel this way. I do find myself empathising with people more now. That’s another small positive. Just yesterday I spoke with a homeless person for almost an hour, just speaking to each other about our problems. Thankfully, she does have a place to stay 5 days of the week.

My family refuse to blame me for what’s happened and I feel now as though I don’t deserve their love. And I know in my heart that everything must happen for a reason. But I don’t know what that reason is. I know many people don’t believe this, but I believe God throws things at people to see how they deal with it. But this is all so much so fast. There is literally no light at the end of the tunnel, in my eyes.

I’m sorry for ranting like this, and I know this is how it must appear. Any and all help and advice will be appreciated.
 
I pray every day for myself and my family. I also ask God to help those who are in need. Sometimes a specific thing I’ve seen on the news or something will cause me to pray for individuals I don’t know.
 
I will pray for you and your family.
Please,whatever you do,do NOT gamble the money as if you lose I am concerned that you will then go on the cycle again of doing illegal things to make money.
Please use the empathy that you have gained to put yourself in the shoes of victims of crimes or robberies etc and choose that you want nothing to do with that ever again.
By doing illegal things you are not only affecting other people greatly but also affecting your character and you don’t want to be like that.

The love,care and concern you show for your grandparents is beautiful and shows you really are a good person at heart.So please make your Grandparents,and yourself,proud by never doing any crime again.

You mentioned the council isn’t happy with the condition of the house -if you are able to tidy or repair it a bit will that then allow your family to remain living there?
Is there a Salvation Army or similar charity in the country you are from that could help you to get the house in better condition?
Especially this close to Christmas they may feel the necessity to help you.
Perhaps they could help your Grandfather by paying off the debts or is there an Free legal aid lawyer that can help him contest in court that he wasn’t the driver?

It may feel like begging to ask them to help,but which ones really more shameful-asking for help or committing crimes?
In addition,what if you get caught and sent to prison for doing a crime-who will look after your Grandparents them?
It’s good you have a sense of responsibility for them and you don’t want them to end up in an even worse situation because your in jail and can’t help them financially or with advice etc.

I will be praying that you will make the right choices and that all will work out well for your family.
 
Last edited:
Hello friend. I made like 200 posts about my disability on here- but I will do it again, if it helps you.

So, I became disabled suddenly and I am fighting a life-threathening illness. Last September, I suffered a stroke-like episode and acquired damages. I still have 3 hours of seizures daily, and sometimes during the whole night. It is awful. I battle depression- so I understand, or hope to understand, at least part of your suffering. I am always lost, but God is what keeps me together and He is what keeps me in His care and His grace.

I would say, as I did and my friends did who had depression/disability, pray for yourself and for others- and talk to your priest. Please feel to open up to God and say, “God, I am feeling so lost right now, and I need your help.” If you feel that your mental health is in danger, seek medical help- and bring a friend with you.
Do not be ashamed of counselling/hospitalization since it may improve your condition and it is medical help.
If you need shelter, call the helpline in your area and see if you can stay there until you are more settled.

I hope this helps! I am not feeling well right now and about to enter into bouts of seizures, so I will come back later. Please message me if you would like!

Pax Christi!

Michelle
 
OK, first you need to figure everything out. Get some paper, and on separate pieces of paper, write each problem.

On one, for example, write that you might lose your caravan space.

Then under each problem, write down things to help solve that problem. Brainstorm with others as much as you can.

For example, with the caravan, you could ask the landlord if you can pay the 1500£ and a certain amount each month (offer what you can afford, but if you can afford to pay the balance in 6 months, that would be helpful). So on that paper, write “Contact landlord about rent” and a note about the plan you propose.

On your grandfather’s council housing paper, write each item the council mentioned: yard, screen door repair, etc. Under each, write a solution. (You and your mother get yard in order, you fix screen door)

And so on. This will help your problems not seem like an overwhelming mountain of problems.

Good luck, use GoFundMe of you need to, but of you have been working for the Royal Mail for a while, you might be able to get a loan. Here government employees have credit unions, but at least try the bank.
 
I will offer these words:

Our Lord Jesus Christ loves you very much! While we are still alive on this planet we can avail ourselves of His mercy! You can be certain of that.

Father Donald Calloway led an outrageously bad life in his youth. In his testimony he explains how he got to know God’s love for him. It was through the intercession of Our Blessed Mother.

The Lord has surprising ways to work things out for those who trust Him.

I will pray for you…
 
If your life is in this level of dysfunction, it’s time for you to take charge.

I suggest take on a second job. It won’t be fun, but the extra money can be put towards digging yourself out of debt.
You also need to figure out why you attract weird people. You also need to figure out what you believe everything people tell you (fear of being alone?).
You need more agency in your life, in other words, that you see the world and the people in it as they really are, and you can make good things happen for yourself (like a job, paying your bills, taking care of your property, saving money).

Best of luck—but people have pulled themselves out of a mess and made a good life before, and you can too.
 
Pray the Rosary everyday and a Novena to St. Jude. Look up patron saints for your issues. God bless
 
Thank you for your prayers and kind words.

Rest assured, I will not resort to doing anything illegal. I know that is not the way. Gambling is something I want to steer clear of, but feel as though as a last resort it may be the only option. I would not be stupid enough to gamble it all away, though, I would only risk £500 and not a penny more. The trouble is, if I did lose I could very well try and win back what I’ve lost. So my only chance of keeping the other £1,000 in that case would be to give it to someone I trust, or make it so I couldn’t withdraw the money from my bank until a certain date.

The council are standing firm on the stance they want us to leave. It isn’t exactly anything that can be fixed by us. It’s just wear and tear on the house that they say we haven’t kept up to. They think we should have informed them about some of the damage in the loft, etc. We’re all pushing for a temporary place to live, while they repair the house and then we can move back in. The truth is, though, they want to put another family in the house once it’s done. They’re not outright saying it but it’s what they mean.

We’re not giving up without a fight, though. We’re going to drag this out and make them go to the court. If this was our only obstacle, I’m confident we could put up a good fight. The trouble is we’re getting swamped on all sides. It’s hard to do anything when you’re in such a financial mess.

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. I will do my best to keep you informed, but I’m working all this week so probably won’t be able to update until next weekend.
 
This is very helpful. I’m so stressed at the moment that I am struggling to keep the problems separate. They all seem like one big problem to me at times. I’ve done this before in the past, writing things down, and it does keep you calmer so I will try it. Just a few things that I need to point out.
  1. The caravan site rent cannot be paid monthly. It can be paid in two lots. £2,500 and then another £2,000 within two months (this way, though, you end up paying £500 extra). It’s not an individual landlord, it’s a company that owns a lot of caravan sites. There is hope, though. For one thing, we’ve been there for nearly two decades now. Hopefully they might give us special treatment if I offer the whole £1,500, and then to pay the rest within 6 months as you suggest. If all else fails we could try and move the caravan to another site, but this is very difficult as it’s around £1,000 just to move it as it’s big for a caravan and no other viable sites are in that area. We’d then be left trying to find a site that would accept and old caravan, and that opens another can of worms. I know this must seem like a jumbled mess, but it is complicated. We could just leave it in some farmers field, as we could probably afford that . Unfortunately, though, that way we’d be left without electricity or heating, running water, etc. It does beat being homeless, though.
  2. As stated in another reply, the damage to the house is more structural in nature. They have complained about the garden not being in a good enough state as well, but the main problems for them are the damage in the loft and in the spare back room. They don’t think it’s safe.
  3. Getting a loan is unlikely, as my credit rating is shot to hell. Also, my job with Royal Mail is only temporary. I finish just before Christmas.
Thanks for your suggestions. I’ll definitely write everything out and try and separate these problems. It is hard, though.
 
Go to confession and make a promise to yourself to stop gambling etc. You can pray but you also have to make a commitment to stop the actions yourself. Pray to Our Lady Good Remedy- https://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/novena/Remedy.htm

Have your family also pray Novena to Sacred Heart of Jesus, Divine Mercy, and Rosary.

God Bless!
 
Taking a second job is not really possible right now, as I’m working 12 hour shits and even 8 hours on Saturday’s. Also, the job with Royal Mail is unfortunately only until Christmas. I’ll be looking for another job after the holiday’s.

Attracting the woman I fell in love with did destroy my life. I only have myself to blame, really, but she did ruin everything. She presented herself as this lovely person, but I no longer believe that’s true. I do feel a level of pity for her, and hold no hatred for her in my heart. I know in her own way she’s trapped, but at the end of the day my life has gone down the pan since then. Everything started then.
 
You are an addict and admitting the problem is the first step to recovery. Admit to yourself that you are a gambling addict and find a counselor on this matter. The prostitute situation I’m sorry to hear. There are some so desperate that they risk HIV infection to have sex. Adding aids to your problems is not wise and I hope you are done with her by now.

My friend, you need the intercession of saints and to find an occupation in life before you go around robbing churches. We need trustworthy lay persons to handle the baskets in church. Ask yourself in your heart one question for me. If the basket in church had a $10,000 bill in it dropped by an old lady, would you take it? Let me know what your answer is and why.
 
The other thing is to involve others in the sorting out. There is no reason for you to pick up all of this as your own burden, it should be shared. Additionally, others will have different ideas, etc. Maybe one of your grandparents can’t really get around but could make phone calls, or keep track of who’s doing what and if they are getting it done. Swim?

Unfortunately, I have no idea how things work in the UK so I can’t give practical advice. Here in the US, you could call Catholic Charities and they would be able to direct you to various resources, so maybe that works the same way where you are?
 
Yeah, that’s the thing. It basically is all down to me. My mother suffers from both rheumatoid arthritis and sarcoidosis, so she can’t get around either. My grandfather is in decent shape for his age so he’s willing to do what he can. He’s retired now but has started working part time as a delivery driver for a takeaway. Realistically, though, the small amount of money he’s making there won’t be enough. But hey, every little helps.

Catholic Charities would not be of much help in our case. If we do become homeless then that’s a different matter. But I can’t imagine them getting involved in paying off bailiffs or speaking with the council. But yes, if the worst comes to the worst they could be a great help.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top