I have a Mental Illness

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mslizzie I know what it is like to suffer from mental illness as well. I have suffered with depression since my early teens and let me tell you it has not been easy (as you well know yourself). I am lucky in that I have never been close to most of my family so I don’t have to go through the torture of being around them.

The only family I speak to are my parents and that’s about it. The rest of my family are toxic to the one-millionth power! As a teen I would not go out for months at a time and when my menstrual cycle was about to begin oh boy would my depression then sink into the never-ending abyss.

For MANY years I felt abandoned by God or that I was being punished because I was still being tormented by depression on a daily basis. And I did just as you did…prayed for healing. I think that mental illness is indeed a crown of thorns (as Mother Teresa put it).

Continue as you are in praying for healing, living out your Catholic faith and forgiving those family members who constantly hurt you. If I were you I would put my foot down in not going to these family functions but that’s just me. I thank God that now I am able to function in life much better and even though it may seem that progress is happening one centimeter at a time when I look back at how I use to be with my depression…I am in a heck of a better position now for sure.

Your progress with your meds and prayers may seem VERY SLOW but at least you are moving and alive and that counts a million times over!!! 👍 👍 Don’t beat yourself up so much and be patient with how slow your progress may seem right now. Keep up the meds, keep up the prayers and most of all keep up the FAITH!

God bless you and PM me anytime you’d like!

Peace.
 
mslizzie said:
Thank you for the comforting words GraceAngel.
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You are very welcome dear beautiful child of God,. I am going on a retreat this weekend and I promise to pray for you and your peace of heart and mind.
Blessings on you and your loved ones.
GraceAngel.
 
Lizzie, darling one. God is with you utterly and completely. He loves you, cares for you, and has asked that you endure this suffering for His sake. It is horrendously heavy, this cross of mental illness, and, like Jesus, we will stumble and fall on our path. But again like Jesus, we are not alone…we have God right here by us, encouraging us, leading us, loving us fully.

You are not dead. This is not the afterlife. You are alive, and bright, and shining. You have not lost out on your redemption, and you won’t lose out on it.

Mental illness, in whichever catagory, distorts how we think. If I had heart disease, my heart’s function would be distorted. If I had diabetes, my pancreas’ function would be distorted. It is the same with the brain; our thinking is distorted. Because of that, it makes it very difficult to tell the real from the unreal…because our thinking is, as I say, wonky.

Whether or not you are healed, at the moment the reality is that you are mentally ill, as I am and others on this thread are. What is the miracle is that 30 years ago, we all would likely have not been able to receive treatment and recover to a stabilized life. The miracle that the medication and therapy is, is huge and astounding. They give us the ability to become stable, even with chronic, debilitating, frightening illness. They allow us to live our lives in the full sunshine of this world, blessed with God’s love.

When I encounter those who don’t understand mental illness (my ‘flavor’ is major depressive disorder with anxiety and ptsd) and say things which are hurtful and mean-spirited, I try my best to stay calm, not take it personally, and then educate them the best I can. I draw comparisons to diabetes, which is generally easily understood, and explain that my brain doesn’t produce the correct ratio of chemicals, like the pancreas doesn’t produce the right ratio of insulin. And like diabetes can make a person unable to think properly, and often folks who are low in blood sugar are seen as intoxicated, so we too, when out of balance, will appear differently to them.

Please know that you’re on the way to recovery. It’s really hard, too, when you make it to a stable point and look around and think 'how did I get here?’ I explained it to my therapist like waking up in a 35 y/o body with the coping mechanisms of a 9 year old (my first suicide attempt was at 9); all I knew was how to survive. I didn’t know how to cope, to live, what it was like to be functional. The learning curve was tough, and daunting…but I’ve managed to get there, and for the most part am a vital, successful person in my world. I make it a point to educate folks around me, even to the point of giving a speech to 350 people at a scholarship ceremony, on depression.

You are real. The world is real. This is not hell (although it feels like it sometimes). God loves you; God is with you all the time; and God accepts you with your frailties as a perfect spirit and, when the time comes for you to have a natural death, God will bring you into His arms with a ‘well done, my daughter. Well done.’

Be blessed.

In Prayer-
Beggar
 
mslizzie said:
Honeysuckle, how did your mom take all these demeaning from others? How was she able to cope? Did she continue seeing them or was she like me who tries to avoid?

It really can be tough but for my husband and children’s sake, I sacrifice and swallow my pride by attending these family functions.(though I dread attending) They are my husband and children’s family.
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My mother is not doing well at all, and has not been doing well for many years. Much of her stress has been directly the result of negative interactions with her in-laws. She has been a heavy smoker for most of her life and is in the early stages of emphysema. She will probably die soon.

I don’t believe you should swallow your pride and attend. If your husband thinks he can continue to accept this treatment from his family “for the sake of peace” his betraying you and his children.

I know what it like to grow up with a mother who is ridiculed and shamed, on top of being ill, and I have very strong feelings about your husband allowing it “because it is his family”. I truly believe that is gross betrayal of both you and the children.
 
I don’t think that there is anyone with M.I. that doesn’t feel ridiculed, loss of respect or abused in some way at one time or another. It is frustrating for loved ones trying to help and some just turn away. I wish I had a quick fix for this, but I don’t. I just tell myself that the truth will come out on judgement day and all will understand then.
I get some grief from the inlaws and have lost some respect from my prior position within the family, but I know that I have walked in my own shoes which no other could bare and thats why it is my cross. I’m the only one who can carry it and when I can’t, the Lord is there to support me or sends a helper. He carried all ours combined, but remember the angel in the garden who consoled Him, the help He had with His cross. He will not leave us to do this by ourselves. Find the angels in your life and accept them as you would the Lord because it is His love that is the source of all good. Everyone who has the breath of life in them has the Lord’s love in them too, even if they throw insults at you. Keep that in mind and know you are wiser for it. Tim
 
God bless you!! Please believe that He is with you through everything. My daughter was diagnosed with several things beginning in her late teens. She tried suicide many times and self-medicated with illegal drugs for most of her adult life. I have prayed for her continually and often taken care of her 4 children for extended periods of time when she was in treatment or unable. During the past year she has accepted that she has to say on her meds, bi-polar and depression, and has returned to the church. I pray for a cure for both of you but as long as you are taking your meds and praying and doing the best you can God will take care of the rest. He suffered and died for you.
 
Don’t worry! Each one of us suffers mental illness at one time or another during our lifetime. The world measures our sanity based on worldly standards. Don’t worry about that. What is important is how God measures us according to His standard.
 
Thank you for the words of encouragement, beggar. I can relate to most of the things that happened to you. You also are a very strong person and I admire you for your honesty. It is very comforting to know that I am not alone and that there are people who are really good.

May God continue to bless you, Beggar. Take care always!
 
Honeysuckle, you may be right about my husband. He might just be putting a deaf ear on his family’s comments because they are his family.

I know that is not right but his actions are beyond my control. When we attend family gatherings, he would usually stay away from us and be in the family room with the other guys.

Most of the time, though, he does not hear the criticisms.

One time I told him that I was very uncomfortable attending the functions because of the negative feedbacks I was hearing, and of course he told me that perhaps I was just being paranoid at that time.

He always says that his family always wants me to be around when there’s an occasion. At times I am thinking that maybe they really do want me to be there so there’s someone they can make fun of.

It was totally different before my diagnosis. I guess I am more sensitive now after the diagnosis.

I do not really want to worry so much about it because I am trying to be well for my children. I feel so sorry for my daughters everytime the depression comes back. I do not want them to suffer by being with an ill mom. That’s why I am continuously seeking treatment. I am doing this not for myself but for my precious angels .

Thanks for the advice and for the kind words. God bless
 
Hi Tim,

I agree with you completely. I no longer feel any respect from many people. They judge, ridicule, embarrass etc. But I’ve come to accept that what they say or do against me is beyond my control.

And as long as I do my resoponsibility to my family most especially my children, I could care less about others’ views about me.

It is a tough world but you and I can still manage right. I can sense that you are a very strong person who has an enormous faith in the Lord and I admire you for that.

God bless!
 
Hi Tiffinwood,

Thank you so much for including me in your prayers. That means so much to me. I do hope your daughter will have a peace of mind that she truly deserves.

While I was reading your post, I remembered my mom. She was exactly like you.

She took good care of my since childhood and was still taking care of me as an adult. She also took care of my 2 children before leaving for another country. She is my mom and my best friend and I miss her dearly.

Until now, she would deny that I have a mental illness. I am the one who would constantly remind her that I do have a chronic illness and that I need to seek treatment for it.

I would often tell her that she is the wind beneath my wings (ever heard of that song?) She is my HERO!

Take care and God bless
 
Hi agangbern,

Thanks for the reply. I noticed that you are from the Philippines. Are you from Manila?
 
Mslizzie,

I am certain you are a wonderful mother and that your daughters love you very much. My mother was/is uniquely gifted by God with a heart of love and compassion and understanding. I have no doubt you are doing everything that you can to stay well.

Which reminds me, do you take fish oil supplements? If you do not, omega-3 fatty acids have been proven to prevent or delay the onset of schizophrenia in at-risk teenagers, especially the omega-3 fatty acid EPA. Fish oil has been studied in all three major mental illness (schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, and major depression) with the most striking results found for schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. Have you had your cholesterol checked? There is a good chance your cholesterol is abnormally low. It has to do with a deficiency in fatty acid metabolism. I am copying a link to high EPA fish oil. If your doctor or therapist questions this, ask them to do the research for themselves. I am well- versed in nutritional research. There are peer-reviewed studies that demonstrate great effectiveness for fish oil in psychotic illnesses.

shopping.msn.com/prices/shp/?itemId=22720827

As for your husband, I would like you to consider doing something. Please find an advocate that you can trust even more than you trust your own husband. Perhaps your mother or sister. Ask them to document in writing and videotape your relationship with your children. Also consider doing this with your therapist. Ask if your therapist would document your effectiveness and suitability as a mother. I would like you to do this to protect yourself from your husband just in case something ever were to happen.

Of course, if you suggested this, then you would just be “crazy” and “paranoid”. But you didn’t suggest it- I suggested it. What a convenient excuse your in-laws now have for anything you say or do in the future that they don’t like. They can just say, “well, she’s crazy.”

Please talk about this with your therapist, and perhaps see if your husband will see the therapist with you if he is not already, and address the fact that even when you are well, your illness gives others an excuse to disregard your opinions and disrespect you.

You have changed since your illness’ onset. Everyone with a severe illness like this has a personality change. But, what is remarkable to me is your insight into the change. Many with psychotic illnesses don’t have this insight. You sound very clear, coherent, and in touch with reality and yourself. That in itself is clear evidence of God’s grace in your life, and excellent reason to have great hope in Him for the future.

God bless you. I will remember you in my rosary this week.
 
My mom has bi polar and that has run in the family for a few generations. My brother, sister and I are scared to death of it. One of us has probably got it and all of us portray symptoms of it at times. There are actually a lot of fmaily problems in my family and mental illness and stuff but thankfully no schizophrania

While I can’t say I can relate completely to you since your paticular disorder does not run in my family and yours probably has much more suffering. However, life sure is not easy for me with my anxiety and slight depression problems. There is nothing worse for me than thinking everyone hates me all the time and that I screwed everthing up on a constant basis which is what my anxiety does to me therefore causing depression. I also never get to do anything I want to do since I am too worried what others think. However, the only thing I thankfully am confident about is that God loves me so even if I irrationally think I screw everything up all the time and that life is worthless at least just by living and being able to pray for others I can do some good, even if I’m still miserable. It actually makes me much more dependent on God and life is good at times and I cherish those moments.

If I can somehow get passed my axieties I really wish I could do a lot of good to serve God somehow. A very good side effect of mental illnes running in the family, and I don’t know if this relates to you, but for me, I am highly intelligent and law school, which is supposedly one of the hardest things one can do, comes easy to me and I am in the top 5% or so in the class. In my opinion, that seems to be a common theme (very high intelligence with some suffering of depression, anxiety,bi polar, etc. Perhaps this is God’s way of saying that we better use this gift for purposes of serving him. I’m sure I’ll get my change to do just that one day and I just hope my anxietie don’t stop me as they seem to do. The point is God loves us all and has a plan for us all and just use your talents and appreciate what God did give you even if it simply means offering your sufferings up and praying for others.
 
wjp984,

At some point I also felt that my father might be suffering from a mental illness but he never saw a psychiatrist before.

I know how hard it is to have a family member suffer from a MI.

But I admire you for your perseverance and intelligence.

Continue your strong faith in God and never give up.

Take care!
 
Honeysuckle, please disregard my question regarding the fish oil brand? I did not notice that you included the website in your last post. I will check that out and order it.

Thank you, thank you for the kind words and for your sincerety and for including me in your rosary intentions which made me realize I should start praying the rosary on a daily basis.

I have also been doing the Novena to the Divine Mercy and The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. I love the Chaplet. Have you prayed that before?
 
You’re welcome. Yes, I have prayed the chaplet before. I think that is a powerful prayer.
 
My life is like a roller coaster. Today, I am feeling quite low. I hope things will be better tomorrow.

If I have not been praying, I will probably end up in the hospital soon.

Pls pray for me.

Thanks everyone
 
Keeping you in prayer, Lizzie…may the prayers of Our Lady and St. Joseph bring you through this time of suffering without hospitalization and may they ever pray for you. May The Lord bring you healing and Peace - Lord please hear our prayers…Barb:)
 
Thank you so much for the prayers, Barbara.

When you were feeling low like I am, how did you cope in the past?
 
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