I finally informed a parent that my MIL was maltreating their child in her daycare

[VioletIris5]

I live with my MIL, and she runs a daycare from her home. It seems so perfect from the outside, but she does not supervise the children. She watches TV, or does her chores, and only goes to see them when someones screaming. They’re all fed, all that good stuff, but she’s not very good at what she does. She shamed the potty trainers for going in their diapers by calling them big babies, she calls them stupid. One little girl she says, it’s all her fault if people make fun of her, because she’s an introvert, and weird. She smacks their wrists, and threatens to spank them, which she isn’t allowed to do. She’s also over her limit. What really gets me though, is how she says things like, oh, i’m not going to cooperate with this family anymore for being late, because they didn’t show up to my Bible Study. Or, their 3 year old needs Jesus. If he was saved, he’d behave.

I haven’t known what to say for the longest time. But we got an SRS report today, and he believed eeverythign he said and dropped the case immediately. I finally told a parent of the child she’s meanest to what’s going on. And I should feel good…but I feel so rotten. Everything I said is true, I didn’t make up one thing, but somedays are better than others, and somedays are nice. I just didn’t know what else to do.

 

[aloe]

As a parent, thank you for telling them their child was being mistreated. They should not pay for their child to be shamed, neglected, and threatened. Thank you for standing up for someone, even if that someone was a small. All the children deserve better.

 

[russet1]

I live with my MIL, and she runs a daycare from her home. It seems so perfect from the outside, but she does not supervise the children. She watches TV, or does her chores, and only goes to see them when someones screaming. They’re all fed, all that good stuff, but she’s not very good at what she does. She shamed the potty trainers for going in their diapers by calling them big babies, she calls them stupid. One little girl she says, it’s all her fault if people make fun of her, because she’s an introvert, and weird. She smacks their wrists, and threatens to spank them, which she isn’t allowed to do. She’s also over her limit. What really gets me though, is how she says things like, oh, i’m not going to cooperate with this family anymore for being late, because they didn’t show up to my Bible Study. Or, their 3 year old needs Jesus. If he was saved, he’d behave.

I haven’t known what to say for the longest time. But we got an SRS report today, and he believed eeverythign he said and dropped the case immediately. I finally told a parent of the child she’s meanest to what’s going on. And I should feel good…but I feel so rotten. Everything I said is true, I didn’t make up one thing, but somedays are better than others, and somedays are nice. I just didn’t know what else to do.

daaaang.
You got guts!
And I am grateful you have guts!

 

[EasterJoy]

…She shamed the potty trainers for going in their diapers by calling them big babies, she calls them stupid. One little girl she says, it’s all her fault if people make fun of her, because she’s an introvert, and weird. She smacks their wrists, and threatens to spank them, which she isn’t allowed to do. She’s also over her limit…

I don’t see what else you could have done. It is not as if she needed to be reminded about what the rules are. If you consider what you would hope for if it were your child…well, that should make you feel better, and not rotten. It is sad to have to do that to a relative, but you did the right thing and you didn’t have another good alternative.

 

[Ophelia23]

As a parent, thank you for telling them their child was being mistreated. They should not pay for their child to be shamed, neglected, and threatened. Thank you for standing up for someone, even if that someone was a small. All the children deserve better.

This.

You did the right thing to an extent. I think all of the parents deserve to know what is going on. You should inform the rest. It is scary to think of, I am sure… but it is best. These people are paying your MIL to help raise their kids while they are at work. Your MIL should not be in business.

 

[nodito]

This.

You did the right thing to an extent. I think all of the parents deserve to know what is going on. You should inform the rest. It is scary to think of, I am sure… but it is best. These people are paying your MIL to help raise their kids while they are at work. Your MIL should not be in business.

This exactly. But I’m not sure how I’d go about it. I sort of feel like MIL deserves a heads up first. It feels sneaky to intercept the parents without telling her what you plan to do. But I’m not sure and could be easily persuaded the other way… In any event, yes, all the parents should know the quality (or lack) of attention their children receive at daycare.

 

[VioletIris5]

I alerted this parent, because her child recieved the worst of it. My husband (who is not too happy with my decision, as we all live in the daycare home) and I are going to try and change this from the inside first, and see if we can do that before getting law involved

 

[nodito]

I alerted this parent, because her child recieved the worst of it. My husband (who is not too happy with my decision, as we all live in the daycare home) and I are going to try and change this from the inside first, and see if we can do that before getting law involved

VioletIris, do you work at the daycare? Is MIL alone with them a lot?

I hadn’t thought about alerting law enforcement or DCF, but if you suspect it might be that serious you absolutely need to do something about the situation.

I have a toddler boy and if he was in the situation you described, I would absolutely want to know and I’d pull him out in a heartbeat. I don’t want him to be exposed to verbal abuse of any kind, even if it’s not directed towards him.

 

[Ophelia23]

VioletIris, do you work at the daycare? Is MIL alone with them a lot?

I hadn’t thought about alerting law enforcement or DCF, but if you suspect it might be that serious you absolutely need to do something about the situation.

I have a toddler boy and if he was in the situation you described, I would absolutely want to know and I’d pull him out in a heartbeat. I don’t want him to be exposed to verbal abuse of any kind, even if it’s not directed towards him.

Same here. My heart aches even imagining my child being witness to it. If I as a parent learned that someone knew it was a bad environment but didn’t tell me about it, I would feel utterly betrayed. Regardless of the person’s good intentions. You likely don’t need to get law enforcement involved, but please get the parents involved. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you… you live in the home. Your husband is already upset with the decision you made. But who needs more protection? The grown adults of the house, or these sweet, impressionable, developing children?

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have a toddler boy and if he was in the situation you described, I would absolutely want to know and I’d pull him out in a heartbeat. I don’t want him to be exposed to verbal abuse of any kind, **even if it’s not directed towards him./**QUOTE]

This, even if it is not directed at a specific kid, it still will have a negative effect on others. Other kids will learn to be cruel or just secretly feel like guilty by standers.

Now I do think it was a risky thing to do because you live in the same house. If it is a case where MIL lives with you, then of course alert all other parents ASAP

If it is a case where MIL owns the home and let’s you live with her, the other parents still need to be informed but I would highly suggest if possible finding somewhere else to live.

Now I get DH is not to happy about this, however, is he not concerned your future kids will be treated like this by granny?

Angie

 

[tabycat]

I alerted this parent, because her child recieved the worst of it. My husband (who is not too happy with my decision, as we all live in the daycare home) and I are going to try and change this from the inside first, and see if we can do that before getting law involved

Some, if not all. states have manatory reporting laws for certain jobs. Find out if your area has one and if you are included tell the right athorates. :hug1:

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It might end up being reported to the law anyway. Or the media, or both.

 

[Caroline723]

I don’t think the step you took went far enough. You didn’t say if you were working in the daycare, but I believe daycare workers have a legal obligation to report abuse: the verbal and physical abuse, as well as the neglect and understaffing of adults in the facility.

It can be hard to report someone you care about. Frankly, your husband should be stepping in here and addressing it with his mother, if you want to save her source of employment. But the bottom line is that you are allowing small children to be neglected and abused, and that is why your conscience is bothering you.

My advice is to talk to your husband privately and tell him that if he cannot rectify the situation with his mother immediately (like in one week or less), that you feel obligated to report it to social services.

What if one of these kids is harmed or dies because of a lack of supervision? And should we just look the other way, as long as the kids aren’t being beaten or sexually abused? Your MIL sounds like a bully and someone who should not be taking care of children.

We read the stories about the Penn State abuse, and of course, the sex scandals in the Church, and wonder how on earth someone could think it was okay to look the other way. The answer is because they have something to lose too. Don’t dismiss your MIL because her behavior isn’t “that bad”. It’s a slippery slope. By telling one of the parents, you are implicating yourself in the abuse anyhow. One of these parents may go to the police on their own.

 

[Regina_Love]

Get a nanny cam. Film says it all.

It’s a good idea to try to remedy the situation if you are able. It takes courageous love to speak up.

Will pray for you!

 

[VioletIris5]

I do not work in the daycare, and it is my MIL’s house. I am speaking with my husband, who has spoken to his mother, and she denies everything I’ve said. But there are other witnesses as well. We are going to try and sit down tonight and talk, before deciding what to do with parents. Or wether, how.

 

[Ophelia23]

I do not work in the daycare, and it is my MIL’s house. I am speaking with my husband, who has spoken to his mother, and she denies everything I’ve said. But there are other witnesses as well. We are going to try and sit down tonight and talk, before deciding what to do with parents. Or wether, how.

VioletIris, my heart and prayers are with you. You have so much courage! God be with you!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I do not work in the daycare, and it is my MIL’s house. I am speaking with my husband, who has spoken to his mother, and she denies everything I’ve said. But there are other witnesses as well. We are going to try and sit down tonight and talk, before deciding what to do with parents. Or wether, how.

You will be in my prayers. You have done the right thing, regardless.

 

[VioletIris5]

Thank you all

My husband is cooling down a little. Turns out since he’s not around when much of this happens, and I have an anxiety disorder, he feared I might have been expressing too much of myself on the children, as I come from an abusive home, and thought I might have been exagerating. But he realizes I would never have the…er…spheres to pull something like this off if I didn’t mean it.

 

[Allegra]

I think you should document everything you’ve seen and make a report, first of all, because it’s the right thing to do for those kids. Secondly, you haven’t said if your MIL or you and your husband own the house. If your or your husband’s name is on the house deed or rental agreement and this is going on, you can be held legally responsible.

 

[VioletIris5]

I said above, I think, that it is my MIL’s house. She and my FIL own it. We just live here with my husbands little brother.