UPDATE: Please read all of the post, this issue is really troubling for me.
Today, before Mass, I discussed it with the youth minister. I said that the GIRM says I cannot be denied Holy Communion. He said that wasn’t in there. So I showed him a slip of paper on which I wrote down line 160, which says that I cannot be denied Holy Communion because I wish to kneel. He still said that I was not permitted to kneel.
At this time he took me back to the Narthex to discuss this further. I asked him how he can possibly say that I am not allowed to do this when the Church Herself says I can. He said that the Bishops say I must do what is customary in the Parish, and it is customary in our Parish to stand.
He then said that if I insist on kneeling, he will kick me out of the youth group and forbid me to lead any retreats or chaperone any activities. I thought that was ridiculous. Around this time, I started crying because I couldn’t believe that I was going to be kicked out if I didn’t stand or deny myself Jesus in the Eucharist, the “source and summit” of a Christian life. In a way, I cannot LIVE without Holy Communion.
He said he was really disappointed in me. He said I have problems if I am so attached to a posture instead of focusing on the meaning of the Eucharist. I mentioned that I did not think standing was wrong, just that I personally prefer to kneel to more intimately understand the amazing mystery of the Eucharist.
He also said it causes disruption, and people get confused when they see someone kneel for Holy Communion. He said it puts me at the center of attention. I replied by saying that is not the purpose of my kneeling. He said it disrupts people and takes their focus off the Eucharist and on to me.
I also mentioned that it really disturbed me that he pulled me out of the church after I received. This, in my opinion, was most certainly disrupting. I said that I would have preferred talking in private after Mass instead of taking me away from giving Thanksgiving for the beauty of the Eucharist. He said that I should have thought about doing what the Church says I shouldn’t do. Basically, he felt no regret from that action of yanking me from the Liturgy.
This youth minister is part of the reason that I have discovered my vocation to the Priesthood. Now he says that although he loves me dearly and loves that I want to be a Priest, but I must be flexible with the customs of the Parish that I would be assigned to. He said that he hoped I change before I “get the collar” or I would be a bad Priest. He said people like that are reasons why Catholics are leaving.
This is absolutely heartbreaking to me. Here’s the big issue: He says that if he sees me ever kneel for Communion, whether this week or at a Sunday Mass, he will not allow me to lead any more activities. Now, leading activities and retreats is very important to me, and the salvation of kids souls can be affected by activities. He said maybe this isn’t the right church for me, and that I might change. The problem with this is that my Parish makes up 25% of all participating youth in the Diocese, and we have some great programs.
This is killing me right now, and I am crying as I write this, as I refrained from receiving today and the Eucharist truly is the source of my being.
Note: If you couldn’t tell from the fact that I want to be a Priest, I am a male. I see most people have been referring to me as she…