I feel unworthy of marriage to a good, Catholic woman

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As crazy as it may sound, I’m nowhere even close to marriage, let alone engagement, and I already think of the kind of havoc this could cause in my marriage. (If That is God’s vocation for me)

You may have started to notice that I overthink. A lot. Lol
 
You may want to consider the Divine Mercy.

Jesus tells St. Faustina that the sins of even the greatest sinner is a drop compared to the ocean of his mercy.

Maybe you might to concentrate on your relationship with God first and foremost. You need healing from your past so let God do it. Stop focusing on getting a Catholic wife and concentrate on your walk with God. Maybe in the future you may look for a spouse but for now concentrate on God.

My two cents.
 
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I overthink too, especially about future catastrophes.

If I find myself doing it, I stop and pray instead. Takes my mind of overthinking.

I suggest the rosary when tempted to overthink.
 
You need to forgive yourself. This is a temptation by the devil. Think of it this way. God has forgiven you for all the sins you have confessed, you say you know this. This is true. So if you don’t forgive yourself, then you are choosing to believe the father of lies who is tempting you, over God? you are saying God is wrong, is a sense. But fortunately, God is merciful, ask him to forgive you for that unbelief and ask him for the strength and courage to accept his acceptance of your weakened state. I remember saying in confession once that God had forgiven me but I hadn’t forgiven myself, it can be said… then the devil knows he’s been outed. All you are telling us here, tell God, in confession if you dig out the sins or near occasions of sin, or in front of the Blessed Sacrament. God loves you, he wants to help you, he literally died to help you. Ask him for courage, temperance, justice and prudence. Ask every day and pray before the Blessed Sacrament as often as you can. He will sort out the rest of your life, ie vocation to marriage or religious life and your worthiness according to his will. For now give those thoughts to him and leave them with him until you are ready for them and pray for his love and healing. God bless you.
 
Repentance is a personal struggle. Some people here are certain that your sadness comes from the devil but really how do we know this for sure? When the heart starts beating again it hurts because it has been quiet for all this time.
Be patient, it is not all healing in one moment like in the movies.
 
Hi K, life is tough… everyone is making sin… but after you are forgiven pls move on and forgive yourself.

As you have been in despair, pls pray rosary. As a mother, her maternal instict is very strong and through her prayer, God will light your every step, every choice.

Pls recite it everyday.
 
Would recommend counselling as well.

Also, I don’t know if this is helpful. But I’m a Catholic woman and I don’t think you’re not worthy of marriage or anything like that. Most women I know would agree with me.

And to add some perspective, many Catholic women have done really, really shameful things. They have repented and are feeling the same way about a good Catholic man.

If you can look at them and say that they are good people now and they are worthy, why can’t you do the same for yourself?

Easier said than done, I know. Maybe it helps to reflect on that a little.

There are more good Catholic people with similar pasts as you, than those who always had a clean slate.
 
It is helpful. And, I know I need some help, because I do know that you are correct, but every time that I’ve tried to go out on a date with a Catholic girl, it’s something in my mind or in my heart; it’s hard to describe.

Best I can describe it as…it’s like they make eye contact with me, and I feel like they’re seeing right through me; seeing all of this that I’ve shared. That’s what terrifies me.

That’s why I need help, but I don’t know if that terror is spiritual or psychological.
 
Because you don’t feel worthy of it now doesn’t mean you won’t feel differently later

Get therapy. It’s a sin to despair
 
There is nothing I can really add to the great advice that has already been given. Just wanted you to know I will be praying for you!
 
I know it’s an odd place to find inspiration from, but I love this song from “The Greatest Showman” and its lyrics made my eyes a bit misty just now… (except I do make apologies to God) Lol

 
I don´t know if this is helpful but your sins are just your baggage. Everybody has their kind of baggage. One way or another.

Speak to your priest about this 🙂
 
It appears to me that the consequences of your actions are sinking in. Please remember that in Catholicism, even though we are absolved of our sins in confession, there are still temporal consequences. And abortion carries a lot of them (until recently, only the local bishop was able to lift the latae sententiae excommunication that resulted from it). Remember, even St. Paul, after his conversion experience, was greeted skeptically by the early Christian community, and the prodigal son did not make any claims on the older obedient brother. Instead of wallowing in despair, perhaps think of this as a possible “dark night of the soul” moment where God is “prepping” you for the future - where you think more like a “team player” who turns these thoughts from “I’m not worthy” to “You know, it is not right that I gorge while others starve, so in the dating world I will defer to male virgins so they don’t turn into incels” and so make it a form of redemptive suffering.

I second the recommendations for Project Rachel. I have seen ads in recent years for conferences, etc., devoted to fathers of aborted babies. Look into them if you see any near you. You will find people in the same boat as you who can relate to you and give you support, as people with “a clean slate” may not be able to relate to you. Similarly, there may be Catholic females who are repentant of their abortions, and the two of you may be able to relate to each struggles better than someone with a “clean slate”.
 
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If you are supposed to marry, guess what- she will have her own baggage too and almost certainly will have many of the same feelings as you. None of us are good enough on our own, we need Jesus and one another. Jesus has set you free OP and I pray you will forgive yourself and be a mighty man for God xx
 
It can be both.

Even non religious people struggle with this sort of shame.

When it affects your daily life (social interactions), it’s probably a sign that you may need to see a mental health professional soon.
 
Scott84 said:
Remember, priests do for free what therapists get paid to do!
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I just want to clarify that a lot of priests are no more in a position to do mental health counseling than they are surgery. These are two different things! And a good priest will send a person to a therapist…
 
It sounds like now is not a good time for you to think about a vocation but to think about how to attain improvement in yourself so you will become, not worthy but a better candidate for whatever God has in mind for you.

You have been spiritually ill, and now you are recovering. If you were a roofer and recovering from a physical illness, you probably wouldn’t climb any ladders until you had really fully recovered, right? So take this time of your life to recover, and focus on what you are doing now and not on the future, which is just imagination right now, no?
 
KJ_AZ2NH301 said:
The shame of my sin and all that baggage is weighing me down so much, it’s spiritually crushing me to death.
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This is clearly from the devil. One dirty game he plays. He gives this thought to weigh you down in front of God`s mercy. Yes, you had led a sinful life but most importantly you have repented and confessed. Jesus has already shed blood for all of our sins. Whatever thoughts that discourage you from getting closer to God are from the devil. He is very tricky. Pray for the Holy Spirit and abundant graces of the Lord.
 
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