I hate being alone *rant time*

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LotusCarsLtd

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I feel terrible right now and need to vent. I wanted to try talking to a friend of mine but she has plans for tonight so she’s not available.

I basically hate being alone. I know of all these wonderful, beautiful and (it seems, though I may be wrong) single Catholic girls who are perfect prospects and yet whenever I think about them I get the feeling that I cannot be with them. I get this feeling that they’re like stars in the sky that I can look up to but never reach because I am too lowly. It’s like I shouldn’t even bother thinking about them because I can’t be with them. I could never compete with any of the Catholic guys that they hang out with, either, because they’re cool, suave, and extroverted but I’m geeky, introverted, strange, and too shy and socially awkward to compete with them. Any of these women wouldn’t consider me if they had the choice. I basically don’t have the luxury of choice in dating and the only option I have available is to settle for whatever I can get (and even that’s going to be a stretch). Sometimes I feel guilty even looking at these women (or others for that matter) because I know that I can never be with them.

I also hate how it seems that I am always left alone whenever anything happens. Everyone’s got plans except me not only because I have nobody to do anything with but even if I did I don’t have the money to do anything. I’m basically the loser who sits at home on Saturday night wanting to cry because everyone else is out socializing and having fun and enjoying each other’s company but I don’t have anyone to share that with. And please, PLEASE don’t tell me “well go somewhere”; at this hour there is, unfortunately, nowhere to go. There aren’t any Catholic youth events, all the guitar shops are closed, the record shops close soon, and even if these things were around I wouldn’t be able to socialize with anyone.

I hate being this pathetic loser who always gets ignored and forgotten. I hate being invisible to the other sex, and I basically just want to fall asleep and sleep for the rest of the weekend or just crawl into my little hole and hide forever. I just feel pathetic and sad.

/end rant.
 
Have you considered obtaining some counseling for your feeling of inadequacy and difficulty with social situations and spiritual direction regarding your vocation?

It all starts with what is inside us. If you believe these girls are superior to you, if you believe you are unworthy to talk to them, if you believe they will find you lacking-- then you can make these thoughts into self-fulfilling prophecies.

OTOH, if you begin to build your self esteem, and focus on your relationship with Christ and your worth as a child of God, you can change your own opinion of yourself and that of others.

Not all women want a suave, extraverted man. Some women like introverted men and some women have “geeky” pasttimes too.

And, no woman wants to be thought of in these terms: “I basically don’t have the luxury of choice in dating and the only option I have available is to settle for whatever I can get” so get that out of your head.

The right girl for you is the one who loves you for who you are. The right guy for her is the one who loves her for who she is, not because she’s “all he could get.”
 
1ke said:
Have you considered obtaining some counseling for your feeling of inadequacy and difficulty with social situations and spiritual direction regarding your vocation?
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After much though I feel drawn to marriage, so a part of me knows I will find my wife in time; I constantly ask for the grace to be patient and not worry about it. I just have so little faith in myself and life that it’s hard to see how this will ever happen. I also go to counseling and I have told my therapist that I don’t just dislike certain aspects of who I am, I hate myself.
It all starts with what is inside us. If you believe these girls are superior to you, if you believe you are unworthy to talk to them, if you believe they will find you lacking-- then you can make these thoughts into self-fulfilling prophecies.
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True, but how am I supposed to approach them? How do I get to know them? How do I even determine if they like me and would want to date me? I don’t know any of these things. And I don’t know what to do. And I have no way of knowing if they’re single, if they like me, etc.
OTOH, if you begin to build your self esteem, and focus on your relationship with Christ and your worth as a child of God, you can change your own opinion of yourself and that of others.
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I know this particular fact and yet I don’t know how to do it other than try to think positive, which oftentimes I don’t even want to do.
Not all women want a suave, extraverted man. Some women like introverted men and some women have “geeky” pasttimes too.
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I guess, but I haven’t found them.
And, no woman wants to be thought of in these terms: “I basically don’t have the luxury of choice in dating and the only option I have available is to settle for whatever I can get” so get that out of your head.
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True…
The right girl for you is the one who loves you for who you are. The right guy for her is the one who loves her for who she is, not because she’s “all he could get.”
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I just hate myself so much it’s hard to see how anyone could love me for me, you know?
 
Hello, are you the male version of me?

I can sympathize with you, I really can. I know how lonely you must feel, because I feel it too. I’m visually ipaired, and live in a very small town, with no way of transportation. I rarely leave my house, due to lack of anywhere to go, or any way to get there. It DOES get very lonely, because you think, there are so many great guys (or girls, in your case!) out there, and you think, Hey, we could have a lot to talk about…but if ever given the chance…well, I don’t know about you, but I become so shy, I can’t say anything. I feel like they’re so much nicer, cooler, smarter, more fun than I am, stuck alone in my house all day.

You know, some girls think “geeky” quiet guys are the best kind!

No, really, I mean that. Nicest guy I ever met was a self proclaimed “geek”.
 
Never sell yourself short. I have seen many times in my life beautiful women marry men that are not very attractive and unemployed and at the same time I know good looking guys in my family that are married to women that are not the most attractive. There is no science to marriage and love no matter how much some idiots try to say that there is. You have to be able to take disappointment and move on. Confidence is something you have to have. You cannot feel as if you are no adequate. If you feel this way you shouldnt be considering dating because you have too many issues to deal with first.

Honestly man, girls are usually not worth the trouble. I do not know many men that are in their 50s and 60s now that really like the company of women. I get told by them to never get married and that is from the conservative crowd. I can count on one hand the amount of girls I would consider for marriage out of all the girls I know. You have to follow your mind and not your heart. Your heart goes a thousand ways but your mind tells you wait is right. If I didnt use my mind, I might be married now to a girl that I did not ever really love or thing had the virtues I was looking for but was incredibly attracted to physically. Companionship is what we all seek but you cannot sell yourself short doing so. If you do settle for less, you will always have a dysfunctional marriage and you will not go into marriage with mutual respect. You would be using her just to satisfy your need for someone instead of because you love her.

If you can try, you can use Catholic Match or Ave Maria. Those places are good places to get started and find some girls to have conversations with. Even if you never meet a girl from there, you can fill a void in your life by talking to girls from all over the country. Each conversation gives you new insights into what you want and do not want as well as to what women are looking for. If you use it the right way, those websites can be instrumental in finding out how you need to approach finding a women. You may not find anyone but you can figure out what you are doing wrong and what you can do to tweak yourself.

If you interact with any girls on here regularly you might be well advised to send them a message on here and see if they want to chat with you. The worst they can say is no.
 
mjs1987 said:
You cannot feel as if you are no adequate. If you feel this way you shouldnt be considering dating because you have too many issues to deal with first.
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I’m trying to forget dating, work on myself, and simply let life happen but it’s proving difficult.
Honestly man, girls are usually not worth the trouble. I do not know many men that are in their 50s and 60s now that really like the company of women. I get told by them to never get married and that is from the conservative crowd. I can count on one hand the amount of girls I would consider for marriage out of all the girls I know.
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I have to disagree here and say that women are worth the trouble, I just don’t know what to do myself and feel hopeless.
You have to follow your mind and not your heart. Your heart goes a thousand ways but your mind tells you wait is right. If I didnt use my mind, I might be married now to a girl that I did not ever really love or thing had the virtues I was looking for but was incredibly attracted to physically. Companionship is what we all seek but you cannot sell yourself short doing so. If you do settle for less, you will always have a dysfunctional marriage and you will not go into marriage with mutual respect. You would be using her just to satisfy your need for someone instead of because you love her.
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I hope I don’t settle for less! But it’s hard to find rock music-obsessed, faithful Catholic women! And especially ones that play an instrument!
If you can try, you can use Catholic Match or Ave Maria. Those places are good places to get started and find some girls to have conversations with. Even if you never meet a girl from there, you can fill a void in your life by talking to girls from all over the country. Each conversation gives you new insights into what you want and do not want as well as to what women are looking for. If you use it the right way, those websites can be instrumental in finding out how you need to approach finding a women. You may not find anyone but you can figure out what you are doing wrong and what you can do to tweak yourself.
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Already on that.
If you interact with any girls on here regularly you might be well advised to send them a message on here and see if they want to chat with you. The worst they can say is no.
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Already on that too!
 
Lotus you seem like a very self conscious individual, so heres my advice:

Attitude is everything (or almost everything) in life, no day will be a good day if you believe it will be a bad day. what’s the worst that can happen for having a positive attitude? getting disappointed and thats the WORST that can happen when choosing a positive attitude over a negative attitude.

this is a very elementary thing, but if I were you id look my self in the mirror and ask, “who am i?” you need to find* yourself* before you can find someone else. Find your identity, know who you are, improve what you think needs improving, and live your life!

and as terrible as you may feel at times, don’t hate yourself, God sees fit to love you, follow His example and realize you are a human being created in the image and likeness of God entitled to the dignity that every human being shares.

and one last thing, take risks! you only live once, dont live life not taking chances, if your inclination is to not try and talk to a woman or potential friend do the opposite and speak out, take that risk, the only real loss would be someone who is not interested, but taking that risk and not having it come through is better than not taking the risk at all and regretting it later.
 
That’s right, Attitude is key! You need to try and practice self-confidence; that’s the most attractive quality in a man.
 
Lotus, I don’t want to play psychologist on you but I don’t think that’s even needed. Sure, you do need to work on your self-esteem, but at the same time, you just need to go out and meet people and do something not because God can’t help you otherwise, but because generally He expects us to take care of our matters–know the joke about the man who turned down a rescue helicopter, a rescue boat and more, saying God would rescue him, then he died, he asked God why, and God enumerated all the rescue equipment He had sent for him? I know this is easier said than done, as I have the same problem about going to places and mingling with people. The time investment rarely seems worth it, not to mention most meetings seem boring, parties poor and sexually lax, and more. But to meet people one has to be in a position to meet people.

As far as those “suave” guys go, I can tell you that the grass is always greener. It does not occur to me that what a woman wants is a suave guy with all the chivalrous act and all the other glamorous description because at the end of the day they don’t choose it. Those “suave” guys may very well at the end of the day feel the same as you do and certainly I do, and you would probably count me in that category if you saw me.
 
Lotus,

I’m not sure how old you are so my advice may be aimed in the wrong direction. My only qualifications for this are that I’m 21, a girl and I’ve been in the place you are now.

I’ve never dated at all and no one has ever shown an interest in me. For a long time this did make me feel inadequate and as though it was my fault, especially because I couldn’t p(name removed by moderator)oint why. What helped me was sitting down and thinking about myself and deciding that “actually I quite like me, I don’t want to change who I am”. (Obviously I have many many faults but on a fundamental level I like the person I am.) I decided to accept the fact I’m single and not let it worry me.

As for being a geeky guy. This is not a problem, in fact this is almost certainly an asset. Every guy I’ve ever liked has been what the rest of the world considers geeky. Besides, do you really want to change your fundamental personality and interests for a girl, wouldn’t you always wonder if she actually liked you or just the persona you were projecting. Eventually, if your vocation is indeed marriage, you will find a girl who loves you for you and you will be so so glad that you didn’t change yourself for one of these so called “perfect girls”. This will happen in God’s time not ours and I too wish He’d hurry up!

Always, always remember there is at least one “person” who loves you unconditionally! 🙂
 
It sounds like an overly simplistic solution, but the cure for being alone is to get off your butt, and get out among people.

Down at the coffee shop, tavern for a beer, social dances, even at the laundramat. Heck, I talk to women at K-Mart and the grocery store. Don’t forget church!

Single men and women are everywhere. And you can talk to anyone and everyone. A married women you chat with at the laundry, might have single sister, or daughter.

I am shy, myself, and I have to make the effort to reach out to other people. But I do it, and it works.

Complaining does not help one bit. Direct action does, though.

Get out there and talk to people, even if it is hard at first.
 
I say this out of love, Lotus, so please forgive me if it comes off harshly.

Be yourself, but don’t forget what it means to be a man. No more self-pity. No more whining. We work hard, we play hard, and when necessary, we fight hard. We have strong virtues and strong resolves. Our culture is trying to emasculate us. Don’t let it. Rise up to the challenge! The Lord is our shepherd, He will provide!
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I could never compete with any of the Catholic guys that they hang out with, either, because they’re cool, suave, and extroverted but I’m geeky, introverted, strange, and too shy and socially awkward to compete with them. Any of these women wouldn’t consider me if they had the choice.
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Maybe you need to get to the gym?
LotusCarsLtd said:
There aren’t any Catholic youth events, all the guitar shops are closed, the record shops close soon, and even if these things were around I wouldn’t be able to socialize with anyone.
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Were you just referring to last night or in general? Considering your location (I also live in the People’s Republic of Daley) there are a lot of young adult groups. Here is one run by a parish that is staffed by Opus Dei, so you don’t have to worry about some of the weird la-la liberal stuff that may creep into some of the other parish young adult groups:

stmarysyoungadults.org/

Now, since you have mentioned somewhere that you are 21, you may be on the young end of any young adult group, but who knows?
 
*There’s an old saying…‘we are what we think.’ If you continue to think so negatively of yourself…your life will show that. If you tell yourself you will never do this or that, you probably won’t. Our minds are very powerful sources of all kinds of messages we tell ourselves. If you tell yourself no women will ever want you, most likely they won’t…because your mind will cause you to not do anything in the direction that you are seeking. It’s very hard to exercise, when our minds are telling us to go to bed, over and over. It’s very hard to think we are worthwhile, if we keep calling ourselves a ‘‘loser.’’ (Oh, how I dislike that word!)

My advice? Now, during the reflective season of Lent, challenge yourself to think only positive thoughts of your life, and yourself. Everyday, when you are tempted to think a negative thought…stop, pray, and say aloud…I am…(fill in with a positive)

This is not to cause you to become arrogant, rather it is to train your mind to thinking positively about who you are, as a child of God. It takes practice, so why not do that for Lent? “Give up” being negative and down on yourself…stop sitting on the bench of life, and get in the game a little. You will have a very transforming Lent, if you do this…and you just might end up with a wonderful female companion…sooner than later. :o (but don’t let that in and of itself be the driving force, but when you make positive changes, positive things WILL happen…)

I’ll be praying for you. *
 
whatevergirl said:
*There’s an old saying…‘we are what we think.’ If you continue to think so negatively of yourself…your life will show that. If you tell yourself you will never do this or that, you probably won’t. Our minds are very powerful sources of all kinds of messages we tell ourselves. If you tell yourself no women will ever want you, most likely they won’t…because your mind will cause you to not do anything in the direction that you are seeking. It’s very hard to exercise, when our minds are telling us to go to bed, over and over. It’s very hard to think we are worthwhile, if we keep calling ourselves a ‘‘loser.’’ (Oh, how I dislike that word!)

My advice? Now, during the reflective season of Lent, challenge yourself to think only positive thoughts of your life, and yourself. Everyday, when you are tempted to think a negative thought…stop, pray, and say aloud…I am…(fill in with a positive)*

This is not to cause you to become arrogant, rather it is to train your mind to thinking positively about who you are, as a child of God. It takes practice, so why not do that for Lent? “Give up” being negative and down on yourself…stop sitting on the bench of life, and get in the game a little. You will have a very transforming Lent, if you do this…and you just might end up with a wonderful female companion…sooner than later. :o (but don’t let that in and of itself be the driving force, but when you make positive changes, positive things WILL happen…)

I’ll be praying for you.
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I agree with you WG, I am trying to give up being negative for Lent, and trying to branch out. It’s hard, because I’m naturally shy and cynical. I will have to try the bolded part (except if I’m in public, I might have to say it to myself). 😃
 
Novel Idea-

Cheer up. Others like being around happy people.

There you go. I just saved you thousands in therapy. 👍
 
CountrySinger said:
I agree with you WG, I am trying to give up being negative for Lent, and trying to branch out. It’s hard, because I’m naturally shy and cynical. I will have to try the bolded part (except if I’m in public, I might have to say it to myself). 😃
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lol–yes, of course…saying out loud is optional. 😃
 
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