I had a kind of grandiose fantasy

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Kathrin

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I wonder if this is sinful.
I don’t remember exactly if it was a half-dream or dream or if I was fully awake, but I remember last night I had a fantasy that involved Jesus choosing me as a special friend, almost (not intending to blaspheme here, just trying to give an account) like I am something like the female Jesus. And I remember feeling that wave of pride/joy/grandiosity going through me at the thought of my parents seeing me like that and how proud they must be (similar to fantasies I had of becoming a rock star or whatever, well I guess I was younger then, standing on stage).
Now assuming I WAS awake and it wasn’t a dream, and I liked hte fantasy and was aware of it - would that be a sin? And if yes, a grave (mortal) sin?
I must have fallen back asleep feeling really guilty because I was draming of wanting to go to confession, and there aren’t any regular weekly confessions at my church.
Any thoughts?

Kathrin
 
Kathrin said:
I wonder if this is sinful.
I don’t remember exactly if it was a half-dream or dream or if I was fully awake, but I remember last night I had a fantasy that involved Jesus choosing me as a special friend, almost (not intending to blaspheme here, just trying to give an account) like I am something like the female Jesus. And I remember feeling that wave of pride/joy/grandiosity going through me at the thought of my parents seeing me like that and how proud they must be (similar to fantasies I had of becoming a rock star or whatever, well I guess I was younger then, standing on stage).
Now assuming I WAS awake and it wasn’t a dream, and I liked hte fantasy and was aware of it - would that be a sin? And if yes, a grave (mortal) sin?
I must have fallen back asleep feeling really guilty because I was draming of wanting to go to confession, and there aren’t any regular weekly confessions at my church.
Any thoughts?

Kathrin
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I’d say from what you have said… NO.

Very hard to say not knowing exactly what you were feeling/thinking… but saying that, there is NOTHING wrong with wanting/feeling Christ like… that what he ask’s of us all…

If you thought you were Christ… well that is a different story… but still only a dream in the end 😉
 
Yes, I agree with Kathrin. As long as your feelings didn’t deny other peoples right to the same position, the one we are called to, then you are fine. The only troubling phrase would be “the female Jesus.” hmmm. What are your feeling on that?

God Bless All,
Michael
 
iamscifimike said:
The only troubling phrase would be “the female Jesus.” hmmm. What are your feeling on that?
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I kind of wrote it downas good as I remembered. Now that you are asking this question, and I try to remember what I meant by that - I tend more towards believing it might have been a dream,o r at least half-dream, after all.
I am not sure exactly what i meant by that. Maybe something like the female part of divinity? Or… you know, like His best friend (but not girlfriend, no feelings like that came up) that would represent the female side of things. But I don’t know how I would have come up with something like that.

The thing that troubles me is the pride I felt. Not that I would have denied other people the same right. But I do remember feeling “special”.

Kathrin
 
Just remember in Jesus’ eyes you are special. On the other hand people who go about saying they are Jesus are sometimes put into an institution. You seem to know better.
 
Kathrin, sorry for not responding sooner, this thread kinda got lost in my other posts.

When you said:
Maybe something like the female part of divinity?
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This is the thinking that concerns me. I am getting the impression of a ying-yang view of the natue of things. There is a male-female relationship between people reflected by the ying-yang. God is left out of that view. Female part of divinity just does not exist. There is an attempt to put that type of spin on Christian theology but, that would imply a male part of divinity and other than the Father-Son relationship, I doubt that can be said.

I think your dream is worth pondering, It didn’t happen for nothing I’m sure. I just wouldn’t try to pull theology out of it but, determine it’s meaning as it relates to the teachings of the church. Then I think you’ll find something remarkable in your dream.

I don’t doubt that Gods intention for his relationship with us is meant to feel special. I do believe that we will feel that perfect relationship with a father. No matter how many siblings you have, you have a special place in His Heart. No family animosity.

Good Luck
 
I am really not sure what I might have meant in the dream about that female part… I don’t think this is how I see things, I wouldn’t say I am somebody who sees things in terms of male and female…🤷
Actually it is good that you didn’t respond earlier, because your reply now reminded me of that dream again, and I had already pretty much forgotten about it again. If as you say there might be something in it that is remarkable, it is good that I am reminded of it again!🙂

Kathrin
 
Many of the most well-known priests advise that having such thoughts is not sinful in and of itself-since we all have fleeting thoughts that may be sinful. Dwelling upon those thoughts for selfish or sinful purpose can lead directly to the sins of pride or lust. If this thought does not recur, and you do not act upon it, just mention it to Father at your next reconcilliation. If you find yourself re-visiting it for pleasurable reasons, or it causes you to alter your behavior, that is a big caution flag.

We have a tendency to believe that if we had walked with Jesus, we would have shown Him 24/7 worship. Nothing is further from the truth. We would have behaved exactly like His followers-for better or, more likely worse. Christ is among us, and that we treat him with contempt. He loves us anyway. For that same reason, He willingly died for us.

Christ’s peace.
 
There’s nothing sinful in wanting Jesus to love you and be proud of you. Wanting your parents to be proud of you, too, is a natural thing.

Don’t get big-headed about it or anything, but you are special to Jesus and you should try to make Him proud and you probably do!

In order to sin, you would have had to think “This is wrong” and done it anyway. But you didn’t and I didn’t hear anything sinful in your thoughts, so I wouldn’t worry that it was a sin.

❤️
 
Sounds like you have super sweet lucid dreams!.. but don’t let it get you down—I had a very good spiritual advisor who told me that it is not possible to sin in your dreams, but I know the feeling of guilt where dreaming is concerned. There has to be intention to sin—I know you might say , “but it is SO real, and the feelings and scenes are so lucid”— but you don’t even know the nature of dreams or WHAT prompts them in the first place, so culpability is not there…If dreaming like this really bothers you, then use holy water, and pray to St.Michael before you hit the sack. It works. So, according to the advice of Fr. Michael Burke–devotee of the Blessed Mother, confession of those sins is not neccessary (I put him behind what I say because he would happy to know I set someone else’s scruples at ease, which I wouldn’t lightly do, having been a bit scrupulous myself for 20-something yrs)

Hope this helps:)
 
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