I had pre-cana weekend with fiance and we have questions about premarrital sex?

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Cajun that perspective is starting to make sense. Kinda like celebrating these months pre-marriage-in a sense?-as a unique period all in its own?

Almost like the abstinence is a sacrifice we are giving up to God? I know it is originally a sin as well on its own.
 
Sorry for my delay! I’m having a hard time articulating what makes it a sin in a way that doesn’t sound like “because there Church says so”. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: I’ll see if I can organize my thoughts a bit and get back to you. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I’d abandoned the thread
 
SeekingGod said:
You wouldn’t keep the affair or lies because you love your spouse.
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And you don’t keep having sex with your fiancé out of your love for God.
SeekingGod said:
It is hard to hurt someone you lobe and have a personal relationship with.
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And our sin hurts God and our relationship with Him. It destroys the sanctifying grace in our soul.
SeekingGod said:
A good, worthy person would realize they are hurting the person they love and work towards repairing the relationship.
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Right. So knowing this behavior offends God, and wanting to be a good, worthy person you would work towards repairing the relationship with God by keeping his commandments.
 
Sorry guys, I hit the max number of posts for a new member and could not respond to anyone last night.

@LaughingBoy1503 I have thought about what it means to be sorry for a while and I am not. To be sorry requires some regret? Right? But those actions brought about my 2 kids and so I cannot really say “I feel so bad and I wish I could go back and undo what I did. Or if o could do it over I would do differently.” Life is not always easy for myself or my kids, but they are here and alive and healthy. I am so thankful to God for them.

@mtatum1958 thanks. I appreciate you checking on where I am I’m the faith journey. I still habe a long way to go. It is a slow process but in going slow I am able to really internalize what I am picking up instead of having a shallow faith that is easily shaken (as I did when I was younger).

@jlc2k2 thanks. I did not forget the thread either. Just got blocked from posting. Apparently there is a Max number for my first day.

we actually do not live together. Without getting too much into a complicated situation, I live with the kids in what will be the marital house and or 2 dogs. We function almost like a regular family except fiance leaves after we get the kids to bed. He comes here right after work or first thing in the morning on weekends. We pretty much conduct business as usual from my house – I can go out with a friend here and there or he can and the other watches the kids, but mostly we spend a lot of time here as a family, etc.

everyone we both felt there might be something to using this time as a chance to pay for our marriage and see if abstaining brings us closer to each other by bringing us closer to God. We remember the triangle thing from precana so we are giving it a try 🙂

If I did not tag you, I was not aloud because of the new member rules. I have been trying to get on and respond. The rules really limit me right down to the minute–even when I got the badge that declared me a trusted member although the new member rules.
 
SeekingGod said:
I have thought about what it means to be sorry for a while and I am not. To be sorry requires some regret? Right? But those actions brought about my 2 kids and so I cannot really say “I feel so bad and I wish I could go back and undo what I did. Or if o could do it over I would do differently.” Life is not always easy for myself or my kids, but they are here and alive and healthy.
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You can still be sorry for your sins without wishing your kids out of existence. A friend of mine seems stuck in that same dilemma repenting over using IVF. My prayer for her is that she can see the truth in the Church teaching and admit to herself that she went about it the wrong way. No one is going to come take her kids away or say they shouldn’t exist.

Praying for your marriage and your growing faith. What an exciting time for your family!
 
To me, if i am sorry for something, then i must regret the action. My test for it is if I could go back in time and do it again, would I do it differently? If god offered to let me go back in time and redo this action, knowing what I know now, would I change my choice? If I would not change my choices then I am pretty sure that I’m not really sorry for them, right?
 
That all seems a bit time-travelly and Back to the Future. But if we are going to use that manner of thinking how about you wish you’d married him sooner?
 
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SeekingGod said:
To me, if i am sorry for something, then i must regret the action. My test for it is if I could go back in time and do it again, would I do it differently? If god offered to let me go back in time and redo this action, knowing what I know now, would I change my choice? If I would not change my choices then I am pretty sure that I’m not really sorry for them, right?
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Is it that you don’t believe your actions were wrong, or is it because you believe being sorry for your past choices somehow means that you would have to be sorry for the existence of your children? (Not judging at all; just trying to better understand your perspective.)

Maybe you could talk with your priest in confession about what constitutes true sorrow for sins; he may be able to guide you better. Perhaps it would help to realize that God can and often does bring good things out of our bad choices. It doesn’t mean that our bad choices weren’t sin. If you can recognize that your past actions were wrong and resolve not do them in the future, I think a priest would likely tell you that is sufficient contrition.
 
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Of course i cannot time travel back. It is like a smell test of sorts–it is how i determine if i am truly sorry for something–would I undo it.

When I met my daughters dad I was very spoiled and immature. When I was with him I did a lot of growing up and learned what I bring to the table. After he left me I read everything I could about relationships and what went wrong and practiced the new skills I had learned. If I could have met my fiance with all the skills and growth I have obtained and married him earlier, abstained from sexual relations until marriage, and had both kids be his that we had together in marriage then I would do that. But if it was hist a straight up-you can go back in time and decide not to have premarrital sex but the kids you have would be the ones I give you in that scenario then I would not do it.

So does that qualify as sorry?
 
I think you are maybe seeing the good things that came from it as direct effects of the sin. What if you looked at all the good that happened simply as graces gifted along the way on a trail leading you back to God?
 
Yes, that is pretty much it. I have had a lot of growth and done a lot of living over the last ten years or so and have come to appreciate the wisdom in biblical teachings. For example: premarrital sex is bad because it weakens families and god intended families to stay together because families are strongest and healthiest when they stay together. So while sex is also a special act of love, it also creates families. Premarrital Sex has played parts in fewer marriages, which results in unstable families, which is bad for everyone. There is a lot of cyclical knowledge when everything makes sense and fits together (which is what I was trying to find in posting here).

So I acknowledge that premarrital sex and hook up culture is very bad for everyone. But i love my kids so I would make the same choices over in my past because I would not undo the choices that resulted in them being born.
 
They definitely also played a big part in leading me back to God. I doubt I would be anywhere near where I am now if not for them.
 
Thank you for all your replies and sticking with the thread. From your conversations, it appears, to me at least, that you have answered your original question. If not, you are well on your way.
 
SeekingGod said:
So does that qualify as sorry?
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Look to the act of contrition for that answer. You are sorry that you have offended God becuase you love him (or at least because you fear hell).

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all-good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin.
 
To be absolved from sin you have to know what you did was wrong, repent, and honestly resolve to not do it again. You do not necessarily have to be super sorry. I would talk to a priest about exactly what you told me about not regretting the relations that brought about your children. I am more than sure you can work this out. God bless!
 
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I would say yes you should stop if you can. Just coming at it from a purely non-moral perspective, if you will, it might be nice for you to abstain from it for a few months, even sleep separately, then when the wedding comes around you kinda have another “wedding night” and sex is a novelty again for a while. Just my thoughts.

Also, even if you have had sex before, I feel that psychologically the wedding night can be very important and it’s good to make it as special as possible. If abstaining til the wedding might add to that, I’d say it’s worth a shot.
 
Thanks all, the new perspective on being sorry helps. I guess I can be sorry without regretting the results of the sin.

We sleep separate 98% of the time. But yes, we are hopeful that abstaining sex will help in a number of ways. Thanks
 
Just a thought. Would you consider yourself as good as married since you both already had a child and another on the way? Would it make any difference?

If you are married, then the process would be faster as all you need is to get it blessed.

Perhaps you can look into that possibility as you discuss with your priest.
 
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